This is a sequel (or alt take rather?) to my fic The End: Behind the Five Years so you may want to read that first
I know some canon is out of order, that was by choice. While I did stick to a lot of Season 5 eps as an outline this fic is obviously not canon so I tweaked it for what felt better with my story line. Plus I took out stuff I didn't like the first time around, hence the fun of fanfiction :-)
Castiel comes to in a brightly lit room with clear bars surrounding him.
Great, I got to Heaven. Now I'm in for the special treatment for all of eternity.
"Castiel?" He hears a familiar female voice call from the side of him.
"Anna," he greeted guiltily. He'd never gotten over the guilt of turning his sister into Heaven all those years ago.
"You've changed," she observed.
"This is a new outfit," Cas quipped half-heartedly.
"That's not what I'm talking about," she responded.
In Heaven angels were able to take on their true form or choose to appear as their chosen vessel on earth looks. Cas figured since he'd died a human and Anna had been hauled back to Heaven against her will that they weren't given an option. Truthfully, he would have stayed in human form anyway. Although this body didn't even originally belong to him it was who he was when he died. Castiel the angel had been gone for a long time.
"I've been human for awhile now," Cas explained.
"What happened?" She asked genuinely curious.
"The end of the world," he answered somberly.
The look he gave Anna was enough for her to drop the subject for now. She felt sorry for him. Whatever happened to him since the last time they'd seen each other he was clearly completely different now. Despite him being the reason she was in this prison Anna was not angry with her brother for what he'd done. She remembered what it was like to feel the need to follow Heaven's orders unconditionally and that was very hard to make a break from. She wasn't really sure of the whole story because nobody around here told her anything but through overhearing whispers she did know that Lucifer had taken his vessel and after Dean refused Michale again, the angels all returned to Heaven.
Dean suddenly felt the slightly familiar yet still highly unsettling act of teleportation. In one blink he was kneeling before a dead Castiel holding his hand, silently crying to himself and in the next he was back in the last hotel room he'd booked for the night.
He leaned against the counter in the kitchenette area and glared at Zachariah who was standing in front of him looking as smug as ever.
"Oh, well, if it isn't the ghost of Christmas screw you," Dean said bitterly.
"Enough. Dean, enough. You saw it, right?" Zachariah asked impatiently. "You saw what happens. You're the only person who can prove the devil wrong. Just say yes."
"How do I know that this whole thing isn't one of your tricks? Huh? Some angel hocus-pocus?" Dean asked with distrust.
"The time for tricks is over. Give yourself to Michael. Say yes and we can strike. Before Lucifer gets to Sam. Before billions die."
Dean looks deep in thought for a few split seconds before answering.
"Nah," he said casually.
"'Nah'? You telling me you haven't learned your lesson?" He asked getting annoyed.
"Oh, I've learned a lesson, all right. Just not the one you wanted to teach."
"Well, I'll just have to teach it again! Because I got you now, boy, and I'm never letting you..." Zachariah started to say with authority, before Dean disappeared.
The next thing Dean knew he was standing in the dark of night on the side of a road God knows where. He turns around to see Castiel, his Cas, standing behind him. He's both completely gratful to see him, this him, and a little nervous giving what he'd just learned about what they'd become in the future.
"That's pretty nice timing, Cas."
"We had an appointment," Cas answered evenly.
"Don't ever change," Dean said, as he put his hand on the angel's shoulder.
"How did Zachariah find you?" Cas wondered aloud.
"Long story," Dean said, never wanting to get into the details of it all. "Let's just stay away from Jehovah's Witnesses from now on, okay?"
"What are you doing?" Cas asked, after Dean pulled out his cell phone.
"Something I should have done in the first place."
Dean has no idea what he's going to do about his new found knowledge of him and Cas. He'll just sit on it for as long as he can, like any other emotions he's ever had. What he does know is the first thing he has to do is get Sam back into his life. They'd stuck together through everything their entire lives, now was no time to be splitting up. And Dean knew all to well what would become of the world if they didn't try to fight this thing together.
Sam answers on the second ring and agrees to meet Dean in a few hours. They pick a neutral spot, a sort of test the waters and get a clean slate deal. After Dean hangs up Cas pops them back to the hotel he had stayed at and then zaps off to who knows where. Dean gets into the Impala and sighs contently to himself as he grips the steering wheel. He had a promise to keep and he fully intended to do it. This was the best way he knew how. He started the ignition and started on his journey.
"How much do you know?" Cas asked quietly. Anna had given him the respect of giving him a few hours to adjust to the situation, he figured owed her an explanation now at least.
"I know that the angels wanted the Apocalypse to happen all along. I know that Sam and Dean were Lucifer and Michael's vessels and eventually Sam said yes and all the angels returned to Heaven. I can assume a lot of what happened after but I don't really know anything for sure. They don't give me any information," Anna responded, as she approached the bars adjoining to his cell.
"Did you know I rebelled?"
Or turned my back on everything I've ever known, which ever way ya wanna describe it...oh yeah, and I did it all for love. Aint that pathetically human of me?
"I heard talks of a traitor but they never said any names. I had my suspicions that it was you though. After you asked for my help when you were feeling doubt, I knew it wouldn't go away and eventually you would fall."
"I never chose to fall," Cas defended. "I had no desire to be human, I just wanted to stop it."
"The Apocalypse. I'd found out what the other angels were planning, that they were letting the seals be broken. I tried to tell Dean and they stopped me. They brought me back to Heaven and reminded me of my duty," Cas said, the last part with resentment.
"That's why you turned me in," Anna guessed and Cas nodded his head in confirmation. "What changed your mind?"
"Dean Winchester," Cas answered without hesitation. "I'd manipulated him into giving himself over to Heaven in exchange for help he needed, which of course, was never given. And false hope of stopping him being able to stop the Apocalypse. Once he found out what the plan really was he became very angry, needless to say. He begged me to help him try to stop it and I couldn't deny him."
"Because you were in love with him," she stated, not asked.
"Clear to everyone but me apparently," Cas said with a humorless laugh. "Even the other angels saw I was too attached. I lost my command to Uriel and was chastised repeatedly for getting too close to my charge and expressing emotions. I thought I was just doing my duty by caring about Dean, I'd never had feelings before, I had nothing to compare it to."
"It wasn't wrong Castiel," she said with sympathy.
"Don't call me that," he said flatly. "He's dead."
"Would you take it back if you could?"
"Not a single second," Cas answered sure of himself.
I could never regret anything I did that led me to Dean. I'll have eternity to change my mind about that but I doubt I ever will.
He began to tell her the entirety of the last five years. He didn't leave any of the facts out but he skimmed over the more personal details and heart ache. She listened intently as he spoke. She felt the strong urge to comfort her little brother but knew he really didn't want to be comforted and it wouldn't make a difference anyway.
Dean arrived at the meet up spot first. He got out of the Impala and leaned against her to wait for his brother. After a little while he looked up as he heard another car approach. He watched as the car came to a stop and Sam stepped out of it. They tentatively made their way to each other. Dean was the first to speak.
"Sam," he states then pulls out Ruby's demon hunting knife. Sam looks at it unsure and Dean offers it to him. "If you're serious and you want back in...you should hang on to this. I'm sure you're rusty." Sam takes the knife but is unable to look Dean in the eyes. "Look, man, I'm sorry. I don't know. I'm...whatever I need to be. But I was, uh...wrong."
"What made you change your mind?" Sam wondered.
"Long story," Dean said as memories of the last three days quickly flashed in his head. "The point is...maybe we are each other's Achilles heel. Maybe they'll find a way to use us against each other, I don't know. I just know we're all we've got. More than that. We keep each other human."
"Thank you. Really. Thank you. I won't let you down," Sam vowed.
"Oh, I know it. I mean, you are the second best hunter on the planet."
"So, what do we do now?" Sam asked.
"We make our own future," was Dean's response.
"Guess we have no choice."
Dean nodded in agreement and got back into the Impala. Sam gathered his things from the other car, put them into the trunk and then assumed his seat riding shot gun with his brother. Sam was nervous but happy to be let back in. He knew he had to gain his brother's trust back and was gratful he was given the chance to do so.
"Ah, Castiel how are you feeling today?" Cas heard the arrogant voice ask.
"Zacharaiah," Cas growled.
"Now, now. You be nice or I won't tell you what I have to offer."
"I don't want anything from you, you son of a bitch," Cas said coldly.
"Castiel, such language. Clearly that filthy human has been a terrible influence on you all these years," he responded in mock horror.
"Stop calling me that," Cas snapped. "Castiel died a long time ago. You bastards made that happen when you all left earth like a bunch of pussies."
"We left earth because that putrid thing you betrayed your family for failed and Lucifer took his vessel, you disgusting abomination," Zachariah roared in anger.
"I would do it all over again," Cas challenged, looking him directly in the eye.
"Ah, that we shall see," he said, returning his tone to calm and even.
"What are you talking about?" Cas asked, glaring at him.
"You're going back Castiel," he started to explain. "Unlike most, you will get the chance for a do over. Call me an optimist but I don't think even you are stupid enough to repeat the same mistakes all over again."
"How will me going back make any difference, Dean is dead?" Cas asked, choking up a little at the last part.
"I see your time as a human has made you dumber," he said condescendingly. "You're going back to 2009."
"Why's that?" Cas asked.
"Because your lover boy is a total moron or just has an ineffaceable urge to see the world end, I'm not sure which."
"Stop being cryptic Zachariah," Cas demanded.
"He is still saying no to Michael. Even after he saw how bad it gets he has the nerve to go back and still refuse. He has taken Sam back under his wing and thinks that will be a cure all. You're going back to convince him otherwise."
"Yeah right," Cas laughed sarcastically. "He knows everything and he made his choice, how am I supposed to change his mind?"
"Because the little maggot seems to have the same sinful feelings for you that you do for him. You would think seeing how things turn out he would stay far away from past you, but it's quite the opposite," he snapped.
"What?" Cas asked surprised. He didn't think Dean would cut past him out of his life but he figured he would stop the relationship from going farther.
"He went back to his own year with all the knowledge of the future and now he can't stop thinking about you, both past and future you. It looks like those lustful acts of sin will start even sooner than they did the first time around. You have to stop it and make him say yes."
Cas couldn't help but smile to himself that no matter what Dean loved him back. Even knowing how badly things could go Dean just couldn't stay away, they were connected and no matter what reality they ended up in they would both feel it.
"How am I supposed to stop it?" Cas snapped. "Dean has never listened to me or have you forgotten the first time around? He already has the urge to be with Castiel and knowing it eventually happens is only going to fuel his desire."
"He won't know," he responded smugly. "I'm leaving all memories of his trip to 2014 except for your adorable little love confessions, no need for that mushy stuff. As far as Dean knows you'll just be the heartbreaking fallen angel he prays his Cas never turns into."
"I won't help you," Cas refused.
"Then we'll send you to the pit," he threatened.
"I don't care. It'd be better than being stuck here forever anyway."
"Fine. If you don't care about yourself maybe you still care about your precious Winchester," Zachariah said darkly.
"You can't harm him," Cas challenged. "He's Micharel's vessel, you need him."
"Dean will never say yes to Michael at the rate he's going. He's of no use to us anymore. There won't be a problem getting him killed and throwing him into the pit again. It took a mere thirty years for him to crack the first time. How long do you think he'll last this go?"
"You wouldn't," Cas said sending him a death glare.
"Just try me, Castiel."
"Fine. What do you want me to do?" Cas asked in defeat.
How can I betray Dean? He's the only thing I've ever cared about in my entire existence. He trusted me more than anyone, how am I supposed to lie to him?
The plan was to send him back to 2009, to just after when Dean returned from his trip to the future. As far as Dean knew Cas had gone into the building and been killed by the crotes. Cas was going to let him think that. The cover story for why he was suddenly popping up in the past was quite simple, it was almost the truth actually. He'd tell Dean he'd ended up in angel prison upon his death and that Zachariah was sending him back to convince the Winchesters to say yes and after that he could return to his own time, which wouldn't exist anymore so neither would he. The only part that would be a lie is when Cas told Dean he wasn't trying to do that. He knew Dean was too stubborn to just be told to say yes by anyone, especially the fucked up future version of his angel that he'd been disgusted by. Cas was going to have to lie, something he'd never done with the hunter but it was to save his soul and Cas, any version, would do anything in his power to save Dean Winchester's soul.
It'd been two days since Dean had returned from the future. He and Sam were back on the road together again, minds set on stopping this damn Apocalypse and with out being Heaven or Hell's bitch. He walked out of the bathroom freshly showered in just his jeans. He saw the man standing at the table across the room not facing him.
"Hey!" Dean yelled firmly. "What the hell do you want?" He asked, making a move for his duffel bag of weapons that was on the floor beside his bed.
"That's a loaded question Dean," the man snarked, as he turned around to face the hunter. Dean recognized the familiar figure, yet knew something wasn't right.
"Cas, what the hell's with the clothes dude?" Dean questioned. "I wouldn't have told you about the hippie junkie if I knew you were gonna try to emulate him," Dean said while grabbing a shirt out of the bag on the end of his bed and putting it on.
Then he looked at the man in disbelief as realization hit him and he suddenly went pale. This couldn't be who he knew it was, but of course it could. So much other shit he never thought possible happened in his world. In the grand scheme of things this wasn't even all that surprising.
"I never said anything about the way you dressed," he said, knowing he was addressing the future Cas he'd seen. "W-what, how?"
"Zachariah," Cas answered simply.
He went on to tell Dean why he was there and all that had happened. As he figured, Dean assumed he'd died in the building his future self sent him into as bait so that was one less thing he had to really lie about. Dean sat on the end of his bed with his hand rubbing his chin looking as if he were deep in thought when Sam walked in the hotel room.
"I got the extra onions this time dude," Sam said closing the door behind him. "Cas, what's with the outfit man?" Sam asked, giving him a funny look and putting the food down on the table beside him.
"He's not Cas," Dean answered somberly from the bed. Future Cas said nothing and just looked over at the hunter a little hurt. No, he wasn't Cas, not his Cas anyway.
"What are you talking about Dean?" Sam asked as he looked at the man who apparently wasn't Cas, cautiously.
"He's not Cas Cas," Dean started to clarify. "He's Cas from the future."
Sam looked really confused and Dean repeated what the former angel had just told him.
"So what do we do now?" Sam asked.
"We call Cas," Dean answered.
It took Cas the whole day before he finally answered Dean's frantic voice mails. Apparently he was way out of cell reception area while looking for God. When future Cas heard this excuse he laughed bitterly, Dean shot him a glare and present Cas tilted his head at his double in confusion. Dean had told Cas about the eventually becoming human thing, but he just didn't have the heart to tell him that they did end up finding God and he just didn't give a shit anymore.
"What do you want to do?" Present Cas asked his future counterpart.
"I want to stop this damn Apocalypse so the world doesn't turn to shit," he answered bluntly.
"And you're supposed to do that by getting the Winchesters to say yes but you don't want to do that?" Cas questioned suspiciously.
"Look man, I don't fucking care how this all gets stopped as long as the world doesn't end up how it was in my world. Ask Dean," he said, gesturing to the hunter. "It wasn't good for anyone still lucky enough to be alive."
"He isn't wrong," Dean said plainly.
"So what, you come along with us and hunt until we find the devil and ice him?" Sam asked.
"I suppose," future Cas said passively.
"I don't get it though," Sam said pondering. "If we actually kill Lucifer, whether we say yes or not, you still don't exist anymore."
"Yeah, what's not to get?" Future Cas asked impatiently.
"You don't care if you don't exist?"
"I'm dead already," he responded evenly, looking over to Dean. Everyone in the room assumed he meant that because he was killed in his time but he didn't. He'd really died the day he lost his Dean and everything that happened after was just his body trying to catch up to his heart.
A week went by and a few things were clear. Future Cas was a total mess, he drank like a fish and did any drug he could get his hands on. Present Cas took an immediate disliking to his double. He spoke to him with a general tone of contempt, that is, when he actually addressed him at all and didn't just speak as if he weren't even in the room. Dean wasn't himself, there was obviously something bothering him but of course he wouldn't say what.
Sam and Dean worked their first case back together again. It looked like a simple ghost at first but turned out to be a God who fed off of the people that worshipped it. Since nobody worshipped the woods God anymore it had gotten creative and took on the form of people that humans did worship now. When Sam chopped it's head off it was in the form of Paris Hilton attempting to feed off of some poor teenage girl who had watched The Simple Life one too many times and had just beat the crap out of Dean, which he wasn't going to stop teasing him over any time soon.
They got back to the hotel room exhausted to find future Cas passed out on the couch.
"He's going to be really useful in all this," Dean said sarcastically, before collapsing onto his bed and kicking off his boots.
"I thought you said he was still fighting in his time," Sam said falling on his bed.
"He was, but it's different. The world was in the toilet, he didn't have to function other than when it came time to fight."
"We should sober him up," Sam suggested.
"Yeah, an ex angel junkie going through detox, that sounds like fun."
"He'd be more help."
"His life sucked Sam. The guy just wants it to be over, he aint worried about helping."
"You feel sorry for him," Sam mused.
"Of course I do," Dean said as if it were completely obvious. "That's Cas," he said emphasizing the word, but finding it hard to get out because he still didn't want to admit that was what his angel had become. "He ended up that way because of me."
"What?" Sam asked surprised as he propped himself up on the bed. "How do you figure?"
"He rebelled because I asked, he stayed on earth helping me, you say yes to Lucifer and all the angels leave and he stayed because of some twisted loyalty he has for me then I turn into a complete asshole and he spirals with me."
"How is him following some version of you that will never happen your fault?" Sam asked, not trying to be insensitive to Cas's feelings but trying to help his brother not take on the blame for something out of his control.
"Because if it wasn't for me he would have never disobeyed heaven and everything else that followed would have never happened."
"Yeah, and the world would have ended and the angels would have gotten their way," Sam reminded him.
"Maybe that wouldn't have been as bad as we think," Dean said quietly, but Sam still heard.
A few weeks go by and everyone settles into somewhat of a routine. Future Cas gets drunk, high and hooks up with random women at will. Cas checks in a lot. Dean looks for hunts to distract them until there's news on the Lucifer front. Sam continues to worry about whatever is bothering his big brother that he knows will eventually blow up in some sort of violent drunken outburst no doubt.
"Bible boy's right," future Cas said, referring to his past self. "I vote we fry the little fucker."
"You don't get a vote," Dean said glaring at him.
"We can't just kill a little kid. Even you gotta know that," Sam piped in.
In the end, they of course did not kill Jesse. Sam and Dean had told him what he was and how powerful he could be. They intended to take him to Bobby's and think of what to do with him there but the kid had other plans. He took off after leaving a note on his bed that said he was sorry and was leaving to protect his parents.
It'd been a little over a month since future Cas popped up in their hotel room. He was drunk or high or both most of the time but he was actually a really good hunter. He didn't have any of those pesky inhibitions about being afraid of death to get in his way. When he saw the chance to go for the kill, he took it.
Future Cas was sitting on one of the beds in the hotel room propped against the headboard watching TV when they burst in. Sam opened the door and Dean followed behind supporting Castiel's weight and practically dragging him in the room with him.
"What the hell happened to him?" Future Cas asked more curious than concerned.
"Gabriel," Cas grumbled.
"Oh right, and you two just came from TV land," future Cas laughed.
"It wasn't funny chuckles," Dean said in annoyance as he lay the angel down on the empty bed.
"Oh it will be," he assured. "Trust me, you were pissed the first time too."
"The first time?" Sam questioned, cutting Dean off from his intended snarky reply.
"From the future here," the time traveler answered sarcastically.
"But it's supposed to be different now. We're supposed to change things this time," Sam said concerned. "So far things keep happening just like the first time."
Sam and Dean exchanged a look of worry. Castiel seemed to have passed out and future Cas had his typical air of indifference. He knew for the most part things would happen just like the first time. Sure, minor details would be different but all the big stuff would be the same. The things that had nothing to do with them separating would all happen again. Dean would go on almost all of the same hunts, they'd still look for the colt and find it, they'd fight the horsemen together this time, they'd die and see Heaven, stuff like that.
"The only thing that's different is that you two are together now," future Cas explained. "Dean's still on the same path as he was the first time only with you here now too. Other people's destinies that were fulfilled the first time around will happen the same, until Dean or you do something to drastically change things."
"Like say yes to Michael and Lucifer," Dean said through gritted teeth.
"That would be one way. Actually killing Lucifer would really fuck up the chain of events too."
Much like the first time Dean blamed himself entirely for Jo and Ellen's death. Only this time he got to see that the colt wouldn't work on Lucifer. Dean was feeling guilty and defeated, not a good combination. He was totally shit faced when future Cas walked into Bobby's spare bedroom to check in on him. He thought about the first time this had happened and how Dean completely broke down in his arms and he comforted him the best he could. That wouldn't happen this time around. First of all, his Cas is downstairs with Bobby and Sam and there was no way Dean would pour his heart out to his future self, he knew Dean was disgusted with this version of Cas.
"It wasn't your fault," future Cas said quietly as he shut the door behind him.
"How the fuck would you know?" Dean slurred. "You weren't even there."
"Yes I was," he corrected. "And I told you the first time it wasn't your fault, they knew the stakes when they chose to come."
"You're a cold hearted prick, you know that?" Dean spat out bitterly.
You're really a sick masochistic ex angel, aren't you? Dean doesn't give a shit about you and why would he. It was hard enough to comfort this stubborn son of a bitch the first time around when he actually liked you.
Cas stood there not sure what to do next. He couldn't help him like he had the first time and it was killing him. This was his Dean, the Dean he'd given up everything for and would sacrifice himself for in a second, hell he had already. Cas wasn't going to give up that easily. This Dean may not love this Cas but this Cas certainly loved this Dean and he was going to help him whether the thick headed bastard let him or not.
"You didn't say that to me last time," Cas said quietly, as he sat on the edge of the bed next to the hunter.
"What?" Dean asked surprised. "Well then what did I say to you?"
"It's not of import," Cas said dismissively, recalling exactly what he'd said to him after that. He'd told him how they were all supposed to die on that mission and everything was supposed to be over.
"Pfttt," Dean snorted. "Of course it aint. I keep making all the same fuck ups and it don't matter. Why would it to you anyway?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Cas asked offended.
"You, look at you," Dean said gesturing to the man beside him. "You don't give a shit about anything, I saw how you were man."
