A/N: it doesn't have the biggest fandom, but I have to say, The Killing is an amazing show and deserves a lot more than it got. I do love Holder so!
Disclaimer: don't own, don't sue.
Warning: language, mentions of drug use, Holder-isms
Sarah Linden's Smile.
Chapter 1 The First Hit.
Linden could never manage a smile. Not a real one. She'd always flash these fake-ass almost smiles that she thought would appease him, but they never did, and it hurt. He could tell she wasn't happy, not with life, or with her job- hell her job was her life now. She'd made it her life when she'd missed her own wedding to Mister Sonoma. He didn't know why, but she'd missed that plane again, he'd had an overwhelming sense of relief.
Maybe that was it, Holder thought as he glanced at he sleeping figure of Linden. Why Linden couldn't be happy: she didn't like the right guys. He smiled a sour grin, Linden had finally accepted sleep after he'd nearly shoved a burger and fry combo down her throat. Thank God she accepted this time. Lately it had been a struggle to get her to do normal human things like eating and sleeping, she had become so obsessed with the Larsen case. Really it scared Holder to death when he'd come back from just a couple hours rest to find her just where he'd left her studying her files, the circles under her eyes just a bit heavier.
But now that she had passed out, drooling against his shitty car's upholstery, he could let his mind wander. Wonder back to that heart stopping almost real smile she had gifted him with just an hour ago. The first of hopefully many. It's affect on him had been amazing, a punch in the stomach and uplifting hug simultaneously. It had been just so instantly addicting he knew he'd do anything, even the most demeaning just to see that tiny flash of teeth again. If that was what just a tiny winy almost smile could do to him, what would a real one be like?
The junkie side of him made his mouth water, comparing her real smile to his most potent crystal, opposed to the weak ass skunk weed smile he'd already had a taste of, and oh did he love the thought. Because, Christ, he loved crystal. He loved a high. Sarah Linden, the tiny unsuspecting woman next to him could be his new high, his replacement crystal, as innocent as it was.
Holder chuckled to himself, poor Linden, he thought, she just don't know how far a no good junkie would go to get his fix. She stirred in her seat as if sensing his unwholesome thoughts, struggling to open her eyes. Before she could discover him openly staring at her, he offered her a cigarette, which she hungrily accepted, momentarily forgetting her promise to that Sonoma prick as she lit up.
He wasn't sure when he had started liking Linden, he realized mulling it over as he drew off his own cancer tick. She had been a real bitch to him at first, shooting down all his innocently curious questions ruining even the funniest of jokes, and leaving him stranded without a ride multiple times. She really hadn't liked him, that much was plain but the snaky attitude he had adopted when she was near, and his equally as bitchy tones. But no, he was okay with all the shit she pulled. Even leaving him stranded, he knew she wouldn't do that unless she had a good lead, or something equally as important deemed too precious for a worthless druggie to handle. But still, he'd grown to like Sarah Linden.
This fiery haired little lady with equal fire in her eyes, shinning with determination, and the fierce grip of a pitbull, what was there not to like? Sarah, though, had a darkness about her. Holder had failed to notice at first, but she never had a real smile, never a real chuckle, and never a real laugh. Stephen still liked her all the same. Maybe it was that dark mystery she had, just like him. That underlying dark past, filled with hurt. Maybe it was that she was just a challenge. One fact remained true Sarah Linden was not a happy woman, and Stephen Holder had a deep desire to change that.
He flicked the cigarette out of the cracked car window, turning as he realized Linden had been talking to him giving him that scary mom look he'd seen her give Jack a few times. God, what did he do to deserve that? "What?" he hardly stuttered out before she shoved a file in his hands and got out the car. She just woke up and she'd already gotten pissed at him. How was that possible? How did he have such a knack for doing just the opposite of what he intended? "Linden," he barked at her, fumbling at his own door handle, finally exiting into the evening's cool air just outside Bennett Ahmed's apartment. "The hell are you going?"
She'd managed to jog halfway down the block by the time she called back to Holder's confused form, waving him off, "Home," was her only response, and knowing Sarah, that would be a that. The woman was a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a pork-rhinds bag. The Lindens's diet of purely vending machine and fast food crap would kill them, he swore. Holder climbed back into his car, shaking his head. Who the hell was Sarah Linden?
He watched her tight jean clad ass round the corner with a sigh of defeat. He hardly knew the woman, but he knew he'd risk his life for her. She was just so little.. She made him feel huge just standing next to her. He dazedly wondered what his hand would look like, wrapped around hers, huge and mighty against her delicate petite one. He shook the thought off with a smile as he drove home to his own empty apartment.
As soon as his keys hit the counter top his thoughts shot right back to tiny Sarah Linden and her petite hands what they would look like wrapped around him, how they would feel traveling over his aching, lonely skin. He couldn't stop his brain when it took things farther imaging Linden under him, blanketed by his larger, solid form, writhing in pleasure in the primal bump and grind. Being celibate was not easy. When the hell had he started thinking of Linden that way? It was just so weird. Last he'd checked they were barely willing participants of a temporary police partnership. Professional, necessary, simple. What Holder felt wasn't very simple.
Holder loved sex, plain and simple. Not plan sex, just any sex at all. He'd loved it before he'd gotten hooked on crystal anyways. Once he became a junkie though, everything changed. Sex changed. It wasn't nice, sweet or passionate. It was nasty, filthy, unsafe, meaningless, and often forgotten. He was amazed he hadn't caught some sort of disease. He had been extremely lucky them. When he realized one of his favorite things had been brought down to some sick pathetic level, one that made him hardly remember it the next day, Holder gave it up. He had decided he would wait til the right time, the right girl, the right anything. He just wouldn't go back to that listless wrongness he had participated in. Maybe Linden could help with that.
A/N: If you guys like this, tell me so I know to continue, cuz right now it's just a test drive basically…