The two continued their way back to Ellen's quarters she lay in his hands as she closed her eyes as the headache was getting no better it just kept throbbing, "so...tired, always tired..." she looked at her hands as she noticed the change, "in a few weeks i'm going to look like a frail old woman...i never want my friends to see me that way or this way, i look so weak, there's nothing left but withered flesh and dry bones." She hissed pushing her hand away as she sneered at the sight, she then sighed as she lay her face into her sleeve as her hand felt disgusting to her touch.
"I see no problem." Barricade said flatly.
"I do, if you thought humans were disgusting while with excellent health wait till you see the very structure of an outline of bones shine through my single layer of skin." She said bringing her knees up shuddering as she closed her eyes to how baggy her cloths felt.
"I don't think you are disgusting, no one can make a judgement call on what 'appealing' should be." He said
She sunk in form as she was unconvinced to how ugly she felt, "What do you think of humans in general?" she asked so not to feel solely judged.
"Your skin holds your curved form in place while our plates shift into different places, so that we are able to transform." he said pondering on that thought.
She looked into empty space trying to keep off the thought of her physical appearance, "Yeah, i mean you guys can transform and kind of use yourself as the tools to be able to perform the action you intend to carry out such as construction and maintenance, we kind of build tools instead of being them." She said swaying lightly before realizing her mistake of branding them as 'tools'. "I-I mean, thats-thats not what i..."
"As long as you know that it was a mistake." He said bowing his head slightly.
She felt a blush to her cheeks in slight embarrassment though she couldn't spare much of a blood rush, "Both our races have our flaws don't you think?" she rambled on talking to his palm.
"I, can, admit that." He said his jaw grinded slightly so his speech was muffled.
"Heh, you almost sounded grumpy." She said lightly.
He cupped his hand a little more, "You tend to push things don't you?" he asked.
She weakly smiled because she didn't have any strength to do anything stronger, "yeah i do, i normally do it with friends but not out of malice just what i'm typically known for, my sarcasm and jokes you know?"
"what about knowing when you've reached your limits?" he said raising an eyebrow, mainly because if this were any other Con she would probably be dead to the mere comment of their Armour plating.
"S-Sometimes, when i should really remain silent i just blurt something out." she said, however in this situation being alone, and far from home, she has toned down and is having to keep her tongue behind her teeth.
"Why? When you know when to be silent why do you speak?" he said.
"Sometimes i like to joke when I'm, scared, or angry or in mourning. It's just a reaction." She said.
"So, are you scared now?" he asked simply.
"if i wasn't I'd be classed as an inanimate object." She said heavily as she looked her feet, she had fallen silent for a while as Barricade lightly shifted his hand to keep her focused, "H-Huh?" she said weakly, "w-w-what did you say?"
"I asked you if you were scared, you answered but then fell silent." He said.
"O-h r-right, w-what was i saying? o-oh yeah, i also like to push people for the sake of it, i like the reactions i get, i know you wouldn't hurt me if i offended you but i don't get great reactions from you and that's why i stopped." She admitted.
He looked slightly to the floor, perhaps he's used to the anger around him he takes everything too literal, "y-you won't get much humorous beings upon this ship." He said though the tone he made betrayed him.
And she had faintly noticed this also as she lifted her head heavily looking at him with a forced expression, "Were you...did you just make a joke?" she asked.
"Is there any point in saying i didn't?" he simply said.
"No." She said slight sparkle to her eyes betraying herself for the need of reassurance, "I like to think i cheer bots up with my jokes, even get them to join in with the humor." She said to him getting ahead of herself, "you know when Dad would have a bad day i..." she stopped dead in her sentence as she found herself smiling, her mouth turned dry and she felt quite sickly in the stomach, "never mind..." She said flatly, sitting back into his palm.
Barricade tilted his head as he had not seen a more uplifting smile from her, her face glowed and she appeared more lively, "The thoughts of your Sire make you look almost functional." He said, her back still faced him and as he said that she held a hand to her cheek feeling it for a few seconds before retracting her hand back, knowing that she never looked healthy since coming here.
Barricade glanced from side to side in thought, he felt as though he should renounce his serious tone seeing how, well in comparison she was only a juvenile and he remembered how awkward he felt when he and his Sparkmate were expecting... "Could i ask a personal question?" he said on that thought.
"I guess." She said flatly.
"Despite how confusing it is for you to be somehow imprinted on one of our own, in terms, you are like an offspring and he like your parent?" he said.
She forced a puff of air out of her mouth, which was supposed to be a laugh as she lightly shook her head, "not 'like' are, but besides that why bring it up? Is this related to the question?" she attempted to push him a little to be more upfront with whatever it was he was thinking.
