Timeline: set after Abyss (6x06).
Spoilers: general information about Sam & Jack & their friends and the story of Abyss - this deals with the consequences of it.
Disclaimer: I used lyrics of Angel by Sarah McLachlan for this story - not mine. Jack is not mine either...
Beta: nope... sorry, mistakes are mine. If you notice some - let me know, please - so I could fix them ;o)
A/N: I was in the mood to write something emotional... And there are things I was missing in Abyss - and after it. So here we are... I had few other scenarios in my head (and different rating too) so you might get something more from me based on this song. Oh and of course reviews and ideas are welcomed! Lyrics are bold by the way and if you don't know the song - listen to it, it's beautiful. Enjoy!
Janet didn't know what to do. She honestly didn't know! Of course she wanted to be a friend but this time it was very difficult to do so. When Sam called her and asked if she could come over, she thought it would be nice. It'd been ages since their last girls evening. When Sam thanked her Janet noticed something in her friend's voice. She wanted to ask if everything was okay but the line was already dead. So she prepared herself for hearing some bad news.
When she opened the door and saw Sam standing there, eyes red and looking all devastated, she feared something terrible had happened. All possible kinds of worst case scenarios were running through her head and she was afraid to ask. She took Sam into living room, went for some sweet tea and got back to her. She sat down next to her on the couch and waited for her to start.
Sam knew this was probably a very bad idea but she needed her friend – badly. Now more than ever she was grateful that she had talked to Janet before – ages ago - about being friends. When they got to know each other really well they had made this pact of some sort. On the base, in uniforms, they were colleagues, close ones – but still colleagues. Sam knew that Janet was in tricky position as the base CMO so she really didn't want to put her into difficult situations. But outside the base they were just Sam and Janet – friends. And they could keep secrets.
It proved to be very useful and good for them both – especially while dealing with some not so good issues coming from the service in Cheyenne Mountain. Like now.
Janet took Sam into her arms like she would do with Cassie and was surprised when Sam let go of her emotions and just cried silently on her shoulder for a few minutes.
"Sam… I really don't want to ask but… what happened?"
"Nobody died if you're asking this," Sam replied and Janet exhaled loudly.
"I can't…" She said and sat up straightly to take a sip of the tea.
Janet wiped away some of her friend's tears and looked at her closely. She looked horrible. She wanted to figure this out and help somehow so she tried to think harder about what could have caused this.
She had seen Sam cry few times over the years and all the issues had been serious. The latest was incident from her lab just few short weeks ago.
Sam had been worried about the Colonel. They knew the Colonel had been out there - they got intel about destruction of the fortress. They just had no news about their missing friend and co-worker. Sam was trying to tell the General that they should check some friendly planets – some uninhabited ones because the Colonel wouldn't risk going to some of their allies in case he'd been followed, but Hammond didn't want to hear about it, he wasn't willing to risk it. Sam locked herself in her lab and waited for the chance to go out and find him. She had never gotten that chance.
Janet found her there and tried to help – although she knew it was more or less pointless. The only thing that could help was seeing the Colonel waltz down the ramp.
She realized it now – it had to be something about the Colonel. He was suffering from withdrawal symptoms and he wasn't in his best moods lately. He was usually silent at his sessions with the psychiatrist – or angry – but not really cooperative. They knew he just needed time but it was really hard on all of them – his friends and team especially.
"Sam… did he hurt you?" Janet asked – worried that something bad really had happened.
"No… he wouldn't…" And she almost sobbed. "But he…"
"He what? Honey… tell me."
"He told me it was all my fault, Janet. All that happened to him… it was my fault. He blames me for all of it."
"Sam!" Janet tried to say something, well aware that this had to hurt Sam badly.
"No, he's right."
"What? How can you say that? Of course he's not!"
"Janet! It is all my fault. It was me, okay? I made him accept the offer, I made him agree. He had become Tok'Ra because of me. He wouldn't have done it otherwise. He'd rather died. And now he wishes he had…" And she couldn't stop her tears anymore.
