Only The Lonely
Josephina woke up the next morning to find an unnatural body curled next to her own. She gave a silent snarl and peeled her lips back, ready to attack if necessary. When she realized that it was Harry, Josephina's body lost its tension. This was Harry. Her Harry. Her son.
Mine. Mine. Mine.
Josephina's Wolf stirred at this thought. Her instinct only read possession. Her Harry. Her's. Her boy. Josephina's boy. The sound rang out in her mind, her instinct, and the Pack Bond she shared with twenty-five other individuals. Her Pack was just stirring. She could feel them all. Their consciousness leaking into her's as they awoke. She searched for them to see how they were feeling today. When she reached Sirius Black, who was wrongly locked in Azkaban, Josephina was nearly knocked off her bed. A crazy, self induced hunger that growled like a wolf with its tail in a bear trap welled up inside her. She felt for his consciousness and when she found it she was appalled. A weak whine sounded in her mind.
Alpha. Alpha. Alpha. Josephina. Starve. Sick. Love. Need. Safe. Josephina. Alpha.
Love. You. Sirius. Survive. Eat. For me.
Satisfied that she had made her point, Josephina fell back into her covers and snuggled up to Harry.
"Morning, sleepy heads!" said Anneliese. Harry opened his eyes and blinked.
"Wazzagoinon?" he mumbled. "Sorry for making you hold me last night, Mama."
"I loved every second of it." said Josephina, smiling down at Harry, before giving a massive yawn. "I'm tired though. I need coffee." she slowly pulled herself out of the bed and lifted Harry into her arms and carried him down the stairs. Anneliese smirked at Josephina's need of caffeine.
"I already have some porridge in bowls. And your coffee, Jo-Jo Bird." Josephina carefully sat Harry down at the huge, palace-worthy table and sat down next to next to Harry to help him eat. She smelled the coffee long before she saw it and downed the mug of it in one.
"What's the time?" asked Josephina. Anneliese laughed
"Ten-thirty. Severus should be here to pick up Harry soon. He called while you were asleep." Harry refused to eat any longer. He had finished half of a large bowl of porridge.
"Good job, son." said Josephina absently. She was silently alarmed at how revealing her pajamas were. Harry gave a small whimper, and without thinking Josephina lifted him onto her lap.
"What's wrong, kiddo." she asked, looking down at him.
"I'm just excited to see Daddy again." Josephina gave herself a mental slap in the face. She had mistaken a happy noise for a wolfish sound of fear, sadness, or pity. Josephina got up carefully and went up stairs to dress herself and Harry. Harry was in light shorts and a tee-shirt that said 'rock it, bro' on the front. Josephina dressed in similar shorts and a tee-shirt that said 'keep calm and howl at the moon' on the front. Josephina handed Harry off to Anneliese and went to the bathroom. She stared at her complexion. The fake lip ring and eyebrow piercing that Gunnar made her wear was irritating her skin. Josephina hated the extra metal in her face, but as long as Gunnar held the position of Alpha Male, she was going to have to put up with them. Gunnar was a consistent problem for Josephina. He stood in the Alpha's position, but he was no Alpha. Josephina and Gunnar's relationship was about as smooth as pine sap is viscous, which is to say, not at all. Josephina was an Alpha, Gunnar was not. They could never be in a romantic relationship successfully. And with a sharp pang, Josephina realized that with this lack of leadership was bringing her Pack to shambles. While Damen and Anneliese were also Alphas, they were highly passive, leaving Josephina to hold together a failing Pack that was crumbling from the inside. The stress and pain she was going through was going to be the end of her. Josephina gave a rueful little smile to her reflection. She needed a true Alpha Male, nearly more than the Pack did. Harry needed it, to have a good future and Severus…
Oh, jeez, Severus!
The mere thought of him was enough to make Josephina want to weep from agony. Josephina Hopea-Wolfe prided herself on being a fair musician and artist, a hard working Alpha, and able and willing to bury her emotions to protect herself. The only knot of agony she could not hide was her mixed and confused emotions to the man that had broke her heart eleven years ago on her birthday. Of all the people she had met, the bitter Severus Snape was the one she could not forget. And he had smashed her heart with a twitch of his finger, right after swearing his soul to her, a year earlier. Josephina felt as though Severus had shoved a stake of Wolfsbane through her heart, she knew that she still loved him.
"Josephina!" Anneliese's call broke through the young woman's prematurely grief-stricken thoughts. Josephina forced a smile on her face and walked down stairs where Anneliese stood waiting with Harry and Severus. His powerful frame was highly relaxed as leaned languidly against the long table. He tossed Josephina a casual smile that made her knees weak. It was followed by a sharp glance.
"What's wrong?" asked Severus, training his lovely obsidian gems on to Josephina. Anneliese narrowed her light grey eyes accusingly.
"Mama?" asked Harry uncertainly.
"Fine, baby." said Josephina cheerily, knowing that Anneliese could smell her pain, and thanking goodness that Harry and Severus could not. But Josephina had known Severus for fifteen years, and he could see through her smile. She wished she could just spill all of her thoughts to Anneliese and lay close to Severus with her head on his chest. But Severus had made very clear that he did not want anything romantic to do with Josephina. She knew that some poets said unrequited love was the most pure form of love. But they always seemed to conveniently forget to add the pain of it. Josephina said little to anyone until Severus and Harry left for their own home.
"Goodbye, Severus." said Josephina softly, feeling horrible knowing that the man that ruined her life, though he did not ever mean to, still held her heart. After all this time and always.
"Spill." said Anneliese immediately after Severus and Harry left.
"I still love him." said Josephina grimly "He hurt me, but I still want him at my side. Every time I try to be romantic with Gunnar, I go numb. Every time I try to be casual with Severus, it's like my heart is being set ablaze." said Josephina, allowing some emotion into her voice. Anneliese wrapped Josephina in a warm hug and said in an uncharacteristically serious voice,
"You know I'm always here for ya, sis. And I get that you're hurting. And I also get that you need Severus. But those are thoughts that only the lonely have." Josephina nodded, and allowed a single tear to grace her face. Everything Anneliese had said was true. Josephina needed Anneliese, she needed Severus, and Josephina was the loneliest person alive. With everything as it was right now, Josephina would have to continue down her bitter, grievous, hard path alone. At this point in time, nothing in the world of Josephina Hopea-Wolfe was looking up.