First of all, Thank you for all your favorites, follows and reviews! They make my tummy all fuzzy ^.^
I cried like a baby writing this, and I'm not sure why. Ah well. Silly hormones.
So many of you have reviewed and asked for another (happier) chapter, so here we go!
P.S Someone asked me how Sirius didn't see Remus's scars when they were going at it. Sirius never gave him enough time to remove any clothing most of the time except his trousers. But when he WAS naked, he was on all fours (oo-er!) and Sirius wasn't really paying attention to his wrists.
I don't know how exactly I can say this, because I know that no matter how many times I say it, it will never be enough. But here it goes;
I am so sorry, Remus.
I honestly never meant to hurt you. I know it doesn't seem like that but it's true. As for the whole "me being in love with James thing" that isn't true. I DO love James, but only as a brother. I know that sounds pretty stupid and like a complete and total lie, but I swear on my cousin Nymphadora's life that I don't love James like that and I NEVER, EVER intended to hurt you. Let me explain from the beginning.
Ever since I was 6, me and Prongs had been best friends. Every time my mother lashed out at me or my father tried to hit me, James would be there for me. It was us two against the world. And then you and Peter walked in to my life. God, Remus. Even at the age of 11, you managed to blow me away. Do you remember the first thing we said to each other? I do. I walked (read: Swaggered) into the carriage you and Pete were in and turned my nose up at your too-short robes and your big, scared eyes. But you stood your ground like the little fighter you are.
"Get out." I ordered you. You looked up at me like I was insane.
"We were here first." You said, raising an eyebrow.
"I don't care, I said get out." I growled. You rolled your eyes at my brat like manner and stood up. You were so small. You still are, you still only reach my shoulders.
"Well, quite frankly, if sharing a carriage with you means I need to be within spitting distance of you, I would rather go share a carriage with Voldemort."
I just blinked at you and then we both burst out laughing. And from that moment on, we were friends.
But anyway, back to the whole James thing. I'm just going to come out with it. I'm unbelievably jealous of James. He has it all. He's handsome (Don't tell him I said that, his head can barely fit through the door as it is), he's smart, he's got a perfect family and he's got a girlfriend who loves him. And that's why I want. I want someone to love me, to help me when I'm stuck or in trouble. I want someone to hold me when I have those nightmares about my mother. I want someone I can laugh with. I want someone who, even if we're fighting like two Hungarian Horntails, we can just kiss and make up after it.
James is not that person, you are. Now that Lily and James are together, it kills me. Because I feel like I'm losing my brother to her. It hurts. That's why I flirt with him and annoy him. So he'll pay the slightest bit of attention to me instead of Lily. Don't get me wrong, I love Lily. She's brilliant. But I miss James as a brother.
I don't want to be with him.
I want you.
I've never wanted anything so much in my whole damn life. You have no idea the effect you have on me, Moony. It's insane. Your fucking copper, messy hair. Your golden eyes that make me feel like you can see right through me. Your sense of humor. Your kindness, your intelligence, your strength and your bravery. I need you. You're like a drunk, Remus John Lupin. And I'm addicted to you. Do you want to know when I figured out how much I loved you? It was that time that you came home from the Christmas holidays, covered in bruises, and shaking like a leaf. You told us your dad beat you up, because you told him you were bisexual. I couldn't breath. You just sort of collapsed on top of me and started sobbing. I promised you I would get him for you and you laughed and called me a "Silly puppy." That's when I knew I loved you, and I would do anything in the world for you.
Did you know that James and I flew to Kent and burned his car down that weekend when you thought we were camping in Hogsmede? Yeah. He deserved it.
Did you ever wonder why I didn't kiss you when we had sex? It's because I knew if I did I wouldn't be able to stop. I wouldn't be able to bring myself to stop once I started.
You need to promise me something, Remus. Never, ever, EVER hurt yourself because of me ever again. Please. You have no idea how scared I was when you showed me those scars. Please, Remus. I'm begging you.
So here I am. Pouring my heart out to you via this letter, to let you know how sorry I am and how much I love you.
If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I promise I will love you for now and forever.
I'm so sorry,
Remus looked up from the letter in his hands, that was currently shaking violently from all the pent up emotion, and looked straight into Sirius's eyes. There was nothing but the truth written all over his face.
"I mean every single word I wrote down." Sirius said, never breaking eye contact with Remus. Remus make a small whimper and fell forward, straight into Sirius's waiting arms. Sirius started moving back and forward, rocking the werewolf as he cried quietly.
"I'm sorry." He whispered and for the first time in Remus Lupin's life, Sirius kissed him.
And at that point, he had no choice but to forgive him. The words, the hug, the kiss, the emotion and the love. He couldn't contain his sob anymore as their lips moved together, in perfect sync. Remus pulled away and wiped a hand over his eyes, removing the tears that had spilled over. Sirius gave him a small, watery smile.
"I'm sorry. I love you." He said, sniffing.
And at that moment, Remus knew he was telling the truth.
How was that? I've never been so scared to upload a chapter before!
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