i have developed a new thing for writing obscenely large one-shots. i realise that these are effective, allowing me to summarise everything without drifting off the main topic (and genre!) as i do with multi-chapters. :P anyway, this story doesn't have an abnormally large recap at the end. it's very simple. it's not a mind-twisting mind-blow thing xD so you guys can give your heads a break. it's more of an assessment, on Kurt's part: he asses dance or so in the beginning and then it spins to them assessing love in a 'what is love?' context when Sebastian ponders on the nature of Kurt and Blaine's relationship. it is anti!Klaine, BUT it doesn't put either Kurt or Blaine in a 'bad light' - at least not intentionally. it brings out each other's faults: their navieness and inexperience ['i've never been anybody's boyfriend'] sort of thing. it isn't meant to bring either of them in a bad light, so there. i've said my bit. xD. also, for any reference or anything that has offended you, i'm sorry pre-sorry anyway. i didn't mean to and i honestly have the strangest type of dry humour sometimes that finds its way to my fanfics (especially my comedy ones!) so for that, i apologise. :)
Kurt Hummel always used words to describe what he felt. He did not understand how people could use rhythmic movement to convey anything other than their physical asset. Dance was more for showcasing an agile, lithe body that had much to say but could not convey it with sound, so it settled for the less powerful counterpart. Kurt's decision to take up dance was only due to the ushering of his application for his college that told him to do more, to become more, to have that ability despite its uselessness. That was how he found himself standing in a studio where mirrors were used for walls to tell people what was inside their souls.
The room was empty. The loafers Kurt was wearing were digging at his feet. The room had a fair share of scents of cottonwood and elm floating in the air. The dance instructor preferred to be called Autumn.
"Kurt Hummel," he introduced himself, shaking the man's hand. "Why Autumn?" Kurt inquired, as inquirers do.
"Dancing is like autumn." The man finally said after a while, staring at the side of Kurt's rosy cheek. "I have come to realise that in autumn, the leaves are bright, colourful even, but it is where everything dies. Those deaths are beautiful – a dance is like the revival of the dead, the dying of the living. Dancing is the autumn and I am the dance, so I am Autumn."
Kurt was pulled into another room, just like it but grand. His leotard felt tighter on his body, and its pine green colour just seemed to stand out in a sea of black and white. Then Kurt saw a flash of terra cotta through the mass of white and black. It took a moment for Kurt to realise the dancer had a face, a familiar face, and it took a moment for Kurt to recongise that he'd just realised Sebastian had very green eyes. His clothing clashed with his eyes completely, but in some sort of dulled harmony.
"I see the face of recognition. The dance or the dancer?" Autumn asked Kurt after a moment of observation. Kurt's eyes were still on Sebastian.
"The dancer," Kurt finally said. "What's the dance?"
"Look closer," Kurt said, as he noticed the slowness of Sebastian's movements and recognised them immediately. "Ballet."
"Yes, ballet," Autumn said, and then he laughed. It was such a beautiful chuckle. "Sebastian!"
"What?" Sebastian snippily replied, as Autumn caught him with his toes propelling themselves on the ground, and his body bending at an abnormal angle. Autumn moved towards Sebastian, pulling Sebastian up, which he huffed and said 'I could've done that myself'. Autumn gestured to Kurt, as their eyes met in a quick entanglement of awkwardness and contempt on each other's ends. "Tell Kurt a story. You're good at telling stories, aren't you? Tell him a story."
Sebastian gave them both dark; soul-sucking looks, but made Kurt follow him. He was amazed by how well Sebastian knew the building because he had taken him to the cafeteria. He got them coffee and a plate of muffins lay in the centre from an endearing corpulent woman that had asked them if they wanted anything else. She rubbed Sebastian's shoulder with softness to her face and gleefulness to those beautiful eyes that Kurt felt like calling her his Mother. Sebastian took one of the muffins, and cut a very small section that was barely fifty calories of muffin and gave the rest to Kurt. Sebastian finished that small amount in a bite, and drowned it down with coffee, eyes soft and lovely.
"You aren't even fucking interested." Sebastian murmured. "And yes, my dance instructor is a freaking lunatic."
Kurt knew this was half true, but another part of him was curious to see what Sebastian was interested in. Sebastian caught that part because he took a sip before beginning. "So, you're a ballerina."
Sebastian gave him a scowl. "A ballerina has a vagina. The term is ballet dancer."
