A/N: See kids, this is what happens when you start researching Ancient Greek holidays around the winter solstice after quite a lot of drink. And yes, four years between updates, I'm bad.

Hades: A Christmas special. Seriously?

Melora: After what I found out about Haloa, how could I not? It sounds like a cross between Halloween and the average hen party!

Hades: Two phrases that should not go together under any circumstances.

Melora: And yet they once did. Suck it up.

Disclaimer: Mine = mine. Disney's = Disney's. Work it out.

/.../ denotes thoughts

/italics/ denotes canine communication

NB: This takes place during Bremos's childhood – he's eight at this point and not what you'd call sheltered...

I Won't Say It: A Haloan Interlude

Bremos narrowed his eyes, carefully studying the godling-sized gap that had suddenly presented itself.

It wasn't a huge gap, but it looked wide enough that he wouldn't have to waste time turning and sliding to flee his impending doom. He had been waiting with increasing desperation for the past few minutes, and now, everything depended on him being stealthy enough to sneak past his mother, and fast enough to outrun her once she inevitably worked out that he'd escaped.

The young prince quietly sidled around the edge of the Pool of Prickly Heat, careful not to trip or dislodge any pebbles, and waited.

Clouds of steam rolled off the surface of the Pool, covering the stone floor and walls in a near-constant flood of condensation. The main light source in the cavern was the flames from the nearby Phlegethon, still burning merrily away after several centuries and showing no signs of stopping. A few odd lichens had somehow managed to make their homes in various nooks and crannies, their fronds casting odd shadows on the cavern walls.

/There!/

His mother, who had briefly dipped her legs into the shallow end, had turned away to retrieve the jar of yuck and the scrubbing mitt, while his dad lounged in the deep end, head resting against the edge, eyes shut, and hair temporarily doused.

Bremos held his breath and tiptoed behind his mother's back...

...And found himself shoved head-first into the Pool faster than he could squawk.

Persephone shook her head and slipped into the Pool, waiting for her son to emerge.

"You really think he'd've learned by now."

At the far end, comfortably submerged to his chin, Hades lazily opened one eye. "Testing all the angles. You gotta hand it to 'im, he's tenacious."

Bremos's head finally broke the surface with a yowl of "Mooooom!"

He made one last bolt for freedom before the Queen of the Dead caught him by the scruff of the neck and yanked him over to sit between her knees.

"Tough. It's bath-time kiddo."

"But I don't wanna!"

Hades opened his other eye, sat up and stretched. "You and me both kid, but sometimes, you just gotta suck it up and admit defeat."

Persephone raised an eyebrow at her husband while she upended a jar of pumice and ash over her first-born's still-protesting head.

"Admit defeat?"

Hades acknowledged the eyebrow with a grin. "I'm prepared to change that statement to 'pleasantly clean and appreciating the nakedness of any rebirth goddesses in the immediate vicinity'."

He wriggled his eyebrows hopefully.

Said rebirth goddess made a face. "You know you get to see me naked pretty much every night I'm down here, right?"

"And yet the nakedness still can't be appreciated enough."

Persephone bit back a grin of her own as she turned her attention back to her struggling son.

"Sweetie, this would go a lot quicker if you'd just sit still."

The Prince of the Underworld finally emerged from a cloud of grey dust. "I had a bath like a week ago, why'd I need another one?" he whined.

"Remind yourself, which festival is happening tonight?" Persephone took the opportunity to briskly rub the pumice and ash into Bremos's skin.

Bremos glowered and wriggled, but stayed put, realising no help was forthcoming from the paternal side.

"Festival of Haloa."

"Which is?"

"Solstice festival for Nana Demmy and Grandpa Bacchus."

"Correct. And you are now how old?"

"...Eight."

"And that means...?"

Bremos sank lower into the water. "I'm allowed t' be Grandpa's herald."

"Which therefore means...?"

The godling deliberately kept his mouth shut. Persephone poked him in the side with her scrubbing mitt. "Bremos," she prompted.

He rolled his eyes. "Which means everyone in the family has t' look presentable an' have a bath."

"Good boy."

"But why'd we have t' have it in here?"

Hades idly glanced around the cavern, then back at his pouting son.

"A higher power than me dictates the change of venue is for logistical reasons."

"Not a real answer, Dad."

"Hey, it works in most cases."

"Yeah? Not this time. Why in here?"

The Lord of the Dead shuffled up the Pool until he was sitting beside Bremos. "Because, first-born brat of mine, short of turning a flamethrower on your ass, you won't be anywhere near clean unless the cleaning involves boiling water, scrubbing, and a certain amount of physical discomfort. Mostly yours."

Bremos finally twisted out of his mother's death-grip and frantically started rinsing the ash off his skinny frame. "Yeah, but in here? I know what you and Mom keep doin' in here and it ain't just havin' a bath!"

Hades and Persephone shared a Look. The goddess face-palmed and shook her head. "So much for my mother's wonderful theory that he's too young to understand what grown-up private time involves."

The Lord of the Dead shrugged and leaned back against the side of the Pool. "Ehn. Saves me a conversation at least."

Persephone stared at her son's mercifully clean body out of the corner of one eye as he scrambled out of the Pool and wrapped a towel around his shoulders. "Look, the Pool gets emptied out and cleaned after every use."

Bremos glared out from under the safety of his towel. "Doesn't change the fact you guys're doin'...icky stuff." He stuck his tongue out in an exaggerated gag and shuddered.

Hades smirked. "So that means in ten years' time we won't find you in here with a couple of nymphs trying to work out just how see-through their chitons ar-rpth!"

He glanced over at his wife, his gaze somewhere between a leer and puppy-dog eyes as he waited for her to let his lips loose from her death grip.

Bremos sighed and concentrated on reigniting his hair.

Fzzzt...

Nope.

Fzzzt...

Still nothing.

Fzzzsht...

Oh, come on.

