Last chapter. The last fucking chapter, and oddly the shortest. Enjoy.

"OH THE PAIN! THE STINGING PAIN!" Zim writhed in agony as the house applied healing gel to the scratches across his back. If he had known how painful human relationships could be he would never have allowed Gaz anywhere near him, though he had to admit that it had been a fun night.

"Well you can only blame yourself." Nagged the computer, who had been forced to watch the proceedings. "I tried to tell you humans aren't that violent when they mate, the Mistress was probably trying to stop you from hurting her."

"Silence computer!" Zim replied, swatting at the metal arm. "Zim performed masterfully, which is why my Gaz insisted on crushing my squeedlyspooch whilst she recuperated from Zim's amazing love-making!"

The computer made a disgusted noise at the memory. "Well let's just hope you haven't scared her off, we'll need her tonight, and it's nearly 7 o'clock already."

Suddenly, alarms began to flash all over the base. 'INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!' flashed across the screen of the medical bay.

The computer sighed. "Well, I guess we're fucked now. I'm gonna initiate self-destruct, that way it'll save us all being captured. It was nice knowing you Zim; tell GIR I'll see him in binary heaven." A sequence of Irken symbols began to play across the screen.

"HALT COMPUTER! YOUR MASTER COMMANDS YOU!"

The countdown paused.

A line of sweat trickled down Zim's forehead, the computer was not bluffing. Ever since Dib had first planted that probe in the base the computer had had a terrible fear of being hacked by human viruses. "We can still stop the stink-worms; just stick to the STUPID human girls plan! It worked, you know it worked!"

"It only worked with the Mistress…without her we're doomed."

"We just need another person, someone to distract them whilst I deal with Dib!" Zim grabbed a handful of hair and yanked it out, and then he had it. The most distracting person he knew.


They had made it into the house. No gnome attacks, no sentry guns, no electric force-fields; not even a 'Dib-beast suks!' sign. Dib was worried.

The rest of the team looked around Zim's living room in a mixture of awe and confusion. They had never made it this far before, only Dib and Louie had actually been inside the base, though Louie had been unconscious for most of it.

"Come on team," Dib commanded. "The real base is further in; we just need to get through the toilet and we'll be halfway done!"

Josh made a face. "A toilet? Seriously Dib?"

Dib glared at him, he was acting unusually smug since he had found out he was right about Gaz dating Zim. "Yes Josh, a toilet." Dib led them into the kitchen and pointed over to it. "Would you like to go first or shall I?"

Josh paled a little and shook his head. Louie glanced at the toilet and trembled, it had taken everything he had just to look at the strange little house again without remembering everything that had happened that night. Every time he had even glanced at Zim or Gaz he had wanted to be sick.

Dib lifted the toilet lid and stepped inside it. "Keep in contact at all times, I'll radio for you guys once I'm sure the area is secure. In the meantime keep your cameras rolling." Dib turned to press the flusher, and was gone.


GIR whistled happily to himself as he skipped through the base, his master had given him a mission, and it was actually a fun one for once; to go and play with the dirty earth-monkeys in the kitchen for as long as he wanted. Maybe he would see Gazzy too, he liked her; her hair smelled pretty and she made the master happy. He stopped at an elevator and walked inside.

"Okay house, I wanna go to the glowin' banana room!"

"NO GIR!" Zim yelled back over the intercom. "There is no glowing banana room! Just go distract the humans whilst I take care of Dib!"

"Ohhhhhh yeah...I WANNA GO PLAY HEAD EXPLODER!"

"GIR just stay focused." Interrupted the computer as the doors closed and the elevator began to ascend.

"Do, do-do doody do-do, do do-do do doody dah doo!" There was no elevator music, so GIR made-up his own.


Josh and Louie turned around sharply; they had heard a loud pinging noise from the living room. Standing in the middle of the room, eyes unfocused and staring blankly in opposite directions was a little green puppy.

Louie lowered his weapon. "Aww. How'd you get in here then little fella?"

The puppy continued to stare at him.

"Lou...I've got a bad feeling about this." Josh explained, keeping the gun trained on the little dog.

"Oh calm down Josh, it's just a puppy." Louie walked over to GIR and began to pet his head. "Oh who's a good little boy?"

GIR shut his eyes and began to rub his head against Louie's hand, tail wagging. "I'M A GOOD BOY!"

Louie and Josh froze. "Did that dog just-"

Josh never finished his sentence, bowled over by GIR.

"YOUR MOUTH SMELLS LIKE MASTER'S NEW SHOES!" He screeched into Josh's face, before licking him and grabbing his gun. "What's this do!?"

"Get off! That's a sensitive piece of equipment!"

GIR fired it into the wall, leaving a smoking burn mark

"Ohhhhhh, it's pretty!"

