Please Don't Cry
Disclaimer- I own nothing!
Eric sat at his desk at the Dispatch hoping to go home on time for once. He was trying to meet up with Ronald and Alan so the three of them could go out for drinks, at this rate though none of them would get to leave. The paperwork never seemed to end and lately. Seeing a shadow over come him he looked over his glasses to see Alan on the other side of his desk.
"I'm offering my help. I just turned in my papers in to William. I asked Ronald and he said he was just about done."
"How do you both get done so fast?"
"I think Ronald is lying but doesn't want to cancel but that's just me. So, can I take something from you?"
"Sure. I won't pass up your help. This folder here needs to be stamped so it can be filed."
"Okay. That's not a problem."
Going back to his paper work he stopped again as he saw nothing moving on his desk. Looking back up he saw Alan standing there frozen. In the blink of an eye he watched as Alan fell to his knees holding his heart.
"Alan!" Knocking his chair over as he stood and he ran around his desk placing his hands on Alan's shoulders. He could feel him trembling in pain along with the gasps for air from what he was feeling.
"Alan! I'm here; you're going to be fine. I'm right here." Other employees started to gather around to see what was going on. Getting ready to snap at them he saw Ronald step in to help give Alan space.
"Come on close your mouths. Yea Alan's sick let him be."
Hearing Alan, Eric focused back on him, Ronald had it in control with the others.
"Eric…can you…I'm so tired…"
"Let me help you home so you can rest." Feeling Alan lean up against him he helped him to his feet. Together and keeping Alan close they made their way out of the dispatch. They hadn't gotten far before he felt Alan dragging his feet. Taking another look he saw he was dealing with another wave from the thorns. Struggling with Alan's body to keep him standing he lowered his slowly to the ground. Sweat started to form on his forehead.
"I'm still here Alan, please let me know how I can help."
Moving into his arms Alan tried to manage the pain with his body. Watching him in so much pain, watching and unable to do anything to help he wrapped his arms tighter around Alan.
Sitting in Alan's bedroom he watched him sleep hoping he was alright. He seemed to be resting peacefully which was reassuring. He looked a little better too, not so pale from the pain. These attacks were becoming more frequent, he seemed to be getting weaker from them. This was the hard part, this just sitting here watching. He could do nothing to help and every time he saw Alan like this he wanted to hold him tight and cry. He prided himself on being tough but he wasn't strong enough for this. How could anyone stay strong enough for this? How could anyone stay strong when you had to watch someone you cared for so deeply slowly die? Unable to sit here anymore he stood up to leave Alan alone for a little while. He needed rest and he didn't want to bother him anymore.
Going into the living room he saw how spotless it was, Alan never left it a mess. He could probably have the flu and he would still make sure his house was spotless. Feeling a smile come to his lips he stopped as a new thought came to mind. It wasn't really new though since he had been thinking about it before, Alan was getting worse, he didn't have the flu but he was sick. Collapsing on the couch he placed his head in his hands, he really couldn't do this. It wasn't as bad as what Alan had to deal with but it was bad on his end too.
"Eric?" Hearing Alan's voice his head snapped up to see him standing in the doorway of the living room.
"Alan! What are you doing out of bed!" On his feet he watched him for a moment before going over to him.
"I'm feeling much better now. Sorry if I worried you at the office.
"Here let me help you sit."
"I'm okay, really. You don't have to stay here. I know we both had plans to have drinks with Ronald, go and have fun."
"No I want to stay here, Ron, already knows what happened we'll go once you're feeling better. Besides I need you to drag me home."
"This is true."
Seeing Alan's smile he couldn't help but smile back. Watching him yawn and stretch he wasn't all that surprised to hear that he was tired.
"You can stay here as long as you like I don't care but I'm going to lie down. I'm feeling really tired. I should have something in the kitchen if you get hungry."
"That sounds good, maybe I'll cook dinner for you so you can eat later."
"Just don't set my kitchen on fire."
"It was one time and because I spilt the wine into the fire." Looking over at Alan he could tell he had only been teasing.
"What…ever you say." Yawning again he moved closer to the edge of the couch so he could stand. Eric watched as he leaned forward in distress.
"Alan!" Missing him by a hare he saw him fall off the couch and hit his head on the coffee table. Quickly going to him he helped him up to see his head was bleeding. "Let's get you bed." Knowing he was hurting, they slowly stood and moved to the bedroom. Alan always held himself in such a way it made it impossible to carry him. Getting him in bed he stayed with him until the pain stopped before going into the bathroom for a wet rag. He had used his shirt in the bedroom so the blood would stop running down his face but it really wasn't the best thing to do for him. Going back into the room he carefully placed it over the cut and watched as Alan winced.
"I'm sorry, I know you're trying to rest but I want to clean your cut and make sure I stopped the bleeding."
Alan said nothing and kept his eyes closed staying asleep. This was bad, having this many attacks in one day was not a good sign. His body wouldn't be able to handle this for long periods of time.
"Hang on Alan, please."
Ronald stood in Alan's bedroom doorway for a moment before heading back to the kitchen to where Eric was.
"Yea, he isn't looking well and what happened to his head?"