Kurt flushed deeply as he sipped the coffee that Sebastian had gotten him. Kurt's eyes widened with recognition. "I see the face of recognition," Sebastian muttered, obviously making fun of Autumn as he smirked. "The coffee or the coffee date?"
"The coffee," Kurt murmured. "This is not a coffee date."
Sebastian smirked. "Why not? There's coffee. I'm a boy. You faintly resemble a boy. We're both gay. It's a coffee date, Hummel."
"Not," Kurt interjected, as he took another sip. "You know my order," he finally said, voice a little stiff.
"All of Lima knows your order," Sebastian muttered against the latte he'd gotten himself. The hot liquid burning his throat and the bitter taste was soothing him for the moment. "Non-fat mocha, three sweeteners, a dash of cinnamon and you stir it four times in."
Kurt took a deep breath. "Blaine always think it's two sweeteners. He mistakes the cinnamon for nutmeg and he doesn't stir it in. He shakes it after he puts the lid back. It's slightly frustrating."
Sebastian laughed. "Oh, your perfect boyfriend is slightly frustrating you? What a shocker." He said the last bit with knowledgeable eyes.
"What do you mean?" Kurt finally hissed. "Is this about your adamant crush on my boyfriend?"
"No, it's about how fake your romantic vices are," Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "Do you honestly think I'm going after Blaine because he's a catch and a dream? I'm not even going after him. Sure, he's a hot piece of ass, but you're the interesting one."
"Me?" Kurt was completely thrown back. "What's so interesting about me?"
Sebastian smirked but didn't say anything as he shrugged.
"This is not Sherlock. I am not playing your game, Sebastian. Either you tell me or I leave," Kurt hissed vehemently as he tried to calm himself down with the coffee.
Sebastian stared at him. "Autumn told me to tell you a story. Here's one I heard from the Warblers. A boy named Kurt, oh so lost and pushed in by his bullies into the direction of Blaine Anderson's eyes. They're both so naïve and young. Blaine suspects that after two coffee days, he can serenade his love interest for Valentine's Day and they'll fall in love with each other. The other boy, Kurt Hummel, made up an entire romance with Blaine in his head. They get together and they're so innocent, so inexperienced. Every kiss must be an indication of meaning and depth. They suppose they're in love and to this day, they pretend to be in this charade of love when they know no fucking thing about love. When he breaks your heart, Hummel, you're gonna feel like it's at the end of this world. But you know what?"
Sebastian placed the coffee cup down, taking the half-eaten muffin from Kurt's hand as to plop another small section of it into his mouth. "You'll wake up. You'll think that it's humiliating how you gave yourself away. When someone mentions it, you'll both pretend it never happened. You'll be fucking depressed, three or even five months, and then you will wake up from this elusive dream you somehow managed to fuck yourself in and you're gonna realise you don't need him. Then you're gonna be free. That's why I dance, because I'm free."
Kurt looked down. "You're wrong," he muttered. "Blaine and I love each other."
"What bit was that?" Sebastian began as his voice turned to ice. "Blaine is adorable, but he spills too much. He once told me that you said that 'I'm proud to be your boyfriend'? What's pride? It's not love. You want to be wanted, Kurt. When in retaliation of you and Chandler, he called me and told me that you were so besotted with the attention—you were, because you want the attention. You crave to be recognised, to feel wanted. You know how I recognise that, Kurt? Because Blaine is the same—"
"Blaine doesn't need a band of mercenaries telling him that he's perfect because he is! He already knows all of it." Kurt snapped coldly. "Fine. I don't have a low self-esteem, but I want someone to remind me that I'm perfect too, alright?"
"You're perfect," Sebastian finally said.
"What?" Kurt's eyes widened.
"You're perfect," Sebastian repeated, as he stood up. "Your ass isn't bad either." He walked off, leaving a confused Kurt sitting there.
Just before Sebastian finally left, he asked, "How did that make you feel?"
"Like I'm a catch and a dream," Kurt murmured after a moment as he chuckled.
"You're incredibly annoying. Your voice is nasally and high-pitched. You make me want to shoot myself," Sebastian continued, 'but you're more than a catch and you're certainly better than a dream."
"I…" Kurt began, but he found himself being muted by his own vocal cord. For the first time, he could not sing out his emotion. He felt the need to move to show it. Sebastian did, moving so fluently in a butterfly-like frailness even as he left.
"Your eyes are green." Kurt said as Sebastian went towards the door. "I've never noticed them before."
