Title: Oh You Didn't Know? Yeah, He's Awesome

Rating: T – M

Genre: Humor/Adventure/Drama

Pairings: None yet

Warning: Some Violence. Explicit Language. SLASH. Movie and Book verse mixed and matched

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything associated with it. All rights reserved to J.K. Rowling

Summary: Remember Goblet of Fire? What would happen if Harry took the filter off his mouth and actually said what he's thinking? Bad things, probably. But it'll be fun as hell. My go at the Intelligent!Harry, Smart alec!Harry situation.


Chapter 3

"Esteemed colleges! After much research and study I have finally reached….an epiphany!"

His hair was stuck up in angles that Einstein would be jealous of, his glasses were crooked, deep bags circled his emerald eyes, and his clothes were rumpled.

Overall, Harry looked like a mad scientist, or a schizophrenic homeless person.

"And that is…I don't wanna win this damn Tournament!" He pounded the library table in front of him with his small fist for emphasis, causing the stacks of books and parchment to rattle precariously. "It's all so clear to me now! Why should I be working my ass off when all I want to do is live? In fact, I should be trying to loose so Cedric has a better chance. Viva la Hogwarts!"

"That's genius Harry! Does that mean you're going to pretty much throw the Tournament?"

"Not just that, Hermione. I'm going to do everything in my power to get negative points. That way I can give points to Cedric and he'll get like – triple – quadruple his points!"

"Gee Harry! What a handsome idea! Where do you come up with such innovative and attractive thoughts?"

"Oh pish posh Hermione! You're making me blush."

"But it's true, Harry!" Harry made the little felt Hermione-puppet on his hand say in a bad falsetto. "You're the smartest, tallest person I've ever met. If only I had the right manly bits, then I could be your love slave and make you allllll the treacle tart you could ever want."

"Don't worry Hermione; you'll always be my number 1 friend even if you can't be my number 1 man servant. Feel free to make me treacle tart though."

"Anything for you effendi." (1)

"Excellent! This meeting has officially been closed." He set aside the Hermione-puppet and slipped on his Harry and Captain Jack Sparrow puppets. "Well hello there Jack, fancy seeing you here in Hogwarts."

"For the last time Potter, I don't swing that way!"

"Oh, so you expect me to believe that it's a coincidence you're here? Face it Jack, you know there's a spark between us."

"One handy behind my trailer does not mean we're in a relationship! And quit calling me Jack. My name is Johnny Depp."

"Then why are you here? Can you answer me that, Mr. Depp? Why are you here?"

"I – I…"

"Shhhhh. Don't let social expectations get in the way of what you want Captain Jack Sexy Pants, just let your emotions guide you…" The puppets slowly started to close the gap between them, until their little puppet faces were mushed together as if they were kissing. "Muwah, muwah, muwah, muwah!"


"AHH!" Harry screamed.

Hermione, the real Hermione not his honest and obedient puppet-Hermione, stared at him with wide chocolate brown eyes. She was so still it looked like she had a heart attack standing up. Surely her logic censors were short-circuiting at the idiocy before her. Perhaps he should dangle some smelling salts under her nose…or an Encyclopedia.

"What…what are you doing?"


"That's not an answer! What are those? Are those – " She gasped, giving him a severely disapproving stare, "are those voodoo dolls!?"

"What? No, no these are puppets silly nilly," Harry chuckled. "This here is a voodoo doll." He held up a cute little plushie that had on the Slytherin uniform.

"Harry that's horrible," Hermione scolded. "You shouldn't joke about that kind of thing. In some countries voodoo dolls are considered very sacred and very dangerous."

"Yes…a joke…of course." Smiling innocently, Harry gave the plushie's butt a few firm taps.


"GAH!" Blaise Zabini yelped, hopping off his bed.

Theodore Nott lowered his book and arched his brow at his roommate's random behavior. "What's the matter with you?"

Blaise's eyes flickered around the room, his hand holding his bum protectively. "Nothing, I thought I felt – never mind. Must have been my imagination."


Harry gently snuggled the doll close to him. "Soon my chocolate Adonis, soon," he cooed.

Hermione huffed and sat down across from him. "So, where are you now in your studies? I've come to help."