Janet sensed that this was extremely sensitive issue, she wanted to help Sam, she wanted to comfort her and she wanted to make her understand that it was just the withdrawal talking from the Colonel, however she understood that it would be all pointless now. So she did the only thing she could – she hugged Sam and let her cry in her arms, she kept on repeating that it would be okay soon. And she desperately wanted to believe it herself.
What worried her as much as seeing her best friend hurting this much was how the Colonel had to feel. Once the aggression subsided he probably started to feel guilty and that was not good. Not good at all... It definitely wasn't going well with him.
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
When he heard the door slam, he felt a bit better already. He hated shrinks! Colonel O'Neill was just leaving one of his boring and absolutely stupid sessions when he realized that he wasn't allowed to drive – so he had to walk! His ride would arrive in an hour – and he was not in the mood to wait that long. Not today. Not now.
How dared he? This guy who knew nothing about him had the guts to question his motives and his loyalty?!
He had come back for his men numerous times. He had come back behind the enemy lines. Those were his rescue teams that managed to bring back quite a lot of guys. He was no coward! He would never leave anyone behind. Not on Earth – not off-world. He had to do it few times and it was eating him alive – so he came back – sometimes it was against orders and sometimes it meant risking court-martial but he didn't care. Sometimes he almost died himself - again - he didn't care. So how dared he?!
He was one of those left behind more than once. And it almost killed him. It had cost him too much. Hell – like now. Where was the point huh? Maybe this shrink was onto something. Why he kept on coming back? Who came back for him? Oh – they gave him his fighting chance eventually – well thank you!
He was angry, he was very angry – but he also knew that he was being unfair. He knew his people – they would not leave him behind. It was the stupidest thing he had ever taught them but it was what made them all so special.
And yet he had to go through being killed numerous times only to be revived again – to get killed again – and his only consolation was his dead friend.
Now that sucked!
And what had they done? They left him on the planet to suffer, they let him wait for rescue on another one – nobody came to save him! And then? Then he had to deal with giving reports and statements, he had to justify his actions after all that! And where he ended? In shrink's office with no chance of going through the Gate again – no chance to fight this with working. Why could Carter deal with everything by locking herself in her lab and he couldn't? Damn that wasn't fair!
Oh – maybe because she wasn't the one to suffer from withdrawal symptoms from being in the damn sarcophagus so many times. He could remember how Daniel had looked like – and how he acted – and yet it caught him by surprise when it was happening to him. He kept on hurting people around him. He was a bad man. He was dangerous - to others and to himself.
He regretted hurting Sam most of all. He knew he had hurt her – very much. He was being an ass and she had to take it and let him walk away with it later. She didn't deserve that. He yelled at her, he backed her into a corner.
He should have told her that it was the light from her eyes that had kept him sane when not even Daniel's face would appear from the depths of his memories to keep him company. And instead...
Oh Sam… Jack knew he screwed up. Had he even thanked her? He wanted to… when he woke up and was aware of his surroundings fully for the first time, she was there, watching over him, sitting in that uncomfortable chair, she was sleeping, hand placed just next to his. He had never felt better than then. She was there. He felt blessed. He had this feeling of being given second chance – well umpteenth chance – to fix everything and start again. With her.
In that fortress he wanted to die and never to wake up again. He remembered vaguely begging Daniel to help him to do just that. He didn't tell Sam that, now did he? Jack stopped dead in his tracks suddenly. Oh damn! He told her. He was brutally honest.
Few days ago she met him when he was leaving his shrink. He was pissed. And she just smiled and said hello and he unleashed the beast within him. Oh no… what had he done? He said some terrible things to her and he also told her that he would have rather died than… oh. Crap!