"You don't know anything," Cas said so coldly it sent a shiver up Dean's spine. "A lot of things happened in those five years that you have no idea about and never will. Don't be so quick to judge me when it was you who taught me how to be human in the first place," he said resentfully. He knew it would hurt but he didn't care at the moment.
"You're right," Dean admitted somberly. "He would never have become you if it weren't for me."
Cas looked at him in surprise, he was expecting anger, a fight, some denial. It was too soon for the fire in this Dean to go out.
"That's not true," Cas said feeling guilty. It had nothing to do with this Dean. He was feeling responsible for actions he hadn't even committed yet and with any luck, never would.
"Too late, you already said it."
"I was just angry," Cas lied.
"Five years and you're still a shitty liar," Dean said looking up at him sadly.
"It can be different Dean. We can still stop it...you and Cas can still stop it," he corrected.
"How can you think that? How can you believe in me at all when you know what I turn into? I fucking sent you to die Cas," he choked out hoarsely.
"You," he said, strongly emphasizing the word. "didn't do anything. Castiel has faith in you, he believes in you. No matter what happens he knows you won't stop fighting."
"But you hate me. Or him rather," Dean guessed.
"What, no. Why would you say that?" Cas asked taken aback.
"I didn't miss how you specifically said Castiel in that little pep talk. I don't think you were being a douche and referring to yourself in the third person. Oh and, he kinda killed ya."
"I said Castiel because the loyalty is mutual. All that is true for me too, you're the Dean I went to battle for, but I know what you think of me and my opinion wouldn't matter. And I don't hate him either, we were both dead already."
"That's not true," Dean said honestly. "I can't judge you for how you turned out, I have no clue what it was like for you. I know what I saw and that was you being loyal to Dean until the very end and you knew something was going on, didn't you?"
"He had always planned on using us as bait," Cas confessed.
"Why did you go with him?" Dean asked incredulously.
"I will never abandon you Dean, no matter what."
Both men went silent. They got locked into one of their intense stare offs and just sat there quietly. Cas was loyal to him unconditionally. Dean knew Cas, his Cas, was loyal too but he wondered if he were this loyal yet. He'd already sacrificed himself for something Dean had gotten him into but that was to save the world. This Cas was fully willing to do it for him, the rest of the world was just there, on the side or whatever. Dean, as usual, was the first to break the stare. He found his eyes drift to that same damn place they had been going since Cas had been killed by that teenage mutant ninja angel and brought back by whoever, the angel's lips. What he failed to notice was the former anger was staring at him too.
Dammit Cas! You gotta stop it now. If you love him so damn much you need to stay the fuck away from him and maybe save his life.
"Well uh, I guess I'll leave you alone now," Cas said clearing his throat awkwardly.
Cas was up and out of the room before Dean had a chance to respond. He recognized that look. He couldn't really believe Dean was giving it to him but he was pretty drunk after all. Hindsight was 20/20 and once he and Dean had gotten together he started to think about things and interactions between the two that led up to that night when Dean made his first move. It was the best and worst night of his life. He was feeling completely alone after discovering his father didn't give a shit anymore and he went on a bender. Dean called for him for three days before he finally couldn't resist anymore. Dean had comforted him, told him he'd be there for him and then it happened, Dean kissed him. It was the best sensation Castiel had ever felt. He'd been surpressing these 'feelings' he'd been having for the hunter for months, mostly because he didn't know what to hell to do and he knew Dean liked women. Then Dean pulled away and wanted to forget it ever happened. Cas knew he didn't actually have a heart but he still thought it had broken at that moment.
Cas rushed down the stairs and straight to Bobby's liquor cabinet picking out the fullest bottle there. Then he went out the front door and took off in the dark. He unscrewed the cap to the vodka bottle and threw it on the ground then took a long drink. He rummaged around his jacket pocket and pulled out the bottle of valume he'd stolen from some housewife on a recent hunt. He downed three pills with a big gulp of the booze. He had no destination in mind but he just had to get the hell away from that house, read Dean, as soon as possible. Bobby kind of lived out in the middle of nowhere. He had a neighbor on either side of him but they were pretty far off. Then there was nothing but road and woods for quite a few miles before you got to town. He tried not to but all he could think about was Dean. There was nothing he couldn't remember about the last five years, and honestly that was a big reason he drank so much and did all the drugs he did. When he was trashed he could block out the memories even just for a short while.
"Are you pissed at me?" Dean asked tentatively.
"I am not angry," Castiel said evenly.
"You're a bad liar Cas," Dean said softly.
"I am not lying," the angel denied.
"Well then why won't you even look at me?" Dean asked as he sat on the edge of the bed next to Ca,\s, but at an arm's length away.
"I haven't had occasion."
"Cas please," Dean said pleading.
"It's fine Dean," Cas said, finally looking at the hunter.
"You know.. I mean it's not like...it's just," Dean stammered out, attempting an excuse but finding himself unable to actually finish any of them.
"I understand," Cas said flatly.
"I just can't say it," Dean admitted somberly. "It doesn't mean it aint there."
"You don't have to say anything," Cas said looking him in the eye.
Earlier Castiel had said those three magical words that every long term relationship normally craves to hear, I love you. Dean being, well Dean, avoided the situation. He said nothing and then declared he needed a drink. They hadn't spoken since. Cas looked so disappointed when Dean didn't say it back and that gave Dean the familiar feeling of dull guilt in the pit of his stomach but really, what did he expect? He knew Dean better than anyone, except for Sam. He should know Dean wasn't capable of actually saying those words to someone whether he felt them or not. And it was there, he did love Cas but saying it out loud just wasn't in the cards, not anytime that he could see anyway.
Two more months pass and future Cas tries his best to never be alone with Dean. It was hard enough seeing him even with people around, there was no sense in pouring salt into the wounds and being around temptation without any barriers. The big events seemed to be happening sooner this time around. In his time it had taken he and Dean nine months to find the colt and try to confront Lucifer, this time it was only a couple months. The small random hunts Dean used to keep himself distracted about Sam didn't happen much this time though. He and Dean were fully focused on hunting the devil and went on very few low level hunts. This made it difficult for future Cas to know what was going to happen until it actually started to happen, and it frustrated him. Sure, nobody else knew what was going to happen either but he was from the future dammit, he figured he was owed this one perk.
"What the fuck happened?" Future Cas asked in horror after entering the hotel room to see a very dead Sam and Dean laid out on their beds.
"You should know," Castiel answered flippantly.
"Heaven," he realized.
"You can keep how this doesn't work to yourself. Things are different this time."
"They're exactly the same Castiel!" Future Cas snapped. "Nothing has changed and Dean keeps going in the same direction as before."
"I will NOT let him turn into what he did," Castiel said coldly, getting into his double's personal space. "And I will NOT become you."
"You already are."
"I'm nothing like you," Castiel said bitterly.
"You're in love with him. It's all falling into place again. What happens in Heaven will directly lead to you getting together."
"W-what? I care for Dean as my charge, nothing more. There's nothing else between us and Dean enjoys females," Castiel denied.
"Pull that bullshit with someone who isn't the future version of yourself dumbass. I remember what it was like. You have to stop it. Dean is going to start it and you have to tell him no."
Castiel looked at his counterpart in a mixture of hurt and disbelief. He couldn't believe Dean wanted him in that way too and this guy was telling him he couldn't even have it. It was one thing to not have Dean because Dean didn't feel the same way, Cas would be there for him no matter how he was needed but if Dean cared for him back then why couldn't he have him?
"Because it all turns to shit," future Cas answered. "If Dean doesn't say yes to Michael the world gets destroyed and YOU are the main reason he continues to say no."
"You want him to say yes. You're helping Zachariah, aren't you?" Castiel accused.
"Fuck Zachariah," Cas snapped coldly. "I just want things to be different. I can't watch him turn out that way again," he said heartbroken.
"How am I supposed to change anything? I didn't the first time."
"You're gonna stay away from him. He's better off without either of us."
"That'll prove difficult since I'm trying to stop the Apocalypse with him,"Castiel said annoyed.
"Fucking him isn't part of it angel boy. Keep it in your pants," Cas said glaring at the angel.
"How am I supposed to refuse him?" Castiel asked weakly. "You know we could never deny him anything he requested."
"Because you'll have me here as a constant reminder not to touch him and because you'll save his life and I know that saving Dean Winchester is our sole purpose in life."
"Is it really that bad?" Castiel asked disheartened.
He'd give anything not to have to do this but it was pretty clear that Castiel was not going to listen until he laid all the cards on the table. He was going to have to tell him everything about their time together and not leave anything out. He just hoped this Cas still had enough sense to do the right thing because he certainly wouldn't. If he had a do over he wouldn't stay away from Dean, he'd take every bad moment all over again.
Castiel sat there listening intently to his future self. He remained as stoic as ever but inside it was killing him. He'd often thought about what it would be like to have Dean and it sounded like it was even better than he'd imagined but it all went so wrong. He couldn't let Dean or himself go down that road again. It would be the hardest thing he'd ever do but if Dean makes the advance on him he would have to turn him away. Of course he didn't think them being together was the sole reason the world went to shit but he was the reason Dean continued to refuse Michael and the rate things were going saying yes to Michael looked like the better alternative for the future.
A month passed and future Cas did the best he could to avoid being alone around Dean and keep Castiel away from him as well, it was a tiring job. As soon as Dean announced they were investigating a couple who had eaten each other to death after a date, future Cas told them what the deal was. Sam stayed behind while Dean, Castiel and future Cas went to deal with the horsemen.
Dean and Castiel went to the morgue to look at the bodies while future Cas waited in the hotel room and started on his way to getting drunk. He was flicking through TV channels absentmindedly when suddenly the angel appeared in the middle of the room.
"Where's Dean?" Future Cas asked from the bed.
"He's on his way back here. We have a problem," Castiel said, looking nervous.
"I've been effected by famine," Castiel answered shortly.
"It's cool. The cheeseburgers won't do anything to you," Cas shrugged.
"I'm not hungry for cheeseburgers this time," Castiel answered, looking at him poignantly.
"Oh shit," Cas said in understanding. "What did you do?"
"Nothing. I zapped away from him when the urge to slam him up against the wall at the morgue became rather strong," Castiel answered indifferently.
"You gotta go away now. You can't slip up in front of Dean, he already has those feelings for you that he's trying to keep in."
"What about you, Dean will probably be your hunger as well?"
"So what, I can come up with excuses. I'm drunk and he already knows I'm a whore," Cas justified. "If you do anything he'll know something's up."
"What about famine? Dean can't fight him alone."
"I'll help him. You just go hide out somewhere. Later, you tell Dean the meat shit got to you."
Castiel disappeared and a few minutes later Dean came walking through the door looking pretty annoyed. Future Cas tried to prepare himself. His desire for Dean was high enough already without any hell bound help from Lucifer's bitches.
This is gonna be a barrel of fucking laughs.
"Has Cas been here?" Dean asked, giving him a firm look.
"No, I thought he was with you," Cas answered playing dumb.
"He was and then he took off at the morgue."
"Well, you know he isn't one for goodbyes."
"Whatever," Dean said dismissively as he laid down on the unoccupied bed. "I'll just deal with famine myself."
"I'll go," Cas offered.
"What about your love of red meat. You'll be just as useless as he was," Dean said.
"I think I can handle it," he answered flatly.
"We'll deal with it tomorrow, I need to sleep."
Because he was just that much into self torture apparently, he looked over at the other bed as Dean quickly drifted off to sleep. He knew Dean was exhausted, he always slept like this when he was. He had just collapsed on the bed stomach first, fully clothed and didn't move after. He watched as the hunter slept and thought about how much he just wanted to be on that damn bed with him. Their bodies pressed tightly together as he had his arms wrapped around Dean's firm muscular body. This was going to kill him, he had to put a stop to this now.
Fucking Christ! Are you just trying to give yourself a brain aneurysm? You know damn right well you can't touch him and last thing you need to be doing is considering anything about him at all with Famine in town.
He thought a cold, very cold, shower would be his best course of action. He got off the bed and made his way to the bathroom shedding clothes along the way. He turned on the water and stepped into the tub fully immersing himself under the flow. The cold water felt harsh against his skin and he decided he wanted to play this another way. He turned on the hot water and decided to get this out of his system rather than fight it. Because really, nobody needed to be dealing with a sexually frustrated ex angel of the lord. He let his mind wander easily into an old, very vivid, memory of him and his Dean.
"Dammit Dean!" Cas yelled as he slammed the hotel room door behind him. "What in the hell were you thinking?" He asked the hunter coldly.
"I wasn't," Dean shrugged, acting indifferent but still taking a few steps away from the door and Castiel.
"That much is clear. You almost got yourself killed."
"I'm fine," Dean said glaring at him. Cas was always freaking babying him. He was a bad ass hunter dammit, not a child.
"That demon worked directly under Lucifer, he wasn't some random monster from the pit," Cas said returning the glare.
"I've dealt with worse. I've been to Hell, remember?" Dean asked, not breaking eye contact.
Castiel flinched slightly at the thought. He understood it was a rhetorical question. Of course he remembered. Pulling Dean's soul out of Hell was one of the toughest things he'd ever done. He'd been watching Dean there for weeks trying to think of a way to save him. He'd seen how broken Dean was and how much he suffered there, the memories still haunted him. They were worse than ever in fact because in the month since he'd become human he was now having nightmares about Dean in the pit, both things he'd actually seen and a reoccurring one where his mission to Hell failed and he was unable to save his soul. The worst part of that dream was that Dean didn't want to be saved either.
"Of course I remember," Cas snapped, keeping up his air of anger. "I'm the one who removed you, remember?"
"That doesn't mean you can boss me around," Dean said, trying to sound firm but it ended up coming out making him sound like a whiny twelve year old talking back to his parents. "I don't need you treating me like a baby."
"Like you ever listen to me," Castiel returned darkly as he grabbed Dean by the collar roughly and shoved him against the wall. "Whatever I say you seem determined to do the opposite," he said harshly, fully invading his personal space, his face mere inches from Dean's.
Dean looked him in the eye a little frightened, to be honest, and pretty turned on too. Pissed Cas was fucking hot. Cas was reminding him of the time he had demanded Dean show him some respect and threatened he could throw him back in the pit. Cas later assured him he wasn't at all serious but at the time it frightened Dean a little. He was fierce and forceful. Dean had been skeptical about the whole angel thing. He didn't take them very seriously based on what he 'knew' about them. Feathery guardians who flew around and slept on clouds or whatever. But this guy was anything but that, this guy was clearly a bad ass mother fucker not to be messed with. Right at that moment Dean decided it'd be in his best interest to stay on his good side.
"Why should I? Dean said glaring at him. He was just pushing him now. He was human, he couldn't smite him anymore even if he wanted to. Hell, even when he was still an angel these arguments always ended the same way, once they'd gotten together that is.
"Because angel or not I can still beat your ass," Cas said in a lower than normal husky voice. Dean just smirked at him, knowing the good stuff was coming soon.
"You can try," Dean challenged, in a low dark tone while looking at him suggestively.
Castiel regripped Dean's jacket pushing him against the wall tighter and brought his mouth to the hunter's fiercely. Dean returned the kiss without mercy then shoved the other man back. They separated for a second and Castiel gave him a dangerous look before attacking him and sending him back against the wall hard. Cas pinned Dean's hands over his head in one hand and gripped his neck with the other.
"I don't have to try," Cas said with heavy breath.
He released Dean's hands and grabbed at his jacket pulling it down his arms, clothes needed to start coming off like now. Dean mimicked the action with Cas's trench coat then suit jacket. Then Cas the hem of Dean's shirt and pulled it up over his head. Their mouths collided back into one another as Dean worked to undo the buttons on Cas's dress shirt. Cas pushed his hands away and pinned them to the wall on either side of him then made his way from Dean's mouth down to his neck where he found that spot that Dean liked so much. He sucked on it hard bringing the blood to the surface then bit at it breaking the skin a little before sucking it again.
"So possessive," Dean said voice raspy with need.
Cas pulled away and looked at him with a desire then licked off the little bit of blood left on his bottom lip. Then he grabbed the unsuspecting man by the shoulders, pulled him forward, spun him around and threw him on the bed before climbing on top of him. Dean looked at him in surprise and Cas just resumed his assault on him. The former angel made the decent with his mouth down Dean's toned upperbody licking, sucking and biting along the way until he reached his jeans. He stopped and looked up at Dean with a smirk. Then started to kiss his way back up the bare skin to his mouth. Dean groaned underneath him. Cas smiled to himself, he loved driving Dean crazy like this.
Taking mercy on the poor guy Cas reached down to undo his jeans then removed them. He slipped his hand into Dean's boxers and began to stroke his hard cock. He moved harder and faster until he could tell that Dean was close and then stopped.
"Fucking tease," Dean hissed.
"You'll come when I damn well want you to," Cas growled into his ear.
Cas began kissing Dean's chest again and went to his nipple. He sucked on it hard making Dean gasp. He continued down farther stopping to pay particularly close attention to the hunters stomach. First his licked in gently then suddenly bit hard leaving a mark and causing Dean to jump slightly.
"Fucking vampire," Dean said sucking in his breath sharply.
"You love it," Cas said looking up at him with a cheeky grin.
Done with the teasing Cas removed the rest of their clothes and positioned himself over top of Dean then slid himself down onto his erection. Dean swore and Cas adjusted to the feeling inside him. Cas began to ride him rough and fast. Dean met every movement with an upward thrust of his hips in response. Dean reached out to grip Cas on the hips but he took hold of his wrists and pinned them down on the bed. Dean grunted in frustration and Cas answered by going even harder. Dean would never admit it out loud but he loved it when Cas took full control like this. The majority of the time Dean was the dominant one, the aggressive one and it was pretty fucking hot when Cas flipped the switch.
They were both getting close and after a few more thrusts they both came hard within seconds of each other. Cas released Dean's wrists and flopped down on the bed beside him. Both men were spent and laid there catching their breath.
"It's always the quiet ones," Dean said shaking his head.
"It's always the quiet ones what?" Cas asked, looking over at him.
"That are the biggest freaks in the sack. I mean who'd of guessed looking at you in your tax accountant get up that you'd be into angry aggressive sex and get off on a little blood kink."
"I do not get off on a little blood kink," Cas denied.
"Dude, exhibit A and B," Dean said, pointing out his two latest puncture wounds. "And these are far from the first ones," Dean said giving him an I'm right look.
"I just like marking you," Cas said indifferently. "The blood is just an after effect I have to deal with."
"Uh, hello," Dean said dramatically. "Isn't this kinda marked enough?" Dean asked, pointing out the Castiel handshaped print on his upper arm.
"That's different. I was saving you. The marks now are to show you're my little bitch," Cas said giving him a suggestive look.
"Oh really?" Dean asked with an eyebrow raise. "I'll show you who's the little bitch," he said getting on top of Cas and straddling him. "Don't forget the safety word now," Dean warned with a smirk then leaned down to kiss the former angel roughly.
For whatever reason Cas was never effected by famine. His own brought on self torture the night before aside, he never actually felt the force of the horesmen's power. They went to the diner where he was hauled up and while the demons were distracted with Dean Cas snuck up and chopped Famines ring finger off. They nearly got killed by pissed off demons but they got the job done.
"Son of a bitch," Dean swore, wincing in pain as he took off his jacket.
"Here," Cas offered him the bottle of Jack he'd just opened as he walked up behind him.
"This is gonna need stitches," Dean said after lifting up his shirt and observing the deep cut on his abdomen then he took the bottle from the former angel and took a long pull from it.
"I'll do it," Cas offered, then went to get the first aid kit from Dean's duffel.
"What about you?" Dean called from the bathroom as he removed his shirt.
"I'll live," he answered shortly as he came back into the room. "Hold still," he ordered, after pushing Dean against the counter.
"Nice bed side manner nurse Rachet," Dean said sarcastically. "Least your still just as bossy in five years."
"Like you ever did anything I told you."
"True," Dean nodded then took another swig of the liquor. "Never stops you from trying though, does it."
Cas didn't miss the way he said you. Up till then Dean had been very specific with separating him from the angel. He knew it shouldn't, but this made him smile inside. Dean just might not hate this version of him as much as he thinks.
"I eventually learn my lesson," Cas answered evenly.
"Cas?" Dean asked, in that tone that had always made his mind race even when he was still Castiel. It was a tone that made it sound as if he were the only other person in the world besides Dean at that moment. He always wondered if Dean thought anything similar to this when he used it but he never had the guts to ask.
"Yeah," Cas said, urging him to continue while glancing up at the hunter with his best effort at keeping an indifferent tone and look.
"He's different," Dean said sadly.
"Cas. He's avoiding me. I think he's given up on me."
"No he hasn't."
"Then what's wrong with him? He barely says two words to me unless it's about business and he takes off immediately when other people aren't in the room with us."
"Who says anything's wrong with him? I wasn't the most talkative guy," Cas deflected.
"You used to talk to me," Dean said sounding hurt. "And you used to listen to me. You were the only one I could talk to about some stuff."
"It's better this way," Cas said evenly. "You're done," he said, gesturing to the wound and taking back the bottle before turning to leave.
"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" Dean asked, as he grabbed his arm to stop him from leaving.
Cas looked him in the eye. Dean looked at him pleadingly and it almost broke him. He hated himself for what he was about to do but he had to do it to save the one person that meant everything to him.
"Because without you he won't turn into me," he answered coldly.
Dean released his arm as if it had given him an electric shock. Cas had just said what Dean had thought all along but it still hurt to hear it out loud in confirmation.
I'm gonna need to find another liquor store to drink after this shit.
Over the next few weeks Dean was very moody and withdrawn. The way he was acting was too close to future Dean for future Cas's comfort. He still had a long way to go, but this is how it started the first time so he was worried. Both he and present Cas did their best to avoid him still and now Dean thought he knew why. Future Cas had told current Cas about the conversation with Dean in the motel room and he wanted more than anything to tell Dean that it wasn't true but he agreed with future Cas that this was for the best.
While investigating a cluster of demonic omens that seemed to be focusing in one particular area. They came across this town that appeared to be full of make shift hunters. They'd been overridden with demons and instead of running for the hills they decided to defend themselves. They even had themselves their very own prophet, a young girl named Leah. Sam thought the town was acting strangely and they should do something. This Leah girl kept telling the people they had to do all this stuff to make the angels happy so they could all go to paradise when judgment day came and it all just didn't sit well with him.
"No drinking, no gambling, no premarital sex. Dean, they basically just outlawed ninety percent of your personality," Sam said judgingly as they walked out of the church.