"Define that." he simply said almost demanding.
"Define? Could you be more, specific?" she asked careful with her words.
He lightly growled to how dragged this had become, he thought he was perfectly clear with suggestive words but he could see through her 'naive' act as he gave her a sharp stare, "parent." He gently hissed.
She droopily bowed her head as she didn't need to think twice, "I think the term 'Mother' and 'Father' are used too lightly it's not enough that you create life, i believe it's the effort you put into raising a child, sure he's not genetically and by your terms 'my Sire' but he is." she said. Barricade collected all that was said as he still had no idea what she meant but tried to understand from her perspective, "I'm sorry, I'm probably not explaining myself properly or at least logically sound for you." She then breathed a laugh, "But you know I'm not exactly fit to debate at the moment."
"I, think i understand, though I'm not sure i could put in that effort, nor would a child give me the chance." He said as his voice turned casual, not as formal as before.
She smiled lightly at the thought of Barricade referring to sparkling's, "how would you know?" she asked teasingly.
"I have had my fair share of experience with juveniles of various races, including my own." He started as he looked to one side; to Ellen it seemed he was slightly embarrassed.
She started to laugh hoarsely as it merely caused her chest to tighten, "you know Barricade, you do come off as being very angry all the time." She argued letting herself laugh despite the chest pains. Barricade made a slight 'hmph' sound as he looked slightly pouting, "and i don't blame you for that i mean, you've been angry for a very long time and i think that you've just gotten comfortable with that...i don't think kids hate you Barricade, you just treat them like, like soldiers and I'm right aren't i?" she added cheekily.
He shot his head back around as he frowned, "so, you don't, 'hate' me?" he asked shrugging.
She was generally surprised by the response, of all the things to pick out of her words, "I don't hate you." She repeated, bowing her head again wearily like a very aged human.
"I'm angry at you sure, you're confusing the hell out of me, but i wouldn't go as far as hate you." She stopped as he looked very confused, "Now Starscream that's a different matter." She lightly jested.
He weakly smiled, "i think i, can become accustomed to your humor."
She looked at him with a flat expression, then turned her head to the front lifting her knees up once more. "Among them..." she said thinking of his conversation before. "Were you referring to a friend, or perhaps someone more closer?"
"What?" he said slightly frowning.
"Before when you were talking about the attacks on Cybertron, you said there were civilians involved, then you said among them, but then you stopped mid sentence it suggested someone close to you particularly was killed." She said.
"Do you normally take into account what everyone says to you?" he asked.
"Yes, everything, this ship, notable places i hear other Cons mention to each other, names, times, you name it. That's what i do that's what i was taught to do. But this situation is different planetary wise, outsmarting Cons when you're running from them, hiding, even fighting them if i had to you guys have your physical flaws as well, those situations I've managed to get out of." she said.
Barricade took in that thought, she was definitely not naive, "Not that it's relevant to you but, it was my Sparkmate." He finally said shutting his optics slightly as he portrayed a toneless expression.
She nodded in understanding it wasn't uncommon for her to hear similar losses, "So that's why you wanted to just kill every other race?" she asked.
"i just, i couldn't contain it, all reason had gone and I'd turned into, something i didn't like, I'd never killed anything before..." he said solemnly but then suddenly became frustrated, "i don't hate you or any other races, i hate what I've become because of you." He said bitterly.
She winced inside, not just to his lifelong bitterness but also with what he has told her, the attacks from other races...something wasn't right with that information he had given her as well as what he said before. but at the moment she only thought of him and his personal troubles as she started to push her hands against his palm, then pushing her legs to move herself up, she planned to stand up though a bit wobbly as though she had come out of sedation, she then extended a hand out to him as he slightly flinched back to whatever she intended but stopped out of curiosity, she then placed her hand on his cheek, he flinched again. "by the deities I can't even imagine what you feel like right now, your face is so, bitter. But would she have wanted you to be like this?" she asked.
"You're trying to manipulate me." He lightly growled.
"No, what would be my purpose in doing so? I've checked this whole ship...there's no way out there for me to get to the Spacebridge." She said shaking her head.
Barricade softened his hard expression as she was about to pull back her hand, he stopped her by placing his hand on top of hers not wanting her to, then shut his optics slightly wincing, Ellen felt sorry for him how long has he been without any compassion in his life?
"We did not defend ourselves in time." He started as Ellen listened, "Megatron told me himself that we should not tolerate this and simply let attacks like this go over our heads while our own were being killed in the process, that shared feeling of hatred was what got me to join him and his cause but then it turned to something more, it turned to superiority over every race instead." He said still with his optics closed.