He wrapped his towel around his waist and approached the Pool, sitting on the edge beside his father.

"Light me?"

Without taking his gaze off his wife, Hades held up a hand and snapped his fingers at the nape of his son's neck. Black and gold flames raced across grey skin, immediately burning off what remained of the pumice and ash.

"OK, so I'm clean, I'm covered and I gotta be ready in an hour or I don't get t' go. Does that cover everything?"

Persephone let go of her husband's face, slipped fully into the water and stretched out. "You're clear to go, but you play with the dog at your own risk."

"Message received, understood, and most likely ignored."

The young god of the undead stood up, readjusted his towel and strode off in the direction of the palace, eyes firmly screwed shut against whatever horrific vision was about to potentially unfold.

For a few moments, blissful silence reigned.

It was broken by Hades sliding an arm around his wife's waist and pulling her over to sit in his lap. Persephone just chuckled and looped her arms around her husband's neck.

"So I'm a higher power, am I?"

The Lord of the Dead thought for a second and leered. "A very sexy higher power."

"Are you trying to lower yourself or raise yourself to your son's somewhat warped expectations?"

"...Yes."

"Not a real answer. Try again."

"Ok, possibly, but in fairness..."

Hades shifted around until he was partially submerged in the Pool, with Persephone straddling his hips and making absolutely no attempt at moving.

"...You get to go to a party tonight for your parents and by extension you, since hey, part of the Eleusinian Mysteries. All men, children and gods have to stay away from the ladies, so I'm on babysitting duty for the duration."

Persephone let out something that approached an unsympathetic laugh.

"Babysitting duty? You get a bonfire, free food and Prometheus inevitably turning up and acting as teacher-slash-childminder to everyone under the age of ten while the rest of you concentrate on obliterating the screaming remnants of your livers, along with any coherent memories of the evening."

"But you get a bonfire and free food and stuff with animals and... ladies-only activities."

"Fair's fair, I do have to give you credit for not using the phrase 'industrial-strength lesbianism'."

Hades's eyes glazed over slightly as he stared off into the middle distance and leered.

A gentle slap to the chin bought him out of his musings. "Oi."

"Be fair babe, I need something to tide me over when you're not down here."

The goddess sat back and folded her arms. "You do know that chances of you getting some tonight are now steadily receding?"

"Hey. Any lonely perverted fantasising on my part always involves you...and occasionally a guest star of your choice."

She squinted slightly and screwed up her face. "Thank you... I think?"

Hades chuckled and pressed a hand to her back just enough to make her overbalance and land on his chest. His other hand snaked into her hair, fingers gently massaging her scalp. "You're welcome. And like I'd ever want anyone else but you."

This earned him a dirty smile and a peck on the lips. "Ditto. Also, your chances of getting some are now dramatically improving."

"So what do I have to do to make it a dead cert?"

Persephone deliberately wriggled around a little to get more comfortable. "Well, we've got half an hour before we need to get dressed, so I suggest you start by doing the thing you always do when I get back to the Underworld..."

Hades looked askance. "Realise no-one's picked up any trash in six months, freak out and use flaming sulphur as a cleaning agent?"

"The other thing, idiot."

"...Ohhhh."

"Although that does explain the scorch marks on the hallway floor."

In his bedroom, Bremos managed to locate a clean robe from the pile at the bottom of his wardrobe and tried to fasten it over his shoulder.

"C'mon, just twist it and..."

The attempt wasn't made any easier by the sudden wave of laughter, intermingled with splashing water, wafting across the palace gardens.

The young god rolled his eyes. "I'm not judging—crap!"

The toga pin skidded out of his fingers and bounced under a chair.

Outside, the laughter quickly morphed into a set of sounds that he always attempted to be a minimum of two miles or one celestial realm away from.

Failing that, enforced deafness tended to work pretty well.

Giving up on the toga pin, Bremos quickly squashed a couple of beeswax plugs into his ears and flopped onto his bed. Rummaging around down the side of his mattress, he managed to locate the scroll containing the latest illustrated adventures of Myklos and propped it up against the wall.

A particularly loud squeal made him cringe.

"OK, I'm not judging, except where I am. Harshly."

Based on reluctantly gained experience, he estimated he had about 45 minutes before he had to present himself for a further clean-up, a nagging over good behaviour, and a weepy moment from his mom on how her baby was growing up.

He shuddered and concentrated on his comic, poking at his earplugs all the while.

Many, many decades of being forced to attend Olympian gatherings had taught Hades a few valuable lessons on how to survive parties when you just wanted to set all the attendees on fire and go home.

One: locate and colonise the Lurking Corner early on. If it's near food, so much the better.

Two: locate the little god's room or anything masquerading as a cloakroom. Hide in there when the collective IQ of the entire party has dipped into the mid-fifties.

Three: find someone to talk to who doesn't make you want to peel your own face off after two minutes. This tended to amount to Seph and the brat on most occasions.

Four: have an idea of when you can make your flimsy excuses and leave. Having the brat had made this infinitely easier; most deities, no matter how warm and child-friendly they consider themselves to be, tend to freak out at the sight of a wailing, flame-topped toddler with no bowel control and who is set on destroying everything in a three-mile radius because no-one's paying enough attention to him.

With the Lurking Corner in the temple of Eleusis safely located and colonised, he was currently keeping a general watch over the assembled gods, studiously avoiding eye contact with Zeus, and restraining his son by the back of his robes.

Bremos wriggled pathetically and growled. "Daaaaaaaaad."

"The response to that declaration will forever and always be no."

"But I wanna go find Hyllus."

Hades glared at the top of his son's head. "And sadly, you're staying put 'til your grandpa's attendants fetch you for the parade."

The miniature god folded his arms and pouted. "Not fair. Wanna go find Hyllus."

Since the silent plea for the gods to give him strength didn't seem to incur any positive feedback, Hades settled with rolling his eyes and tightening his grip on the back of his son's kitan.

