Our sincere apologies to anyone who lives in Arizona. The younger author was getting snarky about the immigration laws there. Her common sense has been stolen by the shark fumes (formaldehyde yay!)
It was about nine in the morning. The teams were assembled in the BLU intel room. There was a lot of coffee being passed around, a nervous pair of Spies, a nervous Miss Pauling, and a notable lack of Medics.
"No, it's MINE," came RED's voice from down the hall. "I came up vith zhe procedure! Vhy can't you just wait for zhe next captive you take? It isn't all zhat hard, as I showed you!"
"Zhe last von vas yours!" snapped BLU Medic. "Und I vas zhe von who fixed it, you idiot. How often do ve haff captives? Zhe Announcer vill make you give him back! Besides, I ran zhe gels on it, vile you just had fun."
"Give zhis von back? Vhy vould she do zhat? At any rate zhe last von is no LONGER mine as you know. And it looks like it could be quite soon zhat vhe haff more to play vith, times being vhat zhey are."
A grumble, and then, "Vhen I did it, he survived a whole half-hour. You only managed fifteen minutes zhe first time."
Miss Pauling cleared her throat pointedly.
There was a pause. "Oh, are you, ah, vaiting for us?" RED asked from the hall.
"Nah, we just thought we'd all have a cuppa while we watched the sunrise together," Sniper said mildly. He seemed to have recovered immensely from the night before.
The BLU Spy cleared his throat. "Now that we're all here," he said, "We've found out their plan." He paused for dramatic effect.
RED Medic finally entered the room. He was in his shirtsleeves, covered in blood, and looked like he'd been up all night, but he also looked less irritable than he had in a long time despite the heated argument from a few moments before. BLU Medic, in similar disorder and similar good spirits, followed him.
"Vell are you going to tell us sometime today, or should vhe come back tomorrow morning for zhe rest?"
The Spy glared at them, settled his tie better, and said, "Apparently, the 'Poopy Joe incident'-" and the quotation marks clicked into place like the fingers of a squeamish housewife around a dead rat- "and the resultant Senate hearing has concerned the government of the United States to the point that they desire to get rid of TF Industries for good." He waited for the gasps to die down, waited for Soldier to recover from the shock (the RED Soldier actually fainted, had to be slapped awake by one of the Medics), cleared his throat with great satisfaction at the general commotion, and continued, "They are called Plan Omega. They plan to have TF Industries make the first move; namely, holding the government hostage. They will claim to have made a bomb from the Australium that vanished during the Poopy Joe incident and then demand heavy subsidies and complete jurisdiction over the southwestern states."
"Have ya seen Arizona?" said the Scout, in a stage whisper. "It'd be a fuckin' improvement-OUCH!"
"The government will respond accordingly. They seem confident that they'll be able to win in a contest of main force."
"Vell naturally. Zhey may just evacuate whoever zhey can from zhe area und bomb us," RED Medic said with a shrug.
"Too much valuable technology," said Miss Pauling. "They plan to do a ground assault. But we don't know when. More importantly, though, we need to have a plan to stop this."
RED Medic looked expectantly to Miss Pauling, along with RED Sniper and Heavy. BLU Engineer coughed slightly. "So, y'all got any ideas ma'am?"
Miss Pauling looked around the room. "That was what I was looking for help with," she admitted.
Many of the faces in the room darkened a bit. But BLU Soldier stood up. "ALL RIGHT MEN, YOU HEARD HER! WE NEED TO START THINKING ABOUT THE ENEMY, LIKE THE ENEMY, AND PLANNING OUT HOW TO BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF THE ENEMY! WE NEED TACTICS, INVENTORIES OF OUR SUPPLIES, AND EVERY MOTHER'S SON OF YOU TO PULL HIS WEIGHT! NOW WHICH DIRECTION DO YOU THINK THESE MAGGOTS WILL COME FROM?"
RED Medic just blinked at him in bemusement. "...was?"
"Yeah, but aren't we technically da bad guys?" BLU Scout looked confused. "I mean, we knocked out some real creeps earlia but if Teufort wants ta take over half tha country, dat ain't right."
"It's not actually TF Industries," said Miss Pauling, looking as if she already had a headache. "It's clones."
"Clones," said BLU Scout. "Would someone explain ta me what tha fuck that is?"
RED Scout snorted. "Moron," he said, and leaned over, whispered something to BLU Scout.
