A/N: AAAAAAAAAnd chapter 3 is already here! Hope you will enjoy this one, it's a little bit longer... sorry for that!
I only got one review for last chapter :( its sad, it kinda takes the wind out of my sails... a writer wants to know what other people think of what they publish! Even a short comment is enough, and I'll be more than happy to hear how I can improve (and, of course, if you liked my story:P)
so reviews, please?
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gravitation, blah blah blah
He had no idea what he expected, really. The idea just popped up in his mind when he was walking down a street, a road they used to walk together at the evenings Yuki was kinder to him. Then, being the impulsive guy he has always been, he paced down that road in the familiar way to Yuki's apartment, and before his brain could think and stop him from making that mistake, he knocked on the door, and there was no way back.
Shuichi was surprised at how much emotion this meeting held for him; of course, ever since that day he was thinking about Yuki. He never stopped loving him, really; not even when he lived with Ryuichi in New York. He was being stupid, walking away from that kind of relationship, but when his idol first kissed him all Shuichi could think about was his childhood dreams coming true. He never, in his wildest dreams, thought it might be even remotely possible that Ryuichi Sama would kiss him. And then they shared the stage, back in his first gig in Zepp Tokyo, and ever since they were in touch. They sang together now and then, even had fun playing with the idea of starting a boys band together, knowing it would be a huge success for sure. And then Shuichi had yet another one of his fights with Yuki – he didn't remember what it was anymore, but he assumed he did something to annoy the writer, as it was always his fault and he knew it, and Ryuichi was there and he hugged him to make him feel better and next thing Shuichi knew they were kissing.
Nothing happened that night, but a week after Ryuichi came over to Shuichi and Yuki's apartment after a gig while Yuki was in Fukuoka signing his books and the two got drunk and ended up in bed together. Shuichi felt bad for what he did, but Ryuichi was so different than what he knew; he had passion that was different than Yukis', he was warm and caring and gentle. He touched him in a loving way that Shuichi had never been touched before. They got along so well, and in that morning when they woke up embraced and naked, Ryuichi told him he loved him. That he did for really long time now, but didn't want to interfere with his happiness with Yuki.
Until this day, Shuichi doesn't know why he said he loved Ryuichi too. Sure, he did; he always has. But he wasn't so sure it really was romantic love, the kind of love he had for Yuki, or if it was just his mind playing tricks of him, after years of admiring the other man finally hearing him something like this, for sure he had to love him too!
Shuichi still remembers the smile his idol had on his face when he said he loved him back. His eyes were shining, and he went for another kiss. They made love again, and Shuichi thought he was happy like this, with him.
After that, for three months, Shuichi was torn between his relationship with Yuki and what he and Ryuichi had. He felt like he loved them both, and couldn't choose; he was going on secret dates with his fellow vocalist, spending money on love hotels and then some more money for them to shut up about their identity, and at night came back to Yuki's arms. After a while, Ryuichi started demanding a choice. His time in Japan was closing to an end, and soon he'd have to go back to the states for his career. He asked him to join him, said they could finally make all that talk about forming a band together true. He promised Shuichi big success all over the world, with tours and flights and acknowledgment like he could never get if he stays in Japan.
It was a huge decision to make. He would have to quit Bad Luck, for one; Hiro would be disappointed, it was their baby, their project since junior high school. He'd have to leave Yuki, whom he still loved.
Eventually, the promise of a universal career was too much to give up on, and he knew it would be wiser to let Yuki go. He spoke to Hiro about the whole thing. It was the first time his best friend heard he had any kind of relationship with Ryuichi, but he didn't seem to surprised. He was surprised, however, that Shuichi kept it a secret from him for so long. When Shuichi shared his concerns, Hiro advised him to drop the whole thing. Bad Luck was doing very well – they kept hitting top scores, their sales were awesome, their concerts were always sold out. Why move out? And most of all, why leaving Yuki?
