You plus Me equals?

Fandom: Kuroko no Basuke

Rating: T/Pg-15

Genre: Humor/Romance

Pairing: Kagami/Kuroko, implied GoM/Kuroko and other side pairings

Summary: In which Kuroko is forced to cross-dress, Kagami becomes an unwilling Prince, and the others crack at the hilarity. GoM is trying to sabotage the event much to their respective partners' chagrin. It's Seirin Cultural Festival and its craziness in one package.

Disclaimer: Kuroko no Basuke and its characters belong to Tadatoshi Fujimaki. Luna only plays with the characters and no profit is made from this fan fiction.

Warning: shounen ai, slight oOC-ness, language, possible spelling mistakes and grammar errors, craziness of high school boys *lol*

A/N: I know it's crazy, but I'm in the mood to laugh anyway *shrugs* More love for Kaga/Kuro. I can't get enough of this hilarious pair~

Chapter 1: The Casting and The Misunderstanding

Seirin High was a new built high school. It was only two years in the matter of age. But of course, even if this school was new, they had a lot of events to advertise their school facility to the potential candidate of the new students in spring. One of those events was of course... a school festival.

Thus, as for the school policy, it was mandatory for all the students to participate in the open school festival that was held twice a year: a sport festival in autumn and a cultural festival in spring.

This year spring was no different. A cultural festival was planned out for three days at the end of the season and every class from the first to the third year had to present something to enliven the annual event.

In 2-B class, at this moment, at the end of the day, a very cranky Kagami Taiga was sulking and muttering curses as the girls in his class were ganging up on him.

"It's decided, Kagami Taiga. You will become a prince." The 2-B class leader, a very willful teenage girl with wavy shoulder-length black hair and a pair of sharp dark-grey eyes behind the oval-shaped glasses, smirked at the cornered Tiger who narrowed his ruby colored eyes at her back in annoyance.

"This is coercion! I said I don't want to!" Kagami protested angrily, but that didn't seem to deter Sasaki's spirit from exploiting him.

"Ha, it's your own fault for falling asleep in the middle of our class meeting to decide what we will do in this upcoming spring cultural festival," Sasaki, the class-leader, said, smirking more widely. "And Kuroko-kun had tried to wake you up five times already. You are just so hopeless," she huffed after that, looking down on the taller and bigger redhead.

Kagami glanced slightly at Kuroko who didn't seem to pay any attention to them because he was reading a novel book at that moment. The red-head muttered some more curses in undertone, especially at Kuroko for not trying harder to wake him up earlier that he landed onto this mess, before he turned back to face Sasaki and her underlings (meaning the other class representatives).

"Why is it me of all people? I can't even study right, let alone memorizing dialogues for a fucking play!" Kagami complained some more indignantly.

"Of course, that will be a problem, but Kuroko-kun will help you from the shadow," Sasaki was smiling, a very sickeningly sweet smile that created a sense of foreboding, especially for Kagami at the present.

Kagami squeaked in response and Kuroko's ears perked slightly as he closed his book. "That did not come up in the meeting earlier." The teal haired boy said before he turned to face Sasaki as well, a glint of uncertainty in his sky-blue eyes even though he was expressionless as usual.

"Well, it can't be helped. Kagami-kun is an idiot after all," another girl in short, light-brown hair and dark-brown eyes, in the name of Ayasaki, piped in. She was the vice-leader in 2-B, an equally annoying girl with bigger ego than even the so ever proud Sasaki.

"True~, and just to ensure that the idiot doesn't ruin our play, Kuroko-kun will support him~," Sasaki grinned. The other one chuckled at the obvious misery in Kagami's pale face, and Kagami could almost see the heart at the end of the bespectacled girl's sentence just then.

Sadistic bitch!—Kagami was itching to do something harmful to the girl, but he wouldn't. He wasn't raised to treat girls roughly after all.

"But I already volunteered to help the preparation from behind the stage," Kuroko almost sounded arguing as he said it, at least to Kagami's ears, but it was clear that none of the classmates cared or heard or even noticed his protest.

Kagami felt rather sorry for Kuroko, but he was feeling even sorrier for himself, so he wouldn't say anything.

"Well, then, we'll come up with the script soon!" Sasaki clasped her hands looking satisfied (because she wouldn't hear any objection of her decision), and whirled around to walk back towards her respective place: in front of the class.

"Wait a damn second! You don't have any script yet?! Then why am I chosen to play the prince if we haven't even decided what play we will do in the festival?" Kagami immediately protested again because it wasn't fair to decide one-sidedly like that against his will.