"Yeah? Well, I want a pile of baklava the size of Olympus and your mother in any shape or form. Apparently we're both out of-"

"Lord Hades? Prince Bremos?"

Both gods started at the mention of their names and turned around; Bremos immediately tugged his kitan back into shape, while Hades slicked back his flames and flashed a shark-toothed smirk at the two nymphs standing before him.

The plump little nymph, the one who had spoken, smiled shyly and bowed towards Bremos, offering him a pale green arm. The wide leaves that made up her dress rustled slightly with the movement, while the laurel wreath on her white and brown curls slipped off to one side, and would have fallen off entirely had her taller companion not caught it in time.

"The parade is almost ready to begin, and Lord Bacchus and Lady Demeter cannot be without their herald. I am Daphne, and this is Menthe. Would you care for an escort, young prince?"

Bremos's eyes lit up. He quickly linked arms with the nymph and grinned beatifically up at her.

Hades raised an eyebrow at the other nymph as she quickly shoved the wreath back onto Daphne's head and straightened what there was to straighten of her dress. Only a head shorter than him, her hair and skin were a shade of green that nearly seared his eyeballs off, and the look she was giving him was almost...predatory.

"You coming as well, babe?"

Menthe's expression quickly changed into one of brief annoyance, then into an ingratiating smile as she gazed down at Bremos.

"I would be honoured, my prince."

Bremos linked arms with the taller nymph and shot a deliberately smug look at his father.

"Check it, dad. Escorts. Plural. Yeeeeeah."

Both nymphs giggled.

Hades glowered and folded his arms.

"So how come when he does the skeezy act, everyone thinks he's adorable, and when I do it, I get a restraining order slapped on me?"

Daphne gave him a Look worryingly reminiscent of his mother-in-law.

"Because he's too young to know what he's saying, and it's still quite sweet at this age."

The look on Bremos's face as he strolled away arm-in-arm with his companions indicated that he knew exactly what he was saying, and that he also had the good sense not to correct the petite nymph's rather mistaken beliefs.

Menthe flashed Hades a look over her shoulder as she sauntered away, thoughtfulness combined with a rather calculating glint in her eyes.

Something about it made him feel distinctly uneasy; very few women had ever looked at him without annoyance and his wife was one of those few. Even then, she had her moments.

Eh. Nymphs. Weird.

In the rear of the temple, Demeter held the white linen peplos up in front of her daughter and carefully smoothed it over her body. "But it's specially imported from Egypt, Sephy."

Long years of practice meant that Persephone could hold back her sigh of frustration. Just.

She pushed the dress back towards her mother. "I don't care if it's specially imported from the moon. White has never suited me, linen makes me itchy, and I'm married and have a child. It's a bit late even for you to pretend I could be one of the vestal virgins."

The plant goddess folded her arms across her ample bosom and glowered at her daughter. "The spring of Kanathos is less than ten miles away."

"Yes, and my husband's less than ten meters away. I'm not wearing it."

"Sephy…"

"Mother. The dress I'm wearing is fine. It's comfortable. It's modest. It was woven by Athena."

"…Oh fine. It's not worth arguing." Demeter held up a dismissive hand and strode out of the room. "Wear whatever you want."

"Already planned to."

Persephone removed a couple of the more tightly fixed pins and allowed the folds of her grey silk dress to drape over her waist enough to pass the modesty muster, shoved her headdress onto her head, and retrieved a sheaf of wheat and grapes from the table.

"Okay, suited and fruited. Still missing one child."

"Child found!" Bremos sauntered into the room still arm in arm with Daphne, Menthe following close behind.

The goddess of rebirth quickly studied her son's appearance as he parted company with the lovely nymph. "Child still clean, something of a minor miracle."

"Dad wouldn't let me go find Hyllus."

"Something we're both about to be grateful for." She directed a quick smile towards the two nymphs.

"Ladies, thank you, go get lined up."

Daphne bobbed a cheerful curtsey along with a bright smile, while Menthe dropped into a more elegant bow, her dark green eyes never straying from the red-skinned goddess now bent over her squirming son and scrubbing at his face with a damp napkin.

Bacchus, standing in the foot-well of his chariot, replete in white and gold robes and with an amphora clutched in one hand, waved cheerfully at the assembled throng. "Ladies, nymphs, goddesses – are we ready to partaaaaayyy!?"

Bremos whooped and waved his arms, his torch going dangerously near to the edge of his grandfather's robes.

Persephone and Demeter rolled their eyes in perfect sync.

Demeter leaned over and hissed, "You deal with your son, I'll deal with your father."

"Why do you get the easy job?"

"Sephy…"

She recognised the warning tone only too well. Biting back a retort, Persephone quickly collared her son and ushered him up to the front of the parade. Demeter managed to grab Bacchus's elbow and pushed him in the general direction of forwards before clambering into the footwell beside him.

At the whip-crack, the stallion Arion snorted and began to trot along the torchlit path, careful to follow closely behind the flame-headed god before him. Persephone fell into place beside the black maned horse and tried not to look too disgruntled.

Hyllus, safely perched on his father's shoulders, waved frantically at his best friend. "Bremos! Hey, Bremos, over here!"

Hercules held his son steady with one hand and waved at the procession with the other.

The god of the undead quickly glanced round, waved and flashed a grin at Hyllus before returning his attention to his slightly drooping torch. Out of the corner of his eye, he could make out a blue-flamed shadow emerging behind a convenient pillar, all his attention focused on the two deities leading the column of goddesses, nymphs and revellers.

His dad's usual heavy-lidded look of mild derision had softened into an expression that only Bremos and his mother were familiar with.

Hades was proud, and more than a little bit pleased.

Persephone caught the look as well, and didn't bother hiding her smile. She quickly pressed her fingers against her lips and blew a kiss in her husband's direction. His expression didn't change, but she was able to make out the mouthed "Love you" before the parade left the temple grounds and wound its way towards the Arcadian fields.

