A/N: We're on the 4th chapter already? D: Thanks to WhiteLadyDragon, Adurna Skulblaka, B Sweets, rainbowpanther9 and Death-Note-Fan01 for reviewing or faveing the last chapter. You all rock.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or the concept of MPreg. I do, however, own an imaginary BB, who has become my new and upgraded flameshield after I bribed him with jam.

After a rather, um, interesting last chapter, featuring the world's greatest serial killer, chainsaws, jam fetishes and sex changes, I think it's time we stepped back and looked at the nice, peaceful joy of creating new life. Having children is a milestone in any relationships, and allows both the daddy and the daddy to—wait, what? You thought I was talking about a man's sperm meeting a woman's egg to produce an embryo, exactly as nature intended? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no. This is fanfiction, people, and the laws of logic and science do not apply here. That's right, I'm talking about MPreg.

While, with current technology, it is impossible for a homosexual couple to have a biological child, male pregnancy is prevalent in almost any fandom. There is a simple reason for this; whichever male characters have the baby are so in love in Death Note canon, even if they aren't, that the thought of a surrogate mother intruding on their relationship is so preposterous the author would rather have one of the blokes produce a baby from...somewhere. One other cause of MPreg could be the desperate shortage of children in need of adoption or foster care. Anyway, adoption is never a good plot device because the child wouldn't actually be Matt and Mello's/L and Light's/Soichiro and Matsuda's baby. Even if they loved and cared for the child as if it were actually their own, it's still not theirs. As with most other topics covered in this guide, saying this in your fanfiction is unlikely to provoke an angry backlash.

Some authors may be considering using a surrogate mother to have the baby, but this is never a good idea. Isn't the thought of another woman intruding on the relationship horrific (yaoi threesomes don't count)? Unless, of course, you are clever and creative enough to craft an OC which any of your readers can relate to and which enables them to insert themselves into the story. Then it's fine.

As well as adopted children and foster parents, there is another demographic you risk pissing off by writing MPreg—nerds. Yep, those lonely, zitty kids who always have their nose buried in a book will not be happy when they discover you've been shitting on their Science and Logic. To avoid a nerd uprising, it is probably not a good idea to leave your MPreg lying around where they can see it. If you accidentally do blab about your weird fetishes to those bespectacled freaks, I'll give you my advice on how to quell your Nerd Uprising: don't. Just...don't even try.

The point of this pointless anecdote? Make sure your MPreg stays on the Internet, preferably confined to the Hetalia fandom.

However, if you are desperate to impregnate a man from Death Note, please consider creating an AU where everyone is a seahorse. That way, the man can get knocked up and it's all scientifically accurate, so everyone's happy.

I would not be at all surprised if the seahorse scenario did not appeal to you as a writer or a reader. How the hell is seahorse!Light supposed to be handcuffed to seahorse!L when they don't have hands? Exactly. So, in order to write human MPreg, there is one big-but-somehow-always-overlooked problem you will have to overcome—where exactly is this baby going to grow? As difficult as this dilemma seems at first glance, it is actually quite straightforward, and there are several solutions:

1. One of the guys grows a womb and a mangina. This could be attributed to something they ate (last night's curry just didn't agree with them, for example), or another character could have messed with their chromosomes for the lulz.

2. Since most Death Note characters are geniuses, they find a way to create a baby in a test tube using two sperm instead of a sperm and an egg. Be sure not to go into too much detail, because this could get confusing very easily.

3. The characters take acid and the baby is all a hallucination.

4. It just happens.

Most MPreg authors choose the fourth option, since it is the easiest to use without having to go into those irritating technicalities. It also allows the reader to fill in the gaps, and every author's top priority should be the reader's enjoyment. Having them make up half the story themselves just shows you care.

I hope you will find this tutorial useful when writing for this fascinating subculture of fanfiction (subculture of a subculture? Sub-subculture?). I will close this entry in the Guide by stating the Golden Rule Of MPreg:


If you should ever get the urge to get a male character pregnant, you must always be deadly serious about it, and it's your job to convince the readers that Mello/L/Matsuda was always meant to get preggers. If the general reaction to your artfully crafted story is "OMGWTFBBQPENISSRSLYYOUGAISSR SLY" then you're doing it wrong.

Next time: How do you know when you've gone into too much detail? Wrong! You can never go into too much detail.

A/N: Perhaps creating that poll was not my brightest idea. I can't believe I had to research this. D: Would one of my lovely readers please pass me some brain bleach? I'm all for yaoi, but MPreg is just...no. Speaking of polls, 3 topics had the same result, so I just picked the one which was at the top of the list when I looked at it. I'm sorry. :(


PS if anyone actually writes a story involving the seahorse scenario I will love them forever. You could call it "Seahores"! :O