"We already decided the title, you silly!" Sasaki laughed like a queen and she was mocking Kagami with that laugh. Kagami was sure of it.

"That's why you are hopeless, idiotic Kagami-kun," Ayasaki gave him a long helpless, irritated sigh.

"Would you stop calling me idiot?!" of course Kagami yelled at the insult, not even bothering to tone down his loud boisterous voice because it completely fell on deaf ears as the vice-leader continued her words without pause.

"You were sleeping the whole time you didn't even know we already decided a title! We only need our beautiful, talented script-writer and producer, Tamaki-chan, to write her beautiful story and we will surely land the first rank of popular play this year!" Ayasaki then introduced another girl with straight-long dark-chocolate hair, who looked rather shy actually, but she was beaming with passion as well as she spoke.

"I will make you the most charming prince in the play, Kagami-kun!" Tamaki's honey-colored eyes were sparkling and Kagami felt like he wanted to cover his face and squat down in exhaustion (or maybe he actually did, literally).

The girls in 2-B class were crazy. All of them.

"Kuroko! Say something to them, damn it!" Kagami was trying to seek aid from his always quiet shadow, but Kuroko could only shrug at this.

"The girls rule, Kagami-kun. You should have realized it the moment you entered this class," Kuroko's tone was even, but Kagami could have sworn he saw the smaller boy shudder.

Kagami groaned. Kuroko was right to the point. The majority of students in 2-B, after he and Kuroko entered the second year, were female. They were always walking and working in groups, so the male students didn't have any chance to defy or to over-power them when they decided to gang up on them. Worse, they were obnoxious too! They wouldn't stop bothering people until they got what they wanted.

"Alright, I get it!" Kagami gave up, then. It didn't matter if he became a prince. They would know it was a mistake to let him play the part because he surely would fuck up on stage, and they could just wallow in their self-pity for even considering him to do it right in the first place.

"NICE!" All the girls (even the minions) gave Kagami thumbs up joyfully while the guys (except Kuroko, maybe) offered him condolences because those rabid girls wouldn't let him off the hook if he didn't do it seriously.

Girls could be very scary when they were upset after all.

Kuroko just gave out a long sigh at this, honestly, he looked rather troubled.

"What is it?" Kagami noticed, of course, and he was curious of why Kuroko would be sighing that noticeably.

"You have not heard the majority of the decisions made in the meeting regarding the players in the drama, Kagami-kun," Kuroko said, pointing at the blackboard.

"Huh?" Kagami turned his gaze, following Kuroko's pointer finger to the blackboard.

There were some notes on the blackboard. Point one, the drama title: "Doll Princess"; point two, the main characters, Prince: "Kagami Taiga"; point three, to spice up the drama, unusual players: all males, etc…

…

…

"WHAT?!" Upon digesting the information on the blackboard, Kagami couldn't help screeching in total shock and mortification.

"What is it now, Kagami-kun?" Sasaki threw an irritated glare at Kagami for being so loud all of sudden, surprising the others.

"Hold on! What the heck!? All the players are MALE?!" Of course that was the problem, because "The title is a fucking 'Doll Princess'! Princess! Shouldn't there be at least a girl to fill up that role in there?!"

"Like we said before, it's to spice up the drama. It's a love-comedy of 'a doll that falls in love with a prince'. It will be boring if we have the usual boy-girl relationship, so as the genius from Drama Club of Seirin, I decide to use the all male players to spice things up!" Sasaki laughed again haughtily and the other (male) students' sweat dropped at that (except maybe Kuroko. Jeez, he was so hard to read as usual), while the other girls squealed in delight complimenting Sasaki's brilliant idea.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me! So you expect me to be lovey-dovey on the stage with a guy in front of the whole school?! Are you insane?!" Kagami exploded; face in a dark shade of red, totally horrified.

"What are you talking about? It's a drama. It's common to use a male actor to play a woman's role," Ayasaki frowned, huffing at Kagami in visible annoyance now.

"But—!" Kagami was still protesting.

"No buts! Or what, are you that kind of guy… the homo-phobic kind?" Sasaki jabbed Kagami's chest with her index finger now, as if she was daring him to protest further.

"That's NOT it! It's the humiliation, you—!" Kagami muttered curses under his breath again, not wanting to hurt the girls' delicate (ha, as if!) feelings. "Think about the guy who has to wear a skirt for your amusement! He will become the entire school laughing stock!" He was seriously angry now. Really, those girls were mean bitches!