"The sky is blue. What are we doing?"
"Pointing out how the world looks like, but it's not true, is it? The sky only appears blue." Kurt said as he walked towards the door. Now, Sebastian was frozen as Kurt walked up to him. Kurt was staring deep into Sebastian's eyes as if trying to decipher something. "They look green, but you seem to ward off some deep different colour that I've never seen before. They're beautiful."
Sebastian stayed silent for a moment. Kurt turned to leave, opening the door, as Sebastian moved in closer to Kurt, grabbing his wrist. "Your eyes are blue, yellow, green and they're a fucking explosion of shit I've never seen before."
"Fucking gorgeous," Sebastian corrected.
Kurt shut his eyes, as his cheeks reddened. "Sebastian, don't—"
"Don't what?" Sebastian smirked as he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Don't make me do things with you," Kurt snapped at him as his eyes turned into an icy shade of blue. "I'm in love with Blaine, alright? Don't confuse me."
Sebastian smirked. "Hummel, the fact that you're confused with me, and Chandler and the fact that Blaine is confused on whether or not to leave your ass for me or not, is kinda obviously enough to tell you that it's not love. Love is between two people. Chandler and I shouldn't even be in the equation. Lust, infatuation and sex can be between three thousand people, but when you're in love, I have to tell you, Hummel, you only want one person. It's pure. No other person can ever fill that gap the way that one person does, understand? Your inexperience is making me sad and the more you're with Blaine, it makes me want to piss myself laughing."
Kurt stared at him as he left. "Fuck you, Sebastian." He icily said. "You don't love anything. The only thing you love is yourself!"
Sebastian didn't look back as he added on. "At least it's love, princess. And you'd so fuck me given the chance and the bed."
Kurt didn't respond and watched him leave. When he went upstairs, Autumn knew that Sebastian had left and Kurt telling him only confirmed it. Autumn told him if he knew which dance he wanted to dance, what form, what did he want to convey… Kurt shrugged. "I don't know much about dancing per say."
"I'd thought so." Autumn mumbled. "Sebastian has told me that you will say that. He also told me that you are fierce and passionate and recommended me the tango when he came by to take his things to leave."
Kurt blushed immediately, cheeks turning rosier. "Tango," he repeated.
"The tango," Autumn corrected as if Kurt had said something completely wrong. "People put the term 'the' to amplify something, to give it recognition. Not a dance, the dance. The tango. It's too much compassion to be only tango alone, of course."
"Oh," Kurt's cheeks coloured. "Do you think that I'm good for it?"
"If you're asking me, then I believe not," Autumn truthfully said, "but Sebastian is quite certain of you, so I will not question he who've known you for longer. I want you to do a bit of research at first if you would. A dance is only so gratifying when you know why you're dancing."
"Why ballet?" Kurt quickly asked, causing Autumn to raise an eyebrow. "Sebastian…why does he do ballet?"
"That's why I dance, because I'm free." Kurt remembered Sebastian's words so clearly, ringing into his ears over and over again, as Autumn laughed as if Kurt had asked him a silly question, as if Kurt had missed the obvious reason why.
"I will not tell you," Autumn decided but went on. "Though I will care to mention that Sebastian does focus on one type of ballet. The romantic ballet. His favourite ballet is Coppélia."
Kurt raised an eyebrow. "What's Coppélia?"
"It's a story, the one I wanted Sebastian to tell you," Kurt's cheeks now went rosier and more rubicund at the thought of what story Sebastian really told him. Autumn then went on. "It's a romantic comic ballet that first premiered in 1870. It's set in a town where the announcer says that whoever gets married will be awarded with a special silver of money. The main couple, Franz and Swanhilde plan to marry during the festival of the new bell. When Swanhilde is Franz' love interest, his attention is diverted to another – and not even a real girl, but a doll that a sinister, mysterious Dr Coppelius has created that is so life-like and realistic that Franz had become infatuated with it. He watches Coppélia, the doll, who sits on the balcony of Dr Coppelius' household. Despite Coppélia being still and motionless, unable to express anything, Franz is still mesmerised by her beauty and wants to attract her attention."
Kurt wanted to mention that it was a doll so Franz' advances would be futile, but Autumn continued to tell the story. "Swanhilde shakes an ear of wheat to her head: if it rattles, she knows that he loves her. It does not rattle. She makes Franz do it, and he also hears nothing but tells her that it rattles. She doesn't quite believe him and runs away heartbroken."
