I arrived at my shit hole apartment and realized I need to clean up. I searched the place for every bottle of alcohol in my place and downed everything in the drain. I was tempted to sip everything in those bottles but my life needed a change and that all began with me. I took all the bottles immediately to the dumpster because I didn't need any more temptation to surround my place.
I went online and found the nearest AA meeting. I have to get my shit under control. Everyone drinks, but not like I do. I drink to fill the voids that are in my life like love and happiness. Luckily, there's a meeting tomorrow night at the St. Agnes church which is only 10 minutes from my place. I had to be prepared to talk in front of others about my problems, which shouldn't be an issue since I did a great job of it at Buddy's so-called 'naming party'. I had to be ready to be surrounded by low-lives who barely passed high-school and wasted all their child support money on boose. I now know I'm one of those people who's life became dependent on how much I consumed. Even before my divorce, I was always finding one way or another to get loaded. Whether it was at bar or out with friends, I needed to have a drink. This past week made me realize I really gotta get my shit together, I just gotta figure the fuck out how.
Waking up sober is a feeling I'm familiar with but not having a massive headache is kinda weird. I didn't even need a diet coke this morning when I took Dolce out. I can't even remember a time when I felt so numb. Everything was so unfamiliar, how the hell can I be an adult? I guess I'm on my own step one.
I walked into the 'meeting' and was not surprised by the smell of old paint and bad coffee. I knew I had to be here but I really didn't want to. There was actually quite a variety of people here. Mostly older though and more men than women. I wonder how many were here by choice? I can never turn down a free cup of coffee. I grab one and find a place to sit I make sure it's not by anyone who would have a huge drool fest over me, but then again who wouldn't? I sit down not too far from a middle aged woman and a kid who could have not been more than 21. I guess these are my new friends. The meeting was started by a guy who was in his mid 30's, handsome with dark curly hair and soft brown eyes. No, Mavis I can't think like that anymore. I needed to focus on why I was here.
"Hello everyone" said the dreamy sponsor
"As some of you may know I'm David, but I see we have some new faces here so why don't we give them a few minutes to tell them about themselves" David then pointed to me and I wished I could be invisible for a while. Here goes nothing, I told myself as I stood up.
"My name is Mavis and I'm an alcoholic"
"Hi Mavis" was responded by everyone in a long monotone.
"I've been drinking ever since I can remember. It has cost me a lot including my marriage, my friends and my family. I really have nothing exciting in my life and alcohol was always there when no one else wasn't. I have been living in the past a lot lately because that's the only time I can remember actually being happy so I'm here to learn how to be happy without the drinking."
"And we're here to help you" David smiled and I smiled back as I sat down and everyone showed me that they were all here with support. For the first time, I knew I actually needed support.
"Most people don't realize they actually have a problem. They don't realize it until they have almost wrapped their car around a telephone poll because they were too drunk to see it in front of them" Dave went on as a good storyteller, something we have in common.
"Yeah, that was me at 26 when I had the world at my feet and I thought I was such hot shit that no one or anything could come between it but I was certainly wrong" Dave continued
"I had everything a great education, a good family, hot girlfriend and big corporate job that got me a sweet ride" Dave continued "Then after one night of some really hard drinking, I got into an accident that almost cost me my life. I had multiple stitches, bumps,bruises and a broken arm. When my job got news of this, they not only fired me but sent me a bill for the car. After some time behind bars, I stayed away from the stuff and re-thought my life. I moved down here to get my masters in psychology, so I can help more people not make the same mistakes I did."
I hate to say I was moved by his story but I actually was he had even more than I had but he still felt the need to grab the bottle.
Maybe David can actually make me see what life without alcohol is like, I'm just praying that it's not so fucking boring because after
his story was done I completely zoned out to the other's problems.