Disclaimer - I do not own Naruto or Fairy Tail
By Any Means
Chapter 6 - One War Leads to Another
Opening - V.I.P. by SID
0o0o0 Present, Fairy Tail - Magnolia 0o0o0
"Man it feels like ages since we've been back. I wonder how Cana-chan has been doing without me. I hope she isn't too mad," Tenten said with a smile as the Fairy Tail guildhall came into view.
"Mad? Please the moment she sees you she'll probably take you then and there in front of everyone. Wouldn't you agree Sasuke?" Sakura couldn't help the small snorts of laughter she was trying to cover as Sasuke suddenly sped up at the mention of Cana.
"You think I should talk with Mira and get her to lay off him?" Tenten asked snickering herself at her teammate's expense.
"He's a big boy Ten, if he wants to fix things with her then he's more than capable of setting things right. Besides, its fun watching him squirm with his feelings," Sakura said as she continued down the main street.
"True. Those two are so deeply in love I'm surprised there aren't little Miras and Sasukes running around."
The two friends laughed aloud as they walked into the guild hall just in time to see Natsu challenging Sasuke.
"Fight me Sasuke!" Natsu yelled, his fists bursting with flames. The Uchiha ignored the pink haired dragon slayer as he walked toward the bar, the resolution of a doomed man walking to his own execution plainly visible on his face.
"Oi, don't you ignore me you - "
"Oooh, Na~tsu…" a saccharine voice crooned out from right behind him, causing Natsu to freeze up with a horrified expression on his face.
"A-Aye!" Natsu squeaked in a pitch that brought a strange satisfaction to Sakura as she cracked her knuckles.
"What have I said about challenging Sasuke?"
"... Don't?" Natsu nervously questioned.
"Uh-huh. And what else did I tell you?"
"... um… uh dogs go woof?" Natsu felt his body fly into - and through - the far wall.
"IDIOT! I SAID TO GREET EVERYONE WHEN THEY RETURN! NOT INSTIGATE A FIGHT THAT COULD DESTROY THE GUILD HALL! I SWEAR ONE OF THESE DAYS I'LL BEAT EVERY LAST BIT OF PROPER MANNERS INTO YOU!" Sakura pumped her fist completely ignoring the fact that she'd just created a gaping hole in the guild with Natsu's body.
A weak cry of "Aye" could be heard floating through the hole.
Lucy watched the interaction with wide eyes. She'd known Sakura was temperamental but this was beginning to get a little on the ridiculous side. She turned her head toward the brunette standing off to the side of Sakura, silently smirking to herself. Before she could ask about the girl, a disgruntled Mira walked up to the man who Natsu tried to start a fight with.
"You've been avoiding me Mister," the silver haired girl admonished. "We need to talk." Mira turned and began to walk farther into the guild hall, throwing a look back over her shoulder to make sure Sasuke was following her.
With a put upon look on his face, Sasuke trudged after her with all the dignity of a king.
Completely confused Lucy returned her focus on the brunette who had walked into the guild with Sakura. "Umm… what's going on?"
"Don't worry about it too much Lucy. Anyway its been awhile since we've seen each other. I'm glad to see you look more at home now," Sakura said with a sincere smile, a complete 180 to her mood moments ago.
"Yeah! It feels like its been ages since I last saw you. So much has happened since you left." Lucy returned the smile in kind. "There's so much to tell you about."
"Yes, there's much to tell you about Sakura. Perhaps you should tell her about your most recent adventure with Natsu, Happy and Gray at Galuna Island."
"GAH! E-Erza…" Lucy spun around whimpering at the demonic look on the redhead's face.
"Galuna Island?" Sakura tilted her head in confusion as she tried to remember why the name sounded familiar.
"The Cursed Island," was all Erza needed to say before Sakura's eyes zeroed in on Natsu stumbling back through the hole.
"YOU WENT WHERE!?" was heard throughout the city.
0o0o0 10 Minutes Later 0o0o0
"-and never do something that stupid again!" Sakura ground out, her fist steaming from the beating she had delivered upon the guilty males.
