A CRABBY DAY WITH CANCER
Hercules and his friend Iolaus were in a beach, battling a nine-headed monster named Hydra sent by his wicked stepmother Hera. Both their mouthes and noses were covered in cloth for protection against the monster's poisonous fumes. Both heroes have cut off some of Hydra's heads, but soon found out that with each decapitation a new head regenerates.
Hercules was just about on the end of his wits as he continued cutting of heads. "This is just not my day!"
"You can say that again," Iolaus grumbled as he quickly grabbed the touch from off the sand and used it in tandum with the sword.
Then as Hercules cut off yet another head, Iolaus aimlessly hit the wound with the torch, burning it. The battle continued and yet the recent decapitated head did not grow back. Then it gave Hercules an idea...
"Funny. That head didn't grow back. Iolaus, what did you do?"
The blond sidekick shrugged. "I dunno. I must've- wait..."
"You burned the neck stump, didn't you?"
"Yeah, I kinda did. I mean, I didn't know it was-"
"That's it! The fire must be its weakness! If we can just decapitate each head and burn their neck stumps afterwards..."
"Then we win and save the town! Hercules, you're a genius!"
Hercules chuckled. "Now you're the one that came up with it!"
Now armed with both swords and torches, Hercules and Iolaus proceed with the idea. Soon, only one head was left.
"So the immortal head is the only one left," Hercules said, drawing out a gold-hued sword. He sees that his friend's face has gone white. "Iolaus? What's the matter? We're winning, aren't we?"
"Oh, I'm not worried about that," Iolaus replied in a small voice. "There... there's a large crab near your foot."
Hercules let out a chuckle. "Oh, come on, Iolaus. I don't think-" He was interrupted by a sharp pinch in his left foot and let out a load howl. It was only then when he noticed a large crab, then looked at Iolaus.
"Hate to say I told you so, but that's not my idea," Iolaus protested.
Hercules winced in pain. "I bet. This is turning out to be one crabby day after another!" He felt another pinch as Hydra prepares to deal a killing blow on the duo.
Iolaus threw a rock at the crab in attempt to distract it. "Hey! Over here, you pest! You wanna pinch? Pinch me! Come on! You really want to go on pinching, don't you?"
Hercules shook his head with both amusement and disapproval. "Iolaus, that's not how to deal with a crab."
"Hercules..." Iolaus said as the Hydra started diving towards them but Hercules proceeded to crush the crab with his feet.
Hercules then wiped off the remains in the sand. "Now that's what I call pest control." Then as the Hydra was about to kill the duo, Herules chopped off its head with the golden sword.
Sometime later, Hercules and Iolaus were visiting with Salmoneus in a bar celebrating their victory over Hydra.
"You two must have one hell of a crabby day!" Salmoneus piped up. "But on the other hand, I could make a lot on gold on your latest exploit. I mean, no one else has the strength to just step on the crab to kill it!"
"No one else that you know of, Salmoneus?" Hercules asked, remembering the similar strength a certain warrior princess had come to possess.
"Ah, well..." The aged man shrugged before he continued counting the gold. "Hey, did you know that foot cancer is one of the biggest problems in Greece?"
Hercules and Iolaus looked at Salmoneus and then each other, quite dumb-founded on the question. Then laughed.
"What? What's so funny?" Salmoneus asked, worried that it was something he said.
"Oh nothing. Just a man being into one of these silly superstitions of his," Iolaus replied, trying to control his laughter.
"Superstitions! What's that supposed to mean? Guys!" Salmoneus could not put a finger on what has gotten into his two friends, who continued laughing away.