Harry's eyebrows rose in some bewilderment. The First Task started tomorrow and not once before that time he had spoken to Hermione for more than five minutes, let alone for any kind of assistance. "Erm…why?" he said carefully, trying not to convey any resentment. Because honestly, he wasn't at all upset. Harry knew Hermione had a life outside of being the smartest witch of their generation. He'd kept that lesson in mind ever since he and Ron had inadvertently shoved all of the work on Buckbeak's trial onto her, resulting in the poor girl having a nervous breakdown.

Regardless of his efforts, Hermione looked down; guilt in the pursing of her lips and the shiny quality of her eyes. "Harry I'm – I'm so sorry!" she burst out. "It's just…between trying to get Ron to be reasonable –"

"I told you not to work on him."

" – and trying to get S.P.E.W. in order –"

"I thought I told you not to work on the house-elves? I think I did…yeah, I probably did…don't work on the house-elves."



Hermione swallowed the lecture she was about to give at the serious expression Harry suddenly wore.

"I'm not mad at you, I never expected you to walk me through figuring out the First Task."

"But I – !"

"Yes, it would have been nice if you helped out more, and yes, I would have appreciated it fully. But you didn't, and you're still my best friend with boobs."

"Yes but –"

"Dah! You're still my best friend with boobs. Say it with me now."

"I'm still," Hermione rolled her eyes, shaking her head as if she couldn't believe she was humoring him. "I'm still you're best friend with – with…." She laughed before she could contain it. "God, you're ridiculous Harry, you know that?"

Harry smiled. "And you, giggle like a school girl. Oh wait! You are a school girl…I don't know where I was going with that, I apologize.

"That's ok Harry," he made his Hermione-puppet say. "I forgive you all your past and future trespasses –"

"Gimmie that!" she snatched the felt toy off his hand, a silly grin on her face that matched Harry's. "Well, I'm here now, so let's get as much done as we can."

They were an hour into researching and it was becoming painfully obvious that Harry was exhausted, if not because he could barely keep his eyes open then it was the fact that he was reading his text book sideways and coloring in them. Hermione's stomach tightened with worry and renewed guilt. Her friend looked really bad and she hadn't noticed…well until just now really. And to think, she had been harping on Ron all this time about being insensitive and self-centered.

"How about we take a break?"

"Nah, there's only fifteen minutes until class," Harry said as he wrote each letter of his notes with a different color quill, "may as well use the time doing something useful."

Hermione eyed her short friend's increasingly rainbow colored parchment wearily. "Um, maybe you should skip class and get a little sleep."

Harry's quill froze mid scribble. He slowly looked up at Hermione, emerald eyes piercing. "Was that a hallucination I just heard? Or did Hermione Granger just tell me to play hooky?"

Hermione rolled her eyes exasperatedly. Well, he supposed he deserved that. Hermione hadn't been a real Rule Nazi since First Year. "Just this one time. And besides, I think you really need some rest Harry. When is the last time you slept?"

"Boy if I had a galleon for every time someone asked me that, I'd have… two and half galleons…give or take," he muttered. "What's next, Charms? What's the lesson for today?"

"The summoning spell; we should be going over it for the rest of the week."

Harry blinked in surprise. That was one of the first spells he mastered since he started preparing for the First Task. Wow, he was farther ahead than he thought. "I guess it should be ok. Would you mind picking up any homework he assigns for me?"

"Of course. And I'll take notes for you too."

Harry smiled warmly at her. "Thanks Hermione, really 'preciate it."

"Come on then, I'll walk with you to Gryffindor."

As Harry started to get up his visual perspective took a nauseating diagonal turn. His body felt heavy and the ground felt like it was spinning at his feet, and before he could utter a word everything went black. The next thing he knew was Hermione yelling urgently above him and the feeling of the floor beneath him. He blinked a few times to get his bearings. "Wait…what?"

"Oh thank God! You stood up and fell over and I should've caught you but it all happened so fast and I'm so, so sorry!" she said in that rapid fire way of hers whenever she was lecturing or nervous. "Are you alright? Do you feel dizzy or nauseous? Does your head hurt? You could have a concussion – oh my goodness you have a concussion! I'm taking you the hospital wing and that's final!"

"What, no…just, calm down. I'm fine."

"No you most certainly are not fine Harry James, now let's get you to – wait! Don't get up so fast!"

