So here it is, my second fic about Leo and Elliot! I wrote this one thinking about a bigger one in which I'm still working on.
I'm sorry if some mistake got away from me, I gave my best.
SPOILERS: Well, this focuses on Leo and Elliot whole history. If you know what I mean, then go ahead :D, otherwise, you're warned
Disclaimer: Pandora Hearts does not belong to me, but this tiny piece of "work" came out of my brains. I didn't colored the image as well, you can find it here - yaoi collection . tumblr image / 27382687219
Please let me know what you thought of it, I'd love some feedback so that my other can improve :)
Don't Go. Stay
You know, I wanted to become bigger. -Bigger enough to protect you-. Protect and save you, Elliot.
I wanted… I wanted to do all that and so much more. So, so much more…
I wish I could have been your safe boat or your shady escape. I wish my hand had been stronger in order to drag you out of that dark ocean of memories, fantasy and fear. I wish I could have prevented you from drowning in there. However, though those were my deepest desires, it was enough for me to be able to listen and fulfill your demands in order to make you happier or, at least, less pained. I was satisfied with the less I was able to obtain. So foolish.
Nevertheless, I still tried to do that - all of it. I tried my hardest, I gave my everything to do the closest I was able to achieve according my ambitous wishes. The little insignificant progress I could make wasn't sufficient but it gave me courage to keep on trying and carrying on despite all the ghosts that revolved arround my tormented head. Because you were just that important to me. You meant so much that I kept on trying for all those years and all those endless days.
I never stopped trying.
I just simply tried, Elliot. Despite my weakling's desperate efforts and ridiculously small progresses, the most I could do was order you countless times to shut up and allow me to play that insignificant piano in your company, because I assumed you liked it a little bit. In my arrogancy, I felt that it was the only thing I did that could really soothe your inner self. It seemed enough at the time -it was enough- once I had seen your frail and hidden smile appear behind your closed expression as my melody would get higher and higher. Everything would be alright as long as I saw your smile.
I was such a childish little egotistical being... and it was all your enchanting smile's fault. You had such an igniting one…
A devious, joyful and lively smile, though shy and small at the same time. It was such a rare combination, such an exquisite and wild quality. But then, you were just so unique, Elliot… so golden and valuable...
Even now, I still ask myself: how could I destroy that? How could I possibly let you fade away if I had the chance to make you stay?
I couldn't. The required price was grutesque and obscene, but still, I had a choice -I could save you-.
I'm sorry I dared to do so.
I'm sorry for making a deal with the Devil that lead you to turn into that beast.
I'm sorry. I am...
Stop, please. Stop it Leo.
Torture yourself no longer, just fight. Fight for me, for you and for all. It's true that you now hold the key to prevent another tragedy and I'm sure you'll manage to do so.
Somehow, I feel that I won't make it. That I won't be able to see you conquer and win. Therefore, I may confess: my need for you has appeared a long time ago, way before everyone's need after they discovered the truth behind that tragedy one hundred years ago. I have needed you in my life - not just your company and scarce talk, but your presence. "Leo"s presence. I've needed it like I've never needed anyone else's, in a way that I never did before.
That's why I ask, could you please stay? Are you able to do so? I don't care what you've done or what sins you have committed. I care not for it, I wish not hear about it.
Stay and stop looking at me like that. I'm okay, you know? Even though I will not heal. I'm okay, if I don't remember myself that I won't be capable of protecting and shield you again. You know, I can leave everything behind, but don't make me recall that one thing or I'll lose it. Don't remind me that I'm about to leave you behind. I don't want to do that.
I don't want you -me- to be alone again.
Then just stay, Leo. I order you, just stay.
I didn't want to be your shadow.
I wanted you to notice me, to acknowledge me. Because of if, my newly born aim was that of making myself an individual instead of a shadow. In order to do so, I needed to develop a personality, discover interests and cultivate dreams (or at least hopes).
I have grown a lot since those times in the House of Fianna. I am not a shadow anymore. I stopped being since you needed to trust someone. To see if I was worth of such trust, I needed to become someone, since one cannot trust stuff that does not exist or that has not any "form". I felt so much pride once I understoosd you had decided to rely on me! I could now work and, someday, I would be able to be a reliable Servant.
My existece appeared and stayed there permanently. Stayed there, stayed here.
I'm here, can't you see me? -Can't you feel me?-
I've always been and always will be, so don't leave me. Don't go anywhere.
Don't go and, most of all, forgive me.
Forgive my ugly and soiled self, since I am always loyal only to you. Forgive me for still being useless at the crucial moments, forgive me for being a coward and fail you at me most difficult times. Forgive me. Forgive me and - I beg - concieve me with your endless benevolence another chance. I promise I'll make it up to you and do everything as I should this time. I won't let you get hurt. Never, ever again.
Therefore, just forgive me for turning you into "that" because of my selfishness. I know how horrific it was. I'm aware of my cold cruelty that obliged you to keep on living. I know… I know but I just couldn't… I couldn't...
I wouldn't be able to stand without you.
What have you done, Leo? You can tell me, I'll do anything I can to support you. I'll listen to you and I'll even make the hugest effort to speak my damn last kind word. Did you know I'm saving them for you? I regret that I won't be able to keep on doing my duty of standing tall besides you – I did it so gladly in the Past. I would keep on doing it forever if I was allowed to… even though you're a stupid servant.
But I feel it in my veins and my flesh. I feel it. -Time is running out-.
So, I have a request – a demand. Do that awkward, tiny smile of yours, the one that makes you tilt your head. I feel the waves in my chest agitate when I see it. Your contained and weak joy; your shy and modest sample of happiness. It makes me want to give you all of it and much, much more. I'd like to feel like that once more. It'd be nice.
It would fulfill me.
Did you know that I appreciate you this much? Have you ever considered how important you are to me? I wish I was able to say it, to tell and show you how vital you are. I'd like you to know it. You're so worth of it, so cunning and intelligent… I think those were the main things that made you reach me. Our loyal and wild fights. Our tough, sincere and thorny arguments.
You reached me and touched me without any movement or skin. You made me dependent of something I could never, ever possess.
I am not complaining. In fact, I don't mind it, as long as we're close to each other.
-As long as I can feel you.-
So do not leave me now, Leo. Please, don't ever, ever leave me, Elliot.