If he really loved him so much, he wouldn't sleep with Ryuichi, wouldn't he? Was what Shuichi asked Hiro that time. "I think you'll be making a big mistake, Shu," he said. "But it's your life, and only you really know how you feel." So that evening when he came back home and found Yuki as usually sitting at his desk, struggling with his latest novel, he broke the news. I need to talk with you, Yuki, he said seriously. He could see the somewhat surprised look on his lover's face; Shuichi had never used this tune before. He could see that expression changing when he confessed his affair, at first to anger, and then indifference. It hurt to say these words, but it hurt even more seeing how unhurt Yuki looked. It was like Yuki knew that one day he'd leave him, and when that day comes he'll just find someone else to fuck. Realizing that, Shuichi was more content with his decision. He didn't want to be a sex toy, and that was all he'd ever been to Yuki. He wanted to be something more than that. I'm going with him to America, we're going to sing together, he said, much more confidently. Good luck for you two was the answer. Cold, emotionless, flat. Shuichi said goodbye, and left the house. He left most of his clothes there, and the rest of his belongings, his music – that was already at Ryuichi's place as they were practicing together a lot.
And then came the press, bothering him about the break up, inquiring about his new relationship with Nittle Grasper's star. He was happy then; he felt relieved that he didn't need to lie anymore. They told the press how happy they are together, and promised to be back in Japan after their big break through. Bad Luck isn't over, he promised, as he knew Hiro and Sugiru were already looking for another vocalist to replace him. He trusted his good friend to succeed. After all, if it wasn't for him, Bad Luck would have never made it in the first place. He was the power pushing them forward, not Shuichi. Shuichi was only the voice.
It was confusing time, and everything was changing so fast, and before Shuichi knew it he was in the United States again… but this time with Ryuichi, and fame already behind him in Japan, looking forward to conquer the rest of the world.
It started off great. Like a dream. Ryuichi added him to all his upcoming concerts, on the first one as a surprise guest when he announced that from now on, they will be performing together. The audience accepted Shuichi well, applauding him, making him gain confidence. The press was all around them, constantly interviewing them – or, more correctly, interviewing Ryuichi, as Shuichi couldn't really understand anything that was going on due to his lack of English knowledge. But he didn't mind; when a question was directed at him, Ryuichi would translate.
They got along like this for a year, living in practically heaven of love and fluffiness and music. They created a lot of music, both inspired by each other and by all the new experiences they were going through.
But then Shuichi realized he was living in Sakuma's shadow. Unable to really communicate, everything he did was always depending on Ryuichi's help. At concerts, no matter how much he tried, he couldn't reach the audience which barely understood what he was saying – especially when he tried his luck with the foreign language. Little by little, and without him even noticing it, he became bitter about it. He was used to be the front man, used to be in the centre, always. No one ever fought that spot with him, all agreed with Hiroshi and Sugiru. Then, they started fighting. It started out small, but after another six months of snappy comebacks and fierce arguments, Shuichi realized this ship was going down. He had no idea how they managed to drag this, but it all blew when right after one of their bigger gigs they went to a pub with a couple of Ryuichi's friends, and after getting drunk the other boy kissed one girl. No, not kissed; they actually made out, right there, with Shuichi watching. He got furious and walked away, sleeping on the couch. He could see when his boyfriend came back, hours later, with the giggling girl hang on him. He could hear the bed, their bed squeaking under the pressure of two bodies fiercely moving on it, heard the groans and moans and dirty talk that was supposed to be saved for him, and for him only. He was still awake to witness when he snuck her out the next morning, probably hoping Shuichi wouldn't notice. Shuichi didn't really say anything; there was nothing left to be said. He just claimed to be feeling bad after the drinking, letting Ryuichi go to the studio alone, and while he was away he simply packed his stuff and left.