"A-aye…" Natsu, Gray, and Happy piteously moaned out, massive lumps covering their faces. Lucy just trembled in a corner from the sheer violence she had witnessed, glad she hadn't been included in the beating.
"Yep, this is definitely beyond overkill. At least she didn't-" Lucy's thoughts were cut off as she felt Sakura's emerald eyes bore into the side of her head.
"As for you… don't let these morons rope you into doing anything you don't want to do. From the sound of things you were against the whole thing from the beginning." Lucy breathed a sigh of relief. "However, as you still participated in breaking the rules I will be all too happy to help Master enforce all of your punishments when he returns." Lucy's eyes widened and she felt her head nod rapidly, too afraid to do anything other than agree with the frightening pinkette.
"Well if that wasn't entertaining I don't know what is," the brunette with buns chuckled as she sensed the lecture was over. "I'm Tenten by the way." The girl said as she did a pseudo salute and winked suggestively at the blonde.
Lucy took in the other girl, her blue and white outfit reminding her of something...maybe a story she read as a child? She shook her head, dispelling the thought. "Nice to meet you. I'm Lucy," the blonde greeted, stretching out her hand..
Tenten raised her hand and goes right passed Lucy's, latching onto her right breast, giving it a nice squeeze and fondle. Lucy froze, her face a bright crimson in shock and embarrassment.
"W-w-w-w-what are you doing?!" she cried out, slapping away the brunette's hand.
"Hmm...probably an 88?" Tenten murmured, flexing her hand.
"Hey, Ten, checking out the newbie? She's a real looker, ain't she?" another brunette called out from across the room in between gulps of booze from the barrel in front of her.
"She's almost as big as you Cana," Tenten called back before sauntering over to the other brunette. "Now gimme some sugar."
Lucy looked on as the two intimately greeted each other. "They're just as bad as everyone else here...Why can't I meet anyone normal?"
0o0o0 Phantom Lord HQ - Oak Town 0o0o0
"Man this is way too troublesome," Shikamaru complained from the shadows of the mages' guild hall. "Why am I the one that's stuck watching these idiots?" The noise increased as the Phantom mages continued their party for something or another.
Giving an exasperated sigh, Shikamaru couldn't help but place the blame on his red-headed Landlady.
0o0o0 Two Weeks Ago - Masterful Melodies 0o0o0
"So you going to tell us this "thing" we humble "fuckheads" want to hear?" Naruto asked as he, Shikamaru, and Tayuya stared at each other in Naruto's room.
"Not in here dumbass. Follow me." Tayuya turned and started walking away. "And you owe me a new door!"
"I swear she's insane," Naruto griped as he got up and began following the red-headed banshee.
"I wholeheartedly agree. Troublesome woman," Shikamaru groaned as he dragged himself after his companion.
They followed the eccentric red-head into one of the backrooms where a hooded man sat waiting for them.
"Fuckballs, meet Bugfucker. Bugfucker, these are the Fuckballs I was telling you about," Tayuya introduced the three to one another.
"That is not my name. Why is that? Because I do not "fuck bugs" as you say. I merely house them in my body, allowing them to feed on my chakra so as to reproduce," the hooded figure replied. "...My name is Aburame Shino."
"...So the bugs fuck inside you?" Naruto asked, perturbed.
"... I do not find the word "fuck" appropriate. Why is this? Because my colony does not mate in the terms you are thinking. Using the ambient chakra provided by my body, they undergo rapid cellular - "
"Yadda yadda, bugfucker. Anyways, we're not here to discuss how you have sex with bugs. Seeing as he is not around at the moment that leaves me in charge of everything. Which means I'm the head bitch in charge got that?" Tayuya eyed all three shinobi.
"Ok… but I don't work for you. Neither does Shika-" Naruto ducked out of the way of a thrown mug. "Right, got it! You're the head bitch."
"You better. Now as I was saying, until he returns I'm in charge of this operation. I've already taken the liberty of filling Bugfucker about our friends in Kyosho no Issan and have had him keeping an eye out for anyone suspicious that isn't you."
"Are you implying that I'm suspicious?" Naruto questioned.