Twenty minutes later…

Bremos rested his torch against his shoulder and gazed around the newly harvested fields. Bales of hay were stacked high enough to form a rough circular wall at the edge of the largest field, and extended into the nearby woods to form a path to a large bower. The entryway was decorated with vines, wheat and olive branches, and a bonfire was just visible in between the trees.

"Sooo many things to set on fire."

Persephone finished glaring at Arion long enough to eyeball her son. "Don't even think about it."

"I wasn't gonna! I was just observing."

"And I'm observing that three weeks is a damn long time to be grounded for when you're eight years old."

Bremos took the hint.

"So what now? I'm starving. Is there food?"

The goddess of rebirth adjusted her robes and guided her son towards the altar set up in front of the bower entrance. Demeter and Bacchus stood before the altar, the plant goddess busy remonstrating with the god of wine as he tipped a flirtatious wink at a nearby group of nymphs.

"There's a quick sacrifice to me and your grandparents, the Eleusinian magistrates then dish up food here and back at the temple. Your grandpa and you can both head back to the temple once the speech from the head priest is over, so a few more minutes tops?"

"Cool. What d'you do then?"

"Well, you find your dad and go have fun; I will be eating, drinking and celebrating being female."

Bremos scrunched up his face at the mention of females. "Does that mean you're doing all the girly stuff Dad talked about?"

"Your father has some rather hopeful and somewhat unrealistic expectations as to what actually happens at these parties."

"And you're not about to say what really happens?"

Persephone smirked. "Hell no. Eleusinian Mysteries and all that."

Bremos matched his mother's smirk. "You're a credit to the Mysteries, Mom."

"Damn straight. Anyway…"

The goddess of rebirth lifted her son into her arms, mindful of the token squirmy protests he raised as she planted a kiss on his forehead.

"Hush up while the priest does his thing, then your grandpa will take you back to the temple."

Bremos scrunched up his face in feigned disgust, but contentedly settled into his mother's embrace as they watched the nominated head priest of the Eleusinian Mysteries mount the stage in front of the bower. He proffered a respectful bow to each deity in turn; Bacchus, Demeter and Persephone bowed in response, while Bremos offered a careful nod as instructed.

The head priest flung his arms out, and gazed over the assembled throng.

"Tonight, my fellow observants in the Mysteries of Eleusis, we witness the festival of Haloa in honour of the wise and mighty Bacchus, the loving and loyal Demeter, and the beautiful and dreaded Persephone."

Bremos narrowed his eyes. "'Dreaded?'"

Persephone hugged her son close. "It means feared in a respectful way."

"…OK. S'long as it's in a good way. Or scary way. One of those."

She chuckled and cuddled Bremos closer. Demeter quietly moved to stand behind her daughter and grandson, and planted a kiss on her daughter's temple. Bacchus wrapped an arm around Demeter's plump waist, and smiled warmly.

The head priest continued, "We give our thanks and our praises to the three gods of the Mysteries, and beg their blessings for the fertility of our vines, for the growth of our wheat and corn, for the bountifulness of our harvest. We plead for another year of peace and prosperity, for another year of fruitfulness, for another year of their bounty and gratitude upon our field and trees."

Preempting her son's query, Persephone rested her chin atop Bremos's head and murmured, "They get all of that provided they perform all the rights and remember who can call down a plague of locusts in less than fifteen minutes if they don't."

"That's you, Nana, and Grandpa, right?"

"Hell yes."

Bremos's eyes gleamed. "Cool."

The head priest gestured towards the bower, where the light from the recently lit bonfire was now flickering merrily.

"And in return for the bounty bestowed upon humanity, we invite the deities of the Eleusinian Mysteries to join our initiates and female worshippers in a gathering of food, wine and a celebration of femininity and fertility."

The Eleusinian magistrates filed out of the grove towards the stages, their arms filled with cakes, fresh fruits, and cheeses. No meats or fish, and definitely no pomegranates, Persephone was relieved to note. Her mother had never been a fan of animal sacrifice, and even almost nine years later, pomegranates still didn't sit well with her. The head priest quickly vacated the stage as the assorted offerings piled up, his steely gaze carefully taking note of all the bounty and making sure it would meet with the gods' approval.

"Seph, honey?"

Persephone turned and met her father's expectant grin. Bacchus held his arms out and chuckled.

"I believe I'm doing special transport for my herald, who completely nailed it out there?"

Bremos beamed and squirmed in his mother's arms until she passed him over to his grandfather. Bacchus settled his grandson into the crook of his arm, waved a hand at his daughter and Demeter, and disappeared in a burst of light.

"He did a wonderful job tonight, Sephy."

Persephone leaned against her mother's shoulder and grinned fondly. "Yep. He's a showman, just like his dad."

Demeter pursed her lips, but said nothing.

"Lady Demeter, Queen Persephone?"

The head priest offered them both a low bow before gesturing to the now torchlit path into the bower.

"This night is yours. Please enjoy all that is offered."

Both goddesses offered a polite nod to the priest before setting off towards the bonfire. Demeter raised her arms as they walked, summoning trees, shrubs and vines to surround the altar and block off the path behind them. Any mortals who were outside of the barrier would be left there for the duration, while any goddesses, nymphs, or other beings of divine heritage would need to be escorted in by the plant goddess personally.

Persephone had barely set one foot inside the firelit clearing before a goblet of wine was waved in front of her face. She flashed a grin at the goddess offering the drink as she accepted it. "Celebrating already, Meg?"

Megara chuckled as she tapped her goblet against her best friend's. "Just maximising valuable girl-only time. I love my boys dearly, but honestly, they can annoy the crap out of me on a daily basis."

The goddess of rebirth sighed and tossed back her drink. "Oh, I hear ya."

"Ahem. Ladies?"

