Dave Strider, well, everything about him was ironic. Just the way he liked it. As least expected, he managed to get good grades in school. As least expected, he actually was still a virgin. As least expected, he never really even dated anyone in the first place. There were countless ironic aspects about him, most of which his best friend, John Egbert knew.
However, the most ironic of them all was known by no one but Strider himself. While he always joked around about getting all the ladies, he deep down never really was interested in them. While he knew that even guys checked him out on occasion, he never took interest in them either. Dave Strider's first and only crush was John fucking Egbert. It wasn't even Dave trying to be ironic here, he was literally attracted only to the one person he couldn't have - his best friend since kindergarten and secret crush since age thirteen, who made a very obvious point to state that he was "not a homosexual!" whenever the situation arised.
But he won't say that too much in this fanfiction since that's pretty overused.
Woah, did this story just cross the fourth wall for a second? Okay, no, that sentence and this paragraph never happened. Carry on now.
Anyways, to sum it all up, Dave was in a pretty tight fix. Something about John was utterly intriguing. He couldn't be sure if it was his brilliant bright blue eyes, or his derpy, buck-toothed smile, or his ridiculously optimistic attitude. In fact, it was most likely all three and more. This crush had been blooming for four years now, and it could no longer be accurately considered a "crush." It was more of Dave being in love with John, as much as he didn't want to admit it to himself. No one suspected, not even Rose Lalonde, his over-analyzing psychobabbling sister who lived in a different house since their parents divorced.
Perhaps Dave's family and the sort should be explained. His mother divorced his father, and she took Rose while leaving Dave and his older brother Dirk (who he usually called 'Bro') with his dad. She thought of him as a disgrace, and the same with Dirk and Mr. Strider. So she kicked Dave, Dirk, and their dad out of her eerie mansion and the three were forced to move into a shitty apartment on the bad side of town. Dave's brother, Dirk, had moved out to stay with his boyfriend, Jake, at some slightly less shitty hotel. But when Dave's dad died of lung cancer from smoking, Dirk and Jake were forced to leave the hotel and take care of Dave in the apartment. Well, if Dirk mostly neglecting him and tossing food at him and telling him to "eat it you little shit" was considered 'taking care' of him. Jake really was the nice one, assisting Dave with his homework on occasion and the sort. As for Rose, Dave considered her his sister still despite her not being so legally.
So, yeah, that was the story of Dave's suckish family. But somehow Dave still managed to maintain his "cool" persona. Things just became more difficult with his feelings for John involved.
Back to the point, though, I guess you probably just want the story to start, right? Well yeah. I'm getting to that. But not yet motherfuckers! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oops. Fourth wall again. Disregard that.