This is the fic I wrote of the BigBangBigBang 2012 for Livejournal. The critera were that it had to be at least 15k in length, have a beginning, middle, and end, and include at least one main character from Big Bang Theory. A big thanks to The Queen of Double Standards for being my beta and to kymericl (Angela) for being my artist. :) Hope you all enjoy the fic, I'm still not entirely happy with it, but it's the best I could do with it.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
The five held their breaths, watching in silence as Sheldon stood over the coffee table, arms folded across his chest. His eyebrows were narrowed in concentration and at times he'd move his jaw to the side, but still he didn't speak. Only Amy didn't seem bothered by the wrath her boyfriend would potentially unleash in a matter of seconds. She simply glanced around the room, raising an eyebrow at the anxious expressions on her friends' faces.
Finally, Sheldon spoke. "Who touched my-"
"Amy! Amy did it!" the group cried out defensively, averting their gazes and trying to disassociate themselves from the neurobiologist.
"Oh," Sheldon said simply, giving a small shrug before sitting down. He turned to Amy and smiled. "Enjoy."
Leonard's eyes widened in shock and next to him Penny's jaw dropped. Howard, Bernadette, and Raj had similar reactions, the only noise breaking the silence being the sound of Raj's fish slipping from his fork and onto his plate.
"...I'm sorry, what?" Penny asked, doing a slight double take.
"I'm allowed to have his onion ring," Amy said, taking a bite of the aforementioned piece of food.
"But...you touched food...on his plate!" Penny protested, pointing to Sheldon's plate as if that would demonstrate the true seriousness of the situation.
Sheldon and Amy slowly nodded their heads in unison, seemingly confused by everyone's apparent shock.
"Relationship agreement section eight," said Sheldon.
"Each couple member is allotted one piece of food from the other couple member's plate," Amy explained.
"Provided that the sharing does not involve the sharing of utensils."
"And provided that the food is not liquid."
Penny frowned. "So, no strike?"
The theoretical physicist shook his head. "No strike."
The waitress shook her head, unsure of whether to think that was really cute or really annoying considering the neighbour war her onion ring fiasco had started.
"Alright," said Sheldon. "I feel as though we've fixated on that long enough. Anyone willing to offer up a new topic of conversation? If not, I have my one hundred alphabetized conversation topics ready at hand."
"Well, Howard and I are planning on seeing that new romantic comedy after dinner," Bernadette began.
"No? No, one?" Sheldon asked, as though he hadn't heard the microbiologist. "Alright, I'll get out my conversation cards." He began digging through his pocket until he pulled out a stack of cue cards.
"Was that my fault?" Bernadette whispered, looking up at Howard who sat on the arm of the white chair.
"No," he said. "When a man has a relationship agreement and alphabetized conversation cards, it's always his fault."
The group ended up discussing the importance of getting vaccinated come flu season, a topic of conversation that most regretted picking by dinner's end. They'd learned their lesson, though: the boring topics were always the better choice going up against the potentially frightening ones.
"We should've just gone with artichoke," Leonard muttered to Penny before standing up to begin clearing the plates off of the coffee table.
"Don't worry, we'll save it for next time," Sheldon said brightly, neatly stacking his cards together before putting them back in his pocket.
"Yay," Penny said as she leaned back against the couch, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Well," Howard said, getting to his feet and rubbing his hands together. "Bernadette and I should probably go if we're going to make that movie."
Raj stood up along with the married couple and moved to whisper something to the engineer.
Howard sighed. "Fine, you can come. But this is the last time!" Frowning, the astrophysicist whispered to him again. "Yes, I know I say that every time, but this time, I mean it!"
"I'm going to head out, too," Amy informed them. "I've got an alcoholic monkey at home who's two days sober, and if I don't get back soon, he'll start watching Jersey Shore and throw a fit at being exposed to all the alcohol induced frivolity." She turned to grin at Penny. "You should come meet him sometime, you'd probably hit it off."
The waitress smiled good naturedly at her friend as the neurobiologist followed the majority of the group to the door, then did a slight double take and frowned in confusion. Fortunately, her ponderings over Amy's comment dissipated when Leonard returned to the couch. They smiled at each other and he took up his seat next to her, slipping an arm around her shoulders.