Both goddesses turned to face Demeter as she clambered onto a nearby tree-stump and signalled for attention.

"As you know, tonight is ours. Feel free to eat, drink, dance, and thoroughly enjoy yourselves. But first, we must start with tradition…"

The plump green goddess held up her right hand, then twisted it behind her back to where her breast band was held together with a leather cord. Persephone and Megara followed suit, as did all the assembled goddesses, nymphs and mortals.

Every woman, as one, yanked at their cords through their clothing with one practiced movement, and then retrieved their breast bands from down the front of their dresses.

The collective moan of relief as dozens of breast bands hit the ground was almost tangible.

Demeter rolled her shoulders back, sighed in rapidly improved comfort, and then beamed at the assembled throng.

"Be safe, have fun, and enjoy."

The magistrates had just finished dishing up at the temple, so based on that, and the fact they wouldn't let anyone near the food until the ladies had been served…

Hades quickly emerged from behind his pillar at the sound of a divine apparition at the back room of the temple. Two drachmas said this would either be his son and father-in-law, or Prometheus and his ball-and-chain.

"Dad!"

Bremos charged forward and wrapped his arms around his dad's knees. Bacchus waved briefly at his son-in-law before disappearing in the general direction of food.

Hades bent down and lifted his son into his arms, leaning back slightly so that he could see Bremos's face. "How'd it go kid, did'ja nail it?"

Bremos smirked and folded his arms across his chest. "Like Andromeda to the rock."

"Atta brat."

With no-one else in the immediate vicinity, Hades closed his eyes, tightened his grip and tilted his son into a hug.

"Daaaad."

Bremos closed his own eyes and clung to his father's neck like a flame-topped limpet. Hugs from his dad in public were about as rare as unicorn poop, and probably a lot less shiny.

That was usually where the analogy fell over, but eh.

"Hr-HM."

Father and son opened their eyes and turned a dual glare on the interlopers.

Hercules, with Hyllus safely perched on his shoulder, looked slightly awkward as he gestured back towards the main area of the temple. "Uhm…they're serving up the food, so, hey, uh…time to feed the kids."

Bremos wriggled until his father let him down. He gestured frantically to Hyllus, a mile-wide grin on his face.

"Wanna see if they've got the grape-leaf feta parcel thingies?"

"Yeah!"

Hyllus squirmed out of his father's grip and leapt down from his shoulder, landing in a heap at his cousin's feet. He brushed at a few patches of dirt on his robes, then turned an expectant smile on his best friend.

"C'mon before Ares gets ta the food!"

Hades watched as the two boys charged off, and snorted.

Heh. Kids.

He straightened his robes and slicked his flames back, choosing to blatantly ignore his nephew as he walked past him.

Hercules had other ideas.

"It's not often you see that."

Hades stopped in his tracks and raised a mildly questioning eyebrow at the hero of Olympus. "Qué?"

"That. You actually acting nice."

"Yeah, it's not acting nice, it's being nice. Specifically, it's called being a dad. Something I'd kinda hope you'd figured out by now since, y'know, you've got one and all."

Hercules didn't meet his uncle's gaze.

"I'm just saying, I wouldn't've expected that from you. You know, you trying to act like a dad in public."

Hades narrowed his eyes and just about managed to hold back a snarl.

He took a side-step closer to the other god and hissed under his breath, "Let's get a few things straight here and now, Wonder Boy."

The god of strength folded his arms across his substantial chest and tilted his head just enough to acknowledge he was listening.

"I'm a lotta things. Most of them, I admit, not very nice. I've done a lotta things I'm not proud of to get what I want, and I've done a lotta things I didn't lose a night's sleep over to get what I want. I'm not proud of what I did to get Seph, but I love her past the edge of crazy. I'm proud to be her husband, and that lil' flame-haired terror over there? I love that kid more than I can say without him complaining that it's weird, and I'm damn proud to be his dad."

Hades didn't bother fighting the smirk spreading across his face.

"I was there when Seph gave birth to him, I've held him when he's cried, I've made him laugh, I've fed him, washed him, changed him, played with him, taught him how to walk and talk, taught him how to handle his flames and how to answer back…and I'd start a war across the heavens, the seas, the earth and Tartarus itself if someone hurt him. And I don't give a crap who sees me being a dad to him."

The Lord of the Dead turned away, fixing his gaze on Bremos as he managed to grab a tray of feta and grape-leaf parcels off the buffet table while using Hyllus as a rather wobbly step-ladder.

"And if you don't think that's what being a dad is, then what the hell are you doing?"

With that, he disappeared in a swirl of smoke and flames, reappeared next to his son and calmly wrestled the tray of feta and grape-leaf parcels away from the two young gods.

Two hours later…

"Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrooooohhhhh gods that's niiiiiiiiice."

"Enjoying yourself over there?"

Meg was stretched out face-down on a massage table while one of the many golden automatons, provided courtesy of Hephaestus, did something that looked anatomically impossible yet felt utterly amazing to her right shoulder blade.

Sprawled out on a padded recliner, Persephone groped gracelessly around for the nearest tray of pastries and managed to shovel a piece of baklava into her mouth. Another automaton waited for her to finish stuffing her face before resuming her foot massage.

"I am officially the most comfortable goddess in existence right now."

"You clearly haven't had a back massage yet."

Persephone idly flapped a hand at her best friend. "That involves moving. I'll stick with the feet pummelling, thank you."

Meg chuckled and closed her eyes. "Hmph. Your loss."

"I'll bear it somehow."

The goddess of rebirth gazed contentedly over the fire and torch-lit clearing. This was shaping up to be another excellent festival.