He was an ass, first class idiot. He knew it was not his fault fully but who cared? He was the one to yell – to hurt her. He destroyed everything. Well – if there even was something to destroy. He used to think that yes, that there was something – their something. He wasn't sure anymore – not now.
He should be grateful for surviving, he should be grateful that he had managed to keep his sanity and that his only problem was this – and yet it all felt different – like one big fat failure. He failed. It was all his fault.
Maybe it was better this way though. Maybe Sam would finally leave him - and the idea of them - and she would find somebody else, somebody without his past and his memories, without his pain and with a lot more to offer to her. She could have done so much better... why was she sticking around? Deep down he knew why - he just didn't want to see that reason now. He wasn't enough. He knew it. And now his actions proved it. He wasn't a good person. And she deserved better.
Actually... they all did. Maybe he really should have died on that planet. Or even before that... he shouldn't have said yes. He was not worth it.
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
He didn't know where he was going, suddenly he couldn't see clearly, his head was about to explode and besides he wasn't sure about his whereabouts. Maybe he should have let Fraiser to restrict him only to the base… but no – she thought that allowing him living at home and being a bit more free would be beneficial and the shrink agreed… so now he was lost! He hadn't been lost in city on Earth since… forever. This was just too humiliating.
He sat down to the nearest good looking place – it was some grass, it was not wet but he was cold anyway. He wasn't wearing much. Jack started to shiver – and wasn't that stupid – he knew it was only partially because of the cold air and late evening hour. He was in shock, he was suffering and it all was taking its toll on his psyche. He was now officially going nuts. And he was the only one to blame. Okay - maybe old Bocce as well.
He was a very bad person. The darkness was bringing out the worst in him – all his bad sides, all the baggage on his shoulders from his past, he knew it and something in him wanted to fight it – but there was a different part of him – and that part didn't care anymore. Everything was wrong.
Jack screamed – it was painful and it came from deep inside his heart. And soul maybe. Ba'al was trying to break him – and remembering his actions and words in the last few weeks Jack would say that the bastard had succeeded.
He needed a friend. He couldn't deal with this alone. He had his moments of clarity and lots of the other ones. Now it was one of those better moments and he was sure that he needed a friend. Or to go to another mission to clear his head - but something was telling him that this time this option wouldn't help. So the question was - where should he go? Hell he didn't know where he was – how could he know where to go?
First name on his mind was Daniel. He wanted to go and see Daniel. Then he realized that his friend was no longer around… so what would Daniel tell him? What would he do? He was his friend - so what would he do?
Daniel knew him. He had met him in the worst part of his life, he knew him through and through. He would probably just let him sit on his couch, he would occasionally say something but other than that he would just be there. He would let him deal with it and he would let him talk once he was ready. He would make sure Jack wasn't alone – because Daniel had known him and he also had known the situation… because they were friends, very close friends.
Jack knew he had to let it all out, he needed to get rid of everything that was making him act like total jerk. He had to get it out of his system. But how? He didn't want to go back to that shrink's office. He didn't want to talk to some stranger about something this personal. He could tell what would the shrink say anyway – he had been through it numerous times – after very bad missions and after making some really stupid decisions. He hated shrinks… he hated when these people were right!
Jack knew that the only way was to share his experience and his memories. He just didn't know where to go, on which door to knock. It wasn't in his nature to ask for help - ever. And now knowing he needed it - he knew he would have to overpower his own pride. And it wasn't easy.
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
It took Jack about five minutes to figure it out. There was one person that would be able to help - and hopefully also willing to help him. She was his angel. She was always around, even when he didn't want her to. She was the stable point in his life, always there, loving, caring, too naïve sometimes and way too forgiving. Sam.
No matter what - after everything it all came back down to her.
She was there with him the whole time. He had been thinking about her – sometimes his memories of her got mixed with the bits the snake had left in him. Yes, she was his angel – and he had broken her wings.
