Title: Amateur

Spoilers: Pam's Replacement specifically – if you have no idea what this is about look it up – you can watch Dwight grope Jim. Excessively.

Summary: After Dwight's awkward attempt to prove that Jim is attracted to Pam's Replacement, Jim decides they need to have a serious talk.

Warnings: Canon groping, hints of m/m

Pairing: Hints at Jim/Dwight , possible future Jim/Dwight

Author's Note: Just a little oneshot because I love the energy between the boys, if it isn't a love-hate relationship I don't know what is. And SOMEONE had to acknowledge that Dwight just knelt there groping him. Seemed like fun possibilities.


"Dwight, we need to talk."

Jim's hand was on his shoulder, tight enough hurt, and there wasn't any humor in his voice. Dwight looked up, unsure what to make of a Jim that looked so serious and oddly found himself a little unnerved. It made no sense, he was bigger than Jim, he knew he was stronger, but he found himself trying to pull away. "I'm busy."

"We can have this conversation here or somewhere private." His grip tightened more until Dwight made a small sound of protest. "Now."

"Fine. Everything has to be so dramatic." He didn't have much energy behind the words and found himself awkwardly moving to his feet when Jim didn't let his arm go. He was being nearly dragged across the room and had a moment to meet Pam's eyes, long enough to see her desperately mouth 'please don't tell him'.

He had no loyalty to her, but she was pregnant and any farmer worth anything knew that it was bad for a pregnant animal to get upset and Schrute's cared about children. He would keep her secret. "Jim."

He didn't answer as he pulled him into the break room, kicking the door shut behind them, leaving them alone. He used the hold on Dwight's arm to press him backwards until he was against the wall and waited.

A long suffering sigh was Dwight's only response so they stood in silence, waiting. He finally couldn't handle it anymore, "What?"

"Really? You have to ask what?"

"I don't have time for this Jim, some of us have work to do."

"Which I was doing. Until you grabbed my dick, several times."

"I told you, I fell-"

In an unusual show of violence Jim slammed his hand against the wall next to Dwight's head, making him jump. "You grabbed my dick. On purpose. More than once. That's weird Dwight, even for you. Tell me what is going on."

At a loss as to what to say he shifted his weight, trying to think of some kind of valid reason for his behavior but finally just kind of shrugged and his voice was weak when he spoke up, "I was just.. joking?" He tried to back it up with a smile, but he knew he was horrible at this, not to mention he hated that he knew in primates smiling was a sign of submission.

"Joking?" He eased in closer still, closing the distance between their bodies until he was almost touching him and Dwight was starting to look panicked. "I don't think so."

"It… it was a joke."

"Why were you on your knees in front of me Dwight? You're telling me there is nothing to that?"

"What? No, of course not."

Dwight swallowed hard when Jim moved that last bit forward so the lines of their bodies were touching and Jim's voice had lowered to barely a whisper, "You fight me all the time, try to prove that you're the alpha male here but then you get on your knees for me Dwight, what does that mean?"

"It doesn't mean anything Jim." He shifted a little but it only made him press more against Jim, and he wasn't comfortable with so much contact with another person. "Move Jim."

"No, not until you tell me what is going on."

"All I did was grab your penis-"

"Do not say that so calmly! That is weird Dwight."

"So what? You tell me I do weird stuff all the time, you've never cornered me in the break room before."

"Scared?"

"Of course not." He scoffed but his uneasy movements were increasing when the space between them didn't.

Jim didn't miss it, "You're showing your teeth, didn't you tell me that's a sign of fear?"

"Of submission." Too late he realized that didn't help him but before he could correct it Jim was talking.

"Even better. Okay." He eased back so he could meet Dwight's eyes. "You got on your knees and grabbed my dick Dwight, you know what that would make me think, right?"

"I'm not gay."

"Then why would you do it?"

It was too much stress and he snapped out, "I was seeing if you were hard."

"Why would I be hard?"

He was trapped if he didn't want to give away Pam and he scrambled to come up with something, trying to keep the words stiff, "By… because of me."

"Because of you."

"Yes." Dwight actually looked confused, like he hadn't known where the words came from.

"Why would you want to know if I was hard because of you?"

He back tracked from his early statement, "I needed to know."

"Do you like me Dwight?"

"No."

He laughed at that, a low rumbling sound, "Did you want me to be hard because of you?"

There was a sound behind them of someone entering the break room and Jim moved back quickly so they weren't touching, though he left his hand against the wall next to Dwight's head.

"Everything okay?"

Jim didn't look away from Dwight, leaving him to answer. He couldn't see Andy around Jim but snarled out, "Everything's fine."

There was an uncomfortable laugh and it sounded like Andy was closer, "Looks like a little lover's spat."

"We aren't lovers!"

"Maybe the lady doth protest too much-"

"We're in the middle of something Andy, mind giving us some space?" Andy had been obviously trying to diffuse whatever conflict was going on, and since Dwight's face was red Jim was sure that he wasn't going to help the situation.

"Sure, yea, of course."

When he was gone Jim wasted no time in pressing back in, "Guess I'm not the only one that noticed."

"Noticed what?"

"That apparently you like me."

"I do no-"

"It's pretty clear now, you've spent all these years just begging for my attention."

"I don't beg."

"Dwight." His tone brooked no argument and Dwight fell silent, uncharacteristically docile. Jim pressed his other hand against the wall, boxing him in and lowered his voice. "Why did you do it Dwight?"

"I…" Jim's tone was odd, the only time he had heard him use it was with Pam, and he tilted his head. It was… different.

"Ah. I knew it." There was no hesitation as he tilted his head forward and Dwight realized with a start that he was going to kiss him and he should have been protesting or pulling away but he just… didn't.

Jim stopped when he was just short of kissing him, and took a good look at Dwight's flushed face, his eyes squeezed shut and realized that even if he had only been screwing with him he might have been on to something.

"Dwight?" His voice was a whisper and Dwight leaned forward expectantly, eyes still closed and Jim finally let the seriousness drop as he leaned past his face to whisper in his ear, "For the last time I'm not attracted to her. You can go back and tell Pam that."

He pulled away abruptly at that, watching as Dwight's eyes flew open, looking startled. "What?"

He only shook his head, "You're an amateur in the big leagues here Dwight, you always have been."

Jim turned to leave but Dwight grabbed his arm, "This… you don't really think I like you?"

"No, Dwight."

"Oh." He didn't move his hand though and just stared at him until Jim reached out and removed his hand. Dwight looked at it for a long moment and then looked away sounding strangely disappointed, "Good."

There was an awkward moment where Dwight wouldn't look at him and Jim didn't feel as victorious as he usually did after a prank but he shook it off and headed back towards his desk. He tried to go back to work but he couldn't help but notice that it was a long time before Dwight came back and even then he quietly went back to his work, avoiding Jim. He watched him for a moment before shaking his head and running his hand over his face before picking up the phone. He had work to do.