"Yeah, well, whatever. When in Rome," Dean said indifferently.
"So uh, you're cool with it?" Sam asked surprised.
"I'm not cool. I'm not, not cool. I'm just, look man, I'm not a prophet. We're not locals. It's not my call. I'll catch up with you," Dean said before going back into the church.
Dean went back to talk to the girl prophet and Sam went to the local bar. A few hours later Sam walked back into their motel room a little drunk. Future Cas was sitting on one of the beds reading but looked up when the hunter entered the room.
"Where you been?" Dean asked.
"You rebel," Dean smirked.
"I'd have had more, um, but it was curfew."
"Right," Dean nodded.
"You hear they shut down the cell towers?"
"No. That's, uh, news to me."
"Yeah. No cable, internet. Total cut off from the corruption of the outside world."
"Huh," Dean said seeming disinterested.
"Don't you get it? They're turning this place into some kind of fundamentalist compound.," Sam said.
"No, I get it."
"And all you've got's a hmm? What's wrong with you?"
"I get it. I just don't care," Dean shrugged.
"What?" Sam asked in shock.
"What difference does it make?"
"It makes a hell of a...At what point does this become too far for you? Stoning? Poisoned Kool-Aid? The angels are toying with these people!" Sam said in anger.
"Angel world, angel rules, man."
"And since when is that okay with you?" Sam challenged.
"Since the angels' got the only lifeboats on the Titanic. I mean, who exactly is supposed to come along and save these people? It was supposed to be us, but we can't do it."
"Cas, you wanna weigh in on this here?" Sam asked looking for some help. Cas just looked at him and shrugged, pretending not to care.
"Don't bring him into this," Dean said annoyed.
"So what? You wanna, you wanna just want to stop fighting, roll over?" Sam asked not believing what he was hearing.
"I don't know, maybe."
"Don't say that," Sam said hurt.
"Why not?" Dean asked looking at him.
"Cause you can't do this."
"Actually, I can," Dean said stubbornly.
"No you can't. You can't do this to me. I got one thing, one thing, keeping me going. You think you're the only one white-knuckling it here, Dean? I can't count on anyone else. I can't do this alone," Sam said desperately.
"I gotta clear my head," Dean said before leaving the room.
I'm losing him all over again. It was supposed to be different this time. We aren't together, he has Sam back. I can't watch this again. I have to stop it.
Cas had been paying full attention during the whole discussion and his heart ached. Dean was giving up. Even the Dean in his time never gave up. He might not have cared about anything other than finding the colt and getting to Lucifer but he never gave up. This Dean just seemed done with it all. Cas always knew he would have never survived without Dean in his life but he never thought the same would be true the other way around. Without his Castiel, Dean was falling apart. A few minutes later the angel appeared in front of the door.
"I got your message. It was long, your message. And I find the sound of your voice grating," the angel addressed Sam.
"What's wrong with you? Are you...drunk?" Sam asked bewildered.
"No!" Castiel snapped. "Yes."
"What the hell happened to you?"
"I found a liquor store," Castiel answered indifferently.
"And? Sam urged.
"And I drank it," Castiel said impatiently and future Cas couldn't help but chuckle to himself while remembering having almost this same conversation years ago with Dean but then he felt a full ache in his chest when the rest of the memory of that night flooded back to him. He knew Sam wasn't going to kiss Cas though so this time it should end differently. "Why'd you call me?" Castiel asked annoyed.
"Whoa. There you go. Easy. Are you okay?" Sam asked as Cas stumbled.
"Don't ask stupid questions," Cas said after leaning in close to the hunter's ear. "Tell me what you need."
"T-there have been these...these demon attacks. Massive, right on the edge of town. And we can't figure out why they're..." Sam started to explain.
"Any sign of angels?" Castiel asked interrupting him.
"Sort of. They've been speaking to this prophet."
"This girl, Leah Gideon."
"She's not a prophet," Cas said sure of himself.
"I'm pretty sure she is. Visions, headaches...the whole package."
"The names of all the prophets, they're seared into my brain. Leah Gideon is not one of them," Castiel said matter of factly.
"Then what is she?" Sam asked curious.
The whore. Oh how fun.
Castiel thought about it for a second then explained to Sam what they were dealing with. The whore, she came to earth when Lucifer was walking free. She used false prophecy to get as many souls to turn bad as she could to get them to go to Hell. They went to try to find Dean but couldn't so they went back to the hotel to wait for him. Around dawn he showed up. Future Cas let out a sigh of relief but current Cas seemed too hung-over to care.
"We went out looking for..." Sam started to say but then stopped when he took in Dean's appearance. "You alright?" He asked with concern.
"Yeah. It's...it's not my blood. Paul's dead."
"Jane shot him," Dean said plainly.
"It's starting," Castiel chimed in.
"What's starting?" Dean asked, turning to the angel, finally noticing his presence. "Where the hell have you been?"
"On a bender," Castiel answered flippantly.
"Did he..." Dean started to ask, looking at Sam before turning back to the angel. "Did you say on a bender?"
"Yeah. He's still pretty smashed," Sam confirmed.
"It is not of import," Castiel said looking as if he might be sick. "We need to talk about what's happening here."
They filled Dean in on what they were fighting and Cas zapped off to go get the weapon to kill her. He returned that night putting a wooden stake down on the table in front of Sam and Dean. Future Cas was sitting on the bed watching TV, still pretending to be indifferent to this whole situation but inside he was worried about Dean.
"The whore can be killed with that. It's a stake made from a cypress tree in Babylon," Castiel explained when the brothers looked at the stick.
"Great. Let's ventilate her," Dean said.
"It's not that easy," Castiel answered simply.
"'Course not," Dean said sarcastically.
"The whore can only be killed by a true Servant of Heaven," he explained.
"Servant, like…" Dean started to guess and Castiel cut him off when he realized where he was going.
"Not you. Or me. Sam, of course, is an abomination. We'll have to find someone else."
They decided their best option would be the pastor. He was the girl who the whore had taken form of and they felt bad about that but it needed to be done. They couldn't do it and this guy seemed to be genuine in his duty. They explained the whole thing to him and eventually got him to agree that it needed to be done.
At the church Castiel held the girl down for the pastor to stab her but she pretended to be his daughter and he hesitated leaving the monster the chance to weaken Castiel using some Enochian spell. She got away from them all and a struggle broke out between some of the church people and Sam and future Cas while Dean fought the whore. In the end Dean staked her and she was killed. Future Cas looked at the body in horror. No way Dean could have killed her...not unless he had made a decision.
Sam helped the pastor up and they went to retrieve Castiel who was still weak. They make their way back to the Impala and Sam voices the same suspicion future Cas already had earlier.
"Dean, how did you do that?" Sam asked.
"What?" Dean asks playing dumb.
"Long run of luck held out, I guess."
"Last I checked, she could only be ganked by a servant of Heaven."
"Well, what do you want me to tell you? I saw a shot. I went for it," Dean defended.
They load the injured person and angel in the back seat and future Cas got in the front seat between Sam and Dean.
"Are you gonna do something stupid?" Sam asked bluntly.
"Like what?" Dean asked.
"Like Michael stupid."
"Come on, Sam. Give me a break," Dean denied.
They got in the car and started for the motel. Future Cas knew he was lying. He was planning on saying yes to Michael. He felt sick to his stomach. He tried to convince himself this was all for the best. When this was all over Michael would return Dean good as new, Lucifer would be dead and there would be paradise on earth. If it were that simple why did he want to puke? He knew Dean never wanted to say yes to Michael, he always wanted to find another way. They'd had two shots at doing things differently and failed. It needed to be this way.
Back at the hotel room Dean made his excuse to leave. Future Cas knew he wouldn't be coming back. While Sam was suspicious he still let him leave. A few seconds later they all heard the peeling wheels as the Impala took off. Sam ran outside but it was too late.
"Dammit!" Sam swore as he came back into the room. "He's going to say yes."
"Maybe it's for the best," future Cas offered.
"Bullshit, half the world will fry."
"ALL the world will fry if he doesn't," future Cas returned, raising his voice in anger.
"You wanted him to say yes all along didn't you?" Sam accused.
"I just wanted him to change things," Cas answered honestly. "So far nothing is different. This may be the only way."
"No," Sam said shaking his head. "The hell with that. Things are different. We're hunting together again. I would never say yes to Lucifer now."
"I guess he believes otherwise," Cas said plainly.
The problem with Dean hiding was that the one person who knew him as well as he knew himself was looking for him. Sam was almost positive Dean would go home, the only home they'd ever known, Lawrence. Once they got there it was just figuring out what hotel he was at and since Sam knew all of Dean's aliases or could infer any new ones, it wasn't hard to find him. He walked into the room and saw Dean taping a box shut.
"Sending someone a candy-gram?" Sam asked.
"How'd you find me?"
"You're going to kill yourself, right? It's not too hard to figure out the stops on the Farewell Tour."
"I'm not going to kill myself," Dean corrected.
"No? So Michael's not about to make you his Muppet? What the hell, man? This is how it ends? You just...walk out?"
"Yeah, I guess," Dean shrugged.
"How could you do that?" Sam asked.
"How could I? All you've ever done is run away."
"And I was wrong. Every single time I did," Sam confessed. "Just…please. Not now. Bobby is working on something," he nearly begged.
"Oh, really what?" Dean asked not convinced and Sam's silence only confirms his doubt. "You got nothing and you know it."
Sam tells him he'll have to stop him and Dean tells him to go ahead and try, he isn't fighting with demon blood in his veins this time. Sam tells him he brought help and Dean turned around to see Castiel standing there before he zaps him back to Bobby's house. Dean spends the day being rather difficult but that was to be expected. They decide to lock him in Bobby's panic room because even with an angel watching he still was Dean Winchester, they couldn't take the chance of him escaping.
Sam and Cas went down to the panic room after a few hours to try to talk to him. Future Cas follows but it's just to observe. He really isn't sure what's the right thing to do so he doesn't want to put in an opinion either way. He'd already had his shot to fuck things up. He knew Dean wanted to say yes right now and he'd most likely just be talked into wanting whatever Dean wants anyway.
"Well, Cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that…I got laid," Dean said to Cas with a suggestive wink. Cas just stared at him disapprovingly while future Cas snickered.
"You're not helping," Sam said sending future Cas a glare.
Future Cas stepped into the panic room and Castiel shut the door and locked it.
"You still being a stubborn bastard?" Sam asked.
"If by that you mean wanting to do the only thing that's left to do then yes."
"We have options."
"I'm tired, man. I'm tired of fighting who I'm supposed to be," Dean said defeated. Future Cas stood there with his arms crossed, just listening.
"Well, do you think maybe you could take a half a second and stop trying to sacrifice yourself for a change? Maybe we could actually stick together?" Sam asked.
"I don't think so," Dean said plainly.
"Why not? Dean, seriously. Tell me. I..I want to know."
"I just…I don't believe."
"In what?" Sam asked confused.
"In you. I mean, I don't. I don't know whether it's gonna be demon blood or some other demon chick or what, but…I do know they're gonna find a way to turn you," Dean admitted sadly.
"So you're saying I'm not strong enough?" Sam asked.
"You're angry, you're self-righteous. Lucifer's gonna wear you to the prom, man. It's just a matter of time."
"Don't say that to me. Not you...of all people," Sam said hurt.
"I don't want to," Dean said somberly. "But it's the truth. And when Satan takes you over, there's got to be somebody there to fight him, it's got to be me."
Future Cas stayed behind and Sam went back up stairs. He wasn't sure what he should say or what he was going to say, but he just couldn't leave Dean alone like this.
"What do you really want to do?" He asked the hunter.
"I think I gotta say yes," Dean said broken. "He told me to say yes, begged for it actually."
"He tried to say yes but it was too late," Cas said sadly, remembering when it happened.
"Yeah, he told me. I don't want that to happen again. I don't want your world to happen at all."
"Then you have to do what you think is right Dean. You've always done what you think is best," Cas said giving him a meaningful look.
"How am I supposed to do that when they got me locked in a cage?"
"Be ready for them next time they come to check on you."
"Well Cas would be easy, just put up an angel banishing sigil. I'll help you if it's Sam."
"Why are you helping me?" Dean asked unsure.
"Because I believe in you. If you think this is the right thing to do then I'll back you up."
"I guess he doesn't believe in me anymore," Dean said depressed.
"Yes he does," Cas denied, knowing he meant Castiel. "He just doesn't think this is what you really want and he wants to stop you from having regrets. I know how things turn out if you say no, there's nothing to lose here, it's not like you can make the future any worse by saying yes."
"Thanks, that's really not comforting at all. Nice to see that hasn't changed about you either," Dean said with a small smile.
As luck would have it, it was Castiel who next came to check up on Dean. He used the sigil and banished the angel then took off. Future Cas snuck back upstairs and went outside to wander the junkyard. This was it, Dean was going to say yes to Michael. He really wouldn't exist now. A little while later there was a commotion in the house and Cas went back inside.
"Cas are you ok?" Sam asked the angel concerned.
"Dean," Cas started to say still sounding a little weak. "He's gone. I went to check on him and he'd put up an angel sigil."
"Shit!" Sam swore. "How do we find him now when you can't see him?"
"The advantage is that no angel can see him. He needs a third party to contact Michael or any angel. I'll listen for any indication."
A couple hours later Cas heard it. One of Zachariah's human spies was praying, they were seeing the righteous man, Dean Winchester. He dropped to his knees and started praying to Heaven. Cas was listening out for this and he immediately appeared next to the man.
"You pray too loud," Cas said before touching the man's shoulder, making him fall to the ground unconscious.
Next he turned to Dean grabbed him and drug him into the alleyway behind them. Then he threw Dean up against the brick wall roughly.
"What, are you crazy?" Dean asked in shock.
"I rebelled for this?!" Cas asked angrily after throwing Dean into the opposite wall then stood him upright and punched him twice in the face. "So that you could surrender to them?" He asked darkly, as he griped Dean's collar tightly and pressed him hard against the wall .
"Cas! Please!" Dean begged, after Cas threw him against the other wall and hit him hard in the stomach a few times. Cas didn't let up, he threw Dean back against the parallel wall and grabed him roughly.
"I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me," Castiel said harshly, then pulled him away from the wall and punched him in the face. Then he kicked him and Dean went flying into the fence behind him and landed on the ground on his side.
Castiel walked up to him and Dean struggled on the ground in pain. He managed to prop himself up a little and saw Castiel standing over him with his fist clenched.
"Do it," Dean pleaded looking up at the angel. "Just do it!" He shouted.
Castiel looked down at him, his anger decreasing. Dean was asking for something he couldn't possibly give him, nor did he ever intend to. Dean deserved a good ass kicking but that was as far as it would go, Cas could never truly hurt Dean. He unclenched his fist and reached down to touch the hunter's shoulder knocking him unconscious then teleported them both back to Bobby's.
Castiel suddenly appeared in Bobby's living room supporting a badly beaten Dean's weight with an arm around his shoulder. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked over at the pair in shock.
"What the fuck happened to him?" Future Cas asked in concern, as he put the book he was reading down on the couch and stood up.
"Me," Castiel answered shortly.
"You beat the shit out of him?" Future Cas asked in horror and surprise as he took Dean off the angel's hands.
"He deserved it," Castiel justified stoically.
"Can uh, you take him upstairs and get him cleaned up?" Sam asked, clearly trying to get them both out of the room.
"Yeah," future Cas said sending a glare at Castiel as he moved toward the stairs.
Fucking angel prick.
Dean wasn't much help getting himself upstairs and to one of Bobby's spare bedrooms so Cas had to mostly lift him and it took some effort. They finally got to a room and Cas dropped him on the bed. Dean hit the mattress with a grunt of pain.
"Bruised ribs here asshole," he groaned.
"You deserved it," Cas said, echoing his counterparts statement.
Cas went to the bathroom and got the first aid kit then returned to Dean who was sitting up right on the end of the bed.
"Piss off," Dean said pushing Cas away, as he tried to clean a cut on his face.
"Sit still dammit," Cas demanded as he persisted to tend to the injuries.
"You should just let me rot," Dean mumbled.
Cas ignored him and continued to clean the cuts on his face.
"Take your shirt off," Cas ordered.
"Whoa, Cas ya gotta buy me a drink first dude," Dean said with a cheeky grin.
"You're hilarious," Cas deadpanned. "For once just do what I ask," he requested impatiently as he stood up from the bed and pulled Dean up with him.
Dean went to take off his shirt and paused as he grunted in pain. Cas helped him lift it up over his head and started to inspect the damage.
"Fuck! Watch it," Dean hissed when Cas had pressed too hard on a tender rib.
"They don't appear to be broken," Cas said indifferently. "Looks like he went easy on you."
"Easy?" Dean questioned with an eyebrow raise. "He kicked my ass."
"And to not break anything means he showed restraint. Remember what it felt like when you punched him? He could have broken every bone in you without breaking a sweat."
"Yeah well, word to the wise..don't piss off the nerd angels."
Cas couldn't help but chuckle at this and so did Dean. Then Cas was suddenly all to aware of Dean's shirtlessness. When he was concerned for his wellbeing it didn't effect him but now that he knew he was ok he couldn't help but look, well kinda stare actually but he didn't realize he was being that obvious. He'd always loved the look of Dean's body. It was as close to perfect as he could imagine. And as great as the look of it was that was nothing compared to the way it felt. Cas unconsciously stuck out his tongue and licked his bottom lip at the thought. While this was going on Dean found himself doing a little staring of his own. He caught Cas looking at his body and just as he was about to call him out he found himself fixated on his lips, just like had been happening with the angel for months now. When he saw him lick his bottom lip slowly Dean had to shake himself out of this trance, problem was he didn't know how.
Just like the first time Dean was the one to take advantage of the moment. Without taking his eyes off the former angels mouth he leaned in and touched their lips together. Unlike the first time this kiss wasn't brief or chaste. When Dean's lips touched his Cas couldn't help but respond, this seemed to give Dean all the encouragement he needed. Dean deepened the kiss and wrapped an arm around the other man pulling them together. Cas gripped onto the hunter tightly with both hands. They couldn't really be sure who initiated it but eventually their tongues were exploring the other's mouth. After a few very intense minutes they separated and stood there catching their breath.
Fuck Cas, what the fuck are you doing? Knock it off.
"I'm gonna...go,"Cas said giving up at the attempt to make an excuse.
Dean opened his mouth to protest but nothing came out. It was too late anyway because Cas was out of the room before he would have gotten a sentence out. Luckily there was a well needed distraction just then.
"Dean!" Sam called as he made his way upstairs.
"Yeah," he grunted as he tried to put his shirt back on.
"The angels have Bobby," Sam said panicked as he entered the room.
"What? How?" Dean asked with panic of his own.
"Not sure, but he was on a liquor run and they got knows where he is though."
"What are you going to do?" Dean asked.
"For starters...I'm bringing you with."
"Excuse me?" Dean questioned in surprise.
"There are too many of them. We can't do it alone. And uh, you're pretty much the only game in town."
"Isn't that a bad idea?"
"Cas, now Cas, thinks so. Future Cas didn't seem to give a shit. I'm not so sure."
"Well, he's right. Because either it's a trap to get me there to make me say yes, or it's not a trap and I'm gonna say yes anyway. And I will. I'll do it. Fair warning," Dean swore.
"No, you won't. When push shoves, you'll make the right call," Sam said having faith in the older hunter.
"You know, if tables were turned I'd let you rot in here. Hell, I have let you rot in here."
"Yeah, well…I guess I'm not that smart," Sam shrugged.
"I...I don't get it. Sam, why are you doing this?"Dean asked eying him unsure.
"Because… you're still my big brother."
Castiel popped them all to where the angels were holding Bobby hostage. It was the same place they had taken Dean to when he thought he would be helping them stop the final seal from breaking.
"Where the hell are we?" Dean asked looking around.
"Van Nuys, California," Castiel responded.
"Excellent vacation spot," Cas deadpanned.
"Where's the beautiful room?" Dean wondered.
"In there," Castiel said gesturing to the building.
"The beautiful room is in an abandoned muffler factory in Van Nuys, California? " Dean asked surprised.
"Where'd you think it was?" Castiel asked indifferently.
"I...I don't know. Jupiter? A blade of grass? Not Van Nuys," Dean said.
"I, myself was hoping for a porn shop," Cas smirked. Castiel sent him a glare and Sam just rolled his eyes while Dean tried not to consider that suggestion, they had business to do.
"Tell me again why you don't just grab Bobby and shazam the hell out of there," Sam wondered.
"Because there are at least five angels in there," Castiel returned.
"So? You're fast," Dean offered.
"They're faster, Castiel said bluntly, ending the discussion. He removed his tie and wrapped it around his palm. "I'll clear them out. You two grab Bobby. This is our only chance."
"Whoa, wait. You're gonna take on five angels?" Dean asked not believing it.
"Yes," Castiel said flatly.
"Hey man, you can't..." Cas started to protest but Castiel sent him a glare that said this wasn't a matter up for debate.
"Isn't that suicide?" Dean asked concerned.
"Maybe it is. But then I won't have to watch you fail," Castiel said with disappointment. "I'm sorry, Dean. I don't have the same faith in you that Sam does." He pulled a box cutter out of his trench coat pocket and pushed the blade up.
"What the hell are you gonna do with that?" Sam asked.
Castiel unbuttons his dress shirt and begins to carve. He makes an angel banishing sigil on his chest then buttons the shirt back up carefully. Sam nods in understanding and Dean looks at him in horror. Future Cas just stands there not really caring. Castiel opens the warehouse door and walks in and the door closes behind him. He makes his way to a room in the middle of the open space and is attacked by a group of angels. He quickly kills one of them then drops his angel blade on the ground and taunts the others.
"What are you waiting for? Come on," Castiel urges as he takes a defensive position and the remaining angels close in on him.
The others begin to descend on the rebel angel and he rips open his shirt to reveal the banishing sigil before pressing his palm to the wound blasting all the angels in the room, including himself, to who knows where. Sam and Dean enter the warehouse through the same door Castiel did with Cas following behind. The brothers make their way to the angel green room and tell future Cas to keep watch outside. They find Bobby slumped against the opposite wall to the door. Dean rushes over to him.
"Bobby hey," Dean says as he stirs the older man.
"You got set free huh idjit," Bobby said with a smirk as Dean and Sam helped him into his wheelchair.
"I thought we'd need the back up," Sam explains.