He spent that night at a hotel. It was the first night they spent separately ever since going to the U.S.A, and it felt strange. Shuichi wasn't used to being alone at night, at a strange country speaking a language he couldn't understand. It was awful, especially when he had to ignore all Ryuichi's calls and messages asking where the hell he was. When he finally answered, it was a short conversation. He didn't really let the other man say anything, but simply explained the situation in an even, cold voice. I don't want to see you anymore, not after last night. We're over. And then he simply hung up, and ignored any following calls from his now ex. He had no idea how painful it was to see your loved kissing someone else. True, there was that time with Ayaka, who claimed to be Yuki's fiancé. But Yuki didn't really pay any attention to her, and was still basically Shuichis. It was different.
He mourned at his hotel room for a couple of days, ordering pizzas and not leaving, until he was well enough to deal with the world.
The following day he enrolled in English class, and started it the week after. The year that followed their breakup (on which they had to speak, separately on the different media – especially from Japan) was the toughest year of Shuichi's life. Little by little he managed to get along with the language, although even now, over a year after, he still couldn't master the language, but it was getting better. He was trying to perform on his own, but ended up being called from a model agency that liked his looks and spirit and wanted him to do some commercials for them. This was how he ended up stopping to dye his hair – the pink shade didn't fit with their profiles. He realized that they were right; he was already twenty four, and it was definitely time to drop his childish image and start being a man. So he started going to the gym and work out, and worked on his music a lot, making it more mature. Less of that funky pop he and Hiro wrote when they were in high school; the winds were blowing now in a more rockfish kind of way, and that was where he was going. Working on his voice, he learned how to sing in a little deeper voice, with more emotion and less counting on his fun character.
He decided to go back to Japan when loneliness struck him too hard. He managed to make some friends, that's for sure; he even had several lovers over the time. But it was all fake – he didn't really connect with any of these people, and he missed his old band.
He was speaking with Hiro about it long before he actually bought the ticket and got on a plane. His friend encouraged him to stay, to try harder, to not give up. But at the same time, they brought up memories of Bad Luck together, remembering how fun it was performing together. Recalling their first live, when Shuichi froze when he spotted Yuki in at the back and how Ryuichi came for the rescue. It wasn't really painful to talk about Ryuichi, Shuichi found out. Not even knowing the man cheated on him, not even when he knew he followed him here and lived in his shadow for almost two years, but he had no remorse and he wasn't mad.
He then said something about being happy to play together with Hiro again, and the other man clicked with the idea. They agreed on a comeback performance, and hung up the phone with a promise for a gig.
And now, Shuichi was back in Japan, a gig was planned as agreed and everything seemed to go back to normal again, before any of this craziness started. Everyone complimented on his new appearance, telling him how good he looked now. Matured. A real man.
And then came that day when he suddenly remembered Yuki, and decided to pay him a visit and see how he was doing. It was a nice surprise seeing him walking around in his boxers; the man haven't changed a bit, and was still the sexiest guy Shuichi have ever seen. It brought up the memories, and the feelings, but he knew that after what he'd done he had no chance with him again. Yuki wasn't the kind of guy you could hurt and then crawl back and he'd take you. When he sat there and waited for him to get dressed, he tried to arrange his thoughts. What was he doing here, exactly? They weren't the same being anymore. They had nothing in common anymore. What was he expecting? What did he want?
Shuichi still haven't figured this out by the time Yuki came back, and the outcome was the odd conversation they had. And then he brought up the concert. He didn't really plan on inviting him to his concert, that just came out of his mouth. Obviously, the blond wouldn't agree. At least long enough has passed so he could act politely towards him, even though he didn't offer him a beverage or anything but a cigarette, but he assumed he didn't deserve being offered anything.
When Yuki asked him to leave, in his polite way, Shuichi knew he had one chance, and he missed it. Now he probably will never have a second chance to make things right again.
A/N: I really hope you enjoyed that one, I know it was a little more informative than the rest of them but I believe it was important in order to understand. Next chapter will be more... fun :P
Don't forget to leave a review before you move on! ;)