The class fell into silence after the outburst and every single pair of eyes was focused on Kagami now. Kagami grew antsy as the dumbstruck gazes were still on him even after a minute or two passed.

"What?!" Kagami barked at them, feeling very uncomfortable.

"Kagami-kun… your speech just now was so prince-like…!" The girls immediately swooned at him and Kagami had the sudden urge to bolt from the scary –overly affectionate- eyes that were on him.

"What the heck are you saying?!" Kagami yelled again, exasperated to the max, flushing furiously as tell-tale of Goosebumps prickled on his skin.

"Well, for Kagami to think about us to that extent is surprising…" Some boys chuckled slightly.

"I think if it's with Kagami, it will be worth it to play the princess part," some other joked and Kagami recoiled at the thought of getting affectionate with another guy on stage again.

"Can you stop being so gross!?" Kagami shouted more loudly, face as red as ripe tomatoes while the other were laughing fondly at him for being so cute.

"Oh, man, Kagami…! You are adorable!" One of the guys whistled and Kagami turned even redder at that as the others laughed harder.

"Shut up!" Kagami just couldn't help feeling so embarrassed. He should just shut his overly big mouth up so he could spare himself some dignity.

Sasaki was still giggling madly as she said, "Don't worry, Kagami-kun. We will pick a guy that's small and slender enough to fit the girl's clothes that no one will know that he's a guy at all. How does that sound?"

"Aah? But there's no guy like that in our class," one of the guys said.

"Of course there is," Ayasaki smirked, her dark-brown eyes glinting mischievously.

"Who…?"

The male students all immediately looked at each other simultaneously, trying to measure if they could fit enough for the role, and they would have missed him if only he wasn't trying to sneak out of the class.

A hand gripped at his collar as he was pulled back inside. Tamaki was smiling at the teal haired boy who could only set his deadpanned look even though Kagami could imagine the boy to be wincing inwardly.

"I think Kuroko-kun can pass wearing a girl's clothes without giving away that he's a guy," Tamaki giggled heartily.

"Oh! That's right! There's Kuroko!"

"Man, almost forgot that he's here!"

"Yeah, yeah, if it's Kuroko, I think he's slender enough to fit girl's clothes!"

"Huh, we have that kind of guy in our class?"

"Moron! He's been with us since the beginning!"

"Well, he always has so little presence, though…"

"Yes, people won't notice him there on stage at all…"

"He can definitely play the princess' part without attracting too much attention…"

Kagami was sweating bullets as he heard the comments came one after another (and sometimes together) from the guys. Those bastards were throwing Kuroko to the wolf's den to save themselves!

"It will be awesome! Kuroko-kun will be so cute in light-blue long dress!" Ayasaki squealed again as her pupils turned into heart-shape.

"So true~," Sasaki nodded eagerly while fawning and Tamaki gave another giggle happily.

"But isn't he supposed to help me with my dialogues from the shadow?" Kagami tried to save his friend from the impending doom and humiliation to be forced into wearing girl's clothes.

As hilarious as that view would be, Kagami wasn't heartless enough to let Kuroko be humiliated in front of the entire school.

"That's why! Since Kuroko-kun will the 'Doll Princess', he will be on stage the whole time as the doll! So he can help you without being detected from his spot if you forget any dialogue!" Sasaki lifted another thumb at Kagami with a total confidence in her tone and eyes.

Kagami groaned again because he couldn't make excuses anymore. "You must have decided it from the start that he'd get that role, mustn't you?!" He accused, totally able to read the girl's intention.

"What are you talking about? It's just decided!" Of course Sasaki blinked at him several times, fake smile and evil laugh escaping from her mouth. Damn witch!

Kuroko, on the other hand, hadn't said a damn thing since the girls one-sidedly (again) decided that the smaller boy would be the leading actor for the other main role. The secretary (also a girl) immediately wrote down on her notes and added the writing on the blackboard for point two, the main characters, Prince: "Kagami Taiga", Doll Princess: "Kuroko Tetsuya."

Then, the girls cheered wholeheartedly in total unison. Even some of the guys cheered because they were off the hook from playing the princess' role. The rest seemed to have enough decency to look sheepish and guilty for their friends' misfortune.

"Kagami-kun."

Kagami yelped as he heard the sudden voice of his quiet friend who, at some points, had escaped from Tamaki –who currently was talking animatedly with Ayasaki and Sasaki– and already stood beside the redhead at that moment.

