Spike… Buffy… Spike… Buffy… I still can't get it right in my mind. The 'why' and 'how' of their… situation is still something I'm trying to figure out. It's been two months now. Two months since they 'got together' so to speak, and I still don't understand one bit of it. I don't agree with it, either. Does she even realise how difficult it is to watch your best friend be cuddled by Spike?

After two months, I still don't understand how she can handle him touching her, let alone holding her in his lap, like that, like he's doing right now. It's disgusting! I've fought demons before, and gotten completely plastered by their insides. Still, seeing Buffy and Spike together is by far the most repulsive experience of my life.

I want Buffy to be happy. I honestly do. But… I don't want him to be the source of her happiness. Not Spike. Not… Spike. He's not even human for God's sake.

And, when exactly did Spike become someone who's acceptable to her? That's what I don't get. When did he stop being that soulless, monstrous thing she always talked about, and turn into a vampire worthy of Buffy's love? Her answer had been "that's just how things are".

I don't believe it though. I can't believe that a smart girl like Buffy, an intelligent Slayer like Buffy, could go from Angel, the vampire with a soul, to Parker, the mistake, then to Riley, the cool guy who never got from her what deserved, to Spike. The vampire with a chip. Somehow, that just doesn't have a nice ring to it no matter how it's said.

Maybe, hopefully, Buffy will wake up one of these days. Perhaps someday she'll see in Spike what I see in him, and what she used to see. Until then, I'll just have to keep downing a whole bottle of Pepto before every Scooby meeting. Well, not literally of course, but I should start taking something to ease the convulsions I go into every time I'm forced to see Buffy and Spike together.

Oh, Willow's about to say something… hopefully she's found a way to get rid of that Afrobe demon. I don't know how much longer I can take this…