Ellen frowned to his explanation, the superiority over races sounded familiar but he's talking of those attacks again? What attacks? And Megatron told him this? Where was Barricade when these so called attacks were taking place? it was mentioned a few times that Barricade was rarely seen before the War broke out, and that he mostly worked beneath Cybertron and news rarely met there audio receptors down there. "Then why did you stay loyal to the Decepticons?" she asked just to gather as much as she can from him perhaps then it would make a little more sense.
"I thought that when we retrieved the Allspark i could-i could, revive my fallen Sparkmate, i took on as many missions as i could just to get Megatrons approval, his trust and when i was assigned with scouting Earth for the glasses..."
"You could've killed Sam." She interrupted slightly sternly.
"I would not have done so, i was merely staging it, just to scare him enough to reveal its location what i didn't count of was that, Autobot scout interfering." He said with a light growl.
"Yeah he laid a number on you." She said flatly.
"though he did not terminate me, it was foolish of him as i was able to repair my systems within hours, i kept to myself, in the shadows trying to locate them again but Starscream gave me orders to rendezvous with them and before i knew it we were in formation again retrieving the Allspark, we were on your motorway until Ironhide rammed me into that pillar the lumbering scrapheap but again they thought me to be dead, i merely repaired myself and again slipped into the shadows." He said.
"Barricade, you know neither side could win with the Allspark in play." She said.
"Yes i know and i have no ill will towards you, or the boy." He said.
"Then you know...?" she said slightly wincing in shame.
"Yes." He said.
"But, your Sparkmate?" she said.
"If she had seen what Cybertron, what we had become, i think she would've preferred to stay terminated, its better she remain in the well of Allsparks." He said "Megatron, Optimus Prime, there both as bad as each other." He stated bitterly.
Ellen bowed her head as she pondered the position she was in, as well as another physical position she was stuck in. "Er, Barricade?"
"Can i, have my hand back please?" she said with a hang dog expression.
"M-My apologies." He said and as he looked at her expression, he looked again as she wasn't there anymore, instead a small form, cybertronian, whose frame was a light violet color, he furrowed his brow as he shook his head slowly, this must've have been a memory glitch but he had never had one for the longest time, before pledging an alliance to the Decepticons if he remembers correctly, whenever it happened this one wasn't going and he stared at it for the longest time as it held its hand up to him, he growled slightly at the sight.
"Barricade?" was what came from the small beings mouth.
"Barricade?" this time the image disappeared and was said this time by Ellen as she replaced the image of the little form, Barricade shook his head wildly.
"I-I'm fine." He said as Ellen had fell back on her knees, he cupped his other hand around her like a supporting barrier, "the question is are you?"
"Well, no." She said. He cupped the hand he was holding her in a little more whilst looking to one side then stopped just outside a door. "Hey look, after a long walk of seeing the same thing over and over we reach my quarters that looks like every other quarters." She said lazily.
he walked inside as he picked up the blanket that stood out in the middle of the room, as well as the finished rubix cube and a pyramid made from Jenga blocks he shook his head at it as he draped it over her, Ellen raised her hands up slightly as this felt routine, then she wrapped herself in it as she started shaking, "G-God its F-F-Freezing." She said rubbing the blanket up and down to get it more warmer.
Barricade made a low growling sound, "this ship is falling apart." He said to himself.
After she managed to slightly get a little more warmer, "you know you chased me as well." She said to him as he whipped his head around.
"I remember." He said looking to one side, "but i only did so because you were sticking your nose into business that was not your own, i did not mean to frighten you, but Frenzy was around and he would've have killed you mercilessly." He said.
"Oh..." she said slightly surprised to that fact, she remembered how terrifying he was, speaking in a shrieking pitch of Cybertronian, "you're pretty hard to figure out Barricade." She said as he put her down on the floor but felt slight guilt in doing so when comparing her to the metal encased environment she was in.
"I'm..." he started.
"It's okay." She said weakly as she got herself comfortable, well tried. "Barricade?"
"I know it's not my place but i think you would've been alright with the parental role, if this were different circumstances..." She said weakly.
"I don't think i ever mentioned..." he started.
"I'm just saying. If you wanted to be." She interrupted but she also wanted to bring up what was on her mind but at the moment he seemed to be on good speaking terms and perhaps she has found a trump card and an ally but she wasn't taking this as a possibility just a wishful thought to begin with.
He sighed, "You need to rest now, understand?"
"You'll wake me though right? Because I'm starting to think that i might not, w-well i mean without a nudge or something, i-i don't mean as in..."
