Tuesday, December 29, 2020

I would like to start off by saying that I don't understand why my mum insists on buying James and I gifts that we don't need or want. She came home today with three diaries (that's right – diaries): one for Lily, one for James, and one for me. James asked, "What the ruddy hell are Al and I going to do with a diary?" They're his words, not mine, even if I do agree with him. My mum got all annoyed and said that we were supposed to write in them and that she got them on sale so we had better make good use of them. She even said we could call it a journal if we wanted to.

So here I am, writing in my "journal" in my room. I'm only writing in here so I don't hurt my mum's feelings because she got really upset when she spotted James chucking his in the trash can after dinner. I thought my journal was okay but I don't think I'll use it all that much. Maybe for doodling and writing down homework assignments. I thought it was a bit funny that Lily loved her diary and James hated his and I'm in the middle about it. I'm always in the middle.

I'm stuck in the middle about something else too but it's a lot more important than who likes their diary/journal and who doesn't. I've been thinking about it a lot ever since I started my fourth year a few months ago which is bad because thinking about it scares me sometimes. I'm hoping that writing it out will make me feel better about it: I think I'm gay.

I hit puberty over the summer and we all know that hitting puberty means you start to like girls. I kept waiting and waiting for the transition to come and it never did. But then I got to Hogwarts and seeing the other boys on the Gryffindor Quidditch team changing into their robes got me excited (Merlin, I sound like a creep) and I started thinking, "Why are the boys making me feel excited? Shouldn't it be the girls who are making me feel this way?" I tried to make myself like girls. I really did. I'm still trying but I just can't get that same excited feeling from girls that I get from boys.

My cousin Louis is the only person in our family who is gay and for the New Year he's planning on starting a club at Hogwarts called Stand Together where "gays and lesbians can join and interact with each other in a safe environment so they know that they're not alone". That's how Louis explained it, anyway. I joined in with my other guy cousins when we (playfully) teased him about it but I'm actually thinking about going.

On a completely unrelated topic, Jimmy Albrecht (a chaser for the Gryffindor Quidditch team) got knocked off his broom by a Bludger last game and now he has a really bad phobia of them so he quit the team. James is the captain of the team and he keeps trying to convince Rose to take Jimmy's place because she's an excellent Quidditch player but she doesn't seem at all interested. I wonder why that is? She's not afraid of heights or anything and I know Uncle Ron would be really proud if she made the team. I'll have to ask her when I see her at the Burrow for New Years.

I have to go now. My mum is yelling up the stairs for me to get my bum downstairs for a family meeting. Dad didn't have a very supportive home life so now he and Mum call family meetings for everything. One time they called a meeting when Lily started wearing a training bra. You'd better believe that was awkward for everybody.