It was September 2019, and, several months ago, things were looking like there was going to be a Third World War, with terrible amounts of casualties and nuclear weapons. Still, that didn't stop Redmond or Blutarch Mann from hiring a new mercenary behind their brother's back to help win their father's land.

Medic was busy putting an Über-heart into the chest cavity of the new RED recruit, called Yodeller.

"Vhere do you come from." asked the German.

His patient replied in an English accent that belied his nationality.

"Dust off the flugelhorn and heat up the sausages, 'cause I'm Swiss!"

"Switzerland? Aren't the Swiss supposed to be neutral and forbidden to fight in foreign armies?"

"Sure. We've been covered in neutrality for almost a billion years now, but this isn't really an army, is it? Armies usually have more than ten people in them. Still, not only do we Swiss have the most amazing dress sense, but we've also got keen technical know-how, a very logical cultural heritage and seventeen extra feet which we keep in our heads."

"I just vant to build up a profile of you, so, vhile I'm sorting out your heart, could you tell me vhat you enjoy?"

"I'm a bit stereotypical – I like cuckoo clocks, chocolate, fondue and yodelling. I also enjoy running through the hills, goat farming and keeping the Earth safe from alien scum."

"Good, good." said Medic, using his Quick-Fix to repair the incision into Yodeller's chest.

"I can see you're about to ask what I don't like. I do not like is fire and explosives. Horrible things." stated Yodeller.

"Veapons, capabillities, speed und health?" inquired Medic.

"Oh, my weapons are: a Heckler Und Koch MP5 Machine Pistol, a Smith and Wesson pistol with the detachable shoulder stock, and a two flugelhorns – the smaller one, in my melee weapon slot, is for buffing friendly units and attacking, while the other, larger one, is in my PDA slot, and is for signalling. My speed is 103%, and I have 165 health." replied the new recruit.

Medic showed Yodeller to the dormitory, and that tea would be served in two hours time, at six pm, before leaving. The dorm was a reasonable size, and each mercenary got their own bed, desk, and wardrobe. Yodeller went straight to the bed that was clearly his, being that each bed had the class names of the mercenary who slept in it on the foot-board. Some had been altered, like those of Scout and Heavy, the former being crossed out and replaced with "MAGGOT", and the latter had a crude Hammer and Sickle drawn on it, both obviously done by someone else.

Yodeller flopped onto his bed, and put a small rucksack of spare clothes and important papers next to it. Yodeller stayed there for the next two hours without noticing, before Medic came and informed his that tea was being served.

Rather predictably, Yodeller was a little nervous about meeting the other mercenaries.


A/N Things might get an awful lot worse later on for RED and BLU, with (probably) lots of explosions and pain. This was a little 'why not?' idea for an OC that I had a few days ago, so please rate and review, as I need encouragement and ideas for future chapters, though I do have the general plot worked out.