"If i need to i will, any disturbance, any change and I'll inform you." He interrupted before she continued to ramble as she shifted and cocooned herself. She still shook from the cold as she breathed out a struggling breathe. Barricade wandered over to the side, her back was facing him, he knew this room had been empty for eons for its damp and draftee environment many Cons suffered with minor rust from it, he shook his head he was personally disgusted with it, and frustrated that.
"Its fine Barricade, i can deal with the temperature." She reassured softly.
Barricade would still flinch every time she would notice his frustration even the slightest sound she was able to pick up on that, he then wiped a hand down his face, as he looked to a certain part of the floor then he started to lower his form so that he lay on his back, though he felt undignified to recharge on the floor like a beast, she had turned to face him with a weak teasing smile at his odd looking posture, he growled lowly as he focused on the ceiling.
"you not going to sleep in your own quarters?" she asked lightly interrogating him.
"i've recharged here before." He said attempting to perform such an action.
"No you haven't." She argued.
"you were too deep in recharge yourself to notice my presence." He said though he knew that would strike a nerve.
She slightly blushed out of frustration, "God damn it." she hissed going back to her normal resting position.
He turned his head slightly to look at her, she had turned her back towards him as well, even with the blanket and despite what she said her body still shook, Barricade looked towards the doors there was no one near his sensors told him that to be sure, "I'm sure you know this but unlike humans we are not as sensitive to a drop in temperature."
"What's your point?" she grunted from under her covers. He looked at his hand as he let it hover over her, "what are you doing?" she asked tiredly her answer was received as he draped his hand over, she slightly gasped as she wasn't sure what it was he was doing, but the radiated heat was almost immediate as she took relief in that, "H-Hey your hands warm." She said announcing that as the best thing since she got there. Barricade scoffed to himself for her simple description, "wait, you're just going to stay like that?" she asked.
"Yes." He simply said.
Erm okay? was what she thought as it couldn't be comfortable being in that position for long, then again, being a spy he must be used to that, "Barricade?" she started another conversation.
"What now?" he said gruffly.
"Well despite your bipolar personality as well as your choices, you saved me from Starscream, fed me, talked to me, gave me a tour even warned me of the dangers, saved me again when i nearly bled to death, even carried me here, now brand me wrong but, is that in the job description?" She said.
He let a sigh escape him though not it was so quiet it might not even be classed as a sigh, despite what she says, he was going to kill her, he felt pity but what gave him that right to pass out death so easily? "You need to know something." He started, talking to her back as she shifted slightly.
"Before when you told me to offer a mercy for that Autobot, i was about to do the same to you." He put it bluntly.
"You, were going to shoot me?" she asked with a tone of bewilderment but not that much.
She was still and silent, as they both could only hear the loud creaking sounds of the ship as if it was about to tilt over and fall off the face of the planet. She was still silent and though in reality only moments had passed it had made him feel anxious, "Well..." she finally started saying softly, "tell me why?"
"Why?" he sneered of all answers to be being terminated she asked why?
"Was it an order from Megatron?"
"You just wanted to do it." she questioned again getting some kind of honest answer from him.
"No." He snapped this time.
"then why? If you didn't just want to do it, neither was it on orders, then why?" she demanded this time.
"You are going to suffer just as that Autobot did; i thought i could give you the same kind of mercy." He said.
"If you were a Con, you'd be content with my suffering, but you chose to end my suffering despite the fact that you would suffer the consequences after, a conscious regret." She said.
"Stop trying to find anything to me." He growled.
"I don't want to." She replied softly, "however..." she started seriously, "you think I'm just going to let that whole pointing a gun at me slide, then you really have got problems." She blurted.
She turned around to face him this time as he expressed the awkward moment for him from his face alone, "i still don't understand you fully, but i know why they keep you." He said changing his draping hand to a gentle hold on her form, she slightly shrugged as her eyes closed; they were so heavy she couldn't even protest. "I never got to name her." He finished recalling his memory glitch.
"Huh?" she said with eyes shut.
"Nothing, just rest now." he said simply.
She just answered with silence as she thought of the 'attacks' now it frustrated her, she was told of terrorism some other races would try to steal what they had because of how advanced they were in technology sure, but they were minor attacks and she was never told of a huge attack on the cities, if anything his sparkmate was a part of the Decepticon attacks that led to it, how is it Barricade thinks that other races are to blame? Even if Megatron was the source it seems every other Con knows this too.
And for what? To have a loyal spy? "even if i can't get to the Space bridge, Barricade is as much a victim as i am, but to tell him?"
A/N *shuns self* from encouragement i've finally gotten the next chapter up, and yeah this is about Barricade as well, i don't know besides any incarnation of him, in the movies he's just glanced over so i thought to do my own thing with him :) well lets hope i get my rear into gear and upload the next chapter faster then this one. ;)