"You going to stay here tonight?" he asked, lightly running his fingers up and down the side of her arm.
Penny grinned, leaning into his chest. "I might as well, seeing as I'm kind of in love with the glasses-wearing physicist that lives here."
Leonard chuckled. "If you hadn't said glasses-wearing, I would've been worried."
"Well, I did, so take the compliment and shut up," she said, playfully rolling her eyes at him. He grinned and planted a kiss on her forehead.
Sheldon, who had remained oddly silent during the couple's public display of affection, spoke up. "Before the two of you begin planning your amorous activities for the evening, you might want to rethink your choice of location."
Penny frowned and glanced up at Leonard, but her boyfriend looked equally perplexed. "Why is that?"
"Over the course of the past three weeks, Penny has spent a total of nine nights in this apartment," Sheldon explained, rising from his spot and heading over to his desk. "If the two of you plan on spending the night here this evening, then, according to the roommate agreement" – he lifted said document from its home on his desk – "Penny would officially be living with us."
Penny raised an eyebrow. "What?"
The theoretical physicist returned to the couch, holding open the agreement so the two could see. "It's says right here, "A girlfriend shall be deemed 'living with' Leonard when she has stayed over for B" – he tapped the appropriate section with his index finger – "more than nine nights in a three week period"."
"Sheldon," said Penny, struggling to find the right words. "That – that does not mean we're living together."
"According to this it does."
"Sheldon, spending a certain number of nights in someone's apartment does not constitute cohabitation," Leonard said. "There are other factors that have to be accounted for."
"Factors such as eating two out of the three major meals of the day here, brushing ones teeth here, showering here, and leaving numerous articles of clothing here? Because you've done all of those, as well."
Leonard and Penny glanced at each other. It was true, they had been doing all of those things, but they hadn't considered them to be that big of a deal; they certainly wouldn't have classified themselves as living together because of it.
"So," said Penny. "I'm not allowed to stay here tonight without having to sign some ridiculous roommate agreement?"
The theoretical physicist nodded. "That is correct. And the roommate agreement is not ridiculous, it's organized and effective."
"Sure, sure," she said dismissively, getting to her feet. She grabbed Leonard's hand and began dragging him towards the door. "Come on, my apartment."
"A wise choice," Sheldon commended.
"Bite me!" Penny called over her shoulder, only half playfully.
The couple headed across the hall and then entered Penny's bedroom, closing the door behind them.
"Sorry about that," Leonard said, shrugging off his jacket and hoodie.
"Eh, don't worry about it." She sat on the edge of her bed and gave him a mischievous grin, raising an eyebrow suggestively. "We have more important things to think about right now."
"Yeah?" Leonard asked. He had a perfectly innocent smile on his face, completely oblivious to the mood she was trying to create.
Penny giggled, shaking her head in amusement. She then leaned forward and grabbed her boyfriend by his shirt, pulling him down so he rested on top of her, their foreheads and noses touching.
"Ohhhhh," Leonard said, grinning in realization. Penny grinned back, pushing her nose up against his before kissing him.
Thoughts of what Sheldon had said left the couple's minds as they took things further. Even when it was over and they were snuggled up together for the night, completely immersed in the cuddling, no lingering thoughts of the two of them living together remained. It was only when Penny briefly opened her eyes to plant a kiss on Leonard's cheek and she noticed that neither of her robes were hanging on her bathroom door that they returned. That was a little odd; usually she kept one in her apartment and one in 4A. Evidently both were in Leonard's room. It wasn't that big of a deal, really. She had been spending a lot more nights with Leonard, like Sheldon had pointed out...but that didn't mean they were living together.
According to the roommate agreement, that's what it means... Penny frowned slightly. But that was just the roommate agreement; it had clauses that accounted for zombies and superpowers, it couldn't be that realistic. It certainly couldn't dictate whether or not she and Leonard were ready to start living together... Of course that thought brought up a plethora of new questions she was a little too tired to think about. Still, as she concentrated on Leonard's breathing in an attempt to lull herself to sleep, she couldn't quell the questions that were now burning in her mind.
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