Kurt furrowed his eyebrows. "Like taking off the rose petals and the whole 'she loves me, she loves me not' thing?"
"Yes," Autumn nodded slowly. "After some time, Dr Coppelius leaves his household, only to be interrogated by a group of boys. In trying to get them to leave, he accidentally drops his keys and forgets them. Swanhilde, in her dismay, finds the keys. She thought that this would be the perfect opportunity to know more about Coppélia. In the same exact scene, it is also revealed that Franz wants to meet Coppélia as well, and develops a plan to climb a ladder to her balcony."
"But she's a doll," Kurt murmured.
"Lovers do strange and reckless things," Autumn said. Kurt's cheeks turned rosy, thinking of Blaine, thinking of how Sebastian called them naïve, and reckless. Was Coppélia and Franz's romance mirroring Blaine and Kurt's own? Senseless. Stupid. Only to be led to nowhere. Stupid, Kurt thought to himself. Blaine is real. Coppélia is a doll. But a part of him always knew that Blaine was far too perfect, and with this perfectionism and constant need for perfection came a price. Blaine was as plastic as that doll.
Autumn then went on to explain the rest of the story. "Swanhilde and her friends walk into the room, only to realise that whilst the room was full of occupants, none of them are moving. Everything is but a life-sized mechanical doll that cannot love, or breathe, or do the things that humans do best. These dolls can be wound up and they can move. Swanhilde then realises just then that Coppélia is also a doll.
"When Dr Coppelius comes back to his abode, he becomes furious with these girls for breaking into his household. He kicks them out but when Franz appears by the window, Coppelius invites him in. Coppelius wants to bring Coppélia to life, but to do that, he would need a human sacrifice. Dr Coppelius offers him a bout of wine, which is laced with sleeping powder, and to that, Franz falls asleep. Dr Coppelius leaves to ready his magic spell. Coppelius does not realise that he had not truly expelled all the girls as Swanhilde is still there, hidden in his house."
Kurt nodded his head mutely. "And then?"
Autumn smiled at Kurt's interest as he answered, 'and then she dresses up in Coppélia's clothing. She makes it appear as if the doll has come to life. She wakes Franz with this, and they escape. Dr Coppelius finds a lifeless Coppélia behind the curtain, confused and agonised. As Swanhilde and Franz are about to swear their lives to each other in their wedding, a furious Coppelius appears, claiming all they've done to hurt. Swanhilde is quite saddened she caused someone so much pain and offers her dowry in exchange for his forgiveness. The mayor intervenes in this, and gives him money anyway. Swanhilde and Franz marry each other, and the town bellows out in celebration and dance."
Kurt smiled weakly. "It's such a happy play," his voice was soft. "It's unlike Sebastian."
"Then love, I'm sorry to say this," Autumn said in a saddened voice. "Then you know nothing about Sebastian."
Kurt smiled the fakest smile he could and he made it apparent. He threw his bag over his shoulder, and just before he left, he turned to look at Autumn with a response that had impressed the grey-eyed instructor. "I know he has the most beautiful green eyes I've ever seen and that's enough."
Sebastian had accepted his friend request three minutes after Kurt had sent it. Kurt had managed to supress the urge of stalking his Facebook for about three minutes, and then in the next few moments of Facebook stalking him, he had come to appreciate technology. Through fifteen minutes of just reading, Kurt knew that Sebastian spoke French, English and Gaelic.
He knew that Sebastian was employed in a mediocre bakery downtown that he had to Google to recognise, and that his parents probably either didn't care that he was gay (he had 'men' as his 'interested in'), or that his parents didn't check his Facebook (considering both of them did have Facebook). Kurt realised that Sebastian was the tallest one of them, as his Father, Jean, was a few inches shorter. His Mother had a model's height and looks, but the unfortunate sister was short and slightly pudgy. Kurt's stomach dropped. He can just feel how out-of-place and pressured she felt to look perfect.