Sam walks over to the other side of the room and Dean sets to start pushing Bobby's chair.
"Dean, please. Did you really think it would be that easy?" Zachariah asks after appearing out of nowhere.
"Did you?" Dean countered.
Sam comes up from behind the angel from the other side of the room with an angel killing blade. Zachariah turns and knocks it out of his hand then throws him.
"Sam!" Dean yells.
"You know what I've learned from this experience, Dean? Patience," he says smugly.
Zachariah waves his hand and Bobby doubles over in his chair and starts coughing up blood.
"Bobby?" Dean questions in concern. "Let him go, you son of a bitch."
"I mean, I thought I was downsized for sure. And for us, a firing...pretty damn literal. But I should have trusted the boss man. It's all playing out like he said...You, me, your hemorrhaging family." Zachariah said confidently before turning his fist in Sam's direction making him cough up blood as well. "You're finally ready, right?"
Dean looks anxiously from Zachariah to his brother then to his surrogate father who are both still coughing up blood.
"You know there's no other choice. There's never been a choice," Zachariah says sure of himself.
"Stop it. Stop it right now!" Dean demanded.
"In exchange for what?"
"Damn it, Zachariah. Stop it, please. I'll do it," Dean said giving in.
"I'm sorry. What was that?" He asked, clearly enjoying this.
"Okay, yes. The answer is yes," Dean said defeated.
"Dean!" Sam called.
"Do you hear me? Call Michael down, you bastard!" Dean said to Zachariah, ignoring Sam.
"How do I know you're not lying?"
"Do I look like I'm lying?" Dean challenged.
Zachariah turns and begins to chant in Enochian to summon Michael Dean looks over at Sam who is still on the floor giving him a questioning look. Dean just winks.
"Of course, I have a few conditions," Dean said.
"What?" The angel asked distracted from what he'd been doing.
"The few people whose safety you have to guarantee before I say yes."
"Sure, fine. Make a list," Zachariah urged.
"But most of all…Michael can't have me until he disintegrates you," Dean said sure.
"What did you say?" He asked in surprise.
"I said…before Michael gets one piece of this sweet ass…he has to turn you into a piece of charcoal," Dean answered cockily.
"You really think Michael's gonna go for that?"
"Who's more important to him now? You…or me?"
"You listen to me. You are nothing but a maggot inside a worm's ass. Do you know who I am…after I deliver you to Michael?"
"Expendable," Dean answered smugly.
"Michael's not gonna kill me," Zachiriah said sure of himself.
"Maybe not. But I am," Dean clarified.
He took the angel killing blade and stabbed it up through Zachariah's head through his chin. White light explodes from the body and Dean looks into his eyes as he dies then falls to the ground. White light and ear piercing noise fill the room as Michael approaches. Dean quickly gets back on his feet and starts to push Bobby's wheelchair.
"Cas!" Dean calls as he makes his way out of the room. "Get Sam."
The former angel rushes into the room and helps Sam to his feet and out of the room. They all rush out of the building before the arch angel makes his appearance.
They make their way back to Bobby's and a thousand thoughts are racing through Dean's head. He's really worried about Cas, he can't believe he said no to Michael when all he'd been trying to do for the last couple of days was say yes and end this, he's really anxious about what's gonna happen next and despite it being really inappropriate timing he can't stop thinking about that make out session with future Cas.
After a few hours on the road Bobby and Cas were asleep in the back seat and Sam finally decided to break the silence.
"So," he pushed.
"So what?" Dean asked.
"I saw your eyes. You were totally rockin' the yes back there. So, what changed your mind?"
"Honestly? The damnedest thing. I mean, the world's ending. The walls are coming down on us, and I look over to you and all I can think about is, this stupid son of a bitch brought me here. I just didn't want to let you down," Dean admitted truthfully.
"You didn't. You almost did. But you didn't."
"I owe you an apology," Dean offered.
"No, man. No, you don't," Sam dismissed.
"Just...let me say this," Dean said preparing himself. "I don't know if it's being a big brother or what, but to me, you've always been this snot-nosed kid that I've had to keep on the straight and narrow. I think we both know that that's not you anymore. I mean, hell, if you're grown-up enough to find faith in me…the least I can do is return the favor. So screw destiny, right in the face. I say we take the fight to them, and do it our way."
"Sounds good," Sam nodded. "What about Cas?" Sam asked about the angel version.
"Cas will be fine," Dean said determined.
Three days go by without a word from the angel. Dean was climbing the walls. He was extremely pissy and refused to leave Bobby's house. He insisted they be there when Cas showed up. Future Cas avoided Dean like the plague but he didn't even especially notice, he was too worried about current Cas. Finally on the third night Castiel makes an appearance. He looked like he'd been driven over by a Mac truck.
"Dean!" Future Cas called. "Dean, get down here! It's Castiel."
Dean was laying on the bed in one of Bobby's spare rooms just staring up at the ceiling when he heard his name called. When he registered what followed he leaped out of bed and darted for the stairs taking them two at a time. He came to a sudden hault in the living room when he saw the angel. He was reclined on the couch looking as if he'd gone ten rounds with a sledge hammer.
"Jesus Christ," Dean swore.
"Nope. Just a beat up angel of the lord," future Cas smirked as he handed Castiel a glass of water.
"Not funny dick," Dean said glaring at him as he stepped closer to the couch. "Cas what happened?" Dean asked the angel, his tone soft.
"Well clearly angels were not meant to carve angel banishing sigils on themselves and use them," Castiel deadpanned. "I woke up on some fishing boat and was too weak to teleport right away. Looks like I might have rushed things somewhat considering my current state."
"Ya need anything?" Dean asked before sitting next to him.
"I'll be fine, I just need time to heal. I'd like to speak to you alone if that's possible," Cas said looking at the others around the room.
"Sure thing Cas," Sam said.
"I'll go clean some guns," Bobby offered then wheeled into the kitchen.
"I'll just go take a walk," future Cas said giving Castiel a firm glare. Dean caught the look and was confused but shrugged it off knowing they didn't like each other much.
"I owe you an apology," Cas said somberly once everyone was out of the room.
"No you don't."
"You said no to Michael and I doubted you," Cas said guiltily.
"That's cuz I told everyone I was gonna say yes. Hell, I was gonna say yes for awhile there."
"But you didn't. What changed your mind?" Cas asked looking him in the eye.
"Sammy. He believed I'd do the right thing and I couldn't let him down. And you," Dean admitted the last part nervously, breaking the eye contact.
"Why me?" Cas asked curiously.
"Because Cas, you gave up everything for me, I couldn't just give up on you. If you're willing to sacrifice that much because you have faith in me the least I can do is go down fighting," Dean said giving him a meaningful look.
They got into another one of their long stare offs. Dean could swear Cas could see right into his soul, and just maybe he could. This thought both scared and excited him. He never let people fully in, Sam knew him better than anyone and he still kept him at a distance. Castiel just seemed to know every single thing about Dean with just giving him an intense look, and the weird part was he seemed to like what he saw. Cas could see through all the self loathing, guilt, insecurities and other flaws and he accepted Dean for them, maybe even loved him despite them.
Dean felt the overwhelming need to touch the angel. He wasn't even thinking anything sexual, he just needed to feel him. It took just about every speck of self control Dean had to keep his hands to himself. Even though Cas had a well known problem with personal space he never touched people unless necessary so any contact would be suspicious.
"You two done in here?" Bobby called coming into the room. "I got work to do you know."
"Yes, we're finished," Cas said.
By the next morning Cas was almost back to full angel strength, as much as he had before the fight anyway. Dean insisted he take it easy till that night at least before he went zapping off. A few days later Dean was sitting alone at Bobby's kitchen table well on his way to being drunk. It was the middle of the night and quiet, Dean enjoyed the peace. Everyone else in the house was asleep, or so he thought.
"Ya know what they say about drinking alone," future Cas smirked and Dean looked up to see him leaning up against the door frame.
"You'd know," Dean said before finishing what was left in the tumbler glass in front of him.
"Well let's fake being functional for a moment and drink with a spotter," Cas said, before sitting in the chair across from Dean.
"Here," Dean said offering him the bottle. "Catch up."
"What are the chances of you telling me what's wrong if I ask?" Cas wondered and then took a long swig directly from the bottle.
"Not good, I aint drunk yet."
"Then let's get this moving," Cas said as he refilled the hunter's glass.
"Why don't you tell me some things," Dean said eying the former angel.
"Such as?" He asked casually then took another drink.
"What happens?" Dean asked.
"More specific," Cas pushed.
"During your time."
"You know what happens Dean. The world turns to shit, you got a 3D view, remember?"
"How does it get that way? How do we get that way?"
"Life," he answered bluntly.
"Don't gime that lame fucking answer again," Dean said annoyed.
"What do you want from me?" Cas asked glaring at him.
"The truth," Dean said returning the glare.
"It doesn't matter," Cas said in defeat. "Things are changing. That future won't happen."
"You're avoiding my questions asshole."
"I'm trying to protect you, you hostile prick," Cas snapped.
"You're not my mother. Now spill," Dean demanded.
"You never spoke to Sam again after that phone call when he wanted back in. We looked for the colt and eventually found it, Ellen and Jo got killed and Lucifer's demons got the colt back, we started looking for it again, Sam said yes, you almost broke down completely, more time passed, we were at that camp for awhile when we made a run back to Bobby's and he got infected, Lucifer showed up in Sam's meatsuit, you had to kill Bobby and that's when it happened. I saw it in your eyes, your spirit died. After that you were like a machine. All you cared about was the colt and finding Lucifer."
"What about you?" Dean wondered.
"It's not of import."
"Yes it fucking is," Dean argued.
"You were my only connection to this world Dean," Cas started to explain without meeting his eyes. "I was fighting by your side to save the world but I never really fully understood what that meant because I wasn't part of it. I had a general love for people because of my father and wanted to save them but it was mostly me being loyal to you, you were my charge and it was my duty to protect you. When I saw you that day at Bobby's the fight that was left in me died too, I was just a weak human after all," he finished with a chuckle but it was forced.
"You're not telling me something," Dean accused.
"It was five years Dean. I gave you the highlights. I'm sorry I didn't keep a journal and write down every detail so you could read it," Cas said sarcastically.
"That's not what I mean smartass. You're leaving out something big and I think it involves both of us."
"Oh, really?" Cas asked raising an eyebrow. "Mr. fucking intuitive are we? Care to share your theory with the class?"
"Last week," Dean started, clearly having trouble. "that wasn't the first time that happened with us, was it?"
"You tell me, you make out with bible boy that you know of?" Cas asked being stubborn.
"You know what I mean dammit!" Dean snapped. "It happened in your time, you weren't even surprised when I kissed you."
"You were the one to initiate it the first time too," Cas admitted quietly.
Dean looked at him for a long moment considering what he was just told. Obviously he'd had the same thoughts he'd been having for the angel the first time around too. Now he knew he even made a move the first time. But did Cas, his Cas kiss back the first time? Did it ever happen again?
"What did you do?"
"I let you. And then you pulled away and asked me to act as if it never happened," he confessed looking hurt.
"I'm sorry," Dean said, and meant it as he took in the man's broken look. "Was that it?"
"No," Cas shook his head. "You initiated the second kiss too."
"Then we were together. Until we weren't," Cas said brokenhearted.
"Why?" Dean asked somberly.
"The day Bobby was killed. I told you your spirit died that day. A few days later you told me you didn't want me anymore."
"Just like that?" Dean asked in disgust. "How long were we together? Why did you stay after that?"
"No Dean, you weren't quite that cold. You said you had put me through enough and didn't want to do it anymore. I protested, saying I still wanted you and you said who I wanted was dead, and that was partially true. About two and a half years. I told you, I would never abandon you, no matter what."
"What a son of a bitch," Dean said darkly. "After everything, I just ditch you."
"You didn't do anything," Cas corrected. "He had his reasons."
"You still cared about him, even at the end, didn't you?" Dean asked in disbelief.
"I loved him till I took my last breath," Cas answered certainly.
"That's why you ended up the way you did, isn't it? You might have had human weakness but you didn't get fucked up till I abandoned you."
"I started fucking up all on my own Dean."
"So you were drunk, high and had orgies when we were together then?" Dean asked incredulously.
"No, but I did start on the drugs a little before he left me. Chuck introduced me to weed and it went from there. Dean didn't like it but once I didn't have Dean anymore, I didn't care. I used all that stuff to try and stop it."
"Feeling. I couldn't take all those fucking feelings," Cas said bitterly. "Because of Dean I'd had the most amazing and the worst feelings imaginable. I guess as they say, you have to take the good with the bad."
"I can't stop thinking about him," Dean confessed.
"I know. You told me once, when you were really drunk, that you started thinking about me after Raphael killed me and God brought me back. You can't stop thinking about how my lips taste," Cas teased.
"It's not just that," Dean said offended. "It's different. I haven't felt like this about someone before. I think I love him," Dean admitted quietly.
"You do. You'll never say it, but you do."
"Wait, what?" Dean asked looking over at him. "You said we were together for years, we never said I love you?"
"I said it many times," Cas shrugged.
"I never said it back?" Dean asked ashamed.
"You worked your way up to saying 'me too' eventually."
"Fuck!" Dean swore. "I'm really that fucked up? I'm in a relationship for that long with someone I clearly have feelings for and I never even tell them."
"You always showed it. I never felt like my devotion was one sided," Cas said, feeling the need to defend the Dean of his time and comfort the man in front of him.
"I never said it, not even once?" Dean asked clinging to a little hope.
"You said it in the past tense a couple times."
"Huh?" Dean questioned.
"After Dean knocked you out, we talked. He begged me to leave but I refused, I said I wouldn't abandon him. Being how you are he took full responsibility for all the fucked up shit in the world and said he'd wish he could fix it. Then he said he did love me and he'd wished he'd said it, but he had loved me and still would if he were capable of it," Cas said, revealing part of the last conversation he'd had with the hunter. He felt a bit guilty repeating something his lover had told him in confidence even if it was to his past self but the live version of the person he loved was sitting in front of him and needed to know the truth.
They both sat there quietly for a few minutes. Dean was processing all the information he'd just gotten and Cas needed to recover from the emotional confessions he'd just put on the table, this required consuming a lot more alcohol from the bottle sitting in front of him on the kitchen table.
"I'm gonna go get some sleep," Cas said quietly then stood up to leave.
Dean watched as he got up and went to leave the kitchen. He quickly got up to stop him and reached out for the former angel just as he crossed into the living room.
"Cas," Dean said pleadingly, as he grabbed his arm and spun him around.
"Dean?" Cas questioned, in that deep gruff voice of his that had been turning Dean on for months...which was odd because it was no doubt a very male voice and Dean had never looked or thought about another guy like that before, besides the angel.
Dean was never one for chick flick moments. He'd never been really good at expressing his emotions or talking about them so he did what he did best and acted. He reached up to touch Cas on the cheek softly then leaned in to kiss him gently. The kissing started out innocent but became more passionate with time. After a few minutes both men were fully immersed in the other. They had their arms wrapped tightly around the other and their bodies were pressed firmly against each other. Their tongues fought for dominance and neither gave in. They finally separated, out of need for oxygen, and stared at each other intensely for a long moment before anyone spoke.
"Was that better than our first second kiss?" Dean wondered.
"Depends on what happens next," Cas responded with lust in his eyes.
"Impala," Dean ordered returning the look.
By the next day after the lust had worn off Dean was feeling pretty guilty. He felt like he had cheated on Cas, now Cas, which was just ridiculous. First of all they weren't even together and second of all he had sex with future Cas, they were the same person. But no they weren't, hence the feelings of guilt. Dean'd been having feelings for the angel for a long time now so the fact he hooked up with future Cas didn't surprise him, he was drunk and impulsive was his middle name. What did surprise him was the fact it wasn't just sex. Between all the feelings of guilt he'd had built up about being responsible for how Cas eventually turned out and how future Cas had actually kinda been there for him like Castiel had always been since he returned from the future and after all the confessions that went down last night Dean kinda, sorta, maybe was falling for this Cas too. So, great, in typical Dean Winchester fashion the first time he loves someone he has to love two people and make shit complicated...and not only that, but add to it that they were technically the same person.
As luck would have it a welcomed diversion happened. Bobby came across a hunt for Sam and Dean to get them out of the house. He assured them it shouldn't be a problem so Cas zapped off to who knows where and future Cas gladly stayed behind. He had avoided Dean since the night before and fully welcomed this separation. Being with Dean again was a blessing and a curse. It brought back all the memories of the good times they'd had and while it was happening he fell right back into being his old self but once it was over regret reared its ugly head. He knew Dean didn't care about him and what had happened was just sex. Dean was in love with Castiel and he was just a piss poor doppelganger.
The boys never made it to the hunt Bobby sent them to. They ran into a monster storm and had to stop at a hotel. Sam was suspicious of the place from the jump. It was a swanky hotel in the middle of frigging nowhere. Of course Sammy turned out to be right. It was a trap set up for them by a bunch of Gods. They wanted to use them as bait to summon Lucifer so they could fight him, bad idea. Lucifer slaughtered all but one.
Gabriel had shown up after the Gods took them hostage, they knew him as another God named Loki. He tried to get Sam and Dean out of there but one of the other God's knew he was an archangel and stabbed him with his own angel blade, or so she thought. With years of being a trickster under his belt Gabriel fooled her, the blade was a fake he's made out of a can of soda.
Sam and Dean were going to work with the Gods, much to their dismay, to defeat Lucifer. They never had a chance. He showed up and killed everyone. Gabriel showed back up just as he was about to kill the last God and intervened. In the end Lucifer ended up killing his brother but Sam, Dean and the God Gabriel was trying to protect all made it out alive.
Gabriel left the boys a parting gift in the form of a DVD. When they were a safe distance from the hotel they pulled off to the side of the road to watch it. It was a porno starring some blonde and Gabriel. Luckily for the boys he revealed his secret before they had to watch too much of it. According to the archangel, Lucifer's cage could be reopened and he could be locked back up again. The key to the cage was the four horsemen's power rings.
Dean was a little more optimistic about this idea then Sam was. They already had War and Famine's rings now all they needed was Pestilence and Death's. Then of course they'd have to get Lucifer back in the cage somehow. It was a plan, nobody ever said it was easy. Since when was anything for the Winchesters ever easy anyway?
"Gabriel's dead then," Castiel said sadly. "He was difficult but he was my brother."
"Yeah Cas, it seems like it. Sorry," Dean said, putting his hand on the angel's shoulder in compassion.
"What do you think about the plan?" Sam asked.
"It's fucking insane," Cas chimed in.
"Yeah, well crazy's the only game in town son," Bobby said from behind his desk.
"I'd have to agree with the hedonist but Bobby's right as well," Castiel said frankly.
"Hey, since when has anything we've done not been fucking crazy?" Dean smirked, attempting to lighten the mood.
"True," Sam and Bobby said in unison.
A few hours later Dean was in the junkyard perched on top of some junker truck that looked about as old as his grandfather would have been, drinking from his flask. It was getting dark and Dean looked up at the sky. He was enjoying the quiet when suddenly it was interrupted.
"I have no idea what's gonna happen next," future Cas said, before climbing on the truck to sit next to Dean.
"None of us do man," Dean said offering him the flask.
"I used to," he said, taking a pull from the flask and handing it back.
"What do you think will happen if we change things, to you I mean?" Dean wondered as he put the cap back on the flask and returned it to his inside pocket.
"Zachariah said he'd make me cease to exist but you killed him. I have no clue."
"Are you afraid?"
"No," Cas answered honestly.
"Do you even care?" Dean asked, feeling sorry for him because he thought he knew the answer already.
"Not really," Cas said, speaking Dean's predicted answer.
"I do," Dean confessed quietly.
"Why?" Cas asked looking over at him in genuine surprise.
"Why?" Dean repeated a little offended. "We've been through a lot together dude."
"You're speaking of a reality you weren't part of," Cas said sadly. He wanted to believe this Dean could care about him but he knew it wasn't true. He just felt guilty over what his future self had done.
"No I'm not," Dean defended. "I'm talking about you and me now. You've been back for months man, you've been with us in this fight every step of the way."
"You don't have to worry about my death Dean, I've died before, I can handle it."
"I don't know if I can," Dean said softly.
Cas looked over at him with a mixture of emotions. Longing, confusion, love, need, just to name a few. Dean looked at him intensely to show he meant what he'd just said. They both seemed to move in sync with one another so it couldn't be said one initiated the kiss but it happened. Their lips touched and it started off tender but then need and urgency took over. After a while they separated.
"You'll still have him," Cas said evenly, then jumped off the truck and walked away.
Dean wanted to stop him but he found himself frozen in place. He wanted to tell him he needed him too, that it wasn't just Castiel he cared for now, but he couldn't, he couldn't say any of that because he was an emotionally stunted pussy. He cursed himself and kicked the truck with his boot heel hard leaving a dent.
He's confusing you with Castiel. He doesn't care about you, he cares about him. He just feels guilty that's the only reason he's paying any attention to you.
That limey bastard Crowley had the scoop on where to find Pestilence, or at least the demon that knew where he was. They ended up getting the demon to spill Pestilence's location and Crowley said he'd keep in touch. They hated working with a demon, it didn't go well last time, but for the time being they had the same interests of stopping Lucifer.
When the boys got to the hospital Pestilence was hauled up in they went in and Dean knocked the security gaurd unconscious so they could watch the surveillance cameras. They finally spotted him and made their way to the room he entered. The closer they got the sicker they became. By the time they reached the room they both collapsed.
Just in time to save the day Castiel appeared in the doorway. He stabbed the demon with Ruby's knife then cut off Pestilence's ring finger. With his power cut off Sam and Dean started to regain their good health. Pestilence warned them that it was too late anyway.
"How'd you find us?" Dean asked as he took Cas's offered hand to help him up.
"I checked in at Bobby's and he gave me your location."
"Good timing," Sam said as he got back up on his feet.
"Indeed," Cas agreed.
They made their way back to Bobby's house. Dean and Sam both thinking about Pestilence's threat. It was going to be bad, they just wondered exactly how bad and what it would be. They got back to Bobby's and filled him in on what happened. Future Cas sat on the couch and actually looked as if he were paying attention for once.
"Please tell us you have good news," Dean said to Bobby.
"Chicago's about to be wiped off the map. Storm of the millennium. Sets off a daisy chain of natural disasters. Three million people are gonna die," Bobby offered.
