Just something that popped into my head on the walk back from my lecture. So ridiculous but made me laugh...


"But you can't live forever."

Red eyes glared menacingly down at the small child sat at the table across from him.

"You are too young to understand," he replied in a cold voice that usually reduced his most hardened sadistic Death Eaters to panic attacks. The little girl stared calmly back at him.

"My mum said that when I asked her where babies come from," she piped up, "But I know anyway. There's a button inside the belly button, and the Healer opens it and the baby comes out, just like that. Ben told me."

"This Ben has been feeding you false information," Lord Voldemort sneered.

She wrinkled her nose, pondering this accusation for a moment before shrugging. "Where do babies come from then?"

The Dark Lord could not remember the last time he had ever felt ... flustered.

"You ask too many questions," he snapped irritably.

"You don't answer any," she countered, "My dad says when people avoid answering questions it's because they don't know the answers."

"I know everything."

"You can't know everything!" she exclaimed, "Otherwise you would be King... or the President... or Jesus. Or Jeremy Kyle."

"Who is Jeremy Kyle?" he said, narrowing his eyes as he was somehow getting drawn into the child's ridiculous conversation.

"See, if you knew everything you would know Jeremy Kyle," she said wisely, "My dad says he's a ..." She paused, looking up as she recalled the exact words, "... a thick-headed twat who thinks he knows it all." She contemplated him for a moment. "I had a pet rabbit with red eyes. My mum said he was an albino, are you an albino? Is that why you have red eyes?"

"No," he snapped.

"You definitely can't live forever."

Thrown slightly by the sudden change of subject, Voldemort's fingers itched to hold his wand and end her impertinent questioning for good. But no, there were too many people. It would take too long to get rid of them all.

"Who's going to live forever?" A slightly older boy of about nine with a messy mop of dark hair had bounded over to the table. "You can't live forever because the sun's going to die in fifteen thousand billion years."

"The sun can't die!" the girl, his sister assumably, screeched.

"Yes it can! It's going to explode - like BANG!" he yelled throwing his arms wide to show the size of the explosion, "So no one can live forever because when the sun explodes the Earth will explode, then Britain will explode then we'll explode. The only way you could survive is if you built a rocket ship and escaped to Mars... but then the explosion would-"

"ENOUGH!" he yelled, getting to his feet so suddenly he sent his chair flying backwards. The room went quiet as all of the guest turned to stare at him. Karen and Ben stared up at him with wide eyes.

"I will live forever!" he announced, and strode from the room.

"He definitely won't," Ben said, before dashing back to his friends.


I know, I know. Timelines don't match up, he would never go to a Muggle wedding or speak to the children. Please try not to take it too seriously! Reviews are taken in and given a good home :)