Celebrity Jeopardy: KOF Edition

Rated T

Disclaimer: I do not own Saturday Night Live, Celebrity Jeopardy, or the King of Fighters series. Just to let you know.


Chapter 7

The Celebrity Jeopardy song played yet again for a horrendous seventh time as Alex Trebek stood far away from the trio of fighters, ready to compete.

"Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy: KOF Edition." Trebek replied, feeling a bit sadly, "I wish I had more to say, but the FCC would not allow me to say anything racial on TV. With that said, let's take a look at the scores. In 1st place with -5,000 is Clark Still."

The camera shifts over to Clark who is tossing over a grenade for fun.

"Been there, done that. Clark rules!" Clark exclaimed to Trebek.

"You certainly have that competitive spirit, have you?" Trebek replied back to the wrestling-loving soldier, "In 2nd place with -42,000 is Yuri Sakazaki."

The camera then shifted to Yuri, who was looking very hyperactive.

"Hi, Trebek, it's good to be here! I'm so giddy!" Yuri squealed with delight.

And then just for fun, Yuri turned around and started shaking her booty.

"Booty booty boooooooo-ty! Shake shake shake, shake shake shake... shake your booty!" Yuri sang while Trebek looked a little disturbed.

"How very... sad for you, Mrs. Sakazaki." Trebek bluntly said before he looked at the last contestant, "And last and definitely least... in 3rd place with a whopping -75,000... Kyo Kusanagi is here yet again."

The camera then shifted to the last contestant known as Kyo. He had a very big grin on his face.

"Good to be here, Trebek. I'm flattered you have me here again." Kyo nodded.

"That's good." Trebek spoke with relief in his voice.

"Just like me in bed with your mother last night." Kyo replied with a smirk and laugh. Trebek didn't look very pleased.

"Of course, you always have to go there everytime..." Trebek said with a hint of anger as he looked to the category boards, "It's time for Double Jeopardy, so let's take a look at the categories. They are: 'Potent Potables', 'Is This Hulk Hogan', 'Shapes', 'What Number Are You Thinking', 'Indiana Jones', 'Bacon' and finally, 'Touch Your Nose'. Clark Still, since you're in the lead, you start. May I suggest 'Bacon'?"

"Sorry, soldier. Bacon gives me gas. You have any gum?" Clark said to Trebek with a wink.

"No Clark, I don't have any gum. Please choose-" Trebek said while displaying a blunt face. Meanwhile, Clark interrupted him by buzzing in.

"I'll take Gum for $200, Alex." Clark smiled.

"That's not one of the categories, Clark." The host said with his eyes rolling. Clark buzzed once again.

"Clark rules!" Clark declared with his fists in the air.

"I know... you already told me that." Trebek spoke back to Clark before Yuri decided to buzz in, "Mrs. Sakazaki, would you like to choose?"

"Look at my butt! See it shake! Whoooooo!" Yuri hollered to the host before she turned around, bent over and started shaking her butt as an insult to Trebek's conscience.

"I'm gonna take that as a no, I guess. You know what, let's let Kyo Kusanagi choose a category." Trebek said out loud as Kyo decided to choose a category.

"Very flattering of you, Trebek. I'll take 'In Diana Jones' for $400." Kyo smiled greedily.

However, Trebek looked at the category with a little bit of egg in his face. Disturbed, he spoke back to Kyo.

"Kyo, that's Indiana Jones, not In Diana Jones!" Trebek exclaimed to Kyo as he tried to correct him. He then shook it off and gave out the clue "Anyway, for $400, "Harrison Ford plays this character shown right here."

A photo of Indiana Jones is shown on screen. After quick thinking, the contestants decided to give it a shot, mostly Clark who buzzed in.

"Clark Still?" Trebek said to the soldier.

"What is Han Solo?" Clark spoke with a smile.

"No, that's not right. Han Solo is from 'Star Wars'." Trebek corrected him before Clark decided to buzz in again, "You're too late, Clark."

"Clark rules!" Clark victoriously said.

"I know..." Trebek said with a bit of egg in his face once again. Yuri decided to buzz in and give it a shot herself, "...Yuri Sakazaki?"

"Why won't you see my booty?" Yuri whined.

"I rather not." Trebek woozily responded. With another grin on his face, Kyo decided to buzz in, "Mr. Kusanagi."

"What is the President from 'Air Force One'?" Kyo replied with a thumbs up before Trebek all decided to give the contestants a hateful glare.

"For crying out loud, the answer was Indiana Jones! Harrison Ford was Indiana Jones!" Trebek cried out before Kyo buzzed in much to his discomfort, "What the hell do you want, Mr. Kusanagi."

