Find A Light

It was a burning sensation, a ball of fire boiling up in her stomach, tying it in knots before shooting like a racket up to her chest, to burn and squeeze all life out of her heart. Her lungs seemed to constrict, making it impossible for the oxygen she so desperately needed to fight through. She wondered if it was possible to die from this horrible pain eating at her. It sure felt like she was dying in that moment and maybe, she would even welcome death with open arms, but then, her mouth automatically opened up wide, gasping for air, and her lungs took in as much as they could.

A shame, really, dying would have made her happier.

Tears only increased, wetting her cheeks, dripping down onto the destroyed papers and mingling with the blood seeping out of her hand. She flexed her fingers and her nails bit into the cut, causing even more blood to trickle out of the wound. The searing pain that aroused and radiated from the deep cut in her palm up to every one of her fingers and only stopped at the tip of her nails was almost a relief for her. She wanted to hurt, she wanted to be in as much pain as… as she was when that black SUV crashed into her car. Her brain didn't want to imagine what went on in her head that night, she just wanted to suffer as much as she did. The front door opened, she could hear the lock turning, but she didn't turn around from her spot on the floor. She didn't care who it was, it wasn't her, she would never come through that door again. The person behind her stepped in and took a sharp breath, the door quietly clicking shut. Quiet and hesitant footsteps started to approach her trembling form until they stood right next to her. One glance sideways towards the person's shoes was enough for her to know who it was.

He crouched down, his mouth releasing a small sigh. "What happened here?" He didn't get an answer. It was clear what had happened, wasn't it? He only had to take a good look around the apartment, she really didn't think it needed an explanation. "Jade, you're bleeding." Her brother's hand shot out and softly grasped her wrist before Jade could even think about pulling her hand out of his sight. "Sweetheart, what did you do?"

Instead of answering his question, she took a shaky breath and shot him one of her own. "How did you get in here?"

"I got the spare key from the landlord. We were all so worried about you." His eyes wandered down, settling on the ripped papers splayed all around Jade, and his heart clenched when he realized what it was. "You… You shouldn't have ripped these. You two spent so much time on-"

"There won't be a wedding," Jade spat and turned her head towards her brother, shooting him a hard glare, "I don't need them anymore, Aiden." Fresh tears started to trickle out of her eyes as she grabbed two handfuls of the shreds before letting them fall to the floor again. "She's gone," Jade quietly murmured and tiredly looked down at the remains of their wedding preparations, "She's not coming back."

Aiden opened his mouth to comfort his sister but nothing worth saying came to his mind. He wished he was more eloquent, more like their mother who always knew what to say. But most of all he wished that he could somehow turn back time so that his sister's fiancée wouldn't end up in that horrid car crash. With knitted eyebrows Aiden pressed his lips together and for the first time since he stepped into the apartment, he saw how bad Jade really looked: dark rings under her bloodshot eyes, cheeks blotchy with dried tears and her red nose stood out like a shining light in the darkness on Jade's sickly pale skin. Her body shivered a little and Aiden wondered if she was cold, despite that it was a cloudy but pretty warm August day. "Jade, I…" A hesitant hand reached out and descended onto her back, slowly starting to rub up and down. Jade flinched but other than that, she showed no reaction. "You should… eat something. Go take a shower. And I'm pretty sure you didn't sleep the last few days, did you?"

Jade didn't answer him, continuing to stare blankly ahead. "At least get up. Come on," his arm snuck around her body and he hoisted her up to her feet, without any resistance from Jade. "We have to clean that wound up. Don't want you to get an infection, right?"

Again, she stayed silent and with a sigh, Aiden led her over to the sofa, careful not to step on the various things and shards littered on the floor. He glanced down when something red caught his eye: a large shard of glass from a picture frame, Jade's blood lining the edge of it and slowly seeping into the cream colored carpet. At least he knows know why Jade was bleeding. He made a note in his head to remember to try to get the blood out of the carpet later, or even bring it to the cleaner's. His teeth began to nibble at his lip and when he turned back to Jade, his sister sat on the sofa with her eyes fixed on the blank screen of the TV and her cut hand limply lying in her lap. "Okay, um… I'm just going to get the first aid kit. It's in the bathroom, isn't it?"

