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A/N: You will not be able to look at bananas and fezzes the same again. This is madness written by two very hyper college students. me and my friend.

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Once upon a time there was a mad old man in a blue box.

Fortunately:

His insanity isn't contagious.

Unfortunately:

He was allowed to roam the universe resulting in a lot of explosions.

Fortunately:

Time can be rewritten.

Unfortunately:

It can only be rewritten so many times before bad things happen.

Fortunately:

He was nowhere near the limit of bad things happening.

Unfortunately:

This is The Doctor we're talking about. Bad things always happen.

Fortunately:

He always carries a banana with him. Bananas are cool. Bananas make everything all better.

Unfortunately:

His banana was caught in the middle of a nuclear war. Radiation and bananas don't mix.

Fortunately:

The Banana was contained in the safe confines of the TARDIS.

Unfortunately:

The Banana in question can now drive the TARDIS thanks to its new super powers it got because it was exposed to radiation.

Fortunately:

The Doctor disabled the Banana with his spinning bow-tie.

Unfortunately:

Before The Doctor disabled it the banana stole his fez!

Fortunately:

He got his fez back which was relatively unharmed from its horrific ordeal.

Unfortunately:

When the banana touched the fez it transferred all its powers to the fez. Now The Doctor had a talking, evil genius of a fez.

Fortunately:

The Doctor had always wanted a talking fez. They are the best kind of fezzes.

Unfortunately:

They didn't always get on.

Fortunately:

They went to the universal fez convention and worked out all their 'differences '.

Unfortunately:

The fez got incredibly sick and had to go to a hospital specially designed for fezzes.

Fortunately:

The Doctor never left her side. Not for one tiny moment. He loved his fez and was deeply upset about her being ill.

Unfortunately:

His fez passed away that night. The doctor never gave her a name.

Fortunately:

Before passing away his fez had given birth to his child. He now has a beautiful baby boy fez.

Unfortunately:

His child ran away to live in hat land.

Fortunately:

They still stay in contact. He visits every year on his child's birthday.

Unfortunately:

His timing is horrific. Don't let the title ' Timelord ' fool you.

Fortunately:

He gets Christmas right every year. Christmas is The Doctor's favourite time of year and wouldn't miss it for the world.

Unfortunately:

He never knows what presents to buy his child as he is a fez, and he's not sure what fezzes like.

Fortunately:

He's best friends with a Stetson. Stetsons are cool. They know what to buy as they are hats themselves.

Unfortunately:

River shot his Stetson so now he has no one to give him opinions in what his fez love child would like for Christmas.

Fortunately:

All his son wanted for Christmas was to be given a name.

Unfortunately:

The Doctor is rubbish at choosing names. Havelock? Havelock the Fez. Hmmm maybe not the best idea.

Fortunately:

His son gave him an idea of what he wanted to be called.

Unfortunately:

The Doctor didn't listen. In one ear and out the other. Isn't that the saying?

Fortunately:

He wrote it down and put it in The Doctor's pocket.

Unfortunately:

The Doctor didn't find it until Christmas day.

Fortunately:

He named his son Leonardo and his son loved it, and gave him the biggest fez hug imaginable.

So if you ever see a crazy, floppy haired man wearing a fez. Don't be rude and say hello to The Doctor and his son Leonardo for me.