Authors note: READ!
Me-you're all going to hate me but this chapter's a filler and has nothing to really do with the story!
Ciel-we already hate you.
Me- shush Ciel! I decided all your ideas were so wonderful I would incorporated them into their own chapter.
Ciel-I though you said you were only going to pick one!
Ciel- oh...boy *face palm*
(This is pure crack so everyone's out of character the story shall resume next chapter!)
Ciel was out walking one bright sunny magical ranbowish day when all of a sudden a crack of pink glittery smoke exploded in front of him with the sound of screaming ducks.
"What the hell?" Ciel said stumbling back from the popcorn smelling cloud.
"He he he young earl. I'm here to kidnap you!" the Undertaker cried mysteriously from within his cloud of ninja smoke.
"AHH! SEBASTIAN RAPE!" Ciel yelled as he was pulled into the pink cloud by the Undertakers long nailed fingers.
"Rape? My young master? I must save him!" Sebastian yelled from the random kitchen of doom. Donning his stripper boots he prepared for a dramatic rescue…or not?
"…If I leave…my rainbow muffins will burn!…meh it can wait." Sebastian said sitting back in his chair like a boss.
"NO! STOP PLEASE! IT'S TOO MUCH! AHHH!" Ciel struggled helplessly against the horrible tightening bonds that held him to the chair.
"If you don't move so much young earl it won't be so painful…he he he this is the best part." The Undertaker said with his bowl of purple popcorn. The dreaded TV crackled loudly in front of poor Ciel whose head was forced to look at the horror playing across the screen.
"But, but Jared I love you… I love you more than your superstar long lost brother! Why can't you see that?"
"Mary we can never be together! For I am in love with your cat! And we will get married and have kitty babies and grow corn in China!"
"But Jared! My cat is actually married to your twin sister's clone! You can never be together!"
"NO! JARED! Can't you see MARY loves you more than the cat! WHYYY?" Ciel yelled loudly from his seat and began to cry and scream like a psychopath at the drama displayed on the TV.
"For no apparent reason I shall now put a shock collar on you! IT'S GOT GLITTER!" Undertaker said throwing a random beeping glue and glitter covered shock collar around Ciel's neck.
"I shall now press the red button He He He!" the Undertaker yelled dramatically puling from under his flowing robes a remote with two buttons, neither of which was red.
"NO MODERN TECHNOLOGY YOU HAVE FAILED ME!" the Undertaker said throwing the remote at Ciel's head and knocking him out.
"Oh noes!" The Undertaker yelled before kicking Ciel's body still tied to a chair into a coffin and dropping it down a random chimney
Inside the chimney house…
"So Alois how did you like the Twilight series?" Grell asked Alois who was sitting in an armchair across from him.
"Well…it was a very pleasant read I loved the part when-" Alois eyes darted to the coffee table which held a giant pot of Starbucks Espresso coffee.
"Is that…coffee?" Now as Alois said coffee his eyes grew three times their size and donned a psychopathic look.
"Why yes. Yes it is." Grell said proudly making his death pose for no other reason than the Author said he did.
"Would you like some? I here it is very popular amongst the reviews." Grell said handing over the SeaWorld themed coffee pot which Alois promptly drank in 4.7808420940385 seconds. In a flash of rainbow polka dots and a fire explosion big enough to rival a volcano with massive energy pulsing around him Alois sat down in his chair and began to read the Harry Potter series.
"Very interesting…" Alois hummed to himself ignoring the giant coffin that tumbled down the chimney and into the room.
"ZOMBIE APPOCOLYPSE 2012!" Grell screamed in terror when the lid opened and out came Ciel wearing a glamorous Elizabeth approved gown and a glittering shock collar.
"DIE ZOMBIE!" Grell yelled cutting up Claude with his death scythe. Now you might not have known this but Claude had been there the entire time and had been hiding under a purple lampshade.
"NO MY LAMPSHADE!" Claude yelled as he exploded in a blast of pistachio pudding which Pluto began to eat because obviously he was there too. He had been smoking drugs in the back room with Lau.
"HEY Ciel HI HI HI!" Alois screamed the caffeine finally taking hold of him and sending him running into the kitchen to make a banana sandwich.
