Celebrity Jeopardy: KOF Edition
Disclaimer: I do not own Saturday Night Live, Celebrity Jeopardy, or the King of Fighters series. Just to let you know.
The Jeopardy theme song plays as Alex Trebek is now standing between three of the best fighters from a place known as Southtown.
"Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy: KOF Edition." Trebek said right to the camera, greeting everyone. "Before we start Double Jeopardy, I would like to remind the contestants to please quit flipping me of right now. With that being said, let's take a look at the board. In first place with -1,000 points is Ralf Jones.
Alex Trebek then looks at Ralf Jones, who is shown smoking in the studio.
"That's right, Trebek! Smokin's good for a tough man like me! You wanna try some?" Ralf said to Trebek as he tried to hand him a cigarette.
"I'd rather drown in pine tar." Trebek groaned real grimly, "In 2nd place, we have Athena Asamiya with -15,000 points."
"I just wanna say 'Hi' to my fans!" Athens shouted as she looked at the camera, "Hi, Kensou! Hi, Chin! Hi, Bao! Hi, Momoko! Hi, Uncle Saki with the diseased skin tags! Come and cheer for me! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"How painful of you, Mr. Asamiya..." Trebek said feeling a bit disturbed about the part involving skin tags. He then let out a very stressful sigh as he was about to introduce the next contestant, "And in last place with negative -55,000... is Kyo Kusanagi."
Trebek then looks at Kyo in his personal leather jacket and his denim pants. His handsome bangs had gleamed in the spotlight.
"Well, well, well Trebek. Looks like we meet again." Kyo said, greeting Trebek.
"We were only on break for two minutes." Trebek said sternly.
"That was just the amount of time I did to your mother last night!" Kyo teased at Trebek crazily. "Booyah!"
"How very concerning for you, Mr. Kusanagi..." Trebek sighed defeatedly, "Let's just go to Double Jeopardy. The categories are 'Potent Potables', 'Words That Rhyme With Foot', 'Shapes', 'Types of Boots', 'Can You Eat This', and 'Puppies'. Ralf Jones, we'll start with you."
Ralf Jones then started to smoke out of puff and replied, "Yeah, I'll take some Cigarettes, please."
"That's not a category, Ralf." Trebek said sternly.
"I wasn't choosing a category, ya pickled dope! I was wondering if you have any Cigarettes I can borrow." Ralf blared out.
"No, I don't. I'll just let Athena decide." Trebek spoke lowly.
"Uhhhhh, I'll choose me! Give me "Athena Asamiya' for $53,000!" Athena exclaimed like a little giggly fangirl.
"You're not one of the categories, Athena! You have choose one out of the six categories!" Trebek said just fuming at the Psycho Soldier/pop star.
"Ohhhh, all of them suck..." Athena said just blowing off the answer board, "I'll give it to Kyo, then."
"Smart move, Mrs. Asamiya..." Trebek said to Athena as he turned his attention to Kyo, "Mr. Kusanagi, please choose."
"Nice to hear it. I'll take 'Types of Boobs' for 400." Kyo said to Trebek with a smirk.
"Kyo, that's 'Types of Boots', not 'Types of Boobs'!" Trebek said, just flaring up. Kyo then responded to Trebek by pressing his buzzer.
"What is Mai Shiranui?" Kyo answered.
"Absolutely not. Let's go Types of Boots for $400." Trebek said as a picture of Ralf Jones's boots appeared on the screen, 'These Boots Are Worn By This Guy'. Ralf Jones, you might want to ring in here."
Kyo then buzzes in.
"Mr. Kusanagi?" Trebek said asking him.
"Pamela Anderson!" Kyo shouted and exclaimed.
"For the last time, it's Types of Boots, not 'Types of Boobs'!" Trebek fumed with a stern voice yet again. Athena Asamiya then decided to buzz in, "Miss Asamiya?"
Athena then looked like she was going to say something, but she thought of something different.
"I forgot..." Athena said with such disappointment.
"Good lord..." Trebek said in such embarrassment. Ralf Jones then decided to give it a try by buzzing in, "Ralf Jones... and remember if you say your name, you get points."
"Okay, what is the... tinkle fairy?" Huntress answered as Trebek sighed aggressively.
"Time's up, Mr. Jones..." Trebek groaned in agony, "The answer was frickin YOU!. YOU WEAR THOSE BOOTS ALL THE TIME! CHECK YOUR FRICKIN' FEET!"
And then all of a sudden, Ralf Jones looks down at his feet and reacts stupidly, "Hey, sonofabitch, how did these get in my feet again? I didn't know I bought those... was I drunk with hyacinth?"
"Good god..." Trebek said as he held his nose to the tip of his hands in shame, "Mr. Kusanagi, it's once again your board. Or better yet, allow me to choose for you. How about Shapes for $800? That ought to be easy. The question is, 'Which Shape Is This?'"