Jack knew that the first step to get better would be pretty difficult – but he needed her and that realization was painful as it was even without thinking it through and counting with all possible consequences. He had disappointed her enough already - was it fair to ask more? No, it wasn't. But life wasn't either.
Sam was in the locker room, just getting ready to go home. She was looking forward to taking long bath and getting some sleep. She needed it. When her phone rang she thought it was Janet checking up on her. She picked it up without looking at the caller's ID.
"Hello, it's Sam." She said but there was only silence on the other end of the line.
"Hello?" She asked again.
"Carter…" it was just above a whisper but she heard it well.
"Sir?" And when there was no reply she got worried. "Sir, are you okay? Is something wrong? Colonel, where are you?" She was already leaving the room. In a hurry.
No matter what had happened between them, he was her friend and she would not leave him to deal with everything on his own – not when he called her. She didn't care about the reasons why. She just couldn't hung up the phone. Maybe she would regret it later but that was not the point now.
"Don't know…" was his answer and Sam cursed under her breath.
"It's okay, Sir, I can find you, just stay on the line, okay?" She took her way into another lab. After few incidents they were given the technology to track down cell-phones of people working on the base. It was important to keep track of them sometimes. This time she used it to find the location of Colonel O'Neill.
"Sir, are you there? Listen to me, I am on my way, just don't move, okay?"
" 'kay…" was the only reply she had gotten out of him. And it took him few extra long moments to answer.
In her car she could only wonder why would he go to that particular place… but yeah, Daniel was his best friend and it made some sense that he would go to the place where he used to live. She just didn't know why he couldn't tell her. She was trying to prepare herself for some pretty bad things. Colonel O'Neill was a strong man – something had to happen to him. Something more than it already had.
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
Sam parked her car. There was a park nearby - and Colonel's signal was there. It took her some time but then she noticed man sitting on the far side of the area. He wasn't moving. She feared the worst. She ran to him and when he looked up and saw her, she was fighting with the urge of slapping him and hugging him – all in the same time.
She knelt down in front of him and quickly checked his appearance – there didn't seem to be any signs of injuries. She noticed that he kept on flexing his fingers. She knew some people could control anger like that but she couldn't see any other signs of him being angry or unwell. She did what her instincts told her – she grabbed his hands in hers and held on tightly. She needed to focus and he was distracting her.
He looked into her eyes then and she couldn't help it – she gasped – he looked so worn out. She was worried about him. Seriously now. She noticed he was shivering, he wasn't wearing anything warm so he was probably cold, it was pretty late as well. Not a good combination for somebody dealing with so much.
Sam got up, determined to do something – anything – in her powers to help him. She kept on holding his hands though - she couldn't make herself to let go - not yet.
She made him get up. "I'm gonna take you home, okay?" She asked him and he didn't reply, he just kept on shivering and looking around to all directions, walking beside her silently.
Sam didn't know what was happening in his head – but it was obviously nothing good.
So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
Before they made it to her car it started to rain. It was no more than little drizzle but Sam knew from experience that it would soon get worse. Besides storms were supposed to come during the night, she could vaguely remember Jonas telling her about it over breakfast.
Sam hoped that the Colonel would be okay with letting her drive. And he was. He sat into his seat and let her buckle him in. He was shivering and his lips seemed to be a bit blue. He had to feel really cold. Sam wasn't in much better shape though. She started the engine and turned on the heating a bit. They both could use it.
Outside the rain got stronger and she could hear the wind as well. She was only grateful that the Colonel's place wasn't far. She liked driving her car, she liked riding her bike - but she certainly didn't like it while it was raining! Since she had started going off-world she could sense some changes in her life - for example she couldn't stand cold places, lots of rain or lots of sand. Life could be certainly interesting sometimes.
She looked at Jack and found him looking at her. He wasn't saying anything, he was just staring at her. She couldn't tell what he could have been thinking about. And she had to focus on the driving. She knew it was better to let him be silent - to deal with whatever he had been dealing with in his own way. For now. It was scary though.
