A/N: Hi everyone! This maybe a slightly overdone idea, but then I thought of everything that I wanted Ren to say, and this is what I came up with.
Sounds rather informal doesn't it? I wasted five pages trying to figure out the salutation alone. With me, its always been 'Mogami san' you see. Not 'Kyoko chan', not even just 'Kyoko'.
Please don't freak out over this. If you don't like it, I'll go back to calling you 'Mogami san' again. But today, just for once, in this letter, let me call you 'kyoko' and freely tell you all that I've wanted to tell you for a very long time…All I ask for is your patience to hear, or rather read me out till the end.
You're probably wondering why am I writng all this? Why not just talk to you? What can I possibly have to talk to you about that must be put down in written words?
My only answer, and defense, is this- I am a coward.
Yes, that's right. Japan's number one celebrity, your senior, is a coward. How, you ask?
Quite simple, really, seeing that I am afraid of what the future has in store for me. Whether you will be there for me. It is this fear that prevented me from telling you what I am going to say for so long. I don't know if you have already guessed. The odds against that are a million to one. You are after all, quite dense! (No offense!)
Then again, that's one of the things I love about you. Your denseness, your innocence, your absolute cluelessness about my feelings..they can sometimes drive me up the wall and yet at the same time make me feel warm and inside. Simple because you're you! And I would never want that to change. I suppose it's pretty obvious what I have to say.
Just three simple words-I love you!
At last! I can almost hear Yashiro and the President say that! They'd kill me if they found out about my writing to you. After one year of scheming to get us together, they've been dying to hear me say "Kyoko, I love you", with their own ears.
And it's the truth! The whole freaking truth! I've loved you for nearly a year. Have you any idea what it's been like, knowing my feelings and not being able to tell them to the one person that matters?
I did it because I cared too much about having you heal from your past wounds. I wanted you to be happy and move on. And also, I didn't want to see the disgust and hatred in your eyes once you knew the truth about me. Remember how 'well' we got along when we met last year? We disliked each other quite a bit back then! And that is exactly the kind of situation I want to avoid. I can bear every burden in the universe you want me to, but not the greatest one of them all-your hatred for one burden that can crush me completely. Give me your love, your friendship, your respect, anything but your hatred, once you have read what I have to say.
Oh sure, I made my fair share of excuses. I was afraid of falling in love. Love was too good for me. You were too good for me. You're a high school student..But my excuses were starting to run thin and I nearly lost it completely when I caught you in my arms that night in my kitchen.
You have absolutely no idea how terrified I was when I saw you hanging from the kitchen cupboard that night! I knew then, I could no longer deny my feelings. L knew, I could never see you in danger without intervening, without leaving you alone. I wanted to keep you safe in my arms and protect you from anyone that tried to hurt you again.
Yes, I was stupidly, insanely, and head over heels in love with a girl who had completely sworn off love.
I often wondered whether I was lucky to have fallen for you. Sometimes, I cursed my 'misfortune'. Of all the girls in the world, I had to fall for the one girl who would never have me, or think of being with me! But everytime you smiled at me, praised me, looked up to me, trusted me, my mind would reel over how I could ever have thought something like that. I was and still am the luckiest man alive to have met an amazing woman like you!
Yes Kyoko, you are an amazing woman and it's no good your denying it.
Please. Don't have such a low opinion of yourself. Is it because of some stupid thing that Fuwa once said? I strongly advise you to say to yourself a hundred times-'I am the strongest, smartest ( maybe not entirely true! :P ), brightest, sexiest and most powerful actress to have entered the industry no matter what Sho Fuwa or anyone else thinks!'
Coming back to what I was saying….
So if I can write to you about confessing my love, why not say so face to face?
Well, one reason would be that I think this is a more romantic way of confessing. I can write truthfully every emotion that I feel connected to you. I can write things I normally wouldn't have the courage to tell you face to face. And if there's anyone who deserves a better idea about love, it's you Kyoko!