"I don't understand your definition of good news," Castiel said confused, as he leaned against the bookshelf with his head resting on his propped up arm.
"Sarcasm dumbass," Cas snarked from the couch and Castiel just glared at him.
"Well...Death, the horseman, he's gonna be there. And if we can stop him before he kick-starts this storm, get his ring back..." Bobby started to explain to the angel.
"Yeah, you make it sound so easy," Dean interrupted.
"Hell, I'm just trying to put a spin on it," Bobby defended.
"Well...Bobby, h-how'd you put all this together, anyways?" Sam asked.
"I had, you know...Help," Bobby admitted reluctantly.
Suddenly Crowley appeared and explained the situation. Bobby had sold his soul, temporarily supposedly, to Crowley in exchange for Death's location. It was Crowley's idea. Dean tried to make him give it back but Crowley said he was going to keep hold of it as insurance to make sure they didn't kill him, but swore he'd return it. Yeah, because demons can all be taken at their word.
A little while later Crowley reappeared with some more information, this time it didn't cost anyone their soul. He showed them a newspaper article. The demon that had led them to Pestilence was running a company that was distributing a swine flu vaccine.
"So that's what he meant by it's too late," Sam said.
"Croatoan," Dean said dryly.
"Yup I'll stake my reputation...That vaccine is chock-full of grade-a, farm-fresh croatoan virus," Crowley said.
They had a problem, well many actually but now they had an activity time conflict. They needed to get to the warehouse that was going to be shipping out the Croatoan virus and they needed to get to Chicago where Death was going to be to get his ring, both things needed to be done late tomorrow. They had no choice, they needed to split up. Sam, Bobby and Castiel were going to go to the warehouse while Dean, Cas and Crowley went to Chicago to find Death.
"So tomorrow, you guys got any plans?" Dean asked lightly, as he stuffed his face with chips sitting on Bobby's couch next to Cas.
"We just went over the plan," Castiel said tilting his head in confusion.
"Fuck, was I really this bad? How the hell did you guys put up with me?" Cas asked shaking his head.
"I think it's cute," Dean said smiling at Castiel. "Uh, I mean, it's kinda funny how he's so literal, totally weird," Dean stammered in attempt to cover up such a girly confession.
Castiel blushed a little, Cas smirked, Bobby just grunted from his desk, and Sam snickered while standing under the door frame separating the kitchen and living room.
"Sam," Dean warned.
"Aww wittle Deany is sow sensitive," Sam teased.
"Shut up bitch," Dean said, glaring at his little brother.
"Jerk," Sam said, rolling his eyes as he went to go upstairs.
"I'm gonna go load the van," Bobby said, wanting out of the awkward situation.
"I'll help you," Cas offered.
Dean sat on the couch with his continued bitchface and Castiel walked over to sit next to him. After a few minutes he spoke up.
"I guess you'll never be able to teach me sarcasm this time."
"Huh?" Dean questioned.
"He clearly understands it. He learned it from you before."
"Why wouldn't you be able to learn it?" Dean asked confused.
"I don't think I'll survive this fight," Castiel said stoically.
"What? Of course you will. It's just some demons, you can totally smite their asses and be back here in no time."
"I don't mean tomorrow Dean," Castiel clarified. "When we have to fight Lucifer."
"Who says you'll be the one to die?" Dean asked, not wanting to think about it.
"Because I'll protect you at all costs and I know you'll be self destructive and get yourself killed by him unless I take your place," Castiel answered honestly.
"And how do you know all this?"
"You did it the first time, he told me."
"I did what?"
"Got yourself killed."
"Yeah, I saw that, kinda freaky to watch yourself get killed. But this is different, who says anyone has to die?" Dean asked trying to sound positive.
"I just have a bad feeling," Castiel said looking Dean in the eye.
They lost themselves in the eye contact. Just looking said everything for them. Dean didn't want to die but there was something he could think of that would be worse and that was Castiel, either of them, sacrificing himself to save him. Cas had already died once for Dean and that had been one of the worst days of his life now that he knew how he felt about the angel losing him again would probably kill him.
Then much to both of their surprise Castiel grabbed Dean by the face and moved in to kiss him roughly on the lips. It was sloppy and uncoordinated at first because he had no idea what he was doing but after a few seconds Dean responded to the kiss and took over the lead. A minute or so later Dean snapped back to reality and remember they were pretty out in the open and he pulled away.
"M-my apologies. I don't know what I was..." Cas stammered out, attempting an excuse when Dean cut him off.
"Company," Dean said nodding to the door.
"Oh," Castiel said in realization. When Dean was around he had no trouble forgetting about the rest of the world.
Then right on cue Sam came bounding down the stairs.
"See," Dean said giving the angel a wink.
Later that night when everyone was asleep and Castiel had zapped off some place to think, Dean went to talk to Cas. He was crashed on the couch, Dean leaned down beside it and shook his shoulder gently to wake him up.
"Dean?" Cas asked, his voice thick with sleep. "I'm not still an angel you know, I need to sleep," he said slightly annoyed. After becoming human Cas took to sleeping and wasn't very pleasant when it was interrupted.
"I, uh, we should talk. Please?"
"Whatever you need," Cas said, sitting up and making room on the couch for Dean.
"You sure you wanna come today?" Dean asked unsure.
"Why wouldn't I?"
"Well as you just pointed out you're not an angel anymore. You might get hurt."
"I'm dead already," Cas answered indifferently and Dean flinched as if the words physically hurt him.
"Don't say that."
"Why? It's true. You killed me, remember?" He asked slipping up.
Fuck! No he doesn't remember.
"What?" Dean asked in horror.
"Nothing, nevermind. I'm still half asleep, I don't know what I'm saying."
"You said I killed you I think that's pretty black and white!" Dean snapped. "What the hell happened?"
"Zachariah didn't exactly let you remember everything that happened during your trip to 2014," Cas confessed.
"Well then what did he leave out?" Dean asked through gritted teeth.
Cas figured there was no use in trying to deflect because there was no way Dean would drop it now. And he couldn't out right lie to him so his only option was to tell him what had been wiped from his memory. Dean looked as if he were going to be sick.
"Look, it's ok. No harm, no foul. I'm back," Cas said trying to make light of the situation.
"I killed you," Dean said somberly.
"You had to. You seen what Croatoan does to people."
"I can't watch you die again Cas," Dean said looking him in the eyes desperately.
"He'll be fine, don't worry. He's got angel healing powers and all."
"No dammit!" Dean said frustrated he wasn't understanding. "I can't watch you die." Cas just looked at him slightly confused and a little hopeful. "I-I l-love you," Dean stuttered in barely a whisper.
"You love him," Cas said looking down.
"No," Dean started to deny. "Well yes, but I love you too," he corrected.
"You're saying you love him and me?" Cas questioned unconvinced.
"God, I finally freaking tell someone that and they don't even believe it. Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying," Dean said giving him a determined look.
"Why?" Cas wondered curiously.
"Why would you love me? Him, sure, but me?"
"You're still him," Dean answered honestly. Despite how much he had changed he was still Castiel. Loyal, determined, brave and completely devoted to Dean. "You're just more worldly now."
"I haven't been him in a long time," Cas denied.
"I still see it," Dean said giving him a looked that begged him to take his word for it.
The time for talk was over. Cas might not fully believe what Dean had just told him but he needed him. This was his Dean in front of him saying he loved him. He might not be his Cas but he loved hearing Dean say it. He'd never heard those words before and it made his heart ache. He was so happy to hear it but he knew this would all come crashing down soon. Dean would go be with present Cas or he'd cease to exist altogether, either way this happiness would be short lived. But was that any reason not to enjoy it?
Cas closed the gap between them and crashed his mouth into Dean's. A few minutes later Dean had Cas pinned to the couch and was kissing him deeply while they felt each other's upper bodies. Dean knew unless they got up and changed locations, which wasn't happening, they couldn't take it any farther than clothed fooling around. Not that there would be much reason for them to make an appearance but Dean knew he'd hear Sam or Bobby coming down the stairs in plenty enough time to separate, thank God for old creaky houses. What he didn't count on was the one who gave no warning before being in the room.
"What. The. Fuck," Castiel said darkly.
Both men on the couch jumped at the sudden company in the room and turned to look at the one who interrupted them. Dean cocked his head, shocked. Cas cursed like a sailor but Castiel hardly ever used foul language and Dean was certain he'd never heard him say fuck before, he was definitely pissed. They quickly separated and got as far away from each other on the couch as they could.
"C-cas," Dean said guiltily. "I, uh.." he started to try to attempt excuses but words failed him, so he just closed his mouth.
"Look Castiel," Cas tried to explain gently but was cut off.
"Don't look Castiel me you useless degenerate. You tell me to stay away from him so you can have him," Castiel said irately.
"No, no I didn't. That's not why," Cas defended.
"What? You told him to stay away from me?" Dean asked looking at him.
"Yes he did," Castiel confirmed. "He told me about what supposedly happened to us during his time and convinced me you'd be better off with out the both of us."
"And I meant it, ok. This," he said gesturing between himself and Dean. "didn't start until long after I told you that."
"How could you?" Castiel asked hurt.
"I love him, you know that," Cas shrugged, but gave an apologetic look because Castiel was still an angel and could easily smite him.
"I wasn't talking to you, vermin," Castiel spat out.
"I'm sorry Cas," Dean said ashamed. "All this is really fucking confusing for me."
"You didn't seem that confused when we kissed," Castiel sad coldly.
"You kissed him?" Cas asked Dean, not even trying to hide his jealousy, although considering Dean was kissing past him it was kinda moot.
"Not so fun when on the other end of things is it?" Castiel asked with an indignant smirk.
"Yes I did," Dean said honestly to Cas. "I don't mean what I feel is confusing, I love you. I mean there being two of you is confusing me," Dean explained, turning back to Castiel. He was surprised at how easy it was to say I love you this time.
The I love you did not go unnoticed by either angel or formal angel. Castiel and Cas both looked like they were having an internal tug of war of emotions. One side being pure joy and the other worry. They heard Dean say I love you but they weren't sure who he was directing it to.
"Who are you talking to?" Castiel and Cas asked at the same time while looking at Dean.
"Both of you," he said truthfully.
They must have been a little louder than they thought because there was a noise from upstairs followed by someone coming down the stairs. Castiel zapped off without warning, Dean jumped up from the couch and started to the kitchen and Cas covered himself back up on the couch as if nothing happened.
It turned out to be Bobby, which was a good thing for them. If it had been Sam he would have questioned their flimsy excuse. Bobby just shrugged it off and called them idjits. He was in a pretty good mood the past few days, especially under the whole Apocalypse circumstances, because Crowley had thrown in letting him walk again when he sold his soul. It still wasn't a fair trade but he was gonna take full advantage of the perk.
The next morning they all woke up early and prepared to leave for their missions. Castiel still hadn't shown up and they were almost ready to leave. Sam questioned it but Dean blew him off saying Cas could zap himself places instantly, it wasn't like he worried about being late. Sam seemed to buy this because the angel never was very good with schedules and goodbyes. Inside Dean was worried though. The last he saw Cas things were tense and emotionally awkward, but he knew Cas would be there for him like he always was. He just was going to show up last minute to avoid and chance of any sort of repeat of last night, maybe he was learning from Dean after all.
Despite it only being a little after six in the morning future Cas had a pint in his hand that he was nursing. Sam called him on it but the look and tone he responded with made the hunter flinch, if he was still capable of smiting people Sam was sure he would have done it.
"All right, well...Good luck stopping the whole zombie Apocalypse," Dean said after closing the trunk.
"Yeah. Good luck killing Death," Sam returned.
"Yeah," Dean said unsure.
"Remember when we used to just...hunt wendigos? How simple things were?" Sam asked.
"Not really," Dean denied.
"Well, uh...you might need this," he said offering Ruby's demon killing knife.
"Keep it," Crowley says as he hands Dean a small scythe. "Dean's covered. Death's own. Kills, golly, demons and angels and reapers and, rumor has it, the very thing itself."
"How did you get that?"Castiel asked, after suddenly appearing out of nowhere, in Dean's personal space of course.
"Fucking Christ!" Dean swore after jumping.
"Hello..king of the crossroads," Crowley said, making it clear that was all the answer that would be given. "Can we get on with it now?" He asked impatiently.
"Be careful guys," Dean said to the other group, while catching eye contact with Castiel and giving him a meaningful look.
"You too," Sam called as he got in Bobby's van.
Dean got in the Impala, Crowley took shotgun and Cas got in the back seat with his bottle. He hadn't so much as looked at Dean let alone spoken to him since what happened last night. Dean, in all fairness, was doing his best to avoid him as well.
Bobby started up the van with Sam in the passengers seat and Castiel perched in between them. He was traveling the slow 'human' way for Dean's sake. He knew Dean wasn't happy about his brother going off alone and if he couldn't be there to protect him the next best thing was for him to have an angel body guard.
"Yes to Lucifer. Then jump in the hole. It's an interesting plan," Castiel said after giving it some thought.
"That's a word for it," Bobby huffed.
"Go ahead and tell me it's the worst plan you ever heard," Sam allowed.
"Of course. I am happy to say that if that's what you want to hear. But it's not what I think," Cas said honestly.
"Really?" Sam asked in surprise. Everyone else thought he was nuts for even suggesting it, including his future less angel self.
"You and Dean have a habit of exceeding my expectations. He resisted Michael. Maybe you could resist Lucifer but there are things that you would need to know."
"Like?" Sam urged.
"Sam...If you say yes to Lucifer and then fail...The future Dean saw will happen. He will never say yes to Michael and he will never kill you. And the collateral... It'll be immense. There's also the demon blood," Cas explained.
"What? What are you talking about?" Sam asked confused.
"To take in Lucifer, it would be more than you've ever drunk."
"It strengthens the vessel. Keeps it from exploding," Cas explained indifferently.
"But the guy he's in now..." Sam starts.
"He's drinking gallons," Cas interrupts.
"And how is that not the worst plan you ever heard?" Bobby asked sarcastically.
Dean, Crowley and Cas make it to Chicago. Crowley's intel wasn't the greatest and Death wasn't where he said he'd be. Crowley said they'd catch him in the next doomed town but Dean wasn't about to just leave when an entire city was going to be wiped out.
"So, what? Call in a bomb threat? 1,000 bomb threats? I mean, how the hell am I supposed to get three million people out of Chicago in the next ten minutes?" Dean asked and Crowley disappears. "Oh c'mon!"
"There was a bar on that last block," Cas offered from the back seat.
"Not helping," Dean said, glaring at him in the rear view mirror.
"It was a better suggestion than your dumb idea," Cas mumbled.
"What? I can't hear you," Dean said mostly to himself, after he sees Crowley across the street trying to talk to him.
"I said I found him," Crowley said, reappearing in the passenger seat. "Death, he's in there."
Meanwhile Sam, Bobby and Castiel have arrived at the warehouse. They were supposed to have plenty of time to set up the explosives but one of the trucks was leaving ahead of schedule and they had to resort to plan B to stop it, since when did things ever go smoothly? They make their way in the building to find demons and people infected with Croatoan virus...and of course civilians they need to save. Sam didn't even blink, he got right to work fighting and made his way to the people. He got them out one by one as he killed things while Bobby and Castiel were fighting and trying to prevent anything from leaving the warehouse. In the end they were successful. They set their explosives and destroyed all of the virus before it could be shipped nation wide.
"Are you coming or..." Dean starts to ask but Crowley disappears.
"Fucking pussy," Cas smirks, just short of being fully drunk.
"I suppose you're staying here?" Dean asked, turning around to face him.
"Three's a crowd."
"Fine," Dean said through gritted teeth. "It's not like anyone who goes in there is coming out alive anyway."
"Dean wait," Cas said as Dean opened the car door to leave.
"What?" He asked impatiently.
"I'm sorry. I wouldn't be any use anymore."
"It's ok," Dean said with a sigh. "Just stay here. I'd be more worried with you in there anyway," he said giving him a small smile.
"If you're not out in a half hour I'm driving this thing off a cliff," Cas said indifferently.
"Whoa, now. Fuck that," Dean said in horror. "You wanna die you don't take it out on baby. Go stick one of my sawed offs in the trunk in your mouth and blow your brains out like normal people do," Dean suggested with a wicked smirk.
"You're a little twisted, you know that?" Cas asked, returning the smirk.
"I'm a lot twisted," Dean corrected with a wink.
"Be careful," Cas said taking on a serious tone.
"I'll do my best," Dean assured.
"That's what worries me," Cas said stoically.
"Be back in a flash," Dean said shooting one of his brilliant smiles that could light up the room. Cas couldn't help but smile back and just hope that this wouldn't be the last time he ever saw it.
Of all the little scenarios Dean went through in his head on the drive to Chicago on how his conversation might go with death, what actually did get said was not even close to any of them. Not only did Dean not have to fight for the ring, he didn't even have to ask for it. Death had been waiting for Dean to find him and just gave him the ring. Apparently Lucifer had him under some binding spell that made Death have to do as he wanted so Death had to wait for Dean to come to him. The ring didn't come free, there was a condition. Dean lied right to Death's face and accepted the condition.
Death was sure the only way to stop Lucifer was if Sam said yes and could somehow manage to take control for a bit, just enough time to jump in the cage. Sam had already brought up this idea and Dean wasn't having it. Not only was it extremely unlikely to work, I mean, how the hell was he supposed to control Lucifer? If it did actually work then he'd lose Sam. It's not like he would be spit back up out of the cage by some power going 'oh, you're just the human vessel we don't want you, we got Lucifer so you can go home now.' So Dean didn't think for a second it was a good idea but that was exactly what he told Death he'd make sure happened.
To say Cas was relived to see Dean walk back out of that pizza shop would be the understatement of the century. He was human now but he swore he held his breath the whole hour Dean was in there. Chicago was still standing so he kept up hope that Dean was too. Dean got into the Impala and held up the ring. Cas moved up to the front seat. He knew something was wrong but knew better than to push Dean for information until he was ready to give it willingly.
"He agrees with Sam," Dean said quietly after almost an hour on the road.
"Yeah, he had the same nutjob plan that Sam suggested the other day. That was the condition, I let it happen and he'd give me the ring."
"And you agreed," Cas mused and Dean nodded in confirmation. "But you were lying," Cas stated, not asked and Dean nodded again.
"Just what do you think Death does to people who betray him Dean?" Cas asked with worry.
"I'm sure he doesn't send them a fruit basket," Dean wisecracked then turned the music up louder indicating the discussion was over.
Back at Bobby's Dean explained what had happened with Death, the unedited version this time. He'd left some things out when he'd told the whole group earlier but now that Sam was sent off to get some supplies he let the others know the full story. Much to his surprise and annoyance Bobby and Castiel seemed to be on board with the idea. They weren't happy about it of course but they thought it might be their best bet.
"I'm just saying..." Bobby justified.
"Well, don't. I mean, what happened to you being against this?" Dean asked feeling betrayed.
"Look, I'm not saying Sam ain't an ass-full of character defects. But..."
"Back at Niveus," the older hunter started to explain. "I watched that kid pull one civilian out after another. Must have saved ten people. Never stopped. Never slowed down. We're hard on him, Dean. We've always been. But in the meantime... He's been running into burning buildings since he was, what, twelve?"
"Pretty much," Dean confirmed.
"Sam's got a...darkness in him. I'm not saying he don't. But he's got a hell of a lot of good in him, too."
"I know," Dean said quietly.
"Then you know Sam will beat the devil or die trying. That's the best we could ask for. So I got to ask, Dean. What exactly are you afraid of? Losing? Or losing your brother?"
"Both," Dean said somberly.
Dean walked out of the living room and the house. He needed time to think. Bobby was right. If anyone could do this it was Sam. He just didn't want to lose his brother. But he had to, they had to save the world because nobody else was gonna do it. Dean thought about the time he was captured by the Djin and cast into his 'dream' world. Once he figured out all the people he'd saved in his world died without him being a hunter he went to his dad's grave. He wanted to know why it had to be them to save people. Why they didn't deserve normal lives and to be happy. Of course he got no actual answers but he knew his father would tell him all those people's lives were more important than their family's happiness. The same was true this time. Dean would have to chose the world over his brother.
Dean was sitting in the back seat of a beat up 1955 Cadillac thinking quietly to himself while drinking straight from a bottle of Jack that he smuggled out of the house and was fairly sure that nobody noticed. He heard the familiar flutter of wings and turned to see Castiel sitting next to him, actually at a socially acceptable distance for once. This realization made Dean's stomach uneasy. Maybe he was far away because he didn't want to be close to Dean now. Maybe he always invaded his personal space on purpose and didn't want to anymore.
"Do you wish to be left alone?" Castiel asked evenly.
"No," Dean said softly.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Cas asked sounding a tad awkward.
Castiel just sat there quietly next to Dean. If he wanted to talk he'd listen and if not he'd just be there for him. He wanted to take his pain away but he just didn't know how. Ever since he raised him from Perdition he's had a fierce desire to be protective over Dean Winchester at all costs. At first he attributed that need to the fact Dean was his charge and it was his duty to protect him but as time went on Castiel had to admit that wasn't entirely true. He may protect Dean because he's his charge but he'd still protect him if he wasn't.
"Do you hate me?" Dean asked, his voice ragged.
"No, of course not," Cas answered, genuinely taken off guard by the question. "How could you ask me that?" He asked a little offended.
"For starters, this is all my fault. And for icing on the cake, what you popped in on the other night," Dean said not able to make eye contact.
"This in NOT all your fault," Cas huffed exacerbated. "That was none of my business," he said returning to his usual monotone.
"We'll have to agree to disagree on that one," Dean said taking a swig of the liquor. "And don't gime that crap. You were pissed off and you know it," Dean accused.
"It was not of import," Cas said, not changing his tone.
"Don't pull that I'm a stone shit on me Cas," Dean snapped. "I know you got emotions in there, I've been on the bad side of your temper a few times."
"Yeah, and look where that's gotten me Dean," Cas said coldly.
"Where what's gotten you?"
"Having emotions," he spat out the word like it was poison. "I'm not supposed to have them and now I know why."
"Having emotions isn't wrong Cas," Dean said sympathetically. "It just hurts sometimes."
"It hurts right now," Cas said showing his vulnerability. He wasn't used to showing or even having emotions so unlike most people he didn't censor what he was thinking and was bluntly open about things.
"I'm sorry Cas. I fuck everything up," Dean said sounding broken. "I don't even know why you give a shit about me at all."
