Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even the dialouge. That belongs to Jim Mathers.


"Cranky, look! You won't believe this!" Cranky looked up from the book he was reading. Wrinkly stood there holding a blood red toaster. "Look what I got from that internet auction site!"

"What is it?" Cranky asked, immediately knowing he was going to regret the answer.

"It's a toaster from that haunted house in Amityville," Wrinnkly replied and added in a high voice, "Amityville!" The man looked at his wife blankly.

"You bought a haunted toaster." He shook his head and looked back at his book.

"No! Watch! This is cool!" Wrinkly set the toaster on the island next to Cranky and plugged it in. She took a piece of bread out of the bread bag and held it up. "You put in regular old white bread and..."

-48 Seconds Later-

"Wheat toast?" Cranky questioned, not believing his eyes when the opposite of what was expected happened. "How did you end up with wheat toast?!"

"No one knows," Wrinkly grinned. "What's even cooler is when you put in wheat bread and you get pumpernickel and when you put in pumpernickel you get a blueberry muffin!"


"Oh yeah? It just so happens I have some pumpernickel bread right here." Wrinkly pulled pumpernickel bread out of no where and inserted it in the place of the wheat toast.

-56 Seconds Later-


Both slots of the toaster spit out a half blueberry muffin, causing Cranky to gape. He couldn't believe it. He was actually also curious as to where the toaster got the blueberries from to do it with. He had honestly thought Wrinkly was kidding when she told him what she had.

"See?" Wrinkly retorted. "Blueberry muffins."

"That's freaky," Cranky said, intrigued. "What happens if you put in a bagel?!"

"Good question!" Wrinkly held up a bagel that appeared from no where.

-6, 789 Seconds Later-

Cranky raised his eyebrows when he saw the meat cutlets poking out of the toaster slots.

"Is... is that a pork chop?" he stammered, confused as to how that even happened.

"Damn, what a gyp!" Wrinkly pouted, crossing her arms. "I was hoping it'd be one of those toasty cake things."

"Ooh!" Cranky suddenly had an idea. "Try waffles!" Wrinkly hesitated.

"Eh, I dunno... The auction description said not to use waffles."


"Why?" Cranky finally asked after trying to figure out his own question.

"I dunno," Wrinkly said, shrugging it off. "Something about getting back a toasted human hand or something. Just don't mess around with it." She left, leaving her husband staring intently at the toaster.

-987 Seconds Later-

"Whoa!" Cranky shouted when out popped exactly as the description described. "It's a toasted hand!"

"What did I say about using waffles?!" Wrinkly shouted from the living room.