Speaking of perfect, as Kurt flipped through Sebastian's pictures, he realised that all of them were high-quality studio-type pictures, which explained that Sebastian must have a good camera if all of his photos were HD quality. At one point, Kurt had literally gasped out loud when he saw a very dramatically posed picture in black-and-white. The next few pictures of Sebastian's past was one of the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. In every one of those pictures, Kurt had felt his heart beat five times faster at how incredibly beautiful Sebastian's photography was: when he ventured off before Kurt had left Paris, all of Sebastian's photography was so clear, and beautiful that Kurt had honestly been going around those thirty or so pictures for nearly an hour. Sebastian was vibrant enough to be a model with his perfectly cut pants, skin-tight clothing that seemed to look so effortless on him in beautiful ballet stances. There were a few of them where Sebastian had a perfect amount of makeup to appear as an illusion, all of his makeup did not make him look feminine but it did make him look like a fantasy with the patterns on the side of his face blending in with the fabric of his clothing, twisting perfectly, like everything around Sebastian was simply one with Sebastian himself.
Kurt had only lost track of the time, and when he realised this, he'd blushed. He had been stalking Sebastian's profile for so long. Sebastian had turned from complete insufferable to somewhat mysterious. Kurt had honestly saved all of Sebastian's pictures in a folder, and when he'd seen that the boy was online, he'd typed to him: Coppélia?
You fucking talked to Autumn? Sebastian answered.
Your much older photography is simply stunning, Kurt complimented. Sebastian didn't know just how much those pictures impacted Kurt, as he stared at the Facebook chat. Sebastian responded in seconds, which was a relief because Kurt would've killed him if he took five minutes between every line.
I hated it. It's shit. I was in love, Sebastian replied.
You should be in love more often. I've never seen something so pure and astounding to be honest, Kurt's mind now wondered off. Sebastian did talk about love, and how powerful it was, how he and Blaine did not harbour it. At the bitter thought, he asked did you take those photographs?
Yes, they're self-portraits. Want me to take one of my cock?
Kurt rolled his eyes at that comment. You are honestly talented Sebastian. You should be a photographer. The quality of those photos are stunning.
How about no and I don't fucking want to. Sebastian answered back.
So what's his name?
Kurt Hummel, Sebastian answered after a while.
Kurt blushed deeply. No, seriously.
Sebastian never answered him after that. Kurt never understood.
"So what did Mr Schue want us to do again?" Finn asked, as they sat down together on the bedside. Finn was eating his fifth caramel shortbread biscuit, making Kurt scrunch up his nose in distaste at the thought of all of those calories in anyone.
"Mr Schue wants us to look through the tapes of every competition we'd done," Kurt had finally explained as Finn went for his sixth shortbread when Kurt had slapped his hand away from the source of fat and simple carbohydrates. "And try to realise a pattern so we don't do it this year."
"Well, Rachel sings in every competition so…"
Kurt glared coldly at Finn, but then went to look at the tapes. He was idly mumbling about how horrific his hair looked like and if he had looked that fat on camera when he noticed something in the crowd. At first, he thought it was nothing but then he had zoomed in closely to see a pair of worshipping green eyes. Sebastian. Kurt had felt something churn into his stomach. Sebastian looked so helpless, so in love, so beautiful. Kurt had honestly stared at him for at least three minutes.
"Okay, last one," Finn said as he reached in for his xth number of shortbread.
"Of course," Kurt mumbled, not paying attention to everything around him as he tried to decipher how pure the emotion was behind those angelic green eyes. Kurt had looked back to all of the competitions. Sebastian was nearly in every one of them. He looked so different, and much thinner than he was before. It was a sickening type of thin. Kurt had always realised that when he'd seen Blaine's Mother get ready for a date, she honestly skipped meals. She explained that she was so excited and happy she honestly forgot to eat. That seemed to be the case with Sebastian because in a few of the tapes, he did have something to eat. He just did not look at it, and stopped eating after a few bites.
Kurt had honestly felt his chest hurting him. Sebastian wasn't lying when he told Kurt he had feelings for him. That photography, had Kurt inspired it? Kurt had checked since he was on his laptop then realised how close the fantasy-inspired themes were to their clothing in the competitions, but Sebastian happened to make it seem more beautiful than ever before.
Kurt was stocked. He had quickly texted Nick for Sebastian's address. He got the reply in half an hour. Kurt had left his home at around seven-twenty and had met Sebastian's Mother, whom shook his hand. The weekend meant that the Dalton people were at home. Kurt had passed by, seeing Sebastian on his bedside. His skin looked so fragile in the dim, subtle light. He looked like all of the life and hope in the world was in his face as he dreamed. "Does he always look like this when he's asleep?"