Slowly, with the support of the table and a very worried Hermione, Harry climbed back to his feet. After a bit of wobbling he stood tall, and did his best to stamp out the image of himself as a swooning Princess Snow White. "See, I'm perfectly fine. It was just the high altitude. No need for the Hospital Wing or Madam Stick A Needle in Your Bottom."

"High altitude –!" Hermione scowled hard at him.

"Look, let's agree that hypothetically I took a tumble for a few seconds –"

"You were unconscious for five minutes!"

" – and that's because of sleep deprivation. Where am I going now? Exactly, to sleep. Infirmary problem destroyed."

The clever witch continued to scowl at him sternly. Harry really hoped she saw his side of things, because he was in no state to fight her if she decided to drag him to Pomfrey's benevolent clutches. It was nothing against her personally – she was a very sweet lady even as she strapped you down to pour gross potions with unmentionable ingredients down your throat – Harry just hated the crap out of hospitals. The Dursley's never let him take a day off of doing chores no matter how severely ill or wounded he was, so he always felt like a big ol' lump of useless when he was made to do so in Hogwarts.

Finally Hermione relaxed her stance, and as her scowl melted into a look of resignation Harry knew he had one this battle. "All right," she sighed. "But it's straight to bed for you once we get to the tower, and if you even so much as sneeze on the way there we're going to the Infirmary."

"Of course! Lead the way nurse Granger."

Harry slept through Charms. Curled up in a tight ball under his covers and with the stress lines in his face smoothed out for once, Harry looked so relaxed and vulnerable and quite frankly adorable that Hermione didn't have the heart to wake him. So he slept through Transfiguration as well, and lunch, and Herbology, until he finally woke up on his own midway through dinner.

He was still a little groggy, but he felt better than he had in ages. The small teen was so refreshed he could take on one…no three! No, three and a half Basilisks! And one of them had a dinosaur head! Yeah, top of the world ma.

By the time he made it down to the Great Hall he was a happy little camper. He greeted everyone with a big smile, giving a hardy hello to all the Gryffindors from first year to seventh. While things had been the least tense in Gryffindor (barring Ron of course) since the Goblet of Fire ceremony, at that moment it was like any other dinner at Hogwarts. Better even, as there was no one left out of the ruckus and conversation.

"So not only did I use an older student to put my name in the Cup, but I blackmailed him with doctored pictures of him kissing my girlfriend?"

"Yup," said Fred Weasley. "That's the latest rumor I've heard."

"Jeez, that's like the third girlfriend story. Either the Hogwarts populace is very unimaginative or they just think I have a harem of birds tucked away in my school trunk."

The twins snorted knowingly while the rest of his Housemates snickered.

"But that's not how your name was put in?" piped up Dennis Creevey.

"Nope, sorry lovey."

Harry rolled his eyes as the younger Creevey boy muttered "bugger" and discreetly handed the little girl next to him a few Sickles.

"I think the one where I climb up the ceiling with plungers on my feet and slide down a rope upside down to put my name in is the best one so far, though."

"Yes well, ignoring the fact that walking on walls with plungers only works in cartoons," said Hermione, "if anyone had bothered to do even a tiny bit of research on the matter they would know that the Age Ward actually forms a dome around the cup – the line we saw surrounding it was basically a courtesy for the students sake."

"10 points to Gryffindor, Granger," Professor Moody said as he appeared behind her, startling her and causing Neville and Dean to jump out of their seats. "If those pathetic excuses for recruits in the Auror Department were half as observant as you we wouldn't have a Death Eater problem."

"Ah, thank you Professor," Hermione said, a pleased flush gracing her cheeks.

Moody's scarred mouth quirked in what could be assumed was an approving smile (it was hard to tell with him), before he turned his mismatched eyes on Harry.

"A word, Potter?"

Harry briefly entertained pulling what he did with Rita Skeeter on the retired Auror, but then he remembered that he did not want to wake up murdered tomorrow, so instead he nodded gravely and followed the Defense Professor into the unknown beyond.

The unknown beyond turned out to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts Office. Since the DADA position seemed to have a revolving door policy on Professors, every year the décor for the office was different. With Professor Lupin it was very scholarly with a touch of whimsy, with Professor Lockhart it was basically a museum commemorating the life and times of a narcissistic asshole, and Harry never had the chance to see Professor Quirrell's office because he was a fuckwit.

