Summery; Sam & Andy deal with their break-up, only thing is, Sam can't get anywhere near Andy, when he tries to apologize. Faced with holding a bomb, Sam finally gets to tell Andy how he feels, but she's less than forgiving, & tells him the worst Lie she can think of, then there's the little problem of Andy's one night stand, her leaving & Sam giving up on her.
A/N- Thanks to everyone for reading, reviewing or just following or favoring any of my other fic's. You guys are soooo awesome!
**** Just a reminder, I haven't seen season 3, just some promo's so this is how my mind imagined this going.
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is not mine, the rest is all me, including any mistakes!
Special thanks to Kelly2727 as usual, hope you'll check out her awesome fic's too!
Six weeks was a long time to let the lingering looks hang in the air, slivering between him and her as whisped glances, self inflicted misery evident in his eyes every single time he let them sweep in her direction. Whether he was looking at her, just to watch her, or looking her over to make sure every extremity was still in place and whole, the misery burned in his eyes, dancing flames of regret lighting them up everytime she came into view.
Everyone who looked at him could see it, and they knew it too, but still they kept her sheltered from him, hidden away in an invisible bubble of security that was meant to keep her from hurting any more, meant to give her time to heal her broken heart.
Whenever he approached, he was distracted just long enough for her to be whisked away, or he was stopped and detained until she made her escape. Best was doing what he thought they needed, giving them time and space apart, even though neither of them had ever done either really well. Best was keeping her partnered with everyone but him, and occasionally giving him a partner just to make everything appear normal. But they were never partnered together.
At the Penny, she was again sheltered from his advances, both times she had been there in the last six weeks. Six weeks since he left her standing there, crying in the rain.
He knew what they were doing, and even though it was frustrating and annoying the crap out of him, he respected each and everyone of them a little more for it. He appreciated the fact that they were looking out for her, protecting her, even though it was from him.
Six weeks ago, he thought he had been doing the same thing, when he uttered the words in a careless whisper, letting them roll from his lips only to have them steal away her breath and break her heart. Break his own heart.
He said the words with truth, he meant them, he really did, but they just come out wrong. How they were worded in his head and how they formed on his breath were worlds apart, they weren't meant to destroy what she felt for him, they were meant to warn her, enlighten her, tell her just how intense he felt whenever she was around, and how overwhelmingly, intoxicating she really was, how passionate his feelings were, but instead they came out in anger, laced with sorrow, burning in fear and crushing the very essence of what she had once felt for him.
Since then, he had not been allowed within two feet of her, everyone closing him off to keep her a little together a little longer.
And all he wanted was to apologize.
Say he was sorry.
Say he didn't mean it, the way it came out anyway.
He was tethered on the side of grief that turns to anger, when reasoning turns to blame, at Jerry, the world, the cabbie, himself and somewhere along the lines, he just lost himself, allowed the fear and anger to destroy a part of him that he was never gonna get back.
That part was Andy Mcnally.
She deserved to at least get an apology, although she deserved a hell of a lot more than that if he was honest with himself. She deserved someone that could actually keep her safe, someone that wasn't careless and reckless, someone that was actually there when they were needed, not like he had been with Jerry. Jerry died because he wasn't there, didn't have his head focused.
He couldn't do that to her, when she deserved so much more.
Walking into parade and taking his seat at the back, Sam couldn't help but let his gaze be drawn to her.
Again her presence in the room just seemed to ignite the atmosphere to burning temperatures as she made her way in for parade. Taking up a seat further forwards than she used to, she sat down in silence, her head hanging slightly down as she avoided looking in the faintest direction of the back of the room, where he sat in muted silence, casting wayward glances around the room, as he leaned back in his chair, in an attempt to subtly watch her.
But she never looked his way, never acknowledged his presence, never smiled in his direction.
It was like she had erased him from her life.
Since Jerry's death, they all had a tough time. Sam had watched her battle with comforting Traci, her own personal emotions swept under the rug so she could be there for her friend, coz she needed her more, and that was just who Andy was. Always putting every other soul before herself.
As Best handed out assignments, Sam heard Epstein being paired with Andy and himself with Collins, not his most favorite person in the world right now.
Sam had seen Andy and Nick form a tight bond, just like the friendships she had with Epstein and Diaz, only it was different.
He had seen them arrive at work together more than a dozen times over the last month, and the reason he thought it was different is because he was jealous.
Jealous of the fact that Collins was bringing her to work on rainy mornings. That he was out patrolling with her, sat next to her once out of her two recent trips to the Penny.
And that was what he used to do.
It was as though he was being replaced, but he was only jealous over Collins because he missed doing the things that he had so selfishly let slip through his fingers.
He really didn't think that there was anything else there, other than just friendship, Andy wasn't that kinda girl, but the thing is, he doesn't really know Collins that well. And they had chemistry, even he wasn't blind to that. Not the same as the burned to ashes, electrifying kind of chemistry he had with Andy, the kind that would ignite with one look, or one touch, but Nick and Andy had chemistry never less.
At the though crossing his mind, Sam let a growl stir the silence of the cruiser as he took the drivers seat before slamming the door, causing Collins to stare at him.
"Its not what you think Swarek". Nick said before turning to stare out the windscreen as Sam pulled out the parking lot.
"And how would you know what I think?". Sam couldn't help the irritation emanating off of him as he slowed his driving to a more responsible speed.