Maybe she should have called someone - at least Janet - and let her know that she was with the Colonel. If she was right she'd say he was not supposed to walk alone through the city. He had an appointment with his psychiatrist - so he probably walked away on his own. Somebody had to be worried about him. Or maybe not... She couldn't really make heads or tails from the situation she suddenly found herself in - but it didn't matter that much. He was with her and he was safe. She decided not to call anyone. It would only cause him problems. It was better this way. She was sure of it. She could deal with it - with everything - by herself.
There were many people that would love to hurt him even more - people she didn't like and couldn't stand. And she was not willing to give them information about his whereabouts, about his mental state, about his health - not now, not ever. No, she would keep it to herself and she would take care of him. Only if asked by Janet or the General she would tell them.
It wasn't fair anyway - he was her friend so why should she keep it as a secret that she was willing to help him through one of the hardest times of his life? Just because of their ranks? That was just stupid! Sadly it was their reality. Every time they were alone they both kept on checking if they were not being watched or followed. And they were not even doing anything inappropriate! Like now. She was just taking him home and they both checked several times for possible troubles. It should not be this way. It was tiring and unfair and ... there was just something about their situation that made her want to cry and scream in frustration.
Jack was looking at Sam. He was trying to say if she was afraid of him or not. He wasn't sure and it was tearing him apart. She should be afraid probably... but she knew him - she really did - so maybe she knew he would never hurt her. Or so he wanted to believe. He thought she would call someone to take him to custody on the base but instead of that she was giving him a ride home. She was taking a huge risk - giant leap of faith - but he was glad that she was.
They made it to his place. Sam parked her car on the street - hopefully nobody would notice. It wasn't unusual for her to park there - but usually at least one more car was there to keep hers company - always on their team-nights. She only rarely dared to be alone with him.
Jack watched Sam dig in her purse. She found keys and he noticed they were to his place - she still had them. He had given them to her once knowing she would take care of the place for him if needed. And so she was taking care of things - and of him. He was watching her moves, her hands and could only wonder why she had picked him, why she cared... and why was she taking such a huge risk for him.
Sam was nervous as hell. Not only that she had keys to his place but she was using them openly. Anyone could see. But in this storm maybe not. So - bad weather could be useful sometimes, huh? The storm wasn't any good - but much worse was the one she felt inside. And most probably the Colonel did too.
You keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
Sam wasn't sure about what to do. Jack walked away to his bedroom and brought her some dry clothes. Without a word he left her then and went to his bedroom again. She could hear the shower then and understood. It was a way how to postpone the inevitable but Sam welcomed t. She didn't know how to deal with this. Not at all. So a little time could be useful. And the dry clothes of course.
She changed, made some tea and sat down on the couch.
In the meantime Jack took his shower. He dressed warmly and just sat down on the ground in his bathroom. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know what to say - where to start. He wanted to tell her so much. But it was more difficult than he thought it would be.
He was used to make up stories about his life and work, about his feelings and emotions. It was the usual thing to do for him. But now was not the time. Sam deserved the truth. And he did too. He had lied to too many people already - he was not about to lie again. Not to her.
He came back and sat down next to her. He could tell she was nervous. He wasn't surprised actually. So they were just sitting there, bodies almost touching and he desperately wanted to do something. He looked at her and found her chewing on her bottom lip. Jack took a deep breath and reached out. He took her hand in his and placed it on his knee. After a moment she squeezed her fingers.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" She asked him - as a friend, not as a fellow soldier. And he knew that. No ranks now.
"You know, it's going to be okay. It will take time but it will get better eventually. I know it will... it has to." And Jack could hear the emotions in her voice. It brought lots of painful memories to him and he needed few seconds to gain his equilibrium back.
"It doesn't matter, Sam." He replied.
"Because I made you do it?"