And now the office looked like everything would kill you and kill you dead. Everything.

There was a kind of grace in the way Moody swiftly maneuvered past the dangerous magical traps and pointy objects. Harry just tried to follow in the grizzled man's footsteps, mirroring his every move.

Moody rounded his desk and kicked his good leg up, leaning back in the rather comfortable and nonlethal looking leather chair. "Take a seat Potter."

Harry cast his chair a weary look. Knowing Moody as well (not at all) as he did, there was a 50.4% chance that the second he sat down a portal would open and he would be dragged into a world where his penis would be chopped off for eternity.

On the other hand: Disobedience plus Moody equals Harry shaped hole in the wall across the room. So

"We, that is me and the rest of the staff, noticed you've been working hard preparing for the first task," Moody said, straight to the point.

"That's right, sir."

"Do you feel prepared for tomorrow? You have a battle plan?"

"Yes sir, in fact I do."

Maybe it was the manic quality to the grin Harry flashed him, or maybe it was the confidence in Harry's voice, but Moody actually looked startled.

"That so," the Defense Professor said slowly, as if impressed despite himself. Although, he probably wouldn't feel that way if he knew Harry's brilliant strategy was to do jack shit. "You already know then – bah! Of course you do, Dumbledore wouldn't let you go in blind like that. Best not to say what doesn't need to be said, eh?"

Harry didn't have the foggiest idea of what the guy was talking about, but he nodded anyway. Keep it moving, as they say.

"A word of advise, before I let you go, Potter? Play to your strengths and keep it simple, clean. In your case, better to get the job done fast then worry about impressing the judges."

"Nothing gets simpler than my plan, sir."

Moody simply nodded. "Good, good. I won't keep you up any later, then. Another piece of advice; forget about studying tonight. You'll do yourself no good memorizing one more little spell if you pass out in the ring tomorrow."

That was as good a dismissal as any. Harry thanked him for the words of wisdom (one of the few lessons that didn't scar him for life) and scampered out. In his hurry he almost ran into a student loitering outside the door.

"Whoa!" Harry said as he skidded to a stop on his tippy toes. "Sorry mate, didn't see you there."

The student, who Harry realized was Cedric Diggory, a very sketchy looking Cedric Diggory mind, waved him off. "Hey Potter. Talking to Moody in there, were you?"

"Yeeeeeeeeah," Harry said slowly. "If you need to talk to him I'd hurry up. I think he's about to turn in for the night."

"Ah, no. I was just uh…wondering what you guys were talking about?" Cedric scratched the back of his head, looking sketchier and sketchier by the minute.

Harry narrowed his eyes suspiciously. Hmm, it seemed there was much stalking afoot courtesy of his dear Hufflepuff. Did that bode well or unwell for his person? Frankly, Harry's still sleep deprived mind wasn't able to make that kind of decision at the moment. "Oh you know… things."


"And stuff."

"Ah, ok. S-sounds good."

"Indeed." Harry just stared at the older teen dead in the eye, unblinkingly and expressionless. Diggory grew more fidgety as the little Gryffindor continued to stare at him. Finally Harry barked a laugh and patted Cedric on the shoulder. "You're alright C.D. Good luck with the Task tomorrow."

"Y-yeaaaah," Cedric exhaled the word out, as if it were a last minute replacement. "Good luck to you too."

For a moment Harry mused on his fellow Champion's sudden case of Nervous School Girl Syndrome (or Nervioso Estudiante de la Muerte, as it was called in Mexico) (2), but as his head connected with his pillow all thoughts of Cedric and any other Tournament related scenarios blissfully slipped from his mind, as he got his first full night's rest since this damn Triwizard bull crap began.


The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and there wasn't a cloud in the periwinkle blue sky the day of the First Task.

Harry sat up from his bed that morning and stretched luxuriously. He grinned from ear to ear, and he kept that smile on his face as he took a shower, got dressed in his better fitting hand-me-down's, and brushed his teeth. Once he gargled and spat out the paste he smiled even harder at the mirror and gave himself a thumbs-up.

Down in the Great Hall the atmosphere was tense with excitement and anticipation. Delacour and Krum were eating at the Ravenclaw and Slytherin tables again respectively, as their own classmates gave them hushed advice and support. Cedric was receiving the same treatment, albeit in a more boisterous fashion, at the Hufflepuff table.