Second, which I suspect is the main reason, I am afraid to see the rejection in your eyes. I know. I am being cowardly. I should just face possible rejection like a man, and break down completely later on, drunk and all alone. Your rejection, your walking out of my life for good, your despising me for loving my Kouhai, would be my greatest loss-like it was for Fuwa.
Maybe I am wrong. You are after all too sweet and would probably just want to be friends. But I can never be sure with you. Especially after the way you've been distancing yourself from me did I do Kyoko? Have I done something to hurt you? I swear to you, it was completely non-intentional. If there is one thing I'd never do, it would be to hurt you.
And now, the truth about me. Maybe this is the one thing that will turn you against me. My horrible, murderous past. I debated with myself on this for hours. Should I tell you, or just leave you in the dark? Someone as pure and innocent as you deserves a better man than my true self. And I am a better person than I once was. I could keep you happy, make you smile and give you all the love you deserve, yet were denied for years.
But if I can tell you about my love, I must tell you the whole truth. Something no one knows about me. Except you, once you have read this.
My real name is Kuon Hizuri, son of Shuhei and Julie Hizuri. They live in America. I used to live there too as a kid. We've met before, you and I in Kyoto-in a forest by a river. You would often come crying there about your mom, and I would do everything I could to comfort you.
Was it love back then? Or just concern for a friend? I still don't know..maybe I was too young to be in love..but those were some of the best days of my childhood. And then I returned home, after leaving you my blue stone to remember me by.
Home! Could it be called a home? Parents away for work, nothing going right with my work! It was nothing short of hell! I got into fights, and beat up anyone who made fun of the Japanese blood in me. I turned ugly, and violent and twisted from inside and turned into the monster that still lies beneath me.
I had friends. Well, just one-Rick. He was the best friend a guy could ever have! Like a big brother you could always count on. He taught me to fight and defend myself against anyone who tried to pick on me. He even tried to help me in the romance department which was a miserable failure as I kept getting dumped by the girls he introduced me to. He even worried about my health and tried to get me to give up smoking-which I did, but not until it was too late.
But because of my stupidity, my uncontrollable rage, I lost my friend. I got into another fight one night and was chasing after this guy. Rick, was trying to stop me, to control me, but I was too angry to care, and next thing I knew, he was run over by a car.
I cannot describe how I felt. I felt like a murderer! There was blood everywhere! On the road, on rick's body, on me! I was trapped in a darkness from which there was no escape. Trapped in my head with Rick's body stuck in my brain. Trapped among horrible, bloodstained memories of my life so far…
I stayed locked in my room for days, refusing to eat or go to school. My acting career was in shambles. I got fired job after job. I had never felt so defeated, or so hopeless. I began to lose the will to live. I said things that frightened my parents. They worried about me and my sanity. They tried psychiatrists, counselors, but I refused to see them, and if I was forced to, refused to co-operate.
The person to save me from that darkness was the President. He gave me a stage, a new life, a new name and my acting career finally took off. I had everything I could wish for, until I met you.
It always comes back to you doesn't it? Kyoko-my love, my life, my universe, my goddess, my sweet little cuddly kouhai! You gave me what was missing from my life-love, happiness and a reconciliation with my parents. If this is love, I would never, ever want to let go off this wonder emotion. Because that would mean leaving you…
Who has your smile, your laughter, your beautiful golden eyes, your childlike innocence, your mania for eating healthy , your determination to achieve whatever you want and everything that defines you? I love you so much, it hurts! Love can be so beautiful and at the same time, so painful!
If someone hurts you, I'd go and kill them. If you cry, I would want to make you smile your beautiful, angelic smile. If you're in trouble, I'll always be there for you.
I want to cherish you, love you, tease you, kiss you, comfort you, run my hands through your hair, tickle you and protect you from anything that tries to harm you.
Love( You have no idea how happy it makes me to write that!), love,love,love
A/N: thanks again for reading. I'm putting complete for this story, but I'll definitely write about Kyoko's response, if this works out okay!
Please review and let me know if I should include anything else in the letter. And let me know if you want Kyoko meeting ren face to face or letter.