'Help, I have done it again,
I have been here many times before.'
Mal thought he found the woman of his dreams, the person he fell head over heels for, his high school sweet heart, his soul mate. But he was sadly mistaken, the woman that he fought he loved, who meant everything to him betrayed him. Braking his heart, shattering it into millions of pieces, when he found out she was cheating on him.
Since his wife, Mal didn't think he would ever find anyone like her again, that he would be alone for the rest of his life, that he could never love someone in that way ever again, that he could never let someone so close to him, that he just didn't trust to have his heart broken again.
'Hurt, myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame.'
After Mal and his wife separated, Mal's life went from bad to worst, causing him to go off the rails. The happiness inside of him soon evaporated into depression and emptiness. That his whole world suddenly collapsed crashing down on him, in that one day he lost everything that meant so much to him.
Work became a whole lot harder for him to cope with and he became more aggressive to the people who cared about him the most. Not only did he get suspended from work, his marriage fell apart but, also his health deteriorated. He began to drink excessive amounts and got drunk every night, but he didn't care...
Life was pulling him down rapidly, swallowing him up dragging him down into the gutter. He was slowly sinking and no-one could pull him back out, he was drowning in his own guilt and suffocating in his depression..
'Be my friend.
Hold me, wrap me up. Unfold me'
Mal lost his way, and the things he once loved suddenly became the things he started to hate. He didn't think he would ever be happy again, that things wouldn't change, that he would probably drink himself to his own death.
Until the day he met his new partner and best friend to be Natara, that's when something inside of him changed. Like she was that second chance that he so desperately needed, to start over, so that he could make a difference with his life. Once she joined the station, things started looking up for him.
Even when he first met her, he felt something inside of him, deep down that he never felt before. That she was his answer to all of his preys, the saviour from his demons, that she is his guardian angel sent to make him raise, picking himself up, helping him to stand up straight onto his own two feet again.
'I am small. I'm needy.
Warm me up, and breathe me.'
As he got to know her more, he became close to her, and their connection grew. That he began to like her more with everyday that went by. When he was with her, all of his pain and suffering was gone and happiness and love replaced it. She was the reason he started to smile, the reason that his heart began beating more, the reason he got out of bed in a morning and started enjoying work once more.
As their relationship developed, he began to feel at ease again, he stared to let more people in: but mainly it would be her. When Mal and his wife divorced he couldn't bare to tell anyone, he felt so ashamed, but Natara was different. He felt like he could talk to her about anything and she wouldn't judge, she would only listen to him. That he could open up about how he was feeling to her and she wouldn't say no more. He felt like she was the only person he could relate to, the only person who understood him better than himself.
He quickly felt trust in her which made him confess to her about his divorce, she was the only person he told about his and his wife's separation. Natara was so understanding and was there for him when he needed her and he was when she needed him, from that day on she always has been.
Mal knew in his heart that every time he was in her presents he always felt so happy and good about himself, as the excitement of being with her grew, and that he never wanted that feeling to end. Mal always felt that she was the only one who accepted him for who he truly was.
He admired Natara for her determination to never give up even if the odds were against her, but also he respected their friendship, it meant so much to him, just like she was beginning to. He was falling so deeply in love with her and he didn't know how to stop, she was his missing piece, she was his everything.
'Ouch I have lost myself again.
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found.'
Apart of Mal always wanted to confess his feelings that he has for Natara for the past couple of years now, but he was always to scare, to afraid of losing her and their treasured friendship that meant so much to him. He was even more scare of losing her than anything else, she changed his whole life and without her he would be broken that could never be fixed.
He didn't want to feel the same devastation of his heart being broken like so many time before. Like all of his other previous relationships that failed, he already lost them all Sandra, Tasha, Selene. It hurt losing them but it made him realise was that he just couldn't bare the heartache, the pain, that it would hurt him the most was if he ever lost Natara he just couldn't bare that thought.
'Yeah I think that I might break.
I've lost myself again, and I feel unsafe.'
He was always so close in telling her how he felt, but every time there would be an obstacle in his way, always someone beating him to it. Mal would just have to watch on the sidelines as, he witnessed the woman he loved slip away, time after time.