"Louie, do something!" Josh screeched at his friend, still in shock from the talking dog.

Louie charged over to them and pulled GIR off; only to be carried into the living room as GIR activated his rocket boosters and shot them both into the floor.

"Hey," GIR sang. "You got hair like a corn! I LIKE COOOOORRRRRRRNNNNNNN!" He grabbed a handful of Louie's hair, tore it out and stuffed it into his mouth.

"AGGGHHHH!" He shrieked. "JOSH SHOOT IT, SHOOT IT NOW!"

GIR only had time to spit out the hair. "It tastes like plastic!" Was all he had time to say before Josh shot him.


"JOSH, LOUIE, COME IN!" Dib yelled into his radio. No reply. This part of the base was unfamiliar though, maybe he was so far down that it was causing interference? He had originally asked to go to the armoury, but instead he had been brought here.

"Don't worry Dib, I'm sure they'll follow you down once they realise how long you've been gone without radio contact. Yep, they'll be down here in no time!" He stopped; it'd been a few years since he had last spoken to himself. He squatted down by the elevator and sighed. Gaz and Zim, he had been thinking of little else all day. It was the ultimate betrayal, his sister had always known how much he despised Zim, he had spent years trying to catch him, or stop him, or whatever had needed to be done. Their father was out trying to save mankind from disease and hunger and she never said a harsh word about him; he was fighting a far more dangerous threat and she gave him nothing but abuse for it! Not to mention all the time he had spent looking after her, being there with her. She had never had any real friends, neither of them had; so he had decided to help her out. Never a thank you or a single display of affection. Once Zim was caught he would deal with Gaz, put her on trial as a traitor against humanity? Well maybe that was a little harsh, but something would have to be done…

"DIB!"

He looked up. There was Zim, standing at the end of the hallway, staring wide-eyed at him, mouth agape.

"ZIM!" Dib bellowed. "I have you now you little fucker!" He raised his gun and fired. It was an awful shot, the electric bolt hit the wall a few feet to Zim's right sending him fleeing around the corner.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Dib leapt to his feet and sprinted after him. It was all going to end today.


Gordy was waiting outside the front door when Gaz finally arrived breathless.

"Oh fuck…" she breathed. "Please don't let me be too late!" She crouched down beside the fence and poked her head around. There was something smoking gently on the ground beside him, it looked slightly green. She stepped out from the fence and started walking towards it slowly.

Gordy turned slowly, his chair whirring loudly. They had never really spoken, not that either of them really did. Gordy could not speak any recognisable language, and Gaz was just Gaz.

Gaz stopped a few feet away, the small burnt object between them. "What the fuck have you done?" She whispered.

Gordy's hand worked furiously on his keyboard. "SHE-EN." The computer intoned in a voice that would have made Stephen Hawking blush. "MORE-T."

Gaz dropped to her knees and placed a hand on what she assumed was its head. It felt like cloth. "GIR?" she murmured. She pulled the little robot over to her and unzipped his costume. His eyes were a dark grey, his mouth, always talking, was now just a slit in cold metal. It was the first time she had cried since she was seven, when she had found out how her mother had died. Gaz could not stop herself; she picked up the little robot and hugged him. She had only known him a week, and he was incredibly annoying, but she had loved him. He was like a little brother, one she actually liked.

"You stupid little piece of junk," she sniffed. "I should have known you'd ruin the plan."

A spark from his body made her jump as her skin accidently made contact with the metal. "Oh shit!" Gaz dropped GIR's rag-doll body to rub her cheek, it stung like hell. "Sorry GIR." She whispered, whipping away the tears. Hold on though…a spark? Her brain was working fast now; damn feelings had stopped her thinking straight. Everybody in Dib's stupid squad was armed with powerful electrical weapons, so obviously GIR had been electrocuted. It was so obvious now.

She jumped to her feet and checked in the pack attached to the back of Gordy's chair. He couldn't type fast enough to object though, as soon as he had moved his pudgy fingers to the second letter she had found what she was after, his gun. She turned it on, flicked it up to full power, took aim. "Please work..."

GIR shot twenty feet into the air as the electricity coursed through his tiny frame. It would have been enough to kill a human, but of course GIR was not human. He crashed back to the ground, making a small crater in the grass. Gaz walked tentatively over and peered down into the pit. "GIR…are you okay?"

Two small red eyes glowed up at her from the bottom. GIR leapt up past her, spun in the air and landed on his feet, turning to salute smartly. "MISTRESS! I am here to serve."

Gaz bit her lip. She had seen this GIR and she hated it. Who cared if he was more effective this way, he wasn't GIR. "Yeah but, are you okay?"

The eyes flashed back to blue. "I don't know."