"Coffee table and I know. Shit Ron this isn't good."
Both sat at the table in silence for a few minutes letting what this meant settle or in Eric's case haunt him, force him to think about the fact that the most important person in the world was dying. Hearing groaning from Alan's bedroom Eric sprang to his feet and ran down the hall to his room. He didn't seem to be having yet another attack that was good.
"I'm right here what do you need me to do?" Watching him trying to sit up he helped him so he wouldn't push himself to hard. "How are you feeling?"
"I feel alright I guess, my head hurts, do I have a really nasty cut?"
"It's looking better." Sitting next to him on the bed they said nothing for awhile. Eric was glad to see Alan up and alright, though he was like this earlier too.
"I don't care but, is that my shirt?"
"Oh yea, I used mine on your head."
"Looks tight on you."
"It is, if I move too much I fear it will rip." Both started laughing at that, the thought was too funny.
"Oh! I almost forgot Ronald's in the kitchen." Seeing Alan's eyebrow raise towards him he explained further.
"He wanted to see how you were doing. He hasn't been here long."
"Oh okay, I thought you were going to say that he brought work for me from William."
"That too, but he already told him what happened at the office."
Seeing Alan slowly bringing his legs over the bed he helped him stand worried about him over exerting himself again. The last thing he needed was another attack. Together they walked into the kitchen once Alan checked his head out. At least he was in high spirits from it that was good. Had that been him he would have been pissed.
"Alan. Should you be out of bed?"
"Once the attack has stopped I'm usually able to be back on my feet once I rest for a little while." Sitting in one of the chairs he talked to Ronald while Eric heated up what he made for dinner. Alan being hungry was a good sign.
"Want some Ron?"
"Nah I'm good. Thanks though." Together the three of them sat and talked while Alan ate. Eating seemed to bring back some of the color in his face. Alan must have skipped lunch again since he shoved three full plates of food down his throat, usually he had just one.
"I think, I'm gonna pop."
"Well you just ate like a pig."
"What I was hungry."
Ronald left shortly after so Alan could get some rest. He also had to stop at Eric's and pick up some clothes for him so he wouldn't have to wear Alan's. He had no intention of leaving Alan alone right now. Nothing that had gone on tonight gave him the impression that he would be alright on his own. Going back into the bedroom he saw Alan sitting up reading a book. He still looked pretty good, had color in his face and energy in his eyes. All things he wanted to see from him.
"Staying here tonight?"
"Yea, sorry but the way you've been today hasn't done anything to convince me that you won't have another attack. And I hate leaving you alone when it happens."
"Eric, come here. Come sit next to me." Closing his book he put it on the nightstand and had him sit on the open spot of the bed. Sitting next to Alan he waited for him to say something.
"The attacks are becoming more frequent aren't they?"
He could tell Alan wasn't really asking it as a question he knew just as well as he did that they were getting worse. "I'm getting really worried about you."
"Me?" Eric pulled back at a loss for words over what Alan said. Why was he worried about him?
"Yea you. I can see it in your eyes, the worry, the restlessness. You probably won't sleep at all tonight will you?"
"Of course I will."
"Don't lie, you suck at it. I know you too well for you to be any good. I can tell you worry about me constantly and how I am today has only made it worse for you."
"I worry because I care. I hate seeing you in so much pain."
"I'm probably getting weaker. I'm thinking I may have to stop soul collections. William sees it too. Those papers Ronald gave me are for me to make an official request to stop."
Wrapping his arms around Alan Eric pulled him close. Burying his face into his neck he took in this other person, his friend, his lover, the one he would do anything for.
They stayed in each other's arms until Alan had trouble keeping his eyes open. Helping him get comfortable he stayed with him until he was asleep before leaving the room. Opening the front door he saw the bag Ron dropped off for him. Going to change for the night he took a good look into his eyes. He wanted to see how Alan knew what he did. His eyes looked the same as they always did to him. How did he do that? Getting out of Alan's shirt he went back into the bedroom and laid down beside him. Wrapping his arms around him he held him close while he tried to fall asleep. Alan moved to get closer to him happy to feel him close.
Eric woke up to the sun in his eyes and feeling an empty bed beside him.
"Alan?" Opening his eyes just enough he could tell Alan wasn't in the room. "Alan?" Sitting up he got out of bed to see he wasn't in the bathroom or living room which meant he had to be in the kitchen.
"Hey Ala…holy shit!" Seeing his body on the floor near the sink he ran over to him, how long had he been like this? He could see his chest was rising and falling but just barely and the movement was pained, he could hear it as air left his mouth. He was in pain.
"Alan? Alan can you open your eyes for me?"
"…Eric…" Looking closer he noticed he probably didn't hear him, the fact that he said his name was probably more just a coincidence.
"Alan I'm going to take you the bedroom, bare with me though because you're in a bad spot for me to lift you." He still couldn't guarantee that Alan heard a word he said as he got no response from him. Carefully sitting him up so he could get behind him better he lifted him up and once he was secure in his arms he carried him to the bedroom to lay him down. Feeling his head he felt he was warm, a fever, that was just what Alan needed right now. Making sure he was safe he grabbed a bucket and filled it with cold water and all of his washcloths. Hopefully he wouldn't need this many but he wanted to be on the safe side and didn't want to keep running back and forth. Bringing everything into the bedroom he got the first wet cloth on his forehead and sat in the chair near the bed to watch him. Leaning over he rested on the bed and stroked Alan's face. It was still so soft, as beautiful as the day he laid eyes on it for the first time.
