I was frightened of Beryl, really frightened. I even bought myself an alarm from home bargains as I was scared she would come after me on my way to work. After all she did wreck my bike! Christopher told me he had to let her go as she was to old for the job in mind and had started to lose it a bit. My worst fears came true whilst I was huddled in the door way on my fag break. She approached me and began hitting me with her stick. The next thing I knew I was on the floor. It stank of wee. I peeped up through my lashes 'phew' she'd gone. 'She was hard as nails' I got back on my feet and began brushing the tab ends and litter off my Primark coat, my head was bleeding from where she'd hit me with the stick but I think it was the blow from the hand bag that took me down. I rolled my eyes and bit my lip, I wanted to find her and have it out with her but where would she be? Then it came to me, bingo, she would be at Mecca. I saw her there all bedraggled with I've just fucked someone up hair. Bravely I limped over to her wanting to know what her problem was. She stared at me, fury on her face, 'You stole my Christopher, I was his Dom, I've looked after him and loved him, you will never take my place' she ranted. 'Loved him?' I asked horrified, 'yes loved him' she replied. That was it, the whirling in my tummy was back and I threw up on her dobbers.
I couldn't believe it, I've waited all my life for this man and he's in to granny fanny. My inner goddess just fell off her chair laughing! There's no way I could compete with that. I still have all my teeth, I don't wee when I sneeze, I don't have blue hair and I don't like English breakfast tea! I just stared at her for a moment, she was tense I could tell. I don't know if its because she was scared or just waiting for the caller to call 32 for a full house. I stepped toward her and raised my finger to her face, I drew my breath and made my mouth into a hard line, I was cross Annie now.
She didn't get her full house, my inner goddess was doing the can- can round the bingo hall. I on the other hand stifled my tears and left with my head held high. A phone started ringing, I knew it was mine because I had Celine Dion as my ring tone. 'oh crap its work!' my boss was angry, he wanted to see me in his office. 'YOUR LATE' he said sternly, I bowed my still bleeding head. 'There has also been an allegation made against you; he added. If I thought Christopher was angry I hadn't prepared myself for boss angry. 'Annie this is a difficult matter to address but you were seen on the store CCTV attacking a customer in the delivery entrance at the back of the store.' 'Oh crap' I muttered. My mouth ran dry I bit my lip and shuffled awkwardly in my seat. I wanted to speak but the words would not come out. There was only one way to deal with this, no one would ever know, least of all Christopher. I un buttoned the top button of my blouse, ran my tounge around my oh so eager mouth, 'take one for the team' I thought.
My boss was horrified and sacked me on the spot. I walked the long walk back to the apartment wondering what I would say to Christopher. I stopped off at Greggs bakery for a pasty on the way. At least he couldn't tell me off for not eating. 'Christopher, I have lost my job and had a fight with Beryl.' I said not meeting his eyes. 'She told me everything, I know you were sleeping with her to and that she loved you.' Christopher looked angry, he took his Kappa cap off and threw it at the wall. 'She's not and never has been my lover, she's my fucking mother!' he yelled. Suddenly it became clear, she was his domestic help and she did love him….as a son. 'How could I make this better? ' I sat on his bed with tears in my eyes. 'Why would his mother want to hurt me and wreck my bike?' 'I'm sorry about my mum, I should have told you. She is very controlling' he said. He smiled his cheeky I've got no teeth smile and threw me back on to the musty mattress. 'I want you to wear these' he said, holding out my marigolds, 'I've always liked you in rubber'. I slipped them on and gave them a twang, Christopher belched in appreciation. I knew what to do, I went to the locked cupboard and slipped on the tabard, it stank of pledge and piss. I slipped out of my pants and into my stiletto's, forgetting one was broken but the effect was still the same. I looked hot! I made my way back to the bedroom where Christopher was waiting.
We got down and dirty, literally. He tied my arms to the bed posts with his three day worn socks, stinky but thrilling all the same. Then he repeatedly battered me with the remote control because I'd put Emmerdale Farm on as backing noise. He pulled out a foil packet. It was a bit crumpled, he'd obviously had it in his wallet some time! Then I felt it, only for a second, it was like waving a pencil in a cave 'Oh my Christopher!' I cried. When we set to it he was like a spoon in a jam pot. It was most romantic, the sheep were bleeting in the background, he was grunting. Then I heard it, an agonising crack, he screamed my name 'Annie!' 'YES' I cried, 'its my back! Call an ambulance!' he screamed back to me.