"Because you're beautiful Dean," Cas answered, again uninhibited by that human filter.
Dean looked over at him bewildered. He knew Cas wasn't talking about his appearance. Sure he was very beautiful but Cas was indifferent to most people's looks and even though Dean was pretty sure Cas did like the way he looked, he'd caught him staring a few times, he knew Castiel wouldn't make a shallow statement about his attractiveness after what he'd just said. Dean knew Cas was talking about him as a person. Dean didn't agree exactly, seeing as how he could win pretty much any self loathing contest out there but he believed that the angel believed it and that was pretty comforting actually.
"Cas?" Dean questioned in that way that made Castiel feel like he and Dean were the only two beings in the world.
"Yes Dean," Cas answered, and if he actually needed to breathe he would have had to catch it.
"I know the other reality sucked bad but I wish some of it were real," he said honestly.
"Such as?" Cas asked nervously.
Being more of a doer than a talker Dean decided to show Cas the answer to his question instead. He closed the space between them and reached up to touch Castiel's hair that always looked like it had just been slept on which was ironic considering he didn't sleep. Dean moved his hand through his hair to the back of his neck and pulled him in closer so their faces were almost touching. The angel licked his bottom lip nervously and that was where Dean's hesitance went out the window. He was gentle but he brought their lips together and wasn't going to part anytime soon.
Castiel had no objections. He put his own hands behind Dean's head and around his waist. Dean slid his tongue along Cas's bottom lip then sucked on it, Cas let out a moan of approval and this flipped the switch. No more being gentle, Dean kissed him hard and passionately and Cas returned the kissing just as eagerly. Their hands roamed each other's upper bodies freely and Cas ended up on his back against the leather seat.
Dean moved the kissing from the angel's lips down his jawline and eventually to his neck. Cas had stubble but his skin was soft, it felt a little weird because he still wasn't that experienced with kissing a guy but it felt good. Dean sucked at lightly bit at Cas's neck leaving a mark, he figured Cas could heal it when they were done. Somewhere during the groping session Cas's trench coat and Dean's army jacket were removed, neither could be sure when or how if ever questioned on it.
Cas was getting a little more bold, his hands were already under Dean's shirt but now he felt the need for that shirt not to be there at all so he gripped the hem and tried to tug it off. Dean leaned up and let him remove it. Dean had already unbuttoned most of his dress shirt as his kissing assault continued south. When Dean had the shirt completely undone and was at Cas's belt he suddenly stopped.
"What's wrong?" Cas asked, his voice even more gruff, do to lust.
"I, uh, well," Dean tried to get out nervously. "I'm kinda getting close to the point of no return here dude."
Cas just tilted his head to the side in confusion. Dean was using another reference in the list of many that he just didn't understand. Dean sighed frustrated. Of course he was gonna have to spell it out for the guy.
"Sex Cas, we gotta stop or I'm gonna need sex."
"I don't see the problem Dean," Cas said in his usual tone of indifference, but the look he gave Dean left no room for doubt. Cas was asking for it.
"You sure?" Dean asked uncertain.
He should be given a freaking medal for this, he'd just had the best make out session of his life and he was actually asking for confirmation on offered sex. That was definitely a first. But he actually cared about Cas and that was a first too.
Taking a page out of Dean's book Cas showed him his answer. He grabbed Dean roughly by the back of his neck and crashed their mouths together. After a few minutes of getting back into the groping they were both in agreement they were wearing too much clothing.
Much to Dean's surprise having a naked guy under him, who he was completely turned on by for the record, wasn't as weird as he'd of thought it would be. He wasn't trying to deny or justify anything but he honestly didn't think of Cas in gender terms. He was in a male vessel, sure, but Castiel was gender neutral, as were all angels. So if anyone were to ask he would totally still say he wasn't gay. It's not like in all the time he's been having these urges for Cas he has been checking out other dudes too. Actually he was perfectly content with flirting with any chick he could and hooking up with them when needed, as per usual. So he was positive it was a Cas attraction, not a male one.
Because apparently he'd developed the will power of a saint over night Dean looked for one final confirmation before he devirginized the angel. Cas gave him a look and an impatient demand for him to get on with it and so Dean did. After letting Castiel adjust to having him inside Dean started a slow steady pace. Their naked upper bodies slid together smoothly, slick with the sweat they were building up. Dean had his face buried in the crook of Cas neck and was breathing heavily. The feel of Dean's breath on him, not to mention the sensation of him being inside of him, was almost overwhelming to Cas. He was biting down hard on his lip as to not scream out. He wasn't sure if it would be a human scream or an angel one and if he broke all the windows with in a mile radius that would be a tad suspicious and someone would most likely come to investigate.
"Fuck! You're gonna be the death of me," Dean panted as his pace increased, he was getting close and he knew this one was going to be really intense. Then quickly he realized how the angel would take that and went to cover. "Not literally, Cas."
Shortly after the angel came first. If Dean wasn't so close to his own orgasm he would have felt a little guilty over neglecting the guy's need. It wasn't like he didn't care that Cas liked it too, he just kinda forgot. Doing what he was already doing was always enough to get the girls he'd been with off and apparently it was enough for guys too.
Dean followed close behind and collapsed on the man under him. It wasn't like him to keep so much contact after but he was pretty exhausted and there wasn't much room to not be touching anyway. Oddly Dean didn't mind the intimacy. He had his face resting on Cas chest and was content in feeling in rise and fall as he was breathing. But, uh, he didn't need to breathe.
"You doing that for my sake?" Dean asked, tilting his head up to look at him.
"I'm sorry?" Cas asked, clearly distracted from whatever thoughts he'd just been having.
"The breathing. You don't have to if you don't want to."
"Oh that. It's just habit at this point."
They lay there contently enjoying the silence and company when a little while later Dean was suddenly clean, fully clothed and sitting on the opposite end of the car from Castiel.
"What the fuck?" Dean asked, doing a double take of his surroundings.
"Sam," Cas said gesturing out the window.
A few seconds later Sam walked in front of the car.
"Hey, I've been looking for you. Bobby said you wanted to talk," Sam said leaning in the back window.
"Yeah uh, I do," Dean said thanking anyone who was listening that he didn't get there fifteen minutes sooner. Talk about a cock block, literally.
"I'll leave you two alone," Castiel offered then zapped away.
Dean got out of the car and started walking closer to the house. No way he was going to talk to his little brother there after what just happened. They got back to where the Impala was parked and Sam sat on the hood.
"Dean? What's going on?" Sam asked.
"In with...?" Sam questioned needing clarification.
"The whole 'up with Satan' thing. I'm on board," Dean explained.
"You're gonna let me say yes?"
"No. That's the thing. It's not on me to let you do anything. You're a grown..well, overgrown, man. If this is what you want, I'll back your play."
"That's the last thing I thought you'd ever say," Sam said in disbelief.
"Might be. I'm not gonna lie to you, though. It goes against every fiber I got. I mean, truth is... You know, watching out for you... it's kinda been my job, you know? But more than that, it's... it's kinda who I am. You're not a kid anymore, Sam, and I can't keep treating you like one. Maybe I got to grow up a little, too. I don't know if we got a snowball's chance. But... But I do know that if anybody can do it... It's you."
"If this is what you want... Is this really what you want?" Dean asked needing to make sure.
"I let him out. I got to put him back in."
"Ok, that's it then."
It was all settled. They were going to leave first thing the next morning, go find some demons, drain their blood for Sammy to drink and then set out to find the devil. No biggie. It was after midnight and the house was dark. Everyone was asleep or at least had retired for the evening. Castiel was off somewhere trying to gather any last minute information he could about where the Devil might be or where to get the demons they needed. Sam scoffed at Dean when he brought it up saying they never had any problems finding demons before and Dean said just when they want to find them is exactly when they won't be able to. He was clearly picking up some of Bobby's paranoid tendencies.
Dean was lying in bed in one of Bobby's spare rooms just looking up at the ceiling. He couldn't sleep, not that that was a surprise. He just hoped he'd exhaust himself with all his thoughts in time to get a couple hours before they had to leave.
"Can I come in?" Future Cas asked softly from the doorway.
"What if I'm sleeping?" Dean asked, failing to catch the stupidity of the question.
"Then you wouldn't have responded," Cas said evenly as he came all the way into the room and shut the door behind him.
"Details," Dean said rolling his eyes then sat up on the edge of the bed and gestured for the man to join him.
"You didn't sleep last time either," Cas said softly.
"How do you know? Did we?" Dean asked surprised because Cas had told him his Dean broke things off long before then and because he'd seen his future self interact with Cas and he generally seemed annoyed with him, of course he seemed that way with everyone though.
"I believe he told you to sleep in his cabin and that he'd make other arrangements," Cas said with a small smile. He got a small piece of his Dean back that night, not the robot imposter that'd had been walking around with Dean's face, and it was a good memory.
"I asked him Risa or Jane and he said neither. You would of totally been my last guess," Dean chuckled.
"Why's that?" Cas asked curiously. "You'd already had certain feelings about your Cas, why would it be so hard to believe?"
"Honestly? Cuz he didn't seem to like you all that much."
"He didn't like anyone," Cas said bluntly.
"True. He really didn't seem like the social type."
"And you are?" Cas asked with an amused look.
"Hey," Dean defended. "I like some people."
"So did he. It was only himself that he truly disliked," Cas said sadly.
"You miss him," Dean observed.
"Why would you say that?" Cas asked curiously.
"Because you do."
"Yeah, I do. I'm just surprised you would know," Cas admitted.
"Why, do you think I'm really that oblivious?" Dean asked a little offended.
"That's not what I meant," Cas defended. "It's just you never really seemed to understand why I still cared for him even after what he'd become. I guess I figured you assumed I was holding onto the memory of who he was and didn't love who he is."
"I don't understand how you still loved him," Dean admitted. "But I know you did."
"Now he'll never exist. Is it wrong I'm both happy and sad about that?" Cas wondered.
"Hey, who am I to judge? I'm kinda in a love triangle with the same person."
"We're so damaged," Cas laughed.
"We'd give Dr. Phil a run for his money."
They sat there quietly for a few minutes before Dean spoke up.
"I, uh, there's something I should tell you."
"Don't tell me you have feelings for Jimmy too?" Cas deadpanned.
"Eww, dude, no," Dean said defensively. "I slept with him," Dean confessed gently.
"Was it good?" Cas asked with a wink.
"C'mon, don't be like that. I know what you're doing, fuck I'm sure I'm the one that taught you what you're doing."
"Which is?" Cas asked playing dumb.
"You're hiding your emotions with sarcasm smartass," Dean said giving him a firm look.
"Wow, you do that?" Cas asked faking surprise. "You are messed up dude."
"Fine. Whatever. That's what I get for being a big girl and trying to talk," Dean said frustrated.
"What do you want me to say Dean?" Cas asked in a serious tone.
"I don't know. I feel bad, ok."
"You don't need to."
"Yes I do."
"It was good that it was him. Your first time was supposed to be with him," Cas said somberly. It was true but it didn't make it hurt any less.
Dean looked at him with confusion. Obviously he meant it was good that it was Castiel and his first time with a guy was supposed to be with him but that still wasn't even true. Castiel wasn't his first, Cas was. Did this guy really drink so much and do that many drugs that he'd forgotten they'd already had sex?
"Uh dude, Cas wasn't my first."
"So you do have a thing for Jimmy then," Cas teased.
"Hello," Dean said dramatically. "We had sex."
"No we didn't," Cas denied amused.
"Are you really that toasted all the time you can't remember who you hook up with?"
"My memory is just fine and we didn't have sex," Cas defended.
"I didn't fucking imagine you blowing me in the back seat of the Impala," Dean snapped at him in annoyance.
"A blow job isn't having sex Dean," Cas scoffed.
"Well thank you president Clinton but most people would disagree. It's a little bigger deal than a hug."
"I didn't say it wasn't a sexual act, I said it wasn't having sex."
"Semantics," Dean said.
"Have you fucked everyone who's ever blown you?" Cas asked, already knowing the answer was no because they hadn't fucked, but he meant other people.
"Well no," Dean admitted.
"Then when someone asked you how many people you've had sex with you wouldn't include them in the number would you?"
"No, but you're totally justifying dude. I'm cheating on him with you and I'm cheating on you even more with him."
"I don't see us objecting," he shrugged.
"Of course you wouldn't get it you orgy having hippie," Dean smirked.
"You totally wanted in on that shit and you know it."
"I wouldn't have said no," Dean winked.
"I-I should let you get some sleep," Cas said awkwardly.
Fuck. One way or another this man is always going to be the death of me. This time around the cause will be brain aneurysm due to sexual frustration.
"Cas?" Dean called just as he got to the door.
Oh God, not that fucking tone. Go ahead, ask what you want, the answer is already yes.
"Yes Dean," Cas answered trying to keep his emotions in check.
"We used to sleep together right?"
Cas tilted his head in confusion. What the hell is he going on about? He knows they had sex for years, is he just trying to fucking torture him now?
"Like, in bed. Actual sleep," Dean clarified.
"Yeah, we continued to get a double room after I became human and couldn't just pop in and out of places but we always ended up in the same bed."
"Can, uh, would, I mean, maybe.."Dean stammered out while scratching the back of his head nervously.
"Of course Dean," Cas said in understanding as he walked to the bed and climbed in next to the hunter.
"Did uh, how did this work before?" Dean asked.
"You liked me on top..." Cas started to explain.
"Whoa, wait no, I don't mean that..."Dean started to say looking a little freaked. He was the bottom, really? He hadn't been this time with angel Cas.
"Dean, chill. I'm talking about sleep," Cas clarified. "You'd put your arm around me and I would lay on your chest listening to your heart beat," Cas explained then maneuvered himself into said position.
Dean was a little uncomfortable at first but after a minute or so he loosened up and began to enjoy the warm body pressed against him. It felt nice, it felt safe. He was used to being alone and this was a good change. He was not cuddling though, Dean Winchester didn't fucking cuddle. He was just giving someone he cared about a little contact, people were supposed to have contact with each other.
They both fell asleep after a short time and slept through the night until the alarm Dean had set went off right after dawn. Cas made an annoyed groan and shifted slightly but did not move away from Dean. Dean raised the arm that wasn't around Cas over his head stretching then rubbed the sleep from his eyes.
"We gotta get up," Dean said, his voice stiff with sleep but making no attempt to move.
All he received was a grunt and a head shake. Clearly Cas was even less of a morning person than Dean. It was usually Sam who started things going when they had to be awake at these ungodly hours. Speaking of which, there was a very good possibility of him walking in at any moment to make sure Dean was up. He was up just not in any way he wanted his brother seeing.
"Somebody might walk in," Dean said nudging the man on top of him.
Cas moved off of him but he started talking in what Dean guessed was Enochian, and he didn't sound too happy.
"What the hell are you saying?" Dean asked curious.
"It's not of import," Cas said gruffly.
"He said you were lucky he wasn't an angel any more because he would smite you. A few obscenities thrown in as well," they heard the voice to the side of them say and quickly turned in that direction.
"C-cas?" Dean said guilty, like the little kid who'd just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Cas rolled his eyes and got off of the bed to stretch.
"Hello Dean," Castiel greeted evenly.
"This, this uh.." Dean staggered.
"Chill angel. We didn't fuck or anything," Cas interrupted.
"Cas!" Dean snapped
"What?" Cas shrugged. "Just trying to keep you out of the dog house dude."
"Leave degenerate," Castiel demanded darkly.
"So touchy," Cas muttered then left the room.
"I found a few demons for Sam but I'm still not aware of Lucifer's location," Castiel offered.
"Maybe the demons will know or Crowley," Dean said as he got out of bed.
"Perhaps," Cas said indifferently as he watched Dean crack his back. Then he lifted his arms up over his head and his T-shirt rode up revealing a strip of skin on his stomach. Castiel found himself staring and Dean noticed.
"We should get down stairs," Dean suggested weakly.
Cas closed the gap between them and grabbed Dean by his shoulders bringing him into a fierce kiss. It was rough and forced...and hot. There wasn't any time to start anything so Castiel pulled away after a minute and Dean gave him a pouty look.
"Tease," he whined.
"I could say the same," Cas said looking him over then zapping out of the room.
"Fucking angel," Dean muttered with a smirk.
A few hours later they were at the location where Castiel had kept the demons. They strung them up and drained them of their blood. Dean came out of the building followed by Sam and Castiel, both holding jugs of blood. Dean went over to Bobby who was waiting at his van.
"Did you get it?" Bobby asked.
"Yeah, all the go juice Sammy can drink."
"Not really," Dean answered honestly. "What do you got?"
"Not much. These look like omens to you? Cyclone in Florida, temperature drop in Detroit, wildfires in L.A." Bobby answered.
"Wait. What about Detroit?"
"Temp's dropped about 20 degrees, but only in a five-block radius of downtown Motown. "
"That's the one. Devil's in Detroit," Dean said positively.
"Really? As far as foreboding goes, It's a little light in the loafers. You sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure," Dean confirmed.
Bobby got in his van and Sam, Dean and Cas got into the Impala. They set out for Detroit. It was happening again. Sam was always going to say yes in Detroit. Did they even have a real shot at changing things?
"So we're off to Detroit then," Cas said from the back seat, as he pulled a flask out of his breast pocket and unscrewed the lid.
"H-how do you know?" Sam asked. His memory flashed back to when Lucifer had told him he would say yes to him in Detroit.
"Because that's where you said yes the first time," Cas shrugged.
"Yeah we are," Dean answered before turning up the volume on the car stereo stopping farther conversation.
A few hours went by and Sam looked in the rear view mirror to see Cas asleep, or passed out. He reached out to turn the radio down figuring this was most likely his last shot to talk to Dean in private. To his surprise Dean beat him to it.
"Sam, I got a bad feeling about this."
"Well, you'd be nuts to have a good feeling about it."
"You know what I mean," Dean started. "Detroit. He always said he'd jump your bones in Detroit. Here we are. Maybe this is him rolling out the red carpet, you know? Maybe he knows something that we don't."
"Dean, I'm sure he knows a buttload we don't. We just got to hope he doesn't know about the rings. Hey, um... on the subject, there's something I got to talk to you about."
"What?" Dean wondered.
"This thing goes our way and I...Triple Lindy into that box... y-you know I'm not coming back," Sam said tentatively.
"I'm aware," Dean said tightening his grip on the steering wheel.
"So you got to promise me something," Sam requested.
"Ok. Yeah. Anything," Dean agreed too quickly.
"You got to promise not to try to bring me back."
"What? No, I didn't sign up for that," Dean said not believing what his brother was saying.
"Dean..." Sam started to protest.
"Your Hell is gonna make my tour look like Graceland. Y-you want me just to sit by and do nothing?" Dean interrupted.
"Once the cage is shut, you can't go poking at it, Dean. It's too risky."
"No, no, no, no, no. As if I'm just gonna let you rot in there," Dean argued stubbornly.
"Yeah, you are. You don't have a choice," Sam insisted.
"You can't ask me to do this."
"I'm sorry, Dean. You have to."
"So then what am I supposed to do?" Dean asked.
"Quit," Sam said bluntly.
"Quit?" Dean huffed. "Yeah right, because so many hunters just walk away from the life."
"This isn't what you want Dean, it hasn't been for a long time."
"Then tell me, what exactly do I want?"
"To be normal. Go find a nice little house, get a job at the local mechanic's shop and hope Cas can keep his angel noises in check when you two are having kinky sex," Sam smirked at the last part and Dean nearly drove off the road. Luckily it was late and there was nobody in the other lane he swerved into.
"What did you just say!?" Dean asked in shock in a high pitched tone.
"Ah c'mon Dean, having a real job won't be that bad," Sam said being a smart ass.
"After that," Dean said sending him a glare.
"Dude, don't even try to deny it. You two might not have actually done anything, and please keep it to yourself if I'm wrong, but you've been eye fucking for months."
"Have not," Dean denied like a little kid.
"You have. I'm surprised nobody's gotten pregnant yet," Sam teased.
"Shut up bitch," Dean mumbled.
"Look, seriously, I'm happy for you Dean. Cas has done a lot for us and I know he'll do anything to protect you. It makes me feel better about leaving, I know you won't be alone," Sam said heartfelt.
"Really? You're cool with this?" Dean asked in surprise.
"Yeah," Sam answered honestly. "I mean I wish I had more time to tease the shit out of you about it but yeah, I am. You deserve to have someone care about you Dean. Maybe an angel of the lord isn't the most conventional option but we're Winchesters, since when do we do what everyone else does?"
"Thanks Sammy," Dean said with a smile.
"You're welcome Dean," Sam said returning the smile.
Dean decided to leave out the little detail about being into Castiel and Cas. There just wasn't enough time to open that can of worms. That chick flick talk actually made him feel a little better. No way in hell he wasn't going to try to get him out of the cage but at least if he failed or it took awhile he knew his brother knew the truth about him and was cool with it. They got to Detroit around dusk and all signs pointed to the devil being there.
"Demons," Bobby said observing the building. "At least two dozen of them. You were right..something's up."
"More than something. He's here. I know it," Dean confirmed.
Bobby turns from Dean and approaches Sam. He tries to keep his emotions in check and stay strong for him but it's hard. Sam and Dean were the sons he never had.
"I'll see ya around, kid."
"See ya around," Sam said.
"He gets in... You fight him tooth and nail, you understand? Keep swingin'. Don't give an inch," Bobby instructed struggling to maintain an even tone.
"Yes, sir," he said to Bobby before turning to Castiel. "Take care of these guys, okay?"
"That's not possible," Castiel said bluntly.
"Then humor me."
"Oh. I was supposed to lie," Castiel realized. "Uh... Sure. They'll be fine. I.." he said in a feeble attempt to appease Sam's request.
"Just...just stop... talking," Sam said then turned to future Cas.
"Maybe you can do better."
"Sure man," Cas said casually. "We'll finish up here then I'll drive the Impala to the nearest hotel room so your brother can have hot kinky sex with angel boy."
"Dude. Gross," Sam said unable to contain a laugh along with his face of disgust. "Thanks for easdropping dick," he mock chastised.
"I'm a light sleeper," Cas lied. "Got you to laugh, didn't I?" He asked with a wink.
"Yeah you did, thanks man. If you get to stick around take care of him for me, will ya?"
"I'll protect Dean with my life," Cas vowed.
"I know," Sam said patting him on the shoulder.