"So was it Harrison Ford that was doing Diana Jones?" Kyo replied with a hint of confusion.

"No, it's not like that, Mr. Kusanagi." Trebek growled, "Look, let's just forget about this and choose another category. How about "Shapes" for $1,200? What is this shape shown right here?"

A picture of a perfectly drawn circle shows up on the board. After much thinking, Clark decided to give it a hand.

"Mr. Still, do you have an answer?" The host said to the soldier.

"Yes, I do. What is my butt?" Clark smiled as Trebek hit his forehead in pure stupidity.

"Definitely not." Trebek growled once more before Clark decided to annoy him by buzzing in, "Clark, you already had your turn."

"Clark rules!" Clark yelled victoriously once again.

"I'm about moments away from yanking that buzzer off your hands..." Trebek said to Clark while gritting his teeth viciously. Yuri decided to get another try by buzzing in, "Mrs. Sakazaki?"

"What is... my butt?" Yuri frantically exclaimed while she stuck her butt at Trebek far away.

"What is it with you and butts? I don't get it." Trebek said to Yuri before Kyo buzzed in, "Mr. Kusanagi?"

"What is your mother's butt? She has the firmest circle in town!" Kyo smirked.

With so much pathetic insults from all three characters, Trebek finally threw himself off the edge.

"NO, IT'S NOT! IT'S A CIRCLE! A G****MN CIRCLE!" Trebek shouted with rage, "ARE ALL OF YOU BRAINDEAD?"

Not Clark, Yuri and Kyo responded once bit. They were still disturbed by Trebek's screaming. Luckily, Clark managed to buzz in.

"What now, Clark?" Trebek said with anger still spreading to his voice.

"I'll take gum for $400. Clark rules!" Clark hollered once more.

Trebek sent his head smashing down the podium in stupidity. This is perhaps the stupidest bunch of fighters he had ever done in one episode.

"You know what?" Trebek replied while trying to be calm, "Let's just forget this whole thing and go to Final Jeopardy. The final category is "Famous Last Names." If you can write one last name of a famous celebrity, you'll win."

As the Final Jeopardy theme song started to play, Clark, Yuri and Kyo started to draw on the podium.

"You can write Cruise, Lopez, Gooding Jr. or even me. As long as it can be a celebrity of any kind. If you do that, you'll win." Trebek said to the competitors as the theme song concluded.

After all three competitors were finished with their answers and wagers, the host approached them one at a time. Trebek approached Clark first.

"Well, let's see how much of a mess our competitors made this time, shall we? Let's start with Clark Steel. He wrote down.

Clark's answer: Clark

"Clark." Trebek spoke with disappointment. "Sorry, Mr. Still, your first name doesn't count."

"I ran out of time." Clark said with his head feeling a bit down.

"Big deal." Trebek replied back, "Let's see what you wagered."

Clark's wager: Rules

"Rules. Clark rules..." Trebek said with his jaw slackered to the floor.

"You know I do. Clark rules!" Clark hollered once again. But this time, his hollering got up in Trebek's face.

"I really hope you get rehab for this..." Trebek said to Clark before he turned his attention to Yuri, "Okay, Miss Sakazaki."

But before he could ask Yuri for her answer and wager, Yuri decided to shake her butt right in Trebek's face.

"Shake shake shake, shake shake shake... shake your booty! SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!" Yuri sang once more before Trebek decided to turn away from Yuri once and for all.

"You know, I really don't care what your answer and your wager is. You're a nad." Trebek said while turning his attention from Yuri over to Kyo, "Finally, Mr. Kusanagi... the category was "Famous Last Names", and you wrote..."

Kyo's answer: Trebek

"Trebek." Trebek said with surprising results, "That's my name. I'm very surprised, Mr. Kusanagi."

"Well, it's all I can do, Trebek. You really deserve it." Kyo said, feigning a care-free smile.

"I'm really proud of you, Kyo." Trebek smiled to him, feeling a bit appreciated.

"You're welcome, Alex." Kyo nodded.

"Let's see what Kyo wagered, shall we?" Trebek said as he checked out the wager.

Kyo's wager: Can suck it

"Can suck it..." Trebek said in utter shock. Kyo in the other hand, laughed right in the host's face.

"It's so true, Trebek! But I'm certain your mom knows a good thing about sucking!" Kyo exclaimed with a greedy expression on his face.

"You fail to irritate me, Mr. Kusanagi." Trebek scowled at Kyo as he turned to the camera, "That's all for Celebrity Jeopardy, I'm gonna stick my face in the oven. Good night."


Kyo strikes once again. But what kind of mental damage will he pull off in the next chapter? R&R until then.