Various students from the other Houses flashed their Support Cedric badges at him, careful not to push it so that the Potter Smells Like Cinnabons message didn't pop up. Their determined expressions let him know that, alas! Even if they could not give voice through the written word, their freedom of thought could not be silenced, and their thoughts said he still stank. Stank like an old maid with a hoard of parrots damnit!

Harry casually brushed his finger against the button of a Ravenclaw who was too close and glaring too hard to stop him. Potter Smells Like Cinnabons! it flashed. The fine print says it all, biatches.

Harry took a seat by Hermione, who looked like him yesterday. He stroked her puffed out hair with comforting care and piled her plate with some eggs and toast, discreetly slipping the notes she had written for him out of her sight. She blinked blurrily and furrowed her brow, as if she couldn't compute anything beyond BOOK and NOTES. If Harry hadn't known her for years he would've been worried by this behavior. She always reverted to this zombie like state whenever she overloaded her considerable mind with too much information in one sitting. So, like many times before, he guided her hands onto the fork and scooped up a bit of egg. Thankfully this seemed to kick start her brain a bit as she continued the rest of the motion on her own.

"Goooood morning my splendifourous fellow Gryffindor's!" He chirped once Hermione seemed taken care of. "How are you all today?"

His Year mates snickered, some giving positive greetings in return.

"Feeling confident, Harrykins?" Fred said cheekily.

Harry chuckled lowly. "Oh, I'm confident alright."

The normally cheerful Weasley twin frowned suddenly, apparently disturbed by the inflection in his voice, and exchanged a worried glance with his brother.

"Yes! That's exactly what you need to do, Harry!" Hermione suddenly burst out, gesturing wildly with her fork. "Confident! You have to stay confident. And focused! And – and remember to twirl your wand counterclockwise over your head with the Bombarda spell. And also –!"

Harry placed both hands on her shoulders, causing the clever witch to fall silent. He stared at her for a moment, smile reassuring and emerald eyes warm, and pulled her into a gentle hug.

"You know, I've always thought of you as a sister," Harry said softly as he nuzzled into her neck with reverent affection. "You're family to me, even if we're not related."


"Triwizard Champions!" Ludo Bagman stood from the Head Table. His arms were spread grandly and there was huge poster boy smile on his face. "If you'll follow me, the First Task is about to begin."

Harry squeezed his best friend a little tighter one last time before quickly moving away. He didn't want to see her face right then. The Gryffindor's applause and cheers was a roar in the Great Hall, nearly drowning out the other schools and Houses. He desperately wanted to say something to Ron. He still cared, he was still his first friend, he was still his brother and he meant more to Harry than his own miserable life. But Ron's form was hunched over and he was stubbornly facing the opposite wall as if it were the most fascinating thing going on right now.

Harry passed him by. Sadly, Ron wasn't the only immature one.

Bagman led them onto the grounds until they reached a large tent pitched at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. The task's location did nothing to settle Harry's nerves. Would they be fighting some fierce beasty after all? His only experience with the animal kingdom of the forest were acromantulas, hippogriffs, and unicorns. And seriously, if he had to fight a unicorn then he was forfeiting his magic right then and there.

"Gather round everyone," Bagman said, holding a purple drawstring sack in front of him. His grin stretched from ear to ear and he was bouncing on the balls of his feet. From the way the former Quidditch player was acting you'd think he was sending them on a vacation to the Bahamas' and not four teenagers to their doom. "Right, so the big day has finally arrived and it's time I reveal what the first task is! You will all have to collect a golden egg…"

Ok. That didn't sound too bad.

"What will be guarding each of your eggs is in this bag here. So who wants to go first? How about the lovely Miss Delacour?"

Delacour reached into the bag, her hand trembling just slightly, and pulled out a…

What. WHAT!?

A little green dragon rested in the palm of the Beuxbaton's Champion, a small sign was strung around its neck that had the number two on it. Krum pulled out a dragon as well, this one Harry recognized as a mini Chinese Fireball, the sign displaying the number three. Cedric's little dragon was blueish-gray and had the number one on its neck.