"Is it because I made you do it? Because you have become Tok'Ra? You know... I really am deeply sorry for all that you had been put through, you have to know that I am sorry and that it hurts me to know that you had suffered so much but... but I am grateful that you have decided to take that risk. I just couldn't stand aside and watch you die. I just couldn't... I had to do something!"
She knew that crying wasn't part of the plan but her little speech brought her own painful memories back to her. Everything that had happened while he was missing. How she had to lie to herself and to her team and to her friends about her emotions, when she had to stay back and wait. When she spent hours thinking about him and trying to find a way how to save him. And also the pain from being told that he blamed her for his pain. And that he would have rather died...
Jack was looking at her and wanted to wipe her tears away. He just didn't know what to say. Part of him really did blame her and he knew it would take a lot to get rid of that feeling. He felt betrayed and lost. But now he felt even worse after what she'd said.
"I just hope you will find it in yourself to forgive me one day." She said and tried to take her hand away. He didn't let go though. He was supposed to tell her that there was nothing to forgive, he was supposed to ask for forgiveness himself. But knew she would see right through him. And he promised himself he would not lie to her - not this time. So he just held her hand and tugged her a bit closer to him.
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
"What would you say if I told you that... that Daniel was there with me." He asked her softly, breaking the silence.
"Daniel?" She asked and looked at him. Emotions on his face made her look at their hands again.
"He was there, with me. He was trying to tell me that I could put and end to it by ascending but that crap is just not for me... he wanted to be my Oma, you know?" Sam looked at him and he just shrugged. It really was making sense to him.
"He would appear every time I was brought back to my cell. Once he didn't show up, he was just gone. And then every single time it was worse for me. Not being killed but waking up in that cell. Alone."
Sam wanted to say something but knew better than that. It was important to give him time and space. She knew.
"At one point I started to wish to die quickly. I don't really remember the sessions with ... him - but I wanted to die. And then I just didn't want to wake up again. I asked Daniel to finish it, to put an end to it. But he didn't want to. I hoped for it though anyway. And when he wasn't around... When I needed something to pull me through it, I was thinking about you."
The last part was just a whisper and Sam needed to think for a moment to realize that he had really just said that. He looked at her. And she noticed that he started to move his thumb over her hand absentmindedly. His speech made little sense sometimes but the point was clear.
"By thinking about me you mean ... what? That you hated me for putting you into that position? Or..." She couldn't continue. She was scared of his answer. She was also surprised that he was opening that much to her.
"Look, I can be an ass sometimes and some things can make me feel really angry. And I owe you some apologies and lots of explaining over the years but... Sam, there is nothing that could make me hate you." He told her while looking into her eyes. And she noticed the deep emotions shining back at her.
Jack noticed that Sam's hand was trembling and her eyes were filled with tears. She really thought he hated her. She really believed him when he had yelled at her all those bad things. That was not good. He really did screw up things with her. He would have to make it up to her.
"I just really - really couldn't watch you die..." She told him and her shoulders began to shake a bit. She was trying to stay strong but couldn't. Jack wanted to take her into his arms but knew there was something he had to say first. He let go off of her hand and took her face into his hands. He made her look at him. He wiped some tears away with his thumbs then.
"I am so sorry... can you forgive me?" He asked her and she couldn't answer him. She just closed her eyes. Her tears kept on flowing down her cheeks.
Jack knew that this was the breaking point they both needed. He would have to forgive her for loving him - he would have to face the fact that he had done it because of her - and that he had gotten himself into troubles because he loved her... but he would also have to accept that without her he wouldn't be the same - and alive. And he hoped she would forgive him for being a jerk - for hurting her like only he could when he felt the worst so far.
It was their fight and it was important to deal with it. It was exhausting and it wasn't supposed to happen in the first place. But now both of them had no walls to protect their hearts - it was just them - bare emotions and feelings, guilt and sorrow, pain and memories they wished not to have.
