Hi guys! This is the first chapter of my new story, I'll be posting every ten days or so as One More Chance is my priority. I hope you join me in this journey too! I't going to be about 20 chapters so...
HERE WE GO!
SM owns everything.
Sweet Little Angel
Chapter 1: My Never
"My Never" – Blue October
Will you think of me, in time?
It's never my luck, so never mind
I wanna say your name
But the pain starts again
It's never my luck, So never mind
I had a dream that you were with me
It wasn't my fault
You rolled me over, flipped me over
And that doesn't happen to me
I've never been here before
I saw forever in my never
And I stood outside her heaven
Carlisle's inner voice brings me to the present, and I realize I've been still for far too long. I stretch my arms a little in front of me, let out a bored sigh and move my untouched food around with my plastic fork. We are currently sitting in the lunchroom in the hospital Carlisle is working at in Anchorage, he works as a surgeon at the ER and I'm here as a volunteer.
"Is everything alright, son?" Carlisle asks, and even from his thoughts I can hear the concern and worry in them.
I ignore his question, he already knows the answer.
We've been in Alaska for three years… well, my family has been here for three years… I've just recently returned from South America a month ago. That's the reason why instead of passing as a high school boy as the rest of my siblings I'm working at the same hospital as Carlisle as a volunteer and pretending to be in my first year of med school. It was easier to explain I was Carlisle's younger brother than to explain why they suddenly decided to adopt another teenage boy, -I'm claiming to be twenty-two, which I do look like thanks to Alice's magic wardrobe and the fact that I never really looked seventeen- besides, I didn't want to go through high school again… meaningless people, meaningless subjects… I already knew everything and I needed something to occupy my mind with. Not that med school represents a challenge with my huge vampire brain and extensive memory but at least it would hold my attention a little bit.
It would keep my mind off of her for a few hours.
Three years since I left her in those woods, three years without knowing anything about her, three years without seeing her beautiful brown eyes.
Sometimes it's almost impossible to restrain myself from peeking, it could be so easy. Just a quick search on the internet, a quick look at some database or I could just ask Alice. But I have to stay strong I did this for her… I promised her it would be as if I've never existed. I promised I would never interfere with her life again, that I would let her have her human happy life, as it should be no matter what it did to me she deserved to have a life.
A life without a monster.
"He worries me… he's not getting better."
I sigh at Carlisle's worry and he throws me an apologetic look, I shake my head and stand from the table we are sitting at.
"I'm going to get some air." I say under my breath so only Carlisle will hear me.
"I'm sorry Edward… sometimes I can't help my thoughts."
I step out of the hospital and cross the street walking into the woods, as soon as I'm out of sight I break into a run. That's the only thing that seemed to help nowadays, run.
Run away from everything, run away from the pain, the sorrow the regret. From everything that reminded me of her, from my family and their pity, I hate the pity, I did this to myself.
I ran faster.
But I did it for her, if there was a chance that we would work out with us staying together I would have stayed, god help me I would have never left. I wouldn't have lied to her, I wouldn't have hurt her but there wasn't. I could see what my sole existence was doing to her and she deserved better, she wasn't safe with me. Her birthday was proof enough that we couldn't be together, if it wasn't Jasper… then it would be me who would have killed her in the end. It was just a matter of time before I slip.
My mind was already made up before I brought her home after the party Alice had thrown her against her will… and I know she knew something was up, she had been nervous the whole drive, biting her lip until it almost bled. She kept glancing at me while I ignored her but then, she had to ask me for that birthday wish… and I couldn't resist. I couldn't deny her anything, especially when she begged me like that and with all the emotions that were swirling in my chest at the time, the fear and heartbreak of knowing that soon I would be gone… I broke. So I gave it to her… I gave her what she had wished for… in the end, it made everything worse.
I was an idiot… so reckless.
I hated myself so much.
I'm a monster, and not only the kind of monster who killed people. The kind of monster that hurt the people he loved, the kind of monster that makes them suffer and risk their life. And that's when I was a hundred percent sure I had to leave, if what happened with Jasper wasn't an incentive enough then this made it.
I was a monster, a real monster.
So I made all of us leave, against their wishes I made them all leave. Everyone but Rosalie tried to change my mind, even Jasper said he would stay away that it was his fault what had happened and that I shouldn't punish myself… but they didn't know the rest, they didn't know what I did to her. So I didn't listen to them and in the end they only agreed because Alice had said I wouldn't be able to stay away for long, she had said it was stupid and that eventually I would cave in, although that conviction weaved over the years.
I never came back to her.
I asked her to stop looking into her future and thankfully she did. Even if I was dying to know anything about her, it would be best if I didn't know if I didn't see her with another man, if I didn't see her moving on. It would hurt too much.