Sam turned and walked over to the trunk of the Impala where the jugs of demon blood were. He gave Dean a meaningful look and Dean nodded in understanding. He didn't want anyone watching this. Dean walked over to stand next to Bobby.
"Let's go," Sam says shutting the trunk after he's done drinking the blood.
"Alright," Dean nods and they set to walk off.
"I'm coming," Cas says stepping in their path.
"What? No you're not," Dean said shaking his head.
"You're not going in there alone Dean," Cas said giving Dean a determined look.
"I'm not. Sammy's coming," Dean said being stubborn.
"You'll need a distraction for Lucifer if Sam..." Cas started to say but stop when Dean gave him a glare that said he understood where that sentence was going.
"And what, you'll be the decoy?" Dean asked darkly.
"Exactly," Cas said bluntly.
"I'm not asking Dean," Cas said in a low dark tone that left zero room for argument.
Then all three made their way to the building where they suspected Lucifer was hauled up in. Sam started yelling announcing their arrival and demons came out and dragged them into the warehouse and up the stairs. They saw Lucifer, in that poor guy Nick's meat suit, standing by a window looking out of it.
"Hey, guys. So nice of you to drop in," Lucifer greeted casually. "Sorry if it's a bit chilly. Most people think I burn hot. It's actually quite the opposite."
"We'll alert the media," Dean quipped.
"Help me understand something, guys. I mean, stomping through my front door is... a tad suicidal, don't you think?" Lucifer asked now facing them.
"We're not here to fight you," Sam said.
"Castiel," Lucifer observed with a curious look. "You're not current Castiel and you're not an angel anymore either."
"No," Cas confirmed in a deep gruff voice.
"How interesting," Lucifer said but his look at tone implied utter indifference to the matter. "What year are you from and how did you get your infliction?"
"2014. I lost my grace when all the angels left earth."
"Because Sam said yes and Dean still wouldn't," Lucifer said smugly.
"Can we get on with this?" Dean asked impatiently and Cas shot him a warning glare.
"Very well," Lucifer said passively. "Then why are you here?"
"I want to say yes," Sam said determined then killed all the demons in the room with his power.
"Excuse me? Chock-full of Ovaltine, are we?"
"You heard me. Yes."
"Look, Judgment Day's a runaway train. We get it now. We just want off," Sam justified.
"Meaning?" Lucifer questioned.
"Deal of the century. I give you a free ride, but when it's all over, I live, he lives, you bring our parents back..." Sam was answering when the Devil cut him off.
"Ok, can we please drop the telenovela? I know you have the rings, Sam."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Sam lied badly.
"The Horsemen's rings? The magic keys to my Cage? Ring a bell? Come on, Sam. I've never lied to you. You could at least pay me the same respect. It's ok. I'm not mad. A wrestling match inside your noggin... I like the idea. Just you and me, one round, no tricks. You win, you jump in the hole. I win... Well, then I win. What do you say, Sam? A fiddle of gold against your soul says I'm better than you," Lucifer said with confidence.
"So he knows. Doesn't change anything."
"Sam," Dean warned.
"We don't have any other choice. Yes," Sam said not breaking his gaze on Lucifer.
Lucifer left his vessel and it dropped to the ground dead. Then he entered Sam's body. Dean and Cas quickly helped him up and for a minute they thought he was Sam still. Dean started to do the chant and threw the connected rings to the wall but Lucifer was just fucking with them. Sam lost control the second he took over his body. He actually zapped off leaving Cas and Dean alive, much to Cas's surprise.
"Dean! Dean we have to go," Cas urged pulling Dean by the arm. He could see Dean was close to the edge and now was not a time for a mental breakdown.
Cas helps Dean down the stairs and out of the building until he regains his own footing. They meet back up with Castiel and Bobby and inform them of what went down. Everyone looks pretty broken. This was it, there one shot and it failed. All that was left was picking a spot to watch the world end. They were walking down a street back to their vehicles when they pasted a window with a TV in it and stopped to watch. It was a news report announcing a bunch of natural disasters. There were major earthquakes and floods happening all over the place.
"It's starting," Castiel said stating the obvious.
"Yeah, you think, genius?" Bobby asked sarcastically.
"You don't have to be mean," Castiel said a bit offended.
"What do we do now?" Dean asked panicked.
"I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol... Just wait for the inevitable blast wave," Castiel offered.
"Here, here," Cas agreed with forced enthusiasm.
"Swell. Thank you, Bukowski. I-I mean, how do we stop it?" Dean asked Castiel and just glared at Cas.
"We don't," both Cas and Castiel said at the same time.
"There's gotta be something we can do?" Dean asked desperately.
"I'm sorry Dean. This is over," Castiel said somberly.
"You listen to me, you junkless sissy...we are not giving up! Bobby? Bobby?" Dean begged.
"There was never much hope to begin with. I don't know what to do," Bobby said defeated.
"Well where's he going?" Dean asked.
"What difference does it make?" Cas wondered.
"Because I'm going to find him."
"I don't know Dean," Castiel answered honestly.
"Boy you can't," Bobby started but Dean silenced him with a look.
Dean remembered someone who should be able to actually answer his questions, Chuck. He made his way back to the Impala and called him.
"Mistress Magda?" Chuck says answering the phone.
"Um, no, Chuck," Dean responds awkwardly.
"Oh, uh, Dean. Uh, wow. I, uh, I didn't know that you'd call."
"Who's Mistress Magda?" Dean wondered and Cas chuckled in the passenger seat.
"Nothing. She's a, uh, a...just a, uh... a close friend."
"Yeah, I'll bet...real close. Whatever happened to Becky?"
"Didn't work out. I had too much respect for her."
"Boy, you really got a whole virgin/hooker thing going on, don't you?" Dean smirked.
"Okay, this can't be why you called," Chuck said desperate for a subject change.
"Sam said yes."
"I know. I saw it. I'm just working on the pages."
"Do you know where he is?"
"The angels are keeping it top secret...very hush-hush."
"Aww crap," Dean said annoyed.
"But I saw it anyway. Perks of being a prophet," Chuck said somewhat cockily. "Tomorrow, high noon, place called Stull Cemetery."
"Stull Ceme...Wait. I know that. That's-that's an old boneyard outside of Lawrence. Why Lawrence?" Dean questioned.
"Well uh there's a problem Dean," Chuck said nervously.
"The angels have resorted to a plan B. They don't need you anymore."
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Michael has his vessel. Lucifer's going to Lawrence because it needs to end where it began," Chuck explained.
"Vessel? Who?" Dean asked in shock.
"Your father, from the year before you were born to be more specific. They apparently got a taste for yanking people out of their own time when they yanked the hippie next to you back a few years."
"Huh," Dean questioned wondering if his brain was functioning. "My dad didn't even know about this crap before I was born and now he's Michael's vessel. How did they make him say yes?"
"How else do you manipulate a Winchester to do anything? They threatened his family, your mother and his unborn children."
"Son of a bitch!" Dean swore. "All right, Chuck, look, you know of any way to short-circuit this thing?"
"Besides the rings? No. I'm sorry," Chuck said meaning it.
"Well, do you have any idea what's gonna happen next?"
"I wish that I did. But I-I just...I honestly don't know yet."
"All right. Thanks, Chuck," Dean said and hung up the phone.
"What now?" Cas asked.
"I go home."
"Not alone you don't."
Dean filled Bobby and Castiel in on the plan to go see Sam. And the total mind fuck Chuck had just dropped on him. They weren't overly thrilled with the idea but they were done for anyway, what could one more talk hurt?
It turned out those dicks with wings had a fucking back up plan. If Dean were going to continue to refuse Micheal they would just go with the next best thing, his father. It actually made a lot of sense and Castiel kicked himself for not considering this possibility before. Dean and Sam being Michael and Lucifer's vessels was in their bloodline, it went back all the way to Cain and Able in fact. It was in their destiny to end up right where they were. Sam and Dean needed to be born, things were always meant to turn out this way. Heaven had even had to intervene to ensure their existence. John and Mary's union even had a little help from a cupid.
So while it wasn't the ideal situation John could indeed be Michael's vessel and participate in the battle of the Apocalypse. The angels were believed it would still go in their favor and now with Sam having said yes and Lucifer taking his true vessel details were even closer to the original prophecies and they figured that increased their odds.
"Dean are you sure about this?" Cas asked.
"What? You said it didn't make any difference ten minutes ago, world's ending anyway."
"It's different now that Michael's here."
"Not to me."
"I just want you to understand," Castiel said in a sympathetic tone. "The only thing that you're gonna see out there is Michael killing your brother."
"Well, then I ain't gonna let him die alone," Dean said holding back tears then opened the door to the Impala.
"I can give you a few minutes but you'll need to hurry," Castiel offered.
Dean and Cas got into the car and started on their way to the cemetery. They roll into the abandon bone yard with tunes playing on the stereo. Dean stops the car some yards away from Michael and Lucifer, gets out and leans against the top of the car. Cas gets out of the passenger side and stays silent.
"Howdy boys," Dean greeted. "Sorry. Am I interrupting something? Hey. We need to talk," he says nodding over to Lucifer's direction.
"Dean. Even for you, this is a whole new mountain of stupid," Lucifer said.
"I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Sam."
"You're no longer the vessel, Dean. You got no right to be here," Michael said.
"I need five minutes with him," Dean said not backing down.
"You little maggot. You are no longer a part of this story!" Michael snapped.
"Hey, ass-butt!" Castiel called appearing out of nowhere with Bobby. Then he threw the cocktail of holy fire at Michael and he burned away.
"Ass-butt?" Dean questioned to himself.
"He'll be back...and upset...but you got your five minutes," Castiel said to Dean.
"Castiel. Did you just molotov my brother with holy fire?" Lucifer asked darkly.
"Uh...No," Castiel said looking actually scared and this made Dean's blood run cold.
"No one dicks with Michael but me," Lucifer said before snapping his fingers making Castiel explode.
"NOOOOO," Dean roared.
"Dean!" Cas yelled. "Focus, you only have a few minutes!"
Dean calls for Sam annoying Lucifer and when Lucifer makes a move on Dean Bobby shoots him with the colt, which of course just pisses him off, Bobby shrugs at Dean's questioning look before Lucifer kills him. Dean yells out but doesn't have much chance to react any farther because Lucifer throws him into the Impala's windshield. That was when Cas made his move to get between the pissed off Devil and the man he loved, it didn't go too well, Lucifer killed him too.
Dean called out in emotional pain, everyone he cared about was gone now. That pain was soon followed by the physical kind because Lucifer proceeded to beat him with in an inch of his life. Then as he was drawing pack to hit him again a light reflection caught his eye and he looked in the back of the Impala and saw an army man jammed into the door's ashtray. Memories of Dean and Sam over the years flashed in his mind. He unclenched his fist and now it's Sam back in control of his body.
"It's okay, Dean. It's gonna be okay. I've got him," Sam assured as he took out the rings, threw them to the ground and began to chant.
Suddenly Michael reappears and tries to stop Sam but he gives Dean a final look of goodbye and falls backward into the hole bringing Michael in with him. The hole closed back up seconds later returning the ground back to normal. Dean sat there on his knees not knowing what to do. The world was safe now but what was left for him?
"Dean," a voice says from above him.
"Chuck?" Dean asks looking up at the man in surprise.
"Not at the moment my son," he says before touching Dean's face, completely healing all of his injuries.
"Whoa!" Dean exclaimed jumping back. "Are you..."
"Chuck is God?" Dean asked bewildered.
"Chuck is my vessel child," God explained.
Dean got to his feet and looked over to where Cas lay dead and where Castiel's parts were scattered. God walked over to them and knelt down beside them. Dean felt his breath catch in his chest. He was going to bring them back, he had to right?
"Castiel might not have been one of my more powerful angels but he was one of my favorites," God said fondly.
Dean didn't like this guy's use of the past tense. He walked over and stood next to them.
"This is my fault," Dean said evenly. "They shouldn't have to pay for my choices."
"None of this should have happened Dean. The Apocalypse wasn't meant to happen yet. My children mistook my absence for not caring and acted selfishly. That gravely disappoints me. Castiel was in the minority but he was doing the right thing and that will not be punished. I'm remarkably proud of them both," he said gesturing down to the two lifeless bodies. "Castiel is a one of a kind you know?" God asked turning to Dean.
"How's that?" Dean wondered.
"He is the only angel to ever have feelings. A few of my children have chosen to fall from grace to experience them but Castiel did it while still under Heaven's hand. He defied all of histories president and learned to love. Tell me Dean out of all of creation of the world what is it that made you so different from all those before, that an angel would evolve for you?"
"I have no idea," Dean said with complete doubt. "I don't deserve it."
"That's where we disagree my son," God said looking at Dean warmly. "Your soul is pure. You help people for all the right reasons and you put others above your own well being every time, especially those you care about. You never give up no matter how grim the outcome seems. You're brave and don't think twice about sacrificing yourself it means you can save another. You're a true hero Dean."
"What about al the bad stuff?" Dean asked softly. "I have a heck of a lot of flaws in case you didn't notice."
"I gave my children free will for a reason. Your good out weighs your bad many, many times over, I assure you."
"What's gonna happen now?" Dean asked nervously.
"Well right now, I'm going to bring them back. What happens after is yet to be determined. You have a choice to make now Dean."
"You can't very well think you can have both of them, can you?" God asked giving Dean a knowing look.
"I-I, uh, I mean," Dean said nervously feeling himself begin to blush. He could not be having this talk with God.
"Relax my child," God chuckled. "I know you love them and there's nothing wrong with that, you just need to choose, it's what's fair for them as well."
"I-I have a choice?"
"Of course, why wouldn't you?"
"Cas, now Cas, is an angel. Can humans even be with angels?"
"You two never seemed to have a problem," God said casually and Dean turned a bright shade of pink.
"But future Cas is a human, and from the future, which won't happen now, does he even technically exist anymore?" Dean said confusing himself.
"Not technically but he's made sacrifices as well, I'm willing to let him stay if that's what you want."
"What I want?" What about what they want?"
"I assure you Dean, they both want the same thing. You. Whichever one you don't chose will no longer want to be here and I will grant them their request."
"How am I supposed to pick? I love them both."
"I know you do. I can't answer that for you. But you do have to chose. They are not meant to co-exist, there's a balance to things, Dean."
"Yeah, I know, I've had this talk before."
"I'll give you some time. I will bring them both back and you guys can work it out. Sam and Bobby will be brought back as well of course."
"T-thank you," Dean said with a smile.
"You're welcome child."
The next thing Dean knew he was standing in Bobby's living room with Sam, Castiel, Cas and Bobby. They all looked completely confused while Dean just looked mildly surprised by the sudden change in location.
"The fuck happened?" Cas asked scratching his head.
"We're gonna need a bottle," Dean said making his way to Bobby's liquor.
They all took positions around the living room as Dean went over what happened. Cas seemed a little skeptical, but he'd believe whatever Dean told him because he pretty much knew when he was lying. Castiel took in the story with a heavy heart. He felt shame for ever having doubted his father. Sam was pretty shocked Chuck was God's vessel, of all the people in the world God was linked to a twitchy unemployed alcoholic and Bobby just huffed indifferently and said he was gonna take a vacation. In his tale of God, Dean of course left out the part about him having to chose between angel and the betty ford reject.
Needless to say it had been a long tiring day and they all were pretty tired. Sam fell asleep on the couch and soon after Bobby went to his room. Dean, Cas and Castiel were in the kitchen. Dean and Cas were sitting at the table finishing the bottle of bourbon and Castiel was leaning against the counter looking at them disapprovingly.
"You both consume too much alcohol," Castiel said stoically.
"S'ok, not all of it actually stays consumed," Cas said before taking another drink.
"It's a vice. You should try to avoid it," Castiel frowned.
"All good things are," Dean and Cas said in unison then laughed.
"I'll drink to that," Dean said with a smile.
"Fucking A," Cas said raising his glass and Dean clinked his against it.
Castiel observed this display quietly with his head tilted to the side as he often did when he was confused or deep in thought over something. He wasn't quite sure why but watching this caused him grief. He always enjoyed seeing Dean smile and he was happy that Dean was happy but he was both a little jealous and hurt that he wasn't the one causing the happiness. What was even worse was that the one doing it was that abomination future version of himself. He knew Dean cared about him and it hurt, kinda pissed him off too.
"I wish to think," Castiel said before zapping off without another world or any chance for them to respond.
"I really gotta teach that guy to say goodbye properly," Dean muttered into his glass.
He's chosen. He picked Castiel. Of course he would. Why would I be stupid enough to even think I had a chance. He loved Castiel the first time too, I was just what he got stuck with later on.
"I'm gonna go get some sleep," Cas said suddenly sounding exhausted.
"Night Cas," Dean said looking up at him.
"Good night Dean."
If he had any self respect left he would have taken off in the middle of the night like he wanted to but he didn't. Obviously he'd developed a pretty healthy case of masochism in his time and needed to stick it out till the bitter end. He wouldn't leave till Dean told him to fuck off. It was better this way anyway. Dean was still his Dean, that future broken shell of a man he became would never exist and neither should he. This Dean deserved Castiel the little pure innocent angel not Cas the self loathing substance dependent slacker.
A few days went by and everything was quiet. Much to Sam and Dean's surprise Bobby did take a vacation. The next day after they had woken up and were milling around the house for a few hours Bobby called everyone to the living room, announced he would be back before the next Apocalypse, that he would be out of cell phone reception so don't bother trying, told them if they broke anything he'd kick their asses, and then picked up his duffel bag and walked out the front door.
Dean was sticking to his usual MO and avoiding the talks he very much needed to have. To his luck Sam hadn't brought up the Castiel thing. Dean was gratful for that, sometimes Sam could be an awesome little brother. What he did notice was that, while, yes he was trying to avoid Cas, Cas was also avoiding him. Castiel had only popped in once and his visit was brief. Though this wasn't uncommon for the angel Dean kinda got the feeling he was avoiding him too, maybe Bobby's paranoia really was rubbing off on him. It would be just what he deserved though, be in love with both of them, lead both of them on, and then have both of them pissed off and not want him anymore.
Dean was pretty anxious by the forth day and Dean did a few things when he got this way: A) Go to the nearest bar and score some strange B) Go find something to hunt and kill the shit out of that bastard or C) Get totally shit faced and just forget what he's anxious about. Since he was in enough shit already he ruled out option A. Sam still seemed a little on edge, I mean the guy had Lucifer riding him and went to Hell after all, so option B was a no go too. This left good old trusty option C and Dean dove into it whole hearted. It wasn't even six at night and Dean was pretty hammered. He was well on his way to passing out and not being able to remember his frigging name and that was just fine by him.
"Dean, what the hell dude? It's not even dark out," Sam said giving his brother bitch face as he walked into the kitchen.
"It's twelve o'clock somewhere Sammy," Dean slurred.
"Whatever," Sam said rolling his eyes. "I'm going out and if you puke you're cleaning it up."
"Wwhere you going?"
"I don't know, for a drive. I just need to be alone for awhile and clear my head. I'll be back in the morning."
"Make sure you put gas in baby and if you scratch her I'll be an only child, got it?" Dean warned.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Dude I've heard this spiel a thousand times," Sam said shaking his head. He couldn't believe with how drunk Dean was he was still full on focused when it came to that car of his.
Sam left and Dean was left alone in the quiet again with just his thoughts to keep him company. Clearly he wasn't drunk enough because he was still actually forming thoughts at all, he'd need to fix this. He grabbed the bottle and took a big gulp then put it back down and put his head on his folded arms that rested on the table.
"Now Dean," the familiar voice that he did not want to be hearing right now, because he was doing his damnedest to forget about the fucker, said as it entered the room. "Nobody likes the loser that shows up to the party first," he said sitting down across the table.
"Go away," Dean mumbled not raising his head.
"A more sensitive person might take offense to such requests," Cas smirked as he reached for the bottle then put his feet up on the table, crossing his legs.
Dean didn't respond but he reached out for the bottle and grunted in annoyance when he felt it wasn't there. He slowly lifted his head to glare at the thieving bastard.
"Hey asshole! That's mine."
"I think you had enough," Cas said before taking a drink.
"You?" Dean slurred with a chuckle. "You're gonna give me shit on moderation."
"Nah I just wanted the booze," Cas shrugged.
"The room's not actually spinning, right?"
"No sweetie, you're trashed."
"I think I'm gonna be sick," Dean said looking it.
Cas quickly got up and helped him to the trash can just before Dean released, what Cas thought looked like, everything he'd eaten in the past week. When he was sure he was actually done puking, for now at east, Cas guided him to the living room and onto the couch. He went to get the waste basket from the powder room and put it next to the couch. He was just in time for round two. Dean groaned and dropped his head to the cushion.
"I'll get you some water," Cas said and got up to go to the kitchen.
"I'll just puke it up," Dean said pushing away the glass.
"Just fucking drink it," Cas persisted.
"So fucking bossy," Dean muttered but did as he was told.
"You want anything?" Cas asked.
"To be put out of my misery," Dean whined.
"Don't we all," Cas deadpanned.
Cas moved Bobby's desk chair closer to the couch, got a book and sat down. Dean had his eyes closed, was quiet and didn't stir so after about fifteen minutes Cas thought for sure he'd passed out. But then he spoke.
"I can't chose," he said softly.
"I'm sorry?" Cas questioned looking up from his book.
"He's making me pick and I can't do it. I have enough fucking trouble deciding between bacon or sausage at breakfast. How can I do this?" Dean rambled but Cas realized what he was talking about.
When God brought Cas back he gave him full knowledge of the conversation he'd had with Dean. He also told him that no matter what Dean's choice was he would have the option to either continue on as human or just not exist at all. If stayed human he would keep all of his memories so to Cas if Dean didn't pick him then there was only one valid choice for him to make, he didn't want to and wouldn't exist without Dean Winchester in his life. He was pretty sure Castiel was aware of things as well and that's why he hasn't been around. He wondered if he'd been given options though.
Luckily for Cas, because he really didn't wanna have this conversation at all let alone when the guy was smashed, Dean passed out a few minutes later. An hour or so later Cas was reading and there wasn't a sound to be heard in the house and then he heard one, the fluttering of wings beside him.
"You take good care of him," Castiel said as he looked down at Dean.
"Well he sure as hell won't do it," Cas shrugged putting down his book.
"You can do what I can not," Castiel said sadly.
"What are you talking about? You're an angel, you can protect him way better than I can."
"I can not care for him as a human would. I feel certain things but I will never understand them as a person does. I may be able to sympathize with him but I can't ever fully empathize with him."