"Suspicious as fuck."
"I'm sorry but can we stay on track here? As much as I agree about the ball of sunshine here, I'm not seeing a point. And beyond finding out that the Aburame at least have one member still alive, I'm finding the urge to just walk out and disappear very appealing," Shikamaru cut in.
"Watch your mouth Pineapple head," Tayuya glared. "But you're right. Just tell them what you told me Bugfucker."
"Again I am not a "Bugfucker." Nor do I have sex with bugs," Shino reiterated seeing Naruto want to say something. "I've been on long term assignment to watch the guild known as Phantom Lord, which is possibly the strongest guild of mages in Fiore at this time. Their only contender being the much smaller guild Fairy Tail. Starting shortly after your… reappearance at Hargeon, Phantom Lord has had several visits by a cloaked man wearing Shadow Heart's cloak."
"What!?" Naruto nearly shouted.
"That doesn't make sense. Jose Porla was directly involved in Shadow Heart's fall. Why would any surviving member of Shadow Heart go there besides revenge?" Shikamaru pondered aloud.
"That is the question isn't it? Why? Because Jose Porla was ruthless and holds only power valuable. Any true Shadow Heart shinobi would kill him without regret. When… I saw this person I was perplexed at his presence and remained so until Tayuya-sama told me of this splinter group. Why? Because I believe this to be a message to you."
"A message to me?" Naruto's eye rose at this.
"Yes. Before now, not once has a surviving member shown himself before you. If you are correct and this Kyosho no Issan does exist I doubt very much they will sit idly by and allow Shadow Heart to return."
"But why appear at Phantom Lord?" Shikamaru thought aloud. "And why dressed as a Shadow Heart shinobi? This isn't making sense."
"That I do not know."
0o0o0 Phantom Lord HQ - Oak Town 0o0o0
"'Go investigate Phantom Lord', they said," Shikamaru mumbled. "It'll be okay, you're sneaky. Sneaky my ass, that troublesome bastard just didn't want to travel all the way out here." He shifted a bit, before he caught the tail end of a conversation near by.
"I just wish I could be there when those damn Fairies see Gajeel's present!" a drunk Phantom mage exclaimed loudly. "Their faces are going to be priceless when they see what's left of their precious guild!"
"I hear that!" Another mage shouted excitedly, both raising their mugs at the thought. "I bet they'll…"
Shikamaru let the rest of the conversation fade as he ran through what he'd just heard. "Gajeel Redfox is going to attack Fairy Tail?" The brunette's eyes widened. "Phantom Lord is going to attack Fairy Tail?!"
Shikamaru slowly backed away, sinking through the shadows and out of the guild hall. After making sure the coast was clear, he pulled out a communication lacrima, supplying it with a small stream of his magic.
"Come on Sunshine pick up already..."
"...The hell do you want Kage?"
"Have you made it to Magnolia yet?"
"You might want to speed up then."
"Phantom Lord is about to declare war on Fairy Tail. They sent Gajeel Redfox to destroy their guild."
"...Shit. I'm not going to be there until noon tomorrow. Let's hope I get there before Redfox does."
"I think we're too late. I haven't seen him for a few days now."
"They just had to declare war now of all times. For now keep to the shadows and a close eye on everyone else still there. If any of them make a move let me know. Do not engage. This war has nothing to do with us but I think we can take advantage of it."
"I agree. Fairy Tail has a lot of strong players that match up against Phantom's numbers. If we let them take each other out, that'll make things easier for us in the end."
"I'll update you tomorrow. 'Till then, remain out of sight."
"Roger. Later Sunshine." Shikamaru couldn't help the smirk spreading across his lips.
"Damnit Kage, I told you not to call me that! My call sign is supposed to be Maelstrom!"
"Whatever you say Sunshine."
"Fuck you, and your little dog too!"
"...I don't even have a dog," Shikamaru deadpanned.
"... Well, fuck it anyway!"
Ending - In My World - Rookiez Is Punk'd
Sorry this took so long, real life gets in the way sometimes. Hopefully we'll have the next one out SoonTM.