"You need to keep fighting Alan. For me, you need to keep living for me. I don't care if I have to wait on you hand and foot, I don't care if we never leave this house, so long as you're here with me everything will be alright. I want to take care of you. I want to see you never have another attack again." Checking the towel he dumped it in the bucket and used another one. Even if his fever didn't drop right away he wanted him to open his eyes. He wanted, no, needed to see he was hanging in there.
Changing the towel again he saw Alan start to stir and open his eyes.
"Hey there, glad to see you awake."
"Eric, what…what happened?"
"I'm not too sure either. I woke up and saw you passed out in the kitchen and you have a fever. That is all I really know." Helping him sit up he sat next to him on the bed so he could rest against him.
"I woke up, showered because I felt gross and covered in sweat and then went to the kitchen to work on breakfast…where I had another attack." Tightening his grip around Alan he brought him closer.
"I told you you were scared."
"I don't want to lose you, you know that. Nothing will ever be the same without you."
"I love you. I feel like I haven't said that enough to you."
"Yes you have don't worry."
Feeling Alan tighten his grip around him he looked to see he was in pain again.
Not getting an answer but gasps from pain he tried to help him the best he could.
"I'm right here you'll be okay."
"Keeping him close he watched as it slowly passed, they were lasting longer now, this wasn't good.
"Yea? What can I do for you?"
"Please don't cry. When I die. I'll be alright so long as you're near when it happens. Don't cry over me and how it ended but how we were. You'll be fine once I'm gone, your strong and capable, I'm not worried about you coping."
"Ssshhhh, let's not talk about this now. You need rest that's all." He couldn't promise Alan that he wouldn't cry, he couldn't live without him, when you lose the best thing that ever happened to you, you are bound to shed tears.
"It will happen one day."
Looking at Alan's face he saw he had tears in his eyes, he could not cry. He hated watching him cry.
As the attack passed and the need for tears they both laid down together. Alan cuddling close to Eric and Eric held tightly on to Alan. He watched Alan fall asleep and hoped it stayed peaceful so he could start to feel better. He could not lose Alan yet, he needed a cure, he needed him around forever.
"I love you Alan and I can't not cry until don't either. So long as you do I will too."
It was a double edge sword for Alan, the fever brought on more attacks and the attacks kept up the fever because his body couldn't get the proper rest. Eric stayed by his side with wet towels and water in hopes to get fluids in him. Carefully sitting Alan up he sat behind him keeping his head on his lap. With the cup of fresh water in his one hand he gently tried to get it down Alan's throat. Seeing his eyes open was a change, that was good.
"It's water, to help break your fever."
Joy over took him as he felt Alan do his best to help him. Once he stopped he put the glass back down and left Alan on his lap while he fell back to sleep. He would get him feeling better and back on his feet. He may never be cured but he would get him feeling more like his old self.
Asleep against the backboard with Alan asleep on his lap Eric woke up feeling the bed moving. He wasn't comfortable in this position but it helped him keep an eye on Alan at night. Opening his eyes he saw Alan sitting up, that was an improvement.
"Al, you alright?" Seeing him turn and face him he saw his small nod.
"Need something?" Sitting up better he watched him shake his head no. Moving closer to him he placed a hand on his head and noticed he felt much cooler. "
"You're fever finally gone."
"I'm feeling a lot better."
"Glad to hear it." Wrapping his arms around Alan he held him close and tightly as relief flooded over him from Alan's words. Neither realized that they had fallen back asleep until they woke up from the sun in their faces.
At Alan's beautiful request Eric made them breakfast and brought it into the bedroom so they could eat together and so Alan didn't have to move so much. He was still healing after all so the last thing he should be doing was moving all over the house. After breakfast was all cleaned up from Eric helped Alan into the bathroom and the tub so he could get cleaned up at his request. He had mentioned feeling gross from his fever and sweating so Eric helped move him.
"Eric, you take such good care of me." Alan closed his eyes as Eric poured water on his head to rinse the shampoo from his hair. "I'm going to become so spoiled I won't want to do anything for myself."
"Somehow I'm not worried."
Feeling better they sat in the living room and looked over some of the paperwork Ronald had brought over the other week. Alan couldn't believe Eric hadn't been back at the office since he took him home early. It spoke a lot about their relationship but it made him feel bad that he stayed here for so long.
"All of this, so you can stop collections?"
"And, so if I stop certain things are taken care of. But, enough of this for right now." Putting the papers down and taking the ones Eric was looking at he snuggled up beside him so they could finally enjoy being together. It just wasn't the same when he was having an attack or was sick.
"I'm so glad you're feeling better."
"Me too, and it's all thanks to you."
So this came to me the other day so I had to write it down and get it out of my mind. Hope you all enjoyed it. Please review and leave thoughts.