But I knew she was stubborn, so if in case I made sure she couldn't find me either. I took care of it, I erased all our records. We started new so she couldn't find me, although I knew she wouldn't try to I still did it, not after what I said to her and how I left her in the woods... I saw it in her eyes, how my words worked, how she believed me so easily, how I destroyed her.
"I don't want you anymore."
I shut my eyes closed and my fist impacted with the first thing available. A huge pine flew across the forest and I heard it crash and break another tree in the distance. I pulled at my hair in frustration and let out a loud cry.
I was so cruel… like I said, a real monster.
My mouth tasted foul just remembering those words I had said to her, her whimpers had been like knifes scarring my already dead heart to tiny pieces, her cries twisted my insides and her pleas almost brought me to my knees. I don't know how I gathered the strength not to crumble and beg her forgives for only saying those words.
The words that would haunt me forever.
As if I could ever not want her, as if I could ever not love her.
She was my angel.
I reached the top of a hill minutes later, with the Chugach Mountains far in the horizon, I sat on a rock and closed my eyes so I could see hers. They sparkled, they were bright… and then that light that had been there a second ago vanished. Replacing it with the face she had had that day… when I broke us.
I miss you.
I'm so sorry.
It makes me angry too… how could she have believed me so easily? After all the times I told her I loved her? After everything we went through? How those simple words could break her faith in me? It shouldn't surprise me after what I did to her on her birthday, she had said she was fine… but I wasn't stupid, I could see the pain I had caused her.
I had been so reckless I couldn't believe I had let my emotions get the best of me. Not with her… I should have been careful, but I had been lost in the moment, lost in her, I didn't want to think on what I was about to do to us… so I let go. We let go, it had been the best night of my existence in my hundred and so years… but then, hell fell on me.
I'm a monster.
My cell rings startling me, I check the ID and see Alice's name on the screen.
I ignore it.
I wonder what she decided to do with her life, she probably went back to Arizona, she loved the sun and the warmth there. Or she probably went to live with her mother in Florida, that would make more sense. She probably went to college for a major in English she was so smart and loved to read. I could see her taking a literature class, studying all her favorite authors and poets.
She must have met someone by now.
That thought made me see red and my fingers dug into the huge rock under me. It was irrational I know, I should be happy for her but I couldn't control the jealous monster within me. I couldn't stand the thought of someone else touching her, kissing her, making her blush… helping her up when she tripped.
God, I miss her.
I missed her so much it hurt it shook me to the core of my bones. I missed her so much my dead heart constricted in pain every time I thought of her.
I miss her, I need her.
I love her.
My Bella, my angel.
I miss your eyes… I miss your face, I miss everything, every feeling you woke on me, I was alive. You brought me back to life, you made make me feel like a real man for once instead of the monster I always knew I was.
Just a peek, just a small peek through her window wherever she is just to know she's doing fine… I won't talk to her she won't even know I was there… just… please…
I can't! I promised her I wouldn't interfere with her life anymore. She doesn't belong in my world, she's an angel and I'm just a soulless monster.
My cell rings again and I ignore it as I keep staring at the darkening sky. I can tell is getting late, god only knows how long I've been here sitting all by myself. I probably should have called Carlisle to ask him to excuse me at the hospital but he probably figured out I wouldn't come back as soon as I ran into the woods. He knew me so well.
I hung my head with my palms on my forehead and stared at the ground I caught a glimpse of a small purple flower and I slowly started tearing it apart with my fingers.
Sometimes I wonder if it would have been best if I hadn't even known her at all, but then… I wouldn't have saved her from Tyler's van and she wouldn't be here, and a world without her is pointless, at least my world. That's the only reason I'm still alive, -if that's what I am- because she's somewhere out there. Breathing and making someone's day… like her dad… yeah, she made her dad smile a lot… and her friends, she had her friends… she's probably still friends with Angela Weber even Jessica Stanley. Then, I think of all the moments we shared, our first kiss… the first time I hold her hand, our first date… our first ever. I wouldn't change that for anything in the world, no matter if the pain I feel now is a thousand times worse than the pain I felt when I was changed, I wouldn't trade those few months I had with her for anything. It was better than not knowing her at all.
Do you think of me?
Do you cherish those moments too?
My cell rings again getting the best of me and I let out a growl before taking it out of my pocket and answering with a hiss.
"What!" I spat.
"Edward?! Are you Ok?" A frantic Alice asks taking me by surprise.
"Uhm… yes, I'm fine why wouldn't I be?" My anger falters at her tone.
"It's just… I saw…"
"What Alice? What did you see?"