A picture of a horizontal 9-inch rectangle is now shown on the answer board. After such quick thinking, Kyo decided to buzz in.
"Mr. Kusanagi?" Trebek asked once again.
"What is the size of my penis?" Kyo guessed stupidly.
"Not even close." Trebek growled at him bluntly.
"It was close to what your mother got last night!" Kyo smirked at him suddenly, "You know she likes my huge rectangle!"
"Okay, that was a low blow, there..." Trebek said right at Kyo, who was still smirking his ass off. Athena then decided to buzz in and take a guess, "Mrs. Asamiya."
"Oh oh! What is a... chicken?" Athena guessed out constantly.
"Absolutely not!" Trebek exclaimed angrily as Ralf Jones decided to take another shot by buzzing in, "Ralf Jones?"
"Okay, I got this..." Ralf replied as he thought up another guess, "What is my penis?"
A buzzer then sounds on both of the players.
"No it's frickin' not! The answer was a rectangle!" Trebek exclaimed angrily and stressfully.
"Oh, so it's a penis then. That means me and Ralf gets points! BOO-YAH!" Kyo exclaimed as he and Ralf high-fived.
"Nobody's getting points! I swear all of you are retarded!" Trebek groaned responsibly.
"Only Athena is. Does that count?" Rolf responded as he gestured to Athena regarding Trebek's retarded comment
"Way to go Ralf... You know what, let's just go ahead to Final Jeopardy. And there is no category to this one. All you gotta do is write your name. Do that and you automatically win." Trebek said with such absolute pity as Ralf, Athena, and Kyo wrote on their podiums as the Final Jeopardy song kicked in.
"Remember, all you gotta do to win is to write your name. It takes a first and a last name. Do that and you get points and outta my life for good. That's all you gotta do" Trebek continued to speak on as the fighters were finished with their answers and the Final Jeopardy song closed on them. "Well, I can either pray to God that none of you messed up. Let's start with Ralf Jones and he wrote..."
Ralf's answer happened to be the words, "Your name".
"You drew 'your name'. I don't know if we can accept that, Mr. Jones, but it's close enough from here. Let's take a look at what you waged." Trebek said as he revealed the wager.
Ralf's wager happened to be "is Alex Trebek."
"'...Is Alex Trebek. Well, that's right on one occasion. But unfortunately, you don't get points for writing someone's name in, expecially mine." Trebek said to a Ralf who felt disappointed.
"Ah, like I give a rat's piss what you drink." Ralf said as he just ignored looking at Trebek like it was his own business.
"Yes, well... let's just go right ahead to Athena." Trebek replied to the camera as he approached Athena's podium, "Let's see what you wrote..."
Athena's answer just happened to be a total blank.
"...And Athena couldn't even remember her very own name. How wonderful..." Trebek said in such embarrassment.
"I forgot again." Athena said looking a little dizzy-like.
"I see. And you wagered..."
Athena's wager happened to be just a penny.
"You only wagered what seems to be a penny. How weird of you, Mrs. Asamiya." Trebek said with such a groan.
"That's all I had coming here!" Athena exclaimed to Trebek happily.
"Well, good for you. I hope Special Ed has a spokesperson in you." Trebek said as he now turned his attention to Kyo. "Okay, Kyo Kusanagi. You look pretty excited. Let's see what Kyo wrote."
Kyo's answer just happened to be: "Kyo Kusanagi".
"Kyo Kusanagi... that's your name! You answered correctly!" Alex Trebek said, looking pretty giddy of Kyo's response. "Wow, I must say, I am so surprised that you got something right! That is wonderful."
"Yeah, well... it's all in good fun my man. A man like you deserves a break every now and then." Kyo said smiling at him.
"Well, thank you for the compliment, Mr. Kusanagi." Trebek said, smiling as well.
"No problem." Kyo said as he patted Trebek in the back.
"Okay, let's see what Kyo wagered here."
Kyo's wager happened to be: "Just F***ed your mom."
"'Just F***ed my mom...'" Trebek said, looking very speechless. Kyo had just fooled Trebek really good.
"Booyah! She can't get enough of my throbbing rectangle, Trebek!" Kyo teased him, just blowing it all in Trebek's face. He then looked right at the cmaera, sending out a message to someone, "What do ya think of this, Iori? Wish your rectangle was bigger than mine? Well, suck it hard, ya dope! HAHAHA!"
"How family-friendly of you, Kyo..." Trebek spoke angrily and gruffily at Kyo angrily as he then focused right on to the camera, "Well, that's all for Celebrity Jeopardy, I'm gonna go suffocate in my sleep. Good night."
Man, what an opening that was! Hard to think that Kyo would burn Trebek like that. Props!
Next chapter is gonna get wilder than ever! Read and review, broski's!