"W-wha—?! When did you get here?!" Kagami couldn't help yelling at Kuroko for surprising him like that.

"I am a bit peeved," Kuroko said, tonelessly as always (and not bothering to answer Kagami this time), but the redhead could see a tick of annoyance on the bluenette's temple.

"I know. Tell me about it," Kagami groaned more as he thought they wouldn't be able to get away from this predicament.

"This is entirely you fault," Kuroko said again.

"I kn—WHAT?!" Kagami snapped as he heard that. "How on earth is it MY fault?!"

Kuroko huffed. "I honestly hate you right now."

That line had just turned into a very sharp arrow and stabbed Kagami point blank, figuratively, of course, but it might as well be a real arrow because it hurt nonetheless.

"WHY?!" of course, Kagami felt the need to protest hard at that sudden exclamation of hatred, out of nowhere. He even tried to save Kuroko from that girly role, damn it!

Kuroko fixed his gaze on the blackboard, stubbornly refusing to look at Kagami and maybe it was only Kagami's imagination but his cheeks were rather pink, slightly… almost unnoticeable, but the hue taint was there.

Kagami blinked slightly in surprise as the thought that Kuroko was probably very embarrassed… or was that happiness?—fleeted inside his mind. But, damn his shadow for being so hard to read!

Well, at least Kagami knew Kuroko didn't mean his words even though it was clear that the shorter boy was pissed off.

Anyway, the meeting progressed from there as everyone (and he meant everyone, including him even though he did nothing but complain all the times) talked about the other roles and who would do what. In the end it was decided that all the males got roles on stage while the girls would be working on the costumes and properties.

"Okay, turns out, Tamaki's script is half-way done." Sasaki informed the others while giving the black haired girl a 'Good Job!' gesture. "She will finish it tonight so you guys better be ready to receive the copies tomorrow. Then we will give you a week to practice and memorize your dialogues before we will practice the scene in auditorium," she continued after everything was concluded.

"You've got to be joking! A week?!" Kagami protested again for the umpteenth time, because there was NO WAY would he be able to do that between classes and basketball practice.

But as always, Kagami's protest was futile because Ayasaki just smiled sweetly at him and then said, "Shut your hole and take it up like a man, sissy."

"Gaaaaah! That girl is super annoying! Who does she think she is?!" Kagami was yelling and cursing obscenities that Kuroko had to pull him out of class to stop the ruckus.

A few minutes after the meeting was dismissed and everyone was on their way home… or to do any other club activities….

Kuroko still wasn't talking to Kagami and it was getting in Kagami's nerves because Kuroko was also still following the redhead from behind. He couldn't just ignore the guy because of what happened earlier in class.

"Hey, are you still sulking?" Kagami had had enough of the silent treatment and grunted at the boy, turning his head to face Kuroko.

"I am certainly not sulking," Kuroko replied flatly, not stopping his steps and walking past Kagami who immediately walked again to follow.

"Liar! Then why don't you face this way?" Kagami scoffed.

Kuroko was silent at that.

Kagami grumbled. "Come on. It wasn't my fault that you were picked as a princess! I don't even want to be the prince!"

"…-tention…"

"What?" Kagami didn't hear what Kuroko was saying and the boy still wasn't facing him.

Kuroko straightened his body and took a deep breath before he turned around to look at Kagami in the eyes. "It was because Kagami-kun easily catches everyone's attention that those girls want you to become the prince. You are the tallest in our class and boisterous too boot. Moreover, they shouldn't have noticed me at all, but because I am a very much opposite of you, they somehow find us fascinating to be together, so they decide to pair us up from the start," he explained then, still emotionless and toneless, but there was a certain edge in his voice that Kagami didn't understand.

Kagami blinked once before huffing. "So what, it's not like we're really together."

"That's the point. They thought we are," Kuroko pointed out.

…

…

"WHAT?!" after a long silence, Kagami screeched again, totally shocked at that revelation.

Kuroko could only cover his face with his palm, seeming slightly exasperated for once.

End of Chapter 1

Tbc...

A/N: *lol* yes, I want to make something funny once in awhile. This will be Kaga/Kuro (somewhat in funny way), but it's more to everyone's opinion that they are a couple instead of themselves admitting it *grins* And yes, there will be GoM as well, getting the wrong idea *rotfl* Can't wait to create funny scenes later on~

Con-crits are always expected as usual! XDDD

P.s. Will be working on Signal and this one for the moment! *hearts*