Kurt stared at Sebastian. The sight was almost endearing. Sebastian did not look like anyone that can potentially hurt a mere insect. Nathalie had ran her hand through his hair for a few moments and then asked Kurt for tea. Kurt had nodded his head and then was faced with a few biscuits, a hot pot of milky sugary tea, and a few muffins. He picked off a bran muffin and cursed himself for calories, but that was only for the moment. He took a bite, washing it down with the delicious delicate milky infusion of tea and then watched as the woman stared at him with intrigued eyes. "So you're Kurt."
"Yes," Kurt said, choking on the muffin. "I'm quite popular then?"
"In this household, you might as well be the king," she rolled her eyes. "Sebastian likes you."
"I suppose I know?" Kurt said. He'd only known very recently that Sebastian had any type of infatuation with him. "Does he tell you why he goes after Blaine?"
"Because he likes stories and he thinks Blaine is a weaker link, so if he goes after Blaine and starts to comment on his clothing or his hair, he'd be swooned and eventually leave you." Nathalie said, her finger tracing the rim of her coffee cup. "Sebastian and his childish games. I've always told him to stop playing those strange games as a child, but now, he's playing with two people's hearts. I've told him countless of times not to. I suppose he is a looker, more than so. He's beautiful, and he has this ability to dazzle people with smiles, but I apologise if he did hurt anyone in advance and—"
"Sebastian's favourite ballet is Coppélia," Kurt cut her off, finding it appropriate at that moment.
Nathalie nodded her head. "Sebastian realised he loved something that cannot love him back so he gave up on love all together."
Kurt's eyebrows furrowed. "And what did he love then besides just an average brunette with your incredible fashion sense?"
Nathalie's lips twitched, "An angel."
Kurt's heart seemed to feel like a condensed weight in his chest. He had never realised any of this. He looked up at Nathalie with a soft expression on his face. "What else did he tell you?"
"That sometimes, what you love, you better let it go if the butterfly wants to go to New York and not look behind. It's best to set him free to live his dreams than to tie him to a fickle romance." Kurt felt his chest tightening. Sebastian hadn't said anything because he knew about New York, about Kurt's dreams, about everything.
"How can he even love me before he met me?'
Nathalie laughed. "Well," she began. "Someone once told me that all he really needed to know was that your glassy blue eyes are completely out of this world."
Kurt had coloured as Nathalie explained. "When I asked Autumn if he had any new students, he said 'I know one that thinks your son's eyes are the most beautiful thing in the world'." Kurt didn't need any more explaining than that, as he took a few sips of the tea.
Kurt had taken a deep breath. "I best be going then. Tell Sebastian I hope he had a good nap."
"That boy," Nathalie began in a voice of complaint, "is always asleep. Head in the clouds, Sebastian, come back down to planet Earth."
Kurt chuckled humourlessly, as he passed by his room again. He had walked towards Sebastian and placed a hand on his shoulder. Kurt had leaned back down, remembering Sebastian's words. He'd never be aware of something being alive before. He turned away slowly afterwards, suddenly feeling guilt at what Blaine would think. He had called Blaine. A mention of Sebastian had escalated into a fight, and the fight ended at two am, with Kurt finally saying, "I've had enough, Blaine!"
That completely silenced Blaine. "Are…are you breaking up with me?"
Kurt honestly thought about it. "We don't love each other, Blaine," he said. He'd looked love in the eye and it was looking right back at him. "We only think we do. I have to let you go now so I don't hurt you anymore, because honestly, Blaine you are beautiful."
"Let me let go, Blaine."
Blaine shut off the line after. Kurt hadn't seen him for a while. In days, everyone seemed to know what happened but they refused to acknowledge it. They shot each other dark glances which melted into sad, confused glances. Kurt felt like something was missing, and hurting even though he was the one that initiated it. The more he dwelled on how he felt, how Blaine seemed, the more he wanted to take Blaine back, but that made it seem like he saw Blaine as a yo-yo, and Blaine was a person, not a slave at his command. It didn't stop Kurt from feeling sicker than he had for so long. When Kurt had managed to find Blaine in the auditorium at a late time, he slowly walked inside only to have Blaine look up at him. "Hey."
Kurt shut his eyes, repeating and reciting Sebastian's words. "One day, we're gonna wake up from this elusive dream, you know? And we're gonna realise we don't need each other."
Blaine shocked him when he said, "I know."
Kurt stared at him for a while as Blaine pulled his arms towards him. "I want to hold you, Kurt."
Kurt had embraced Blaine. It was a long embrace. It reminded Kurt of all the good things they had together, but when they let go, they knew it was time to let go.