"You loved him as an angel," Cas said simply.
"I know that," Castiel snapped in annoyance. "Do not try to tell me it wasn't different after you lost your grace ."
"I'm not gonna lie, a lot changed but you did love him, that was real. After I lost my grace it just, I don't know, my love for him was more something I felt here," he said touching his chest over his heart. "and when I was still an angel I did feel it but it was more something I knew here," he said touching his head. "We might be the freaks with too many feelings to fit in up in Heaven but we're the freaks with not enough feelings down here."
"There is no we. You are capable of it now," Castiel reminded him.
"True but I'm also fucked up because of all the feelings I'm capable of. It's a slippery slope brother, you wish you could feel, would do anything to be able to, then when you can you pray to whoever is listening to take it away," Cas half lied. He may have experienced a lot of pain as a human but he would take that because he experienced great pleasure as well.
"Do you wish it was taken away?" Castiel wondered.
"No," Cas answered honestly.
"Then that proves my point," Castiel said sure of himself.
"Come again?" Cas asked not getting it.
"You felt all the pain you did but wouldn't want it taken away because you feel everything that happened, good and bad. Angels are very analytical, we see things in terms of facts and that's it. If you were to tell an angel they could change a past event that was negative they would take it, it's the logical thing to do. Humans are capable of logic, yes, but they rely more often on emotion to make decisions, just like you just did," Castiel explained.
"Where are you going with this Castiel?" Cas asked curiously.
"I assume God gave you the knowledge of his conversation with Dean as well." Castiel said and Cas nodded in confirmation. "I'm guessing he gave you options as well?" He questioned and received another nod. "He said I could return to Heaven and be restored with my full angel powers or I could stay here with Dean as I am now. If I was only considering myself I would stay here for Dean without question but I can not be selfish."
"I don't understand," Cas said plainly.
"I'm saying you're the one that Dean should be with," Castiel said heart broken.
"What?" Cas asked in shock.
"Do not make me repeat myself," Castiel said in a low dark tone.
"You're just gonna give him up that easily?" Cas asked disbelieving.
"I'm not giving him up you heathen. I will love Dean Winchester for the rest of my existence," Castiel said coldly.
"Then why do you want me to be with him?"
"Because you can give him what I can't," Castiel admitted somberly.
"What? All the feelings stuff? You know that's not his thing."
"What he's always wanted, a normal life."
"A normal life," Cas scoffed. "I'm an ex angel from the fucking Apocalyptic future that doesn't even exist anymore, yea I'd be a real normal life partner for the dude."
"You're still a human moron. You and Dean have a past that's rather unusual, yes, but you're both human there's no reason you can't live like everyone else."
"What are you gonna do?"
"I'm going to return to Heaven. I still have my duty."
"Returning to be a good little soldier," Cas said sarcastically.
"Returning to look after my charge. I'll always be there if he needs me."
"What about Dean? Does he even get a say?"
"He doesn't want a say, he hasn't even told us he's been given the deadline."
"He said he can't pick," Cas admitted.
"What? He told you?" Castiel asked sounding a little betrayed.
"Not exactly. He mumbled some stuff before he passed out but I knew what he meant."
"I see," Castiel said relieved. "Well we'll do it for him then."
"He's not a fucking child," Cas snapped. "He may be an emotionally stunted thick headed son of a bitch but he has the right to make his own choices."
"What if he picks me?" Castiel asked torn between emotions.
"Then you do it. You be with him and take care of him the best you can," Cas answered trying not to choke up.
"I'll speak with him," Castiel said indifferently before disappearing.
"Fucking angel," Cas muttered before picking his book back up to resume reading.
The next morning Dean woke up with a monster hangover. Cas was right at his side to provide water and pain medication. Dean swore a lot and wished for death. Cas had gotten practically no sleep between watching over Dean all night like a mother hen and replaying the conversation he had with Castiel over and over again in his head.
It was just after dark and Dean was mostly functional again. He was currently wandering around the junkyard absentmindedly. After Cas had taken care of him all morning he went upstairs to hide out and it was annoying Dean. How was he ever supposed to have a conversation with the dude if he was avoiding him all the time? Not that he was in a big rush to have said conversation because he still had no idea what he was going to say or who he was going to pick.
Dean was leaning up against a rotted out pick up truck looking up at the sky when he heard the rustling of feathers. He didn't take his eyes off of the sky but he did acknowledge the angel's presence.
"Hello Dean," Cas said gruffly.
"This a business call or personal?" Dean asked still looking up at the sky as if the stars held all the answers to the fucking universe.
"We should talk," Cas suggested.
"Personal it is. Shoot," Dean urged.
Castiel let him in on the fact he was well aware of the conversation he'd had with God and that Cas was too. He also told him what God had offered him and the fallen angel. Then he did the most difficult thing he had ever done in his entire existence, he gave up Dean Winchester. He pretty much repeated his reasonings that he had given to Cas the night before only this time it was a lot harder to get them out. Though he made his opinion very clear he didn't shut the door on Dean picking him entirely. What Cas said to him stuck, this should ultimately be Dean's decision even if he needed a push to make the right choice.
"You're really telling me to pick him?" Dean asked still processing.
"I believe it to be for the best," Cas confirmed.
"I don't wanna lose you," Dean said sadly.
"I'll always be here if you need me Dean. I will watch over you the rest of your life."
"That's not what I mean."
"I know it isn't."
Dean really didn't want to chose between them at all, if it were up to him he'd keep them both, and that would lead to some kinky fun but he quickly dismissed that thought when Castiel shot him a confused look over his suggestive smirk. If he were completely and totally honest with himself though, if he really had to chose, which he did, he'd pick Cas. He loved Castiel, he truly did, but there was something more with Cas. He loved Cas as well and felt the overwhelming desire to protect him and make things better for him. Castiel was strong, he'd be fine with or without Dean, probably better off without if he were being honest, but Cas was weaker, he was human, he may be a good hunter but he wasn't bullet proof. Plus if Dean picked Cas then Castiel still had a life to live. If Dean picked Castiel, Cas would definitely chose not to exist and this thought made Dean very uncomfortable.
And to be fair, as broken and fucked up as Cas was, that was another thing that made Dean lean in his direction. Dean honored and respected Castiel the angel, he was pure and brave and powerful, all this was pretty intimidating. Dean always felt inferior around him and Dean had a low enough opinion of himself without being with someone he knew he didn't deserve, even if Castiel would swear that wasn't the case. But with Cas being as fucked up as he was, if not even a little more, Dean felt like maybe he did deserve him. Why couldn't he have someone? He deserved a little happiness in his fucked up world right? And it wasn't as if he'd be bringing in an innocent civilan into this mess, Cas knew everything about Dean's world and was part of it.
But with all that being said there was still the small detail of Dean really not wanting to give up Castiel. For all the reasons he felt he didn't deserve him were all the same reasons he couldn't stand the thought of not having him around. It was nice to have someone so much better than he was around, and even better knowing that someone actually thought he was good. Castiel for whatever reason respected Dean as much as he respected him. Then there were all the little things he'd miss. The way he took everything literally, how stoic he was, his complete lack of understanding sarcasm, his personal space issues. He could see a lot of Castiel still in Cas, even if the hippie liked to think otherwise, but these little things were gone now.
"It's ok Dean. I know you want to pick him," Castiel admitted after a long silence.
"W-what? No, I really don't want to pick at all," Dean denied.
"I know," Cas said simply. "But since you have to, it is him and it should be."
"But what about you?" Dean asked sounding guilty.
"I will return to Heaven and continue my duty, watching over you along with other things."
"That's it really? You just leave?"
"I have to if you pick him."
"You said it's better if I do. Are you being honest? Truly?" Dean said giving him a direct look begging the angel not to lie to spare his feelings and of course Castiel wouldn't.
"I honestly believe it to be true, I swear it."
"I think it's be better for you too," Dean admitted.
"No, that's not what I meant. I was talking..." Cas started to defend.
"I know what you meant," Dean interrupted. "But it's true. If I pick him you can go back to being what you were and won't have me holding you back anymore."
"You do not hold me back Dean," Cas said firmly.
"Yeah I do man," Dean laughed dryly. "You're a bad ass mother fucker Cas. You're a freaking warrior of Heaven. You should be doing more than going on dumb hunts with me and Sam."
"We just saved the world together Dean. I'd say that was more than some dumb hunt."
"It was but that's over. I can't be so selfish, I have to let you go."
Cas looked at him intently starting one of their infamous stare offs. He had said pretty much the same thing about himself to Cas the night before. He was a little surprised Dean felt the same way. But he shouldn't be, Dean thought too little of himself and figured everyone was better off without him. This thought was very sad to Castiel because it was so untrue. They both really believed the other was better off without them. It may not be true but they both thought it. Cas hated to admit it but this was really the final proof that they shouldn't be together. As much as he loved Dean that just might not be enough. How can you convince someone something isn't true when you believe the same thing only the other way around? Cas didn't think you could. Maybe it really was true on both sides. Maybe if they were together it would be selfish.
"See you the next Apocalypse?" Cas asked with a smirk.
"Did you just make a joke?" Dean asked raising an eyebrow.
"I hope so," Cas frowned.
"I'm gonna miss you."
"I'll miss you too."
"Bye Cas," Dean said softly.
"Goodbye Dean," Cas said quietly then disappeared.
Dean stood there for a few minutes just watching the space where the angel was. Cas was gone. He most likely would never see him again. This gave him an empty feeling in the pit of his stomach. This was for the best though, Castiel didn't belong here. He just hoped that Cas actually still wanted him and he didn't lose him with all his indecision. He did take care of him during his drunken episode so he had to care at least a little bit, right? But he'd also been avoiding him since the world didn't end. Maybe he still cared about Dean but just didn't want a relationship anymore. Afterall, it didn't end so well the first time. What the hell did he want then? Was he ok with that free love orgy shit and just having Dean on the side once in awhile? That thought suddenly really pissed Dean off. He didn't want anyone else touching his Cas. He needed to talk to the hippie asshole.
Dean started walking back to the house, his mind set and determined. He was gonna man up, or woman up rather, and actually tell the guy what he felt, only if really necessary. He just lost the angel he couldn't lose him too. It sucked and Dean would never admit it out loud but he needed Cas. God, he was turning into such a girl.
"Cas!" Dean called when he entered the house. "Cas, get your ass down here now."
"I'm gonna go for a walk," Sam said as he moved past his brother.
"What?" Cas asked annoyed as he came down the stairs.
"We need to talk," Dean said determined.
"Do I get a last request or are we going straight to the execution?" Cas asked indifferently as he followed Dean into the living room.
"What?" Dean asked annoyed.
"Well you seem pretty pissed, I'm just wondering."
"I'm not pissed," Dean said sounding quite the opposite then apparently he realized his tone. He was still pissed about the thought of Cas with other people but the guy didn't freaking read minds, Dean can't just start out the conversation annoyed, it has to progress there on its own. "I uh, sorry, I'm just..I mean, I'm not mad," he excused softening his tone.
"Ok, what's up then?" Cas asked leaning against Bobby's desk.
"Do you even wanna be with me?" Dean said getting right to the point.
"Are you serious?" Cas asked offended.
"Very," Dean said eying him.
"What exactly gave you any impression that I might not want to? Was it all the confessing to being in love with you that I did? The fact that I followed you to my death twice? Oh or all the making out we've done lately?" Cas asked sarcastically.
"Look smartass, I know you care about me and you're loyal. I'm talking about a relationship, do you want one?"
"Are you asking me to go steady?" Cas smirked.
"You're not an angel anymore asshole, I can kick your ass," Dean said annoyed.
"I want you in whatever way you'll give me."
"That's not good enough," Dean said firmly.
"Why the fuck not?" Cas asked annoyed.
"I wanna know what you want, not what you think I do."
"So you want me to spell it out for you like a big girl?"
"Just this once," Dean nodded.
"Fine," Cas huffed. "Yes, I wanna be with you in a relationship. If I had it my way things would be exactly like they were when we got together the first time, minus you dumping me of course."
"Which was how exactly?" Dean asked needing clarification. He knew they were together for over two years but he didn't really know what the parameters were exactly. Did they see other people? Did he still bang random chicks? Oddly enough he hoped not. He had no desire to be with anyone else at the moment and the thought of Cas with other people just made him see red.
"You want a freaking map dude?" Cas asked sarcastically and Dean's firm look only told him that yes, he kinda did want a map. "We were a couple. Of course we never slapped labels on it but that's what it was. I was loyal to you and you were to me. We were best friends and lovers, best of both worlds. You never stopped flirting with every girl you saw but you never strayed. I can't say I would have tried to stop you cuz I only ever cared about you being happy but I honestly don't think you ever wanted to."
"What if I said I wanted all that?" Dean asked nervously.
"I'd say you deserved it."
"I do," Dean admitted.
"With who?" Cas asked evenly.
"With who?" Dean repeated annoyed. "With you dumbass."
"What about Castiel?"
"Dude, do you really think I'd have started this conversation if it was leading to me picking him? I'm not that much of a prick."
"Well what about him?" Cas pushed.
"I let him go," Dean said sadly.
"Wanna change your mind?"
"What?" Dean asked looking at him getting pretty annoyed. He was trying to tell the guy how he felt here and the fucker was being an obstinate little bastard. "Are you trying to piss me off?"
"No," Cas shrugged.
"Well then what the fuck are you doing?"
"I'm trying to see if you're sure. Do you know what it would do to me if I let myself think you chose me only to have you change your mind in five minutes?" Cas asked in a tone that let Dean know exactly what it would do to him, it would completely break him.
"I'm sure," Dean said giving him a determined look. "I won't lie, I love him and I'm sure I always will but it just wouldn't work. I'll go into why if you really want me to but trust me when I say you're the one I want to be with. I love you and I need you," Dean said the last part not able to look at him. He hated being vulnerable, this conversation sucked ass.
"You don't have to tell me why, I believe you. Dean," he said putting his fingers under Dean's chin and forcing him to look up. "I need you too."
Cas traced his fingers gently along Dean's jaw line to the back of his neck and pulled him into a kiss. It started out soft and tender but quickly picked up intensity. Dean had his fingers tangled in Cas's already mussy hair holding him in position. Cas gripped around Dean's waist pulling his body against his. They were impossibly close, it was hard to tell where one body ended and the other began. The friction of them rubbing against each other was quickly creating a situation that would need tending to below the belt pretty soon. Dean's tongue was currently exploring the former angel's mouth while Cas's hands were making their way under Dean's shirt and up his back.
"Bedroom now," Dean demanded in a low husky voice before immediately bringing their lips back together.
They started to try to move towards the stairs without detaching but it was proving difficult. Anyone watching would have gotten a good chuckle out of the predicament.
"Son of a bitch," Cas swore as he backed into a wall.
"Guess we should pause for a minute," Dean smirked.
They took the stairs two at a time and made it to one of the spare bedrooms. Their mouths were reattached the second they crossed the doorway. Dean lead them to the bed and they both collapsed onto it with Dean landing on top. Dean's hands quickly made their way under Cas's shirt feeling his stomach and chest. When suddenly Cas pushed his hands away and flipped their positions. Dean looked up at him in shock. Cas was like a frigging ninja.
"Too much clothing," Cas growled as he gripped the hem of his shirt and pulled it up over his head. Dean leaned forward and did the same then Cas pushed him back down on the bed and attacked his mouth with his own.
Cas made his way kissing from Dean's mouth down his chest and stomach and stopped just above his belt. He looked up at Dean with lust in his eyes and Dean returned and eager look before licking his bottom lip. Cas undid the belt, unbuttoned his jeans, removed them, then shed the boxers too. He reached out his hand and gently gripped Dean's hard dick then stroked it a few times. Dean sucked in air sharply and Cas smirked at him. Then he leaned his head down and took Dean into his mouth. He'd had plenty of practice at this and knew just what Dean liked. He started off slow and gentle then went harder and faster.
"Fucking christ!" Dean hissed on the verge of coming.
Cas knew he was almost there and brought him home easily. He pulled away and wiped his lips with the back of his hand. He looked at Dean with a cheeky grin as he came down from his orgasm. Cas always liked giving head, not because he got any enjoyment out of it per se but because Dean loved it and it always turned him on even more making Dean come first which made the next activity, Dean fucking his brains out, more fun.
"What are you grinning at?" Dean asked eyeing him.
"I always liked that," Cas shrugged.
"You like giving head?" Dean asked curiously. He always loved getting it but he could never think of any reason why someone would like giving it. He just figured it was a kinda 'I do this and you do that' sorta arrangement.
"I like making you come for me," Cas said in an even lower tone than usual then pounced on the hunter crashing their lips together again.
Dean pushed him off and switched their positions. He started kissing gently down Cas's jawline then got rougher the farther down he got. He was biting and sucking, leaving marks as he went. Then he too stopped above the other man's belt. He brought his palm to Cas's crotch at felt his hardness. Poor guy was way too confined, Dean needed to fix this. Seconds later Cas was nude as well. Dean looked up at Cas unsure.
"Did I uh..." Dean tried to ask and Cas shook his head.
"You took care of that more manually," Cas smirked. "Of course just fucking me really hard always got the job done by itself."
"I think I can arrange that," Dean said with a suggestive look.
Dean began kissing Cas's stomach and licking up his body till their mouths met again. Cas reached between them and got ready for Dean. Their hard cocks were rubbing against each other creating a very nice friction. Dean had to get this going before he embarrassed himself and came too early. He was kinda surprised at how much Cas turned him on.
"Now," Cas demanded with want.
That was all the coaxing he needed. Dean positioned himself and slid into the man underneath him. Cas shifted to adjust and then Dean began to pump inside of him. Cas was a lot more experience than Castiel and he went toe to toe with Dean at every turn. Dean's pace increased and Cas met him with every thrust. Dean was fisting the sheets so hard they had a shot at disintegrating in his hand and Cas dug his fingers into Dean's hip and bicep, where he'd left his mark while raising him from perdition.
"God, fuck..dammit," Dean swore with heavy breath.
Cas shifted under him changing the angle and nearly knocking him over the edge. Pounding into him harder and faster Dean finished them both off a few minutes later. Dean rolled onto the bed catching his breath. That session just brought a whole new level to the expression 'fucked out'.
"That was intense," Dean said after a few minutes.
"Always is," Cas smirked cockily.
"Seriously? Like that?" Dean asked with surprise.
"Sometimes it's a little rougher but yeah, like that."
Dean's attention perked up at the mention of 'rougher', he liked the sound of that. Dean was all for that shit.
"We ever actually leave the hotel room?" Dean wondered.
"Not if we could help it."
"I'm liking where this talk is going...rough sex and very often. It's always the quiet ones," Dean said with a chuckle.
"Oh trust me, once I knew I could control my angel voice during, I was anything but quiet."
"Is that so?" Dean asked raising an eyebrow. "I'd really like to test that," he said giving him a wanting look and Cas climbed on top of him pining him to the bed.
They made their way through round two and lay there recovering for awhile when Dean was suddenly very aware of how thirsty he was. All the physical exertion and all. He asked Cas if he wanted anything then got up, put his clothes back on and made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen. He saw Sam sitting at the table and got instantly nervous. He kinda totally forgot about the kid. In his defense, Sam was gone when they'd started but that was hours ago, time just flies by when you're fucking your extremely sexy ex angel of the lord lover. He intended to play dumb but al hope of that went out the window when he saw the major bitch face Sam was giving him.
"What?" Dean asked innocently, making his was to the frig.
"I thought you were into Cas," Sam said trying to stay calm.
"Uh, dude I was into Cas, hence my need to rehydrate," Dean smirked. Fucking with Sammy was just too much fun, he couldn't resist.
"Eww dude!" Sam snapped in disgust. "I don't fucking want details I'm already scared enough from what I had to listen to. You guys are loud."
"Sorry Sammy," Dean fake apologized. He totally wasn't sorry, that sex was awesome.
"So, uh about Cas. What happened?" Sam questioned.
"I was into Cas," Dean admitted seriously then took a seat across the table from his brother. "Both of them."
"Seriously?" Sam asked surprised.
"Yeah, fucked up, I know. I didn't even like future Cas when I met him, dude was fucked up," Dean said making a face.
"Uh Dean," Sam began gently. "The dude's still fucked up."
"I know that," Dean said agitated. "But so am I and he's a lot more than that. He's Cas. He's a lot different but he's still Castiel, don't tell him that though, it'll just piss him off."
"So what about Cas, now Cas?"
"He's gone," Dean said sadly. "I had to chose one of them."
"What made you chose that one?" Sam asked not hiding his tone of disapproval. Dean would be offended but he knew the tone came from Sam being defensive of Castiel and he couldn't be mad at him for that, he'd learn to like this Cas too, in time.
"It was more the angel's doing. I didn't wanna pick, I think it'd of been cool to have them both," Dean smirked and Sam glared at him.
"So Cas just left?" Sam asked not believing it.
"No he didn't just leave. There was a big chick flick discussion, you'd have loved it, and we both just believed the other would be better off without each other. I was holding him back."
"He didn't say that."
"No he didn't, I did. He said he was holding me back if you can believe it," Dean said shaking his head. "Said Cas would be better for me cuz he's human and we can have a normal life. If he actually understood sarcasm I'd of sworn he was fucking with me."
"So what happens now?" Sam asked unsure.
"Now," Dean said standing up from the table. "I don't think you wanna know what happens now Sammy. And you might wanna listen to that Ipod of yours for awhile," Dean said with a cheeky grin and a wink.
"Gross!" Sam yelled after him as he walked to the stairs.
What happened now, besides some kinky sex, Dean was thinking handcuffs, was totally up in the air. Dean knew as much as he thought he'd like to have a normal life it just wasn't in the cards. In all actuality he'd totally be bored out of his mind within a week if he was stuck in some two bedroom two bath rancher in suburbia having to go to some piss ant nine to five job Monday through Fridays. Now that he thought about it what he really wanted all this time, he had now. He just wanted someone to come along for the ride with him and if he were going to be really girly about it, not out loud of course, he wanted someone to love. Sam was great and he loved the guy but Sam was blood, he'd been given Sam by chance. And there was nothing in the world he wouldn't do for him, hey he went to Hell for him, but Dean wanted, needed, someone he chose to be with and someone who chose him as well. He would have never suspected said person would be an ex angel of the lord in a male vessel turned human who was ripped from a future that was never going to happen now but hell, who was he to look a gift horse in the mouth.