"Your brudda? I don't frickin' think so, chucklenuts! That's gross!"
"To make it absolutely clear," said RED Spy, sneering a bit at the BLU Scout, "they've put in puppets who will do what they say instead of the originals."
"So that'd mean dat there's two a Miss Paulin'?" said RED Scout, looking hopeful.
"There will be two of the Administrator, too," Miss Pauling pointed out, rather frigidly.
"Oh," said RED Scout, visibly deflating.
"So we actually are da good guys?" said BLU Scout.
"Yes, Scout," said BLU Spy. "We are the good guys. Can we get on with it?"
"STOP YAMMERING LIKE A BUNCH OF OLD LADIES AND ANSWER MY QUESTION: WHERE ARE THESE PEOPLE COMING FROM?! YOU KNOW YOUR DIRECTIONS LADIES, DON'T YOU?"
"Ach, stop SHOUTING, some of us haff headaches!" RED rubbed his temples (hands still very bloody) and thought for a moment. "Zhis is zhe United States government. Zhey haff more men und weaponry at zheir disposal zhan vhe know. It is likely zhey vill surround us und close in from all sides, isn't it?"
"Makes sense to me," RED Engineer replied. "Problem is how to hold 'em off for any length of time. I mean, there's only so much y'all can do in a defensive position if your enemy can keep throwin' men at you, and they don't have a time-limit. It's likely we'll run outta supplies if we don't figure out somethin' for our provisions beforehand."
"I'd prefer to get at it even before they start the war," said Miss Pauling.
BLU Engineer grinned at these words. "Now we're talkin'."
"IN THAT CASE WE NEED TO FIND THEIR BASE OF OPERATIONS! SNIPER, CAN YOU DRIVE US TO THE WHITE HOUSE?"
"No I bloody well can't!" snapped both Snipers at the same time.
"We get to TF Industries before they can make the announcement," RED Spy clarified.
"Y'all know the way, right?" RED Engineer asked Pauling. RED Heavy was already getting up.
Pauling gave him a rather annoyed look. "Of course."
"Zhen vhe should make a tentative plan und pack up as quickly as possible." RED Medic stated. He wiped his hands absently on his waistcoat.
"Obviously," one of the Spies said under his breath.
"Indeed," said Miss Pauling. She pushed her glasses up her nose. "You'll want your heaviest weaponry, gentlemen. Anything that will reduce injuries or keep you alive longer, take it; there's no Respawn where we're going."
"Ja. I vill get anyzhing vhe might need for medical purposes; if one of zhe medi-guns breaks, it vould be very bad to not be prepared." RED Medic strode briskly from the room, and slowly the others filtered out after him.
"Quick-fix or zhe usual?" asked BLU Medic following him. "I think I know what you'll prefer, but what would best supplement it?"
"I don't only like zhe Kritzkrieg for zhe... zhe health boost," RED replied. "Agh... vhe should bring all of zhem if zhere is room, but having invulnerability at your disposal could be very useful should zhings turn nasty."
The Engineers walked off ahead, heads together and talking very quickly. It sounded like they were planning to mobilize several sentries at once.
"Ja," said BLU. "I do like zhe speed of zhe quick-fix, zhough. It might be very helpful-but we'll need invulnerability. I vonder...could ve try combining some zhings?"
One of the Pyros had cornered the BLU Demoman and was making excited noises at him. After a while, the Pyro decided that there was little chance of actually communicating with him this way, and dragged him off in the general direction of the furnace room, the other Pyro trailing behind.
RED Medic gave him a curious look. "Vhat are you suggesting?"
"Reviring zhe Quick-Fix's invincibility generators," said BLU. "It burned out aftah zhe first time, but if ve managed to fix it..."
"Oh yes, zhat COULD be most... hmm. Do you suppose zhere is any vay to lessen zhe amount of power taken by zhe charge?"
"No, but maybe ve could vork on reinforcing it so zhat it could deal vith the quantity ov current..."
"Vhe should get started zhen. Your surgery or mine?"
"Either vorks. If it is yours, I vill need to get some zhings."
"I vill come help you zhen." RED smiled at him and clapped him on the shoulder as they started walking. "Zhis promises to be a good deal of fun, ja? If vhe come out of it alive."
"Ja!" BLU grinned back. "Now, about zhe Head..."