She sighed in relief, and immediately found herself on her back with GIR crushing her head.

"GAZZY! GAZ-GAZ-GAZ-GAZ-GAAAAAAZZZZZZZYYYYYYY!" GIR screamed at her, clinging to her head for dear life. "I missed choo! And your hair smells like my master now!" He grabbed a handful of her hair and began to suck on it, like a baby with a pacifier.

She smiled and took him down off her head gently, hugging him tightly as tears pricked her eyes again. "It's good to have you back little guy."

GIR beamed up at her and then glanced over at the front door of the house, his antenna drooped. "There are humans in the house," he whispered, holding Gaz's arm tightly. "They hurted me…I don't remember good, it was all cold…"

Gaz hugged him tighter. "It's okay GIR; I'll make the nasty men pay for hurting my little guy."


The Pak legs clicked beneath him as they carried him through the corridors after his quarry. Once again, Zim was enjoying the hunt immensely. The hologram he had sent Dib was working perfectly, based on how he had previously looked of course. He had reasoned that the Dib-stink would be much more willing to chase the smaller, more alien-looking Zim then how he looked now. Every entrance to the base through the kitchen and living room was sealed off as well, meaning that no one would interrupt them when they faced each other.

"I'll teach you to mess with my sister!" echoed a voice just ahead of him. Zim chuckled and picked up the pace, he almost felt bad for Dib.

"Sir, I have urgent news!"

Zim sighed but kept walking. "Not now computer! The mighty Zim is hunting."

"Oh okay then," the computer actually sounded offended. "I guess you don't want to know that your girlfriend has finally showed up."

"My what!?"


"Gaz?" Louie had been lying on the couch; every way into the base was completely blocked. All they could do was wait until Dib came back. Josh was still trying though, firing his gun at the toilet in the hope he could blast his was through.

"Hey Lou." Gaz smiled sweetly at him, batting her eyelashes. Despite her make-up being smeared from the tears she still looked incredibly good.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He reached for his gun.

"Oh nothin', I just came along to ask you guys something."

"Who's that?" Came a voice from the kitchen.

"Hey Josh" Gaz called.

Josh looked into the room; his jaw nearly hit the floor when he saw her.

"Apparently she's got something to ask us." Louie told him, getting up off the sofa, his gun holstered. He knew not to trust Gaz, but seeing her like this was still good, especially after how sick with fear he had felt seeing her the past week,

"Well actually, it's really two things." She giggled a little at that. Josh and Louie both smiled, how could someone this sweet and pretty be dangerous? They both stepped closer to her.

"Well go on ahead and ask then." Louie was grinning like an idiot now, Josh's mouth still hung open.

Gaz took a step forward. "Well firstly…" she pulled her right hand out from behind her back, in it was clutched GIR, who she pointed at Josh. "What the fuck did you guys do to GIR? And secondly," she pulled the gun out with her left and aimed it straight at Louie's face. "Where the fuck is my boyfriend?"

GIR looked up at Josh. "He's the man who made me cold! HIS BREATH SMELLS LIKE DA MASTER'S FEET!"

Gaz smirked. "Good. GIR, fire."

A little rubber piggy shot out of GIR's head and straight into Josh's face. The force sent him flying back into the kitchen. And then all hell broke loose.


"I've finally got you now Zim!" Dib panted. He had no idea how long he had been chasing the little alien, but he had never stopped to take a breath. Not once.

Zim was cowering in a corner, whimpering quietly to himself.

"It's over Zim. You're finished; your little mission ends here. Your base and robot will be torn apart for study; your body will spend the rest of its days preserved for all humanity, and my sister? She's going to pay for betraying me like this." Dib aimed his gun and cranked the power all the way up to maximum. "Any last requests before I do what I should have done when I first saw your hideous face in skool all those years ago?!"

Zim stood up. There was something different about him, but Dib just could not put his finger on it. Was he always this small?

"Yes actually." Every trace of fear was gone completely now. The little alien, half his size and unarmed, was staring his executioner right in the eye.

Dib chuckled. "Go ahead."

Zim begun to chuckle, and then cackle. His old laugh of triumph. Dib had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. "The last thing I want from you, oh mighty Dib-worm, is for you to look behind you!"

Dib heard breathing behind, heavy, angry breathing. Before he had a chance to turn he had been lifted completely off his feet. Someone was grabbing him around the neck, long cold claws digging into his throat.

"Never threaten my Gaz again." Zim hissed into his ear.

The hologram disappeared, but the laughter still rang in his ears as Zim's grip tightened.

Well it's done. Almost anyway, I'm going to finish the epilogue, just an extra short piece to round everything off. Thanks to everyone who liked, fav'd, reviewed and was generally nice to me about this. You guys rock, the rest of you should learn from their example.