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
At one point Jack couldn't stand it any longer. He brought her to his arms and she hugged him fiercely. He could feel her tears on his neck and she could tell he was crying too. No words were needed this time. The storm outside was getting worse but the one inside them was subsiding.
Jack was not willing to let go - he was holding her, caressing her hair, he even kissed her cheek few times and just hoped she wouldn't kick him for doing that.
Sam found the perfect spot on his chest - just below his chin - where her head fit perfectly. She stayed there and didn't want to move. She had waited for this - she longed for it - and she needed it. Now more than ever. What she could really appreciate was that he was not just trying to comfort her - he was giving her space to comfort him as well. And she knew that it had to be hard on him. But he needed it as much as she did.
Soon it was her holding him to her, his head pressed to her neck. She kept on caressing his hair, touching him. It was their moment of peace. It was dark in the room but they didn't care.
"Will you stay for a little longer?" He asked her and knew it was a lot to ask indeed. He knew it was like walking on a very thin ice - something pretty dangerous for them - but he didn't care anymore. They knew their borders - those lines that couldn't be crossed. This time, however, Jack had the guts to ask for something that would help him to make it through the night. He opened to her completely.
"Anything you need." She told him softly and was surprised when he pulled back and looked at her. There was fear in his eyes and it surprised her.
"Don't worry, everything will be okay," she told him but he didn't believe her. "And especially if Daniel is looking over us." She added and Jack knew she was mocking him - probably thinking he had been having hallucinations back there. But it was okay with him. He knew that Daniel had been there. And that was enough.
He was worried, of course he was, but eventually he dismissed that feeling. Soon he felt really tired. Sam moved on the couch to give him space to lie down. She put her feet onto his coffee table and he could stretch on the couch - he put his head into her lap and she just held him there. He felt calmer. The healing process had begun. All the broken pieces would come back together eventually.
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
Sam was tired but couldn't sleep at first. She just held him, she kept on playing with his hair, she was holding his hand and was grateful that he had fallen asleep. She put the blanket he kept on the couch over him to keep him warm. She was looking after him. She knew that long hours of talking were probably ahead of them - most of the time not spent by talking but by silent staring and other annoying things of course - but they just scratched the surface today... The Colonel wouldn't change overnight. But he had made the first step. And she was proud of him.
She had to think about Daniel. It was obvious that her CO missed him very much - like she did. It was still pretty sensitive issue and it was being very difficult to talk about it. But sometimes it could obviously help.
"Oh Daniel... I hope you are well wherever you are. And thank you for looking after him." She said out loud - only partially believing that her dear friend could hear her. She still wasn't convinced that he had truly appeared in the cell the Colonel had been kept in. But it was worth a try, right?
Maybe she should see a psychiatrist too - she knew there were things she should have addressed before.
Daniel was watching his two closest friends on that couch. It was comfortable couch if he could remember it well. He was very glad that Jack had the guts to call Sam. He was right at one thing - she was his guardian angel. She loved him and it kept him alive. And usually also sane. And yes, he had hurt her a lot, but she could - and would - heal. As he would. Daniel knew Jack had changed a lot during the past years - and part of it was because of Sam. What also warmed him was the fact that he was the first one on Jack's mind when it came to dealing with this horrible issue. They really were friends. And it meant a lot to him.
Daniel watched Sam grew tired. She had to be exhausted as well as Jack. She slowly moved to lie down behind him, still holding him, daring to let her guards down completely she just moved the blanket so it was covering her as well and then she fell asleep. He was proud of both of them. They were both stubborn so addressing some serious problems could prove to be rather difficult for them - but they could obviously do it together.
"Just sleep, Jack. And don't worry, you're safe. I promised you that you would be all right, remember... Sleep my friend, you deserve the comfort, enjoy it, okay?"
He whispered that into Jack's ear and then waited few more minutes, just watching them. He was grateful that they had each other. But he missed them terribly anyway. They found some comfort tonight and he had to be grateful for it. He just wished it was enough for them to pull through this.