"Ciel what a lovely shock collar you have!" Alois commented when he couldn't find any bananas to make his sandwich.
"It tickles!" Ciel twitched as he gave a forced smile to the mess in front of him.
"That sounds like fun! Let's go set London on fire now!" Alois said pulling a flamethrower out from his back pocket.
"But we already did that!" Ciel whined trying to get the shock collar off of his neck.
"AHHHHHHHHH! SEBBYYY!" Grell yelled turning to see the masked figure in the window.
"IT IS I! SUPER STRIPPER! I HAVE COME TO SAVE YOU YOUNG MASTER!" Everyone including Claude who was whole again turned to see Super Stripper crash through the window with a kick from his mighty Stripper boot of DOOM!
"AHH CAFEINE! Alois yelled/Screamed attacking Super Stripper with pots of Coffee looking a little crazed in the eye but he always looked that way so no one really noticed that much.
"Mary! I never cheated on you with you twice removed cousins toy poodle why cant you see that!"
"Oh I don't know Jared maybe because your twin brothers lost evil clone told me!" Grell and the rest of the room including Lau who was still smoking drugs sat on the couch and began to watch the soap opera completely oblivious to the face Super Stripper clearly had the upper hand against Caffeine…something.
"You shall never defeat me Super Stripper! I call on the mighty power of THOR NORSE GOD OF THUNDER!"
In the Authors bedroom…
"I'm sorry ma'am that's copy right information you need to think of something more original."
"Pokémon are not original ma'am."
"Hang on hang on… I'll think of something…"
Back to the story…
"You shall never defeat me Super Stripper! I call on the mighty power of BUTTERMILK PANCAKES!" Alois cried out shooting lasers from his eyes in the shape of pancakes.
"NO MY ONE WEAKNESS!" Super Stripper cried out falling to the floor.
"So…so horribly made…you call that culinary?" Super stripper whispered as he passed out and Agni and Soma jumped through the previously fixed during commercial break window.
"Culinary? Let us battle!" Agni yelled waving around his mighty fist of doomyness and smashing the once again magically fixed window.
"TO THE DEATH WITH YOU!" Super Stripper yelled turning into his alter alter ego Awesome Cook Man.
Agni and Awesome Cook Man ran into the kitchen to have a culinary battle TO THE DEATH!
"WHAT ABOUT ME!" Alois yelled loudly and began to cry and sing Usher songs.
"So…Ciel, want to play Monopoly?" Soma asked pulling Monopoly Scooby Doo addition from under the folds of his skinny jeans.
"Sure!" Ciel answered twitching when electricity went through his body again and sat down to play Monopoly Scooby Doo version.
"MARY! Your mother's sister in law is divorcing her 50 pound rock to be with my little bother's goldfish!"
"It's horrible Jared! Now who shall I call when I want gossip on all the coolest rocks in the yard?"
"Why don't you ask your BEST FRIENDS DIVORCED TWICE REMOVED ROBOT COUSIN?"
"NOO! JARED WAS A ROBOT THE ENTIRE TIME!" Claude yelled as his mind got warped and he exploded into Cell flavored pudding.
Alois watched eagerly as Ciel slowly lowered the manuscript back to his desk. His left eye twitched slightly before he looked at the paper again.
"What exactly is this?" He asked shoving the paper back into Alois waiting hand.
"I don't know? The Author told me to write it with her." Alois smiled hugging the wrinkled papers to his chest.
"Were you high on something? Did you but stuff from Lau? I told you not to do that anymore!" Ciel yelled standing up and smacking Alois over the head with a piece of lose leaf paper.
"WHA! The Author told me to do it! She said it was tomorrow's schedule!" Alois yelled running from an angry Ciel who was trying to rip the Paper from his hands.
"AUTHOR QUICK! END THE STORY!" Alois yelled making a quick turn sending Ciel running into a wall.
Me- *covers Ciel's mouth* Hehehe hope you all liked the crack. Next chapter is going to be normal I promise!
Alois-I gots the papers! *holds up papers to Author*
Me- Save these for later hm?
A special Thanks' to:
InvaderPhantom16- Ciel's Shock Collar
AnimeFanGirl99- Ciel not killing Alois
blue stranger- our Elizabeth approved dress
For all their wonderful ideas!