Feeling a little faint, Harry swallowed and put his hand into the silk bag, pulling out a little Hungarian Horntail with the number four on it.

"Well, there you are!" Bagman said brightly. "You have each pulled out the model of the dragon you will face, and the numbers refer to the order in which you are to take on the dragons, do you see? Now, hang tight. I'll be back in just a moment to explain the rules to you."

The second Bagman exited Harry immediately began pacing, running his hand through his hair and freaking out in general.

"Ohhhhhhhhh man," Harry said in a low distracted voice, "Ohhhhhhh man oh man oh man. Dragons. Fucking dragons. That's…ah man. I'm fucked. I'm fucked up the wazoo. Can you guys believe this?"

Harry turned his attention to his fellow Champions. They all looked nervous, frightened, and… not the least bit surprised.

"Awwwww are you kidding me!?" Harry exploded. "Seriously? You all knew about this!"

Krum and Delacour startled at his exclamation while Cedric just looked increasingly guilty. But when no one denied his accusation Harry growled and continued his furious pacing.

Abruptly he whirled on the Hufflepuff Champion. "You too Cedric? You knew about this!"

"I – I…I mean…you expect me to believe that you didn't know?" Cedric shot back, crossing his arms defensively.

"Zat iz right," Delacour added, flipping her hair with forced arrogance. "He iz just trying to put uz off our game."

Harry just laughed bitterly at that. He crouched on the ground, his head in his hands and shaking it slowly back and forth. "Aw you screwed me Cedric, you screwed me so hard." The short Gryffindor stared at the ceiling and took a deep breath. He was pretty upset by this revelation. Like pretty bloody fecking miffed. Alright, yeah, he knew there would be some cheating but...this wasn't just getting help from Professor's or – or… uh taking…magical steroids or whatever the fuck! This was 'I've straight up known what the task is in the beginning and I'm prepared for it in every way shape and form'. And Cedric. Oooooooooooooh Cedric. That boy. Oooooooh, grrrrr that boy. He was so miffed at him. Yeah, they weren't BFF's or blood brothers or anything, but fuck damnit where was the Hogwarts solidarity here!? Didn't two years of not knowing each other and one day of passing out in front of him from 100 feet in the air mean anything to him!? Oh the deception! The betrayal!

"So what," sighed Harry, "did you guys decide to team up against the evil fourth Champion? Better at least one of us wins than that guy, is that what happened?"

"Look Harry it wasn't like that –!" Cedric started.

"You know, just because you're all gorgeous and talented and tall doesn't mean I don't deserve a fighting chance!" Harry said, standing up with his hands on his hips. "Well guess what? Not only am I going to die, but my feeling are hurt too, so thank you, everyone. Mission accomplished."

"But Harry I didn't –"

"You know what, whatever Cedric. Ok. I didn't want to win anyway, so this works out for me just fine. Oh and guess who's not getting a Christmas cookie basket this year? That's right, Cedric Trust Breaker Diggory."

"What? What the hell are you talking about!? Would you just listen for a second –"

"Sorry, you're right. That was too far. You'll still get a basket. I'm still mad at you though!"

Just when things couldn't get any more awkward, Bagman chose that moment to reenter the tent. "Alright, how's everyone doing?"

Krum grunted, Delacour made some indiscernible albeit attractive noise, and Cedric nodded his head tightly.

"Fan-tucking-fastic, Bagman," Harry said sullenly.

Bagman gave him a look of great concern, which Harry found weird because he'd only been in contact with this guy like a handful of times "Ah…the rules! Yes. You'll all be scored according to strategy, timing, and style. So do your best to get the job done quick, but be sure to impress the judges. Just pace yourselves and whatever you do don't freeze up. Any questions?"

Harry raised his hand and then answered anyway. "Yeah, what do we have to do to loose points?"

The three Champions shot him looks of shock and confusion. Even Bagman seemed nonplussed as he blinked at Harry for a few seconds. "O-oh, you mean so you'll know what to avoid doing in order to get the maximum score," he said, his mouth working into a slow, relieved grin.

"Sure why not."

"Well then! Like I said before timing is important. The longer you take to get your egg the less points you will get. Injuries will also lose you points; again, the worse your injuries the greater the deduction. And if the real dragon eggs are damaged it will cost you as well. So all of you, keep that in mind and you should do smashingly!