What made him jealous was how they could touch her soft glowing cheeks, and the way they got to hold her in their arms. How they made her smile causing her to produce a small cute blush that he loved to see, and how they would make her laugh while being with them, but most importantly how they lips met with hers. It was always a kick in the teeth, a slap to the face for him. Secretly Mal was dying inside, crumpling at the sight of her being with someone else who would just break her heart in time. He hoped, wished, preyed that day would come where he would be that man who she loved, that he was hers and she was his.
That's not what hurt Mal the most, after a while he started to except the idea, come to terms with that she will never be his, that it was all just a fantasy that was too far away, that it was only a dream. He watched as guys would come and go, but no matter what, he would be their for her, to support her no matter how hard it was for him to sit back and watch.
When Oscar came along, at first Mal didn't think it would last long, and that he had nothing to worry about. Until they started dating, that's when Mal felt jealously and envy towards Oscar, he would get so annoyed whenever he was around her. As time progressed he notice that Natara would smile at the mention of Oscar's name and watched the way her eyes would twinkle as they lit up whenever she saw him, Mal knew she liked him, even if he didn't.
What would destroy his whole world, that's shattered his heart into pieces was when he found out she was getting engaged. He felt his whole world was torn upside down, that this officially meant that's she would never be his, that he was to late.
It was killing him inside, dealing with that prospect, he didn't know how to react, how to feel. She wanted Mal to support her in her decision, for him to be happy for her, but that was proving difficult for Mal, all he could do was accept the facts and let his friend be happy, even if he was miserable and dying inside, watching the woman he loved slowly slipping away from his grasp..
'Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up. Unfold me
I am small, I'm needy
Warm me up. And breathe me.'
Their would be moments of bliss, and chemistry that would spark between Mal and Natara, where they would gaze into each others eyes for what seem to be for hours without speaking, but always knowing how they were feeling even if they weren't talking, love always fell down on them, even if none of them were brave enough to admit it.
They were both falling in love with each other but they were so oblivious to it.
'Be my friend.
Hold me, wrap me up. Unfold me
I am small, I'm needy.'
Natara was in love with him and had been for a while, she just wouldn't force herself to accept it, she would pretend that is wasn't true, that it was only a fantasy when really it was reality. Because if she did then it would change everything, even their whole relationship, that it would be unprofessional to their work, that it would hurt even more if Mal got hurt or if she lost him..
Even before the wedding she knew deep down that he was the one, but what made her realise this, was when her and Mal got exposed to the nightmare drug. She relived someone of her darkest fears and found herself thinking that getting married to Oscar was a huge mistake, and not what she wanted from her life.
She knew she couldn't live this lie anymore and broke it off with Oscar, so that she could confess to Mal what she had been feeling this whole time, that she loved him.
Mal answered the door to find her stood there waiting for him. She told him that her and Oscar was no more and that she broke off their relationship that it had ended. She knew she had to do it, she just couldn't pretend anymore, she couldn't fight her true feelings that she had growing inside of her any longer she had to this.
'Warm me up.'
Mal:"So whaddya say? Can we just pretend that all of this craziness never happened? Go back how it used to be?."
Mal smiled at her genuinely..
Natara: That's just it, Mal. I'm tired of pretending.
She steps forward, pulling Mal close, and pressed her lips to his in a deep, lingering kiss.
Mal didn't startle, not even for a moment. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and held her close, kissing her right back.
As the clouds above them rumble and a warm, evening rain began to pour down, the two of them held each other close, hearts beating together, and it feels so, so right.
It is a single lingering moment, but one that is warm, and honest, and passionate. It might just be the best moment of your life...
'And breathe me.'
A/N: Hey guys, my second songfic, I first heard this song on a advertisement for a new program on the television and decided to search it. When I listened to this song, I thought it was a beautiful sad, emotional song and that i had to write but to conjoined how Mal lost his wife and how his life went down hill from the troubles of his past, to how his life change when he fell in love for Natara in the present. Also this includes the 'best moment!' MALTARA! in the whole series, Volume 10 Chapter 8! I hope you enjoyed this and thanks for reading! Love you guys so much :') xx