"Does it still hurt?" Kurt asked. He hurt too.
Blaine nodded his head slowly as he looked back up at Kurt. "You're wonderful. You're amazing. New York is so lucky to have you, Kurt."
Kurt's heart was hurting him now, at all of those good things that Blaine had told him. "Blaine, you are one of the most perfect things in this world to be honest. I may be a little intimidated whilst impressed at how astounding your vocal range is."
"Mine?" Blaine chortled. "Yours is like a dream."
Kurt smiled weakly.
"Kurt, can I kiss you just one more time?"
Kurt wanted to say no, but he gave him a nod as Blaine moved close to him. Kurt laid his hands on Blaine's shoulders and kissed him. The kiss felt like stars, but in the end, Kurt realised he wanted the whole sky. Blaine turned around to stare into Kurt's eyes. "Your eyes are really blue."
"I was told that," Kurt chuckled, "they were quite the explosion."
He thanked God for Etsy. He could find anything he could possibly want on this thing. On a little shop, he had managed to find a nicely stitched doll of Coppélia from the second act. It was quite an expensive doll as well. He had only time to think for a minute before he clicked and bought it. It was such a lovely doll, porcelain even and Kurt had a thing for vintage porcelain-type dolls. He could not get the image of the sleeping Sebastian out of his mind. He can just imagine Sebastian curling up with that doll in his hands. Sure, he had mailed the thing to Sebastian's house and asked it to be gift-wrapped. When the shop owner asked him a thousand times if he really didn't want a card or any indication that the doll was from Kurt Hummel, Kurt had denied the request many times, and simply had a fear that the shop owner would still insert something that said 'love, Kurt Hummel xo' somewhere in the package. Kurt would be humiliated then.
Other than stalking Etsy merchandise, he had found himself researching about the tango. He had done a few dance moves and he was shocked by quickly he'd adapted and by how much he liked it. He loved how fierce it was, how passionate, how it made him feel strong instead of frail. He especially loved the thought of him striking in red doing tango as well and that was another reason why he was stalking Etsy. To find the perfect ensemble of course for it. Kurt had developed a strange fascination with watching Sebastian dance. When Sebastian danced, he was completely unaware of his surroundings. Kurt could stare all he wanted and never got noticed for it. Sebastian's balance and flexibility was extraordinary and his height made everything look even more graceful and elegant than it already was.
"You are as astounding dancer."
"Dancer, singer or photographer?" Sebastian asked, as he did another stretch.
Kurt had blushed completely. He'd forgotten that Sebastian had a voice of the angels. He had tried to decide between all three of them.
"Dancer," he finally picked as Sebastian took Kurt's hand. Kurt smiled as he lifted Sebastian mid-air by his waist, which shocked Sebastian himself. Kurt had done it with smaller ninety pound girls before, but Sebastian had never expected Kurt's upper body strength to be as good as it was. Kurt had allowed him to glide in the air and practically threw him around like a Father did his daughter, only to catch him again before lying him down on the ground. Sebastian stood to his feet, impressed.
Sebastian smirked. "Sexy."
"Blaine and I broke up," he said after a while. Kurt shut his eyes. "You're in love with me. You really were in love with me."
Sebastian turned around now, picking up the shoes he used for ballet and shoving them into his duffel bag. Now, Kurt was starting to get annoyed as he raised an eyebrow. "Why is it whenever I mention your past and love, you just turn to disappear like I've personally offended you?"
"You despise me. Let's just go back to that—"
"I don't despise you, Sebastian," Kurt firmly said. "I was jealous of you, and your hold on Blaine. I judged you too harshly when we first met and didn't get a chance to really meet you or know you. I apologise for that behaviour but now, I do want us to be friends. I want to get to know the colours in those eyes more than anything right now."
Sebastian turned around. "You have no fucking idea what you do to me."
"I've seen your photographs."
"I hate them," Sebastian suddenly said. "I looked sick, like you can punch me three times and I wouldn't even notice. I was fucking distracted."
"What's wrong with a bit of distraction?"
Sebastian turned to meet with Kurt's eyes. "I barely bathed, barely ate, barely slept. All I did was stare at your face like some fucking idiot. It was so stupid. I refuse to be that again. Being around you will make it worse. I don't want to be around you anymore, Hummel, understand?"
Kurt then bit down his lower lip. "You hate being vulnerable." He deciphered and Sebastian nodded his head. "Then why the hell did you go after Blaine? Why the hell did you invite me to your laugh?"