"Any other questions before we get started?"

Harry, emerald eyes glazing over a bit as his mind buzzed with plans, shook his head. He assumed the other Champions followed suit because then Bagman said, "Alright then. Everyone feeling confident?" Again he looked dead at Harry when he said this. Harry, a little disturbed by this guy's attentions, nodded his head while his expression clearly said that he thought Bagman was on something.

"Right!" He clapped his hands. "When the whistle blows that's your signal to start. Good luck to you all!"

The second Bagman left Harry marched over to the bench in the corner. He sat down, closed his eyes, and breathed in and out slowly as if descending a meditative stance. The buzzing noise of excitement and a thousand conversations sounded outside as Hogwarts students, teachers and guests tromped down to the arena.

"Hey Harry," Cedric said quietly, and when the small Gryffindor opened his eyes the Hufflepuff was standing next to him. "I just wanted to say that I really didn't know that you didn't know."


"About the dragons. I would have told you, alright? If I'd known…you gotta believe me."

"What? Oh! That, yeah. I don't care about that anymore, your fine," Harry said, tone easy and dismissive.

"Really?" Cedric said, nonplussed. And understandably so after Harry's little outburst. Of course, what the poor guy didn't know was that once Harry managed to say his piece his anger pretty much fizzles out to the point of amnesia. "Because I mean it. If I I'd known – "

A whistle blew from somewhere outside.

Harry smiled at Cedric and waved furiously. "Bye Cedric! Good luck and remember to do better than me!"

Cedric gave him one last look of mixed concern and confusion before exiting the tent.

The crowd went wild with applause. The dragon roared and Bagman commentated his little Wimbourne Wasp colored panties off. Delacour went next, then Krum. Lather, rinse, repeat and all that jazz. According to the scores so far, Cedric was in first, Delacour second, and Krum last. Smooshed eggs and he took too long. Yeesh. Harry didn't want to kill the baby dragons. That was just bad Karma. He had other tricks up his sleeve, all of which were awe inspiring in their retardedness.

The whistle blew. Harry opened his eyes. "Game time."

End Chapter


1 effendi – Title of nobility meaning lord or master

2 Nervioso Estudiante de la Muerte – Literal and grammatically incorrect translation: Nervous Student of Death

End Chapter Notes:

Whoa. Hecka reviews and favorites. You guys are the best. I feel loooooved and appreciateddddddddd and all kinds of things that make me happy. So, big thank you and figurative round of applause for everyone who reviewed! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Also, a big thank you to Phoenix0192! Who actually read and reviewed my two other fics in addition to this one, and that just made my day complete in all ways. So thank you again! A little free advertisement here – if you like Yu-Gi-Oh! Fic as much as myself, go check out their work. It's fantastic!

Soooooooo, this took forever. Not because it was hard to write, but I don't know if ya'll know but I got a job, world. We had to prepare for our annual fund raising dinner early October, then right after it was getting people to register to vote and a little campaign work, all of which was stressing my ass out.

Now we're preparing for our annual Thanksgiving Turkey Basket Giveaway, which consists of giving a buttload of turkeys, canned veggies, bread, rice, ect, to a buttload of people in low income neighborhoods. And that's the easy part of it. Don't get me wrong, my job is amazingly awesome, but it's still a lot to do.

Question: When will the next chapter be out? Answer: Do not know. I'll try to get out within the next week or two, if not earlier, 'cause I hate to leave you with cliffhanger. But, to be cliché, only time will tell.

RANDOMLY SELECTED SHOUT OUT TO REVIEWER: JannaKalderash, who found this story to be cracked up (YESSS!) and that they wished cannonHarry had been as mouthy as this one. I'm sure we all feel the same way my friend. If only Harry had kept it more real –shakes head in disappointment

RANDOMLY SELECTED LINK: So Phoenix0192 also mentioned that this story reminded them of A Very Potter Musical, to which I replied; "I have not heard of such a thing! Pray, what madness do you speak of?" I then took a peaky poo of this youtube delight, and promptly threw a Buick into a thrift store for not knowing that this was the best thing ever. Here's the link: www DOT youtube DOT com SLASH user SLASH StarKidPotter

Now go watch it.

Final thoughts: Thank you again soooo much for the feedback!

And remember…Like it? Hate it? Tell me about it!