Peacocks proudly strutted across the grass, courtesy of Hera. Bushes covered in flowers and grape-covered vines created a path towards the buffet tables. Automatons circulated with silver platters of nectar and wine, refilling and retrieving empty goblets as they passed. The Muses had set up a small stage and were serenading anyone who walked past at the right moment, while Artemis demonstrated her archery skills to a group of rather drunk and worshipful nymphs. Athena had taken advantage of the proximity of both the music and food, and had set up a face-painting table for the younger goddesses and nymphs. Currently she was carefully painting what looked like a range of multicoloured flowers onto Iris's left cheek, while her friends Chione, Hebe and Arete watched and giggled happily.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the unmistakable shape of her mother approaching at bustling speed. Demeter's leafy headdress was slightly lopsided, and she was clutching onto a goblet of wine with a determination that only moderate to impressive tipsiness could ever provoke.

"Mom. Hey!"

Demeter wobbled to a halt at the foot of Persephone's recliner and beamed down at her daughter. "I believe there's someone here who you'd like to say hello to."

Persephone squinted and pointed a finger at her mother. "Is it whoever's opening up and watering down the casks of Egyptian beer?"

A familiar and beloved figure stepped out from behind the plant goddess. "No, but I did bring along a few amphorae of Phoenician wine for whoever's interested."

The goddess of rebirth beamed and hauled herself upright as Meg whipped her head up from the massage table.

"Asia!"

The seven-hundredth borne daughter of Oceanus and Tethys returned the smile in kind as she bent awkwardly down to hug Persephone and then Meg, white-blonde hair already frizzing slightly out of her braids. She managed to sit down at the foot of the recliner, one tanned hand resting over her swollen belly, and snagged a goblet of nectar off a passing tray.

"Happy Haloa and so forth!"

Persephone waved a dismissive hand. "Ehhh, it's a bit more for Mom and Dad than me, but anyway. How are you, and how's the bump?"

Asia laughed and patted said bump. "Kicking and pummelling whatever's in reach. If this little one turns out to be a wrestler, this'll probably count as practice."

"Trade you the head of flames I had with Bremos?"

"I'll pass. Besides, I'm already pretty sure this one's a girl."

Meg reached over and clinked goblets with the nymph. "Just wait until it's out. I was convinced Hyllus would be a girl. After I'd sobered up from the mead I remember making Hercules triple check everything before I believed he was a boy."

"So that's why you were loopy for three days after."

"Twenty minutes from oh-that's-a-contraction to baby's-out-waaaaah, and the only pain relief I could find was that mead. I think I was pretty justified in being loopy."

Asia leaned back and sipped from her goblet. "I'll remember to tell all of this to Him Indoors after this."

Persephone relaxed back into her recliner and waved a food-bearing automaton over. "Speaking of, I'm assuming your more recalcitrant half did drop-off and then headed to the temple?"

"He should be there any minute…"

"PROMETHEUS!"

Every child under the age of 13, and more than a few teenaged gods, automatically whipped their heads round at the delighted shriek.

Hades snorted, rolled his eyes and helped himself to another piece of baklava.

The sounds of dozens of plates hitting marble floors and the ensuing stampede towards the front of the temple prompted several of the less blitzed revellers to dive between the nearest columns for safety.

Proteus, having spotted the elder Titan, was first to lead the charge.

Prometheus barely had time to brace himself before the young sea god tackled him around the kneecaps, ably assisted by Bremos, Hyllus and Asclepius. Hercules led the second wave of delighted party-goers outside, and managed to quickly duck under the Titan's arm and help him to sit up.

"You think getting mobbed by a group of divine and semi-divine kids will ever get old?"

"Frankly, I hope it never does." Prometheus chuckled and started greeting each child in turn. Bremos and the rest of his little group quickly slid off the Titan's kneecaps and sat by his feet, waiting until he was able to give each of them a few moments of undivided attention.

Bacchus appeared from inside the temple, with a priest clutching a fully loaded plate and a goblet of wine in tow. He bounced over to the group, sparing a moment to pat Bremos on the head, and exchanged a fist-bump with the Titan. "Champion of humanity, right here!"

Prometheus smiled. "God of the grape, and responsible for a most impressive gathering here, I have to say!"

"Ahhh, save the compliments until later. Now, you gotta eat, drink and enjoy!"

"Ooooh, have they done the little feta pastries again?" Bronzed hands happily accepted the plate and goblet from the priest, who looked quite relieved at passing over his burden.

"Thank you, thank you. Now then…"

Prometheus quickly popped a piece of cheese in his mouth and sighed happily. "Mmm, oh, beautiful. So, does everyone want to tell me what they've been up to this year? Who wants to go first?"

A forest of multi-hued hands suddenly shot up, along with a chorus of "Me-me first-no me-I wanna go first-no me first-me me!"

The blond-headed Titan raised a finger in the air, closed one eye, and reached out to point at…

"Comus, you start."

The red-haired satyr teen cheered. "'Kay, so Dad took me out to Egypt for the first time…"

Half an hour later…

"…And that's when everything went on fire!" Bremos beamed as he finished his story.

The assembled Olympian gods and more than a few of their sons were quietly trying to sidle behind the nearest available pillars so as not to catch the eyes of either the priests or Prometheus. Zeus had his head buried in his hands, and Poseidon was doing his best to pretend he was invisible.

Hades frantically scribbled down a few more notes on the back of his Greekly World News scroll and sniggered audibly. Gods bless children for knowing everything their parents didn't want them to, and for being willing to repeat it to an audience. The stories from the satyrs alone were going to keep him in blackmail material for the next six months.

Prometheus chuckled and patted Bremos on the head. "Ohhh, fire is good, but wisdom is better. You remember that, kiddo."

He craned down slightly so that he could see the face of the last child to speak. "Telemachus? Do you want to tell us how your year's been?"

The son of Odysseus glanced up at the aged Titan's smiling face, and sadly looked back down at the ground. He could already feel the tears starting, and knew, with all the heartbroken certainty of an eight-year-old, that once he started, he wouldn't be able to stop.

The Titan caught just the barest glint of tears, but it was enough. "Oh goodness. Come here, come here."

