Pickup Lines

"No, its… no, Ziva? Ziva, listen to me. I'm not in any danger. New York is perfectly safe. I'm having a blast here and no one is going to rain on my vacation parade." Abby Scuito twirled a few shopping bags in her left hand. "They experienced a fifty-percent drop in violent crimes just last year, so… whenever you were last here? It's changed. If the NYPD keeps up whatever they're doing, crime should be down like seventy-five percent this year! I'm practically safer here than I was in Washington!"

She listened for a moment and smiled. "Good. Now that we've got THAT out of the way, let me tell you about my trip. I went to see the Chrysler building yesterday—huge letdown, by the way, they had the upper floors closed for renovation or something—and got my picture taken in Times Square by the big TV thing they have there. And I went to Central Park and hung out with this awesome old dude who plays guitar, and…" She stopped. "What? Yeah, I went to see Ground Zero. I saw Ground Zero on my first day here, Ziva. I'm not that clueless, jeez."

Abby switched the phone to the other side and tucked it under her ear. "Oh yeah, that. Yeah, they were totally fine with it. They brought me up to the lab and let me take a look at EVERYTHING. They have the coolest forensic labs here, Ziva! Detective Taylor even let me help out with some of the forensic work they were doing on this lady who got stabbed with a kitchen knife. Fascinating stuff, by the way. Y'see, they originally thought it was one of the knifes in the house with her, but when we checked through them none matched, so we had to buy the leading brands of kitchen knives to… Ziva, I'm not boring you, am I? Just 'cause I thought I lost you for a minute."

"No. No, Ziva, I keep telling you, New York is safe. In fact, New Yorkers are awesome. The other day? This really cute guy saved me from being run over by a car and I… Jeez, Ziva, not so loud. It was just a stupid mistake," protested Abby, rolling her eyes. "I was crossing the street and some car ran a red light and this guy in a suit yanked me out of the way just in time, okay? Nothing big. There's not anybody here out to kill me."

"Ohmigosh. Ziva, I'm going to have to call you back, because I have just arrived at a genuine New York outdoor café, and it has been one of my lifetime ambitions to eat at a genuine New York outdoor café. Tell the others hi from me."

Abby stopped in mid-stride. "What? Why would you ask that? Well, yeah, I would usually call McGee with stuff like this, but…" Abby bit her lip. "It's… just kind of awkward right now. Y'know?" She listened for a bit and then smiled. "Thanks. I knew you'd understand." After a moment's hesitation, she asked, "How's… he doing? Oh, good. Good. Yeah, glad to hear that. Tell him hi. Okay. Goodbye for real this time."

Abby snapped her cell phone shut and bounded into the restaurant, where she assaulted the clerk with a voluminous order. Minutes later she was happily seated at a café table, munching away at a genuine New York sandwich and drinking a genuine New York slurpee while flipping through the pictures on her camera she'd taken of the genuine New York city.

Just when she thought things were perfect, a tall dark stranger in a suit sat down directly across from her.

"Hello Abby," said the strange man. "You're in great danger."

to be continued...

A/N: Why am I starting another multichapter fanfiction? I really don't have time for this sort of thing. And yet, now that I've started it, that means that I need to finish it. Sigh.