Thursday, July 1, 2021

I got back from the rally at the Ministry a few hours ago. I would've written sooner, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It's nearly midnight now and I've been avoiding everyone since I've got back, except for my dad, but I'll explain that in a minute.

You can probably guess that the gay marriage law didn't get passed. You probably couldn't guess how heartbroken I was. Merlin, it was one of the most embarrassing days of my entire life. I was there with my entire family, and Louis and I were wearing our tye-dye shirts. Scorpius was with his family somewhere else, but I didn't get to see him until the very end. It just sucks because I was so sure that the law was going to get passed, only to have the stupid Minister crush my hopes. I know Kingsley Shacklebolt is a good man and a friend of my dad's, but I really don't care. I hate him.

The Minister gave this really long, boring speech and by the time it was over, I didn't even understand if the law had gotten passed or not, because his speech had so many big words and it lasted forever, so I sort of tuned out. Then my dad put a hand on my shoulder and a hand on Louis's and he said really quietly, "I'm so sorry, boys."

Louis was pissed. He started raging and stomping around and saying it wasn't fair. I didn't know what to do at first. I was in shock. Then I started noticing everyone staring at us – staring at me – and I wished that Louis would be quiet. I saw everybody laughing and sneering at me and I felt like I was suffocating. I ran away from my family and into the crowd and I heard my dad call after me, but my mum told him to let me go.

The first thing I did was I took off my tye-dye shirt and I threw it in the trash can. I was wearing a wife beater underneath so it wasn't like I was shirtless for the rest of the day, but I just couldn't stand to wear that shirt any more and have people look at me wearing and know I was gay. I knew that the people who didn't want the law to get passed were all smug and pleased with themselves. I tried to hat them, but what I actually wanted was to be one of them. That's why I took the shirt off. I didn't want anyone to be able to know on sight that I was gay. For the first time in a long time, I really wished I was straight. I had never felt so ashamed of who I was and it made me want to die.

I wandered around for a while. I didn't know where I was going and I didn't know the way back to my family, either, but I didn't care. I wanted to be alone so I could feel sorry for myself. I don't know when and I don't know how, but Scorpius found me. He was crying pretty hard. It was only when I saw him crying when I realized how much I wasn't crying. He hugged me close and I buried my face in his chest and we stayed like that for a long time.

Then someone yelled the F word at us (you know which one) and I felt like throwing up. I pushed Scorpius away from me and started walking away, but he followed me. He asked me where my tye-dye shirt was, but I didn't answer him. I think he knew the answer. He tried to take my hand and told me not to let the homophobes make me feel bad, but I shook him off. I just wanted him to leave me alone. I told him that (actually I yelled), but he just shook his head and said he didn't think I should be alone right now. He said I might do something stupid.

"I'm not a baby," I told him and he just looked at me sadly and told me he loved me again.

That made me feel better in a way, but it also made me feel worse. It made me feel better because I realized then that I loved Scorpius, too, but it made me feel worse because I couldn't love him without being judged. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but not there. Not surrounded by sweaty, hateful people who were probably happy that Scorpius was crying.

So I said, "Thank you," and I told him that I was going to go find my family. He nodded and said he should find his parents, too, and then something awful happened. He leaned down to kiss me goodbye but I jerked my head away so he kissed my cheek instead. I wouldn't let Scorpius kiss me. I immediately regretted it and wished I could take it back, but he left so quickly that I didn't get a chance to.

I found my way back to my family, but I wouldn't look at any of them. I got into the car with my parents, brother and sister and James asked me where my tye-dye shirt went.

"I threw it away," I said.

"Why?" he asked.

I didn't answer him.

Everyone in the car told me how sorry they were, but I just ignored them and stared out the window. Everyone was silent on the car ride home. When we got to Grimmauld Place, I locked myself in my room and turned on my mix tape. It was kind of nice, being able to listen to it without James teasing me. At least one good thing will come out of this: James will have to be nice to me for the next few days, out of pity.

I stayed up there all night and I missed dinner. It was around ten o' clock when my dad knocked on my door and asked if he could come in and talk to me. Mum probably sent him to check on me. I said, "It's unlocked," and he let himself in and shut the door behind him. Then he sat on the edge of my bed and we talked for a long time.

He told me not to feel embarrassed of who I am and a lot of other comforting things, but the thing that really stuck out to me was this: "Think of it this way, Al. Just because the law didn't get passed today doesn't mean it never will." That really got me thinking. By the time I'm old enough to get married, the law probably will be passed. Who knows, I might even marry Scorpius. But then, I might not. But right now, I should focus on doing something right now. I have to go now, and write to Scor. I have to tell him that he needs to come visit over the summer because I really need to tell him something.

-Albus Severus Potter

A/N: That's it! The last chapter has been written and Al's journal is all filled up. I had a lot of fun writing this story (and this last chapter is one of my favorites) so I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.