Sebastian laughed. "I'm fucking impulsive and stupid. I just…I don't fucking know, alright?"
"Do you regret it?"
"What?" Sebastian hissed.
Kurt rolled his eyes but then repeated the question. "Do you regret it?"
Sebastian didn't say anything as he turned around to leave. Kurt finally knew the answer.
Sebastian was decked into his clothing when Kurt had approached him that day.
"I'm heading off to New York tomorrow." Kurt finally said.
"I know." Sebastian mumbled as he stretched. "I counted."
"Look at me." Kurt demanded.
Sebastian stopped stretching and turned to look at Kurt. Kurt's heart hurt him as he stared at Sebastian's bloodshot eyes, no doubt from crying. Kurt's heart gave away to Sebastian's tortured form. He looked so small and fragile then, like he was promised the world and had it snatched at the palm of his hands. "Would it change anything if I kiss you now?" Kurt asked.
Sebastian shrugged as Kurt brought his body towards Sebastian. Sebastian felt Kurt's hands on his shoulders. "I got you a doll." Kurt said.
"I sent it back to your address." Kurt's heart hurt him now. He did know. Sebastian didn't have to look at the package or open it. He knew it was from Kurt for some reason. Kurt looked at Sebastian as he kissed him. Somehow, they ended up pressed against the dance studio, with Kurt's hand on Sebastian's thigh as they kissed each other. Kurt's lips trailed down to Sebastian's throat. They didn't know it happened, but point was that it just did. It was almost as if all of the emotions were in them and they couldn't sing it. So they moved, they danced. They fucked.
"The world might end tomorrow," Kurt said through Sebastian's bare skin, "but you're such a good dancer. You should never stop dancing."
"Sebastian, stop." Autumn had instructed. "You've been going at it for a while now."
Autumn watched as Sebastian had danced. He danced his soul away. He danced and danced and danced. Kurt was not coming back. It was New York.
"I'm dancing because Kurt's free," Sebastian bitterly said. His body was exhausted. He was so sore, but he still kept on going.
Sebastian had lost all measures of time.
"The world might end tomorrow," Kurt said through Sebastian's bare skin, "but you're such a good dancer. You should never stop dancing."
"How long has he been going?"
"He only pauses to sip water for a few seconds," Autumn mumbled to Nathalie whom was staring at his son with pained eyes. "He has been going on ever since Kurt left."
Nathalie chuckled humourlessly. "It's been three weeks and four days. Sebastian can't keep going on for much longer surviving on air and water. He's going to die."
Autumn stared as Sebastian had stood on his toes again, perfect balance. His hair was frazzled. His body malnourished from days of refusing to eat a single bite, surviving only on sips of water between takes. He looked like something that cannot be loved, almost like a dying angel. "He never stops until the dance is finished. He will die before it ends. You and me both know that we can open this door any moment, snap him out of his reverie, but we both know if we do that, he will end his life right there. Best let him do it his way. Hurt himself this way."
Nathalie hadn't said anything. Autumn watched Sebastian collapse into a pile of his own pain as he cried. He cried for an hour straight and then he got up, only to dance again. It would not be long until Sebastian's body gave away, because as long as the world didn't end, he had to dance. Kurt told him to never stop dancing.
"Sebastian, stop this nonsense!" Nathalie bellowed out in rage. "Stop it! Stop it this instance! This is suicide! This is your form of killing yourself! Get up! You will either die from the dancing or you will die from the malnourishment! I demand you to stop dancing!"
"Did you know," Sebastian emptily started, never having stopped, still finishing off the never-ending death dance he planned out for himself. His body was in pain, he felt like he could no longer take another movement without dying but he did. He danced. He danced for love. He danced because of love. He danced from love. "Coppélia was told to have the most beautiful eyes in the world?"
this idea was horrendously annoying me. the ending is not a twist, but i find it lovely for some reason. i liked the thought of Sebastian taking Kurt's words in literal spite, so he actually won't stop dancing until he dies. there is an implication of death but not enough to warn for as some people might have different endings in mind xD like Sebastian fainting and Kurt turning back to take care of him and give him bubbly loveeee. THE OTHER ENDING? it was supposed to end with Sebastian shooting himself in one of his eyes, but then again, i'd have to warn you for that in the beginning (warning: suicide) and when have i not warned you for suicide. the ending is subtle. i don't have to warn you for suicide. xP.
xo Peanut Butter/Sam