Prometheus carefully shuffled over so that he was sitting next to the brown-haired boy in the scruffy kitan and gently wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Proteus and Hyllus quickly moved to their friend's other side, while Bremos and Asclepius covered him from the front, and shot death glares at the rest of their peers, just daring them to make fun of their friend.

"It's alright, don't worry. No-one will say anything here."

Telemachus sniffled and wiped his eyes with one of his fists.

"…Dad still hasn't come home, a-and there's a whole load'a princes and lords at home and they all wanna marry Mom and they keep sayin' Dad's dead…"

"He ain't dead, Tel!" Bremos frowned and tried to bend down enough so that he could look his friend in the eye.

"My mom an' dad look every week t'see if he's in the Underworld, an' they've never saw him once. Right, Dad?"

He cast a look at his father, the familiar smirk now gone entirely from Hades's face and replaced with rare seriousness.

Hades nodded quietly. "Not even a peep. And the dead ain't as quiet as you think."

"See? Dad knows he's not dead."

Prometheus quickly offered Telemachus a clean corner of his napkin to dry his eyes properly. "What do these so-called princes and lords say?"

"…They just keep sayin' Dad's dead an' that Mom needs t'marry one of 'em an' have more babies…an' they keep eatin' all our food an'…an' goin' off with the servants…"

"And what does your mother say?"

Telemachus finally smiled a slightly watery smile.

"She just…just laughs at 'em an' says there's no way Dad's dead, she'd know in her heart if he was, and until she knows one way or th'other for sure, they ain't gettin' anythin'."

"And that is a wonderful thing that she knows." Prometheus suddenly stood up, stretched his arms above his head, and moved towards the small lake in the temple grounds, gesturing for his audience to follow. The hoard of children, mortals and immortals alike, charged after him with curiosity in their eyes.

Hades, Zeus and Poseidon glanced at each other, then rolled their eyes and slouched off in the direction of their offspring.

Careless of the clay now coating the edges of his robes, Prometheus mixed some sand into the thick glops of murky water by the edge of the lake, dug out a handful of clay and rolled it between his tanned palms.

"Now, who doesn't know about how humans first came to be?"

A smattering of hands shot up, some covered in food, others in mud. These were the youngest members of the group.

"Well, let's get everyone up to speed then."

The Titan found a rock to sit on, and started to form a familiar shape with his ball of clay.

"Long ago, after the war against Cronus had been won, there were only the gods and the Titans. There were no animals and no humans, and Earth was getting…well, kind of dull frankly. So, one day, the gods gave me and my brother, Epimetheus, a giant sack. In that sack, were all the abilities of humans and animals alike. We were to see what we could create out of clay, to give all our creations different talents, and to bring whatever we made to Hephaestus's workshop. He would bake the clay and bring our creatures to life."

Several members of the audience were now making their own clay creations, mud splattering over clean robes and faces alike.

"Well, I sat down, and I already had an idea of what I wanted to make. I would make something in the image of the gods and the Titans alike, something they could admire, and look after like they were their own children."

The ball of clay now had recognisable limbs.

"Unfortunately, my brother also had some ideas. And he went a little bit nuts with his clay creatures. I'd just gotten around to sorting out the legs on my creature when I took a lunch break, turned around, and found Epimetheus surrounded, and I mean surrounded, by all these different animals. Lions, bears, goats, sheep, wolves, so many different creatures I couldn't even count them all."

Prometheus chuckled as he formed a head on his clay figure.

"That was when I found out he'd also gotten into the sack of abilities. He'd given each animal one particular quality. Lions had a roar, goats had great yellow eyes, bears could climb trees…every animal had a talent, but when I looked in the bag, there was nothing left in there for my little creation."

Behind the group of children, and armed with an amphora of wine, Zeus glowered and poured himself a fresh goblet. He knew what was coming.

"I'm not ashamed to say I panicked, just a bit. Epimetheus had been very generous, but not very smart. So I had to be smart instead. I got my brother to cover for me, and show the gods all the animals, and while their backs were turned, I snuck up to Olympus, right into Hephaestus's workshop, and I stole the knowledge of Hephaestus and Athena, along with a little ember of fire, hidden in a fennel stalk."

The god of the forge was giving him the stink-eye from the back of the group. Prometheus ignored it.

"I got back just in time, and gave my little human the knowledge of creation and the gift of fire. By the time the gods had worked out what had happened, my human, and all those like it, had already been bought to life!"

He held up a figure that only Zeus recognised. The god of thunder hunched down as much as possible and hid his face in his goblet.

The assorted children squinted at the clay figure. Proteus was the first to point out the obvious.

"Why's it got a double of everything?"

The clay figure had two sets of legs, two sets of arms, two heads, but only one body. Prometheus carefully held the figure up and turned it round.

"Because that's the way I originally made humans. I created them with one heart supporting two souls and two bodies, the part of them they would always share and take strength from. Soulmates. We gods and Titans didn't get it right and were born without our soulmates, so I though we should get it right for humanity. But someone," here he shot a very pointed glare at Zeus, "someone decided that humans should be the mirror image of the gods, no soulmate with them at birth, so he sliced them in half with a thunderbolt, and threw each human to the opposite ends of the earth, so they could never find their soulmate."

Quite a few of Zeus's children and grandchildren were giving him very annoyed looks.

"But, humans are far smarter and more tenacious than that god gave them credit for. There are humans who have managed to find their soulmates again, despite all the pain, all the hardship and all the grief. And that knowledge, that strength, never leaves them, no matter what each of them might go through."

Telemachus, sitting near the front, looked at the fused figure, and then up at the Titan.

"Are my mom and dad…do you think they're soulmates?"

Prometheus smiled down at him. "I think so, yes. You just trust your mother; she knows her heart and your father's, and she knows what to do until he comes home."

With that thought, the ache in Telemachus's chest started to ease just a bit.

Proteus, however, kept squinting at the clay model.