"Its permanently written all over your face". Nick chanced a look in Sam's direction to find a cold stare glaring from dark eyes.
"Its not something that just goes away either, no matter how much you try to hide it, its still there, so don't try deny it Swarek".
Nick's words caused Sam's foot to become slightly touchy on the brake for no apparent reason.
"Never said I was". Sam mumbled, attempting to end the conversation, as he started chewing the inside of his lip.
"Its just really hard for her. The things you said, they might just never be forgiven. She's going through a really tough time, we just don't want you to get the wrong idea". Nick's words clearly starting up the conversation again, the topic- one he would rather avoid.
"And what idea do you think I have Collins?".
"We just don't want her to get hurt, you've done that well enough to last her a lifetime".
Sam hit the brakes again, this time abruptly halting all forward motion of the cruiser.
"Are we done here?". Sam let his hands throttle the life out of the steering wheel as his gloved hands clenched around it.
Nick just nodded his head as Sam pulled away from the middle of the street where he had suddenly come to a dead stop.
Andy had let slip what he had said to her, the cruel words he now wished he could take back being uttered into the ears of Nick somewhere along the lines. Just how close were Nick and Andy?
Sam felt the thought slap his heart until it just about stopped when an unseen force closed around it and began to squeeze and clench the heartbeats from it.
Had she moved on in the last six weeks? Or was his mind just looking for another reason to back off?
"So um...you and Mcnally huh?". Sam just couldn't help the words as they slipped free, causing Nick to go just a shade whiter as he turned to face Sam, his lips in a thin line, his eyes wide. Sam did a double take of Nick's features before he literally felt sick to his stomach.
But he had to know.
Nick took a moments silence, searching for words to use in response to Swarek's statement when dispatch called all fifteen division cruisers back to the barn.
Sam walked into the barn, aware of the many sad looks passed his way, while others looked away the minute their eyes met his body as he walked towards the parade room which was a buzz of activity.
Oliver came to stand next to Sam as he leaned against the back wall waiting for Best to come into the room and brief them on the need for their presence back at the barn.
As Oliver jostled around from foot to foot, Sam let out a huff of agitation, Oliver clearly had something to say, but obviously didn't know how to approach the subject.
Sam let his eyes draw across the room, if Oliver was nervous there was good reason, so he let his eyes sweep the room in search of her. She was missing as was her paired partner, Callaghan and Best.
"Just don't get mad". Oliver whispered as footsteps approached the doorway, before Best, Callaghan and Dov entered the room, Andy still remaining missing.
The panic slammed into him when Epstein turned and gave Sam a remorseful look, before he hung his head and walked away to take a seat next to Diaz.
Sam felt himself tense up as he saw Best and Callaghan walk to the front of the room, where they began briefing everyone while pointing out a range of photos.
Sam's attention was minimally focused on who was saying what and pointing where, his thoughts revolving only around the still missing body, until Callaghan put
a head shot of her up on the board, the left side of her face transformed from its porcelain white color, to an angry red and purple welt, a bruise that caused Sam to literally stop breathing for a split second.
"... Officer Mcnally was able to tackle him, but he threw a punch before running into rush hour traffic. Mcnally's fine...". Bests words were accompanied by a brief look at Sam who had shifted his gaze to the floor, his eyes not wanting to see images of her like that.
"...Consider him dangerous, he will not hesitate to use violence and force. He escaped from us, and we are gonna get him back! Most importantly we need him alive, do not shoot to kill, we need to find the kid alive, so I want all eyes out on the streets. Use all contacts, I want her found, and him back in my cells...".
Sam registered words here and there, but gathered that John Gray had grabbed another little girl after escaping lock up.
And less than half an hour into shift Mcnally just happened to stumble on him and get herself punched in the face. She was fast, really fast, and he knew that few people would ever be able to outrun her, not because she was fast, or nimble, or full of endurance, but because she wouldn't give up the chase.
She just would not let it go, and she would run until she couldn't anymore, and most people just gave up after a while, but never her.
Sam heard the brush of material to his right, and casting a weary look towards the door, his eyes found her boots as they came to a stop just inside the doorway.
His head snapped up and he came face to face with the now really swollen, purple mark that graced her cheek. She looked straight ahead, feet planted still in the doorway, her face trying not to betray the emotions she was feeling.
Sam audibly sucked in a breath as his eyes took her in, before he turned and took a step towards her, fighting the urge to run his fingers over her marred skin until he wiped the ugly marks away, he paused only long enough to see her look down, before he stepped around her and left the room.
Twenty minutes later Collins was back at the cruiser, clutching a pile of photo's and a tip from Callaghan to check out Grey's last known addresses and work places.
Looking over at Swarek for a brief second as they pulled out into the street for the second time today Nick hoped that they would not be the ones to find Grey, coz judging by the look on Swarek's face, this was gonna end really badly, probably with a kill shot between the eyes and Gray's body on a metal slab in the morgue.
Swarek was seething fury, it rolled off him in waves of tension. His jaw was clenching and his eyes had turned to black, his face cast in a cold hard stone mask.
There was defiantly no need for him to deny anything, and as Nick had earlier stated, Sam's emotions somehow now became written features etched on his usually stoic face. It was frozen in a look of rage, set in stone, his complexion just a shade paler, and his jaw clenching, while his eyes flared in black.
This was not gonna end well!
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