"Edward?" That was Carlisle "Where are you?"
"Came for a run, I told you. What's going on?"
"I need you to come home, now."
"I'm on my way." I said, already going as fast as my feet would let me "What's the matter?"
"Edward? Please don't do anything stupid." Alice cried taking the phone from Carlisle.
"What?! What are you talking about?"
"You disappeared… please Edward, I know it hurts but… don't do this to us! Think of Bella!"
I winced at the mention of her name.
"Whoa whoa whoa! Hold on a sec… what are you talking about?" I say as I jump over a slope.
"You… you weren't going to Volterra?"
"Why in the hell would I want to go to Volterra?" I ask incredulous. "Alice, I won't provoke the Volturi, we have talked about this… I'm not stupid… that time with James was whole other different scenario."
"Well… then I don't understand… you… you disappeared…" She said confusedly.
"You still can't see me?"
"I don't know… it's all blurry… come home, now. Emmett and Jasper will meet you half way."
"I'm on my way." I say before I end the call.
What the hell?
Three minutes later I hear my brother's thoughts before I even smell them.
"Edward…" Jaspers sighs in relief "you gave us quite a scare, Esme thought you had decided to go to Italy."
I rolled my eyes.
"It never crossed my mind, I swear. I don't know what's going on."
"Where were you?" He asked as he flanked my right.
"Around." I say as Emmett jumps to run to my left.
"The hill again?"
I ignore his question, he already knows the answer.
A few minutes later, my brothers and I jump into the back garden of our huge house at the limits of Anchorage and they all meet us there.
"Edward!" Esme's cries "You scared us! What has gotten into that big brain of yours?" She chastised me at the same time she throws her arms around me.
"I swear I don't know what's going on… I was just around."
"So you are not going to Volterra?" Alice asks looking even more confused when she realizes I'm telling the truth.
"I swear… what did you see Alice?"
"Nothing… I mean, you are there but you are not at the same time… I can't see you that clearly…" She explains with her eyes out of focus.
"Let's all go inside." Carlisle says calmly but I could feel his eyes studying me.
"He seems to be saying the truth… I hope he is…"
"Carlisle, I'm not going to Volterra."
It wouldn't be fair to her… I made her promise she wouldn't do anything reckless, I thought I would do the same.
"Maybe Victoria is coming back…"
"Victoria?" I turn to Jasper.
"It's a possibility… you killed her mate, maybe she's is seeking revenge?"
"No that's not it…" Alice whispers still looking into the future.
"Besides… it's seven of us against just her. She doesn't stand a chance." Emmett adds.
"But what other threat could be out there for him to disappear?" Esme musses worriedly.
"It's not that… I can see now he's not in danger but… agh! Don't know but this is giving me a headache… is that even possible with vampires?" Alice whines as Jaspers rubs her back soothingly.
"Alice… try to see further into the future… can you see him at all?" Carlisle inquires.
"I can see him… but only tiny bits… it's not him making this, something's changing. Someone or something's undecided."
"Keep a close eye… we need to know if he's in danger."
"Of course…" Alice answers slowly, her eyes studying me close.
"Maybe we should call the Denali's, if Edward is in danger it means we won't be enough to help him." Emmett interjects.
"Is not that… this is different, he is there… I just can't see him."
"How do you know he'll be Ok if you can't see him?" Esme asks.
"Because I know… it's something else."
"So there's no threat?"
"Then why can't you see me?" I asked frustrated.
"I don't know!"
"Is… is she in danger?" I ask with my heart on my throat.
"I don't know."
"I'm afraid to look." She thought in spite of herself.
"Look." I urge through greeted teeth.
"Edward… I'm sure she's fine."
"LOOK!" I yell and everyone startles at my sudden outburst.
Alice makes a pained face before closing her eyes and looking into the future and… there she is. Sitting on a rocking chair… looking out of a window, but I frown at what I see… she's pale, thinner than I remember… beautiful as ever but still she looks sick. Her eyes are hollowed and empty… the image breaks me and I fall to my knees.
"What? What did you see?" Esme asks desperately.
"She's alright… although, I think she's sick… she looks thin… and sad."
"But… she's alive, she's there right?" Esme asks with big eyes.
"Yes… she seems Ok…"
"Keep an eye on her." I hear myself say. "I… I want know if she'll be Ok." I say ignoring what I had been debating with myself earlier about peeking.
"Ok." Alice responds softly "But she is there so don't worry."
And with that I go upstairs to my room, blocking all thoughts from my family.
I know the start is a little like One More Chance, but believe is going to be veeery different, for instance... Edward is a vampire ;)
Please let me know what you think!