This time, he at least got a nod out of her. Baby steps, Aiden thought to himself as he quickly walked into the bathroom, snatched the first aid kit out of the cupboard under the sink and almost jogged back into the living room, almost in fear that Jade would do something stupid if she'd be alone for too long. She didn't react much when he bandaged her hand, only wincing a little when the disinfectant came down on her wound.

"So," Aiden spoke after a long silence, "did you eat something today? I could cook something for the two of us."

Aiden actually didn't expect an answer, but to his surprise, Jade's croaky voice cut through the quiet living room in a quick response. "Not hungry." The young man nodded, his hand clasping together in his lap as he racked his brain for something else to say or do. When a loud sigh left Jade's lips, his eyes turned back to her. "It wasn't supposed to happen," she shakily murmured. She swallowed and shook her head. "She wasn't supposed to get into that stupid accident. Had she been more careful…" A shake of the head and a sharp inhale. "It's not fair, Aiden."

"Life… isn't fair, sweetheart," Aiden sighed and wrapped his arm around Jade's body, resting his chin on her shoulder. It was a stupid thing to say to her. He realized that right after the words left his mouth, but Jade didn't seem to mind as she let her body sink into his side. A sob rippled through her throat, her eyes squeezed shut and her uninjured hand tightly grabbed a chunk of her sweatpants.

"Why does everyone leave me?"

The pained words clawed at Aiden's heart, tore it in half and all he could do was gather his sobbing sister in a tight hug and squeeze his eyes shut to prevent his own tears from escaping. "I'm never going to leave you, Jade. I promise," he whispered and couldn't keep his mind from wandering back in time. He saw their father standing in the doorway of their home, his cold green eyes flicking from a seven year old Jade to his own fourteen year old self, his mouth spitting out a simple "Goodbye," before he turned on his heels and walked out of the door, forever disappearing from their lives. His brain fast forwarded seven whole years and stopped at the sight of his younger self holding his little sister in his arms as both of them stared at the grave of their mother. And then he thought back to only two days ago when he watched a screaming Jade being dragged out of the hospital room, where just a few moments ago, the love of her life passed away.

It really wasn't fair. Jade didn't deserve it, not any of it. Not a scumbag of a father. Not the death of her mother which resulted in her needing to grow up faster than she would have liked, because Aiden wasn't able to support them both enough, struggling to bring up the money for the both of them even with juggling two jobs at the same time. And she sure as hell didn't deserve to lose the person who gave her the most hope, who made sure that she'd never give up no matter how hopeless life seemed. But there was no way out, no way to undo everything. There simply was no reset button.

And as Aiden tightly held onto his desperate sister, he couldn't stop his own tears to trickle down his stubbly cheeks. He didn't really know how long they sat there on the couch and to him, it really didn't matter. He wished he could take everything away from her, every pain, every heartbreak and every single bad memory. He'd love nothing more than to make her feel better because it wasn't just killing Jade, it was killing him too, seeing his sister, the girl he practically raised all by himself after their mother's death, at the brink of a complete mental breakdown. It amazed him sometimes, how one person could have so many facets and how fast they could change because of one thing. His normally so strong sister who didn't let anyone stomp her down, who always got back to her feet after everything life threw her way, was now – once again – completely and utterly broken.

Eventually, Jade's sobs subsided and turned into little gasps before her exhaustion finally got the best of her. Aiden carried her to bed, quietly tucking the blanket around her form. It reminded him of the time when their mother passed away, when he would sit by her bed until her cries faded and sleep overcame her. Back then, he hoped that Jade would never get into a situation like that again. He hoped that she would never have to feel that kind of pain again.

Obviously, his hopes were worth nothing.

With a sigh, he got up from his kneeling position by Jade's bed and tip toed out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him as quietly as possible. When his eyes traveled over the messy living room he puffed out a long breath.

Let's get to work.

A/N: Very important note: Aiden is not a psycho in this one ;P

I had this idea a few days ago but was hesitant to write it down because... well... I only have a rough outlining of what I want to happen here and I get very easily distracted and uninterested if I don't have a concrete plan for my stories. But let's see where this goes. Also, if you haven't noticed: I really like killing off people in my stories.