"So you made all humans look like that?"

The aged Titan stared at the figure. "More or less, yes."

"But you can't tell which one's a boy and which one's a girl."

Prometheus held back a laugh. "Because that's also part of their design. I made men with women, women with women, and men with men. Sometimes it's obvious and sometimes it's not. But soulmates are soulmates and love is love. What genitals they have don't matter, and are no-one's business but theirs."

The young sea-god thought about this for a few seconds, then shrugged. "Okay."

With that, the entire group got to work on making clay animals and humans alike.

Several hours later…

"Dad."

From his conjured smoke recliner beside the lake, Hades continued to snore.

"Daaaaaaaad."

The noise started to filter through to the Lord of the Dead's brain.

"Dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad—"

"Alright, alright, alright, I'm awake! Sheez, kid, that was unbelievably annoying."

Bremos, now encased in a thick layer of mud and assorted food items, snorted. "I just did what you taught me to do."

"Oh joy." Hades lifted his head from his recliner cushion and swung his legs over the side, scrubbing a hand over his face. A quick glance around confirmed that the rest of the assembled adults and children were departing for the temple for another round of food and drink, and potentially bedtime in the case of the youngest partygoers. "…Time is it?"

"Priest says it's midnight."

"Midni-" His brain finally kicked itself awake at that.

"Any of the girls turn up yet?"

"Mmm, Nana Demmy's turned up in a cart singing something about a goblin and Grandpa Bacchus had to carry her into the temple, but I don't see Mom anywhere."

A sudden flash of white light appeared at the foot of the recliner.

"Weeeeeeee!"

Bremos rolled his eyes. "Scrap that, she's here."

The light faded away as Persephone fell almost face-first onto the recliner, somehow not spilling a drop of her rather full wine goblet. Bremos quickly backed out of the way, and winced as his father managed to catch his mother mid-dive.

Hades carefully retrieved the goblet from his wife's grasp and set it on the ground, waiting for her to get comfortable.

"Good night babe?"

Persephone twisted round until she was leaning back against Hades's chest. "Ohhhh yes. Probably shouldn't've drunk quite that much, but meh, it's all pretty watered down."

She gestured for Bremos to sit beside her. "So how was your night sweetie? Did Prometheus turn up?"

Bremos, after doing a quick check to make sure none of his friends were about, snuggled into his mother's side, smearing clay and pastry into the warm grey silk. "Yeah, he did the creation of man, and about soul mates, then he told us about being a visiting lecturer at Pro Ac and asked about what stuff he needed to know before he became a dad."

"So what stuff did you tell him?"

The god of the undead lay back and starting ticking items off on his fingers. "Don't yell at them for setting anything on fire, it's not their fault. No kid eats boiled veggies, so don't bother. Oooh, and the puddle on the hallway carpet is definitely the dog's fault."

Persephone exchanged a look with her smirking husband. "This advice sounds strangely Underworld-specific."

"Get your excuses in early, that's what Dad said."

"Nice blame-shifting kid, thanks for that."

Hades looped his arms around his wife and son and stared up at the night sky for a few moments, appreciating moment of relative calm in the sea of noise surrounding the temple. He could feel Persephone's heart beating steadily through the silk of her dress, and the heat of his son's mop of flames against his arm.

These were the moments he enjoyed the most, when the three of them could just be together as a family, without any pretences to keep the outside world happy. They happened less frequently than he liked, after Bremos had started maintaining that public hugs and parental affections were for wimps and/or girls. Strangely enough, the young god of the undead never put up more than a token five second protest about family hugs after he had been away from the Underworld for six months, and didn't even bother with the token protest the night before he and his mother were due to go up to Olympus.

Eventually, he heard Bremos's breathing growing shallower as he finally dozed off.

He made a vague move to pick his son up, but Persephone got there first, scooping her arms under Bremos's skinny frame and hoisting him safely into her embrace.

"Wait there."

She disappeared in a flash of light. Another heartbeat, and she was back, arms empty.

"Hercules is putting Hyllus down for the night while he waits for Meg, so he's got Bremos."

Hades reclined back and smirked. "So that means we're child-free for at least a few hours. Any suggestions on how we should pass the time?"

"Well…"

Persephone stretched out on the recliner next to her husband and toyed with his toga pin.

"There is what my dad refers to as 'the after-party'."

"What, the priests' blessings, fertility prayers and the encouragement to 'appreciate the privacy of the forests'? Isn't that just an excuse for some al fresco—"

He stopped as his wife raised a pointed eyebrow and his mind caught up with the suggestion. "…Ooooooooooh."

Hades leered and snapped his fingers.

As the scenery around them changed from the immaculately maintained temple grounds to the wildness of the Arcadian forests, Persephone settled into Hades's lap and removed one pin from the shoulder of her dress.

"Just to check…" Hades fought mightily and temporarily suppressed the wave of lust that always hit when there was even a tiny possibility of his wife getting naked.

"…If we're going along with this, this is us venerating and honouring your parents, right?"

"In the most technical sense, yes."

"So that's my venerating and honouring my in-laws done for this year. Sweet."

Persephone rolled her eyes and reached up to unclasp her other dress pin. "Can we focus on the matter in hand, please?"

"It's not in hand yet, but give me a few minutes…"

"Oh, shut up." She kissed him hard enough to break his control and let the other dress pin drop to the forest floor.

After that, there were no more words until sunrise.

Persephone discovered she was pregnant six weeks later.

TBC

Hades: That last line – what the hell!?

Melora: One, it's the only way I could think of to cover the whole Menthe thing, and two, how you deal with the bad times is at least as important as how you deal with the good.

Hades: I can already tell this won't be pleasant for anyone involved.

Melora: It's also in the past, and you know that everything will be OK after that, so this is developing the backstory. Or something along those lines.

Hades: Or it's just a method for you to inflict vast amounts of suffering.

Melora: Eh, swings and roundabouts.