Lost in Oblivion
Life is good as I thought to myself sitting on the train. It could be worse; I have a great family, wonderful friends and an amazing job.
- But why do I feel so lost. -
I sat staring into oblivion as the train rushed into the darkness past each station, one by one. People came and went. There was nothing to look at except for the silly advertisements and the tired faces of everyone making their way to work. Just like me they were all dozing off.
How embarrassing would it be to fall asleep on the train, I would probably miss my stop.
Struggling to keep my eyes open, the train finally arrived at King station, downtown. The doors open and people rush out like a river becoming undammed.
Slowly waking from my daydreaming, I begin the great migration to the office. As I journey my way out of the station and onto the street. The downtown core of Toronto sweeps you away. It is like being at the bottom of a canon with glass and steel rising up above you. The breeze is funnelled down churning into a wind that fly's every which way. The wind picks my hair up as if it was like loose feathers trying to fly away.
Damn it, now my hair is a mess. Quickly as I tame this wild beast, I glance at my watch that says nine twenty am. Crap, I'm already late, today is going to be a fantastic day I thought sarcastically.
While channelling my inner phantom, I creep across the lobby towards the office. Nine thirty five the clock above the receptionist says mockingly.
Slipping coolly across the office l finally arrive at my desk. Yeah, I'm not late; nobody saw me.
"HHHEEEYYY!" howled an overly enthusiastic voice as I was finally sorting myself out.
I can see her; Kate is walking towards me eagerly to announce her presence.
"Hey girl" Kate said.
"What's up, you're very excited this morning." I replied.
"Anastasia Steele" she commanded," it is your birthday and we are going to celebrate".
"Tonight" I huffed. Great, I just turned twenty three today and I haven't lived a day of my life, what will change now.
"Yes, it is Friday, you are coming to my apartment and we are going out" she said enthusiastically.
Sounding slightly annoyed I replied "you should have asked last night, I would have brought some clothes and stuff with me today".
"Never you mind, I have everything you need" said Kate.
I really don't mind going out and having fun, but I have become rather lazy and this sort of shenanigans just doesn't interest me anymore.
"You should really think about moving downtown with me, I have an extra room that I could rent to you super cheap. That way you wouldn't be late for work anymore" she said with a hug smile on her face.
"Late" I said theatrically, deep down I was a little embarrassed that someone noticed my arrival time.
Kate smiled and spun around gracefully on her heel to leave and let me get back to work.
Jack Hyde has just entered the room. His presence sends a small shiver down my spine. He's such a creeper.
"Good morning Ana" he said.
"We are having a meeting, t-minus 5 minutes. You are expected doll," Jack saying with a mouth full of cheezies.
Who says that, he must read too many comic books or something, everything that comes out of his mouth that isn't food is so awkward and embarrassing to hear.
Just before lunch I watch Jack in the corner of my eye, I can see him making a fuss over the fact that he just jammed up the printer and is giving the secretary Lydia a hard time about it.
Jack needs to relax; he is going to give himself a heart attack one of these days.
Suddenly he picks up the printer and throws it across the room.
Wow someone really flipped a lid this morning; although this isn't exactly out of the ordinary behaviour for Jack. Two weeks ago, he picked up a decorative stone ball when he lost his temper and threw it through the glass aquarium in the lobby.
"Mister Hyde" blasted Wayne, the head of Toronto Independent Media "you need to control these outbursts or I will file a complaint with HR".
Great, Jack's ego has just been smacked across the face, he is going to be in a foul mood all day and we all know he is going to take it out on everyone in the office.
Five thirty didn't come soon enough; Kate was waiting for me to meet her at the front. She looked like she just woken up from a peaceful slumber and was on vacation all week. Stress doesn't affect her the same way it does most mortal people.
"Hey, how was your day, I heard what Jack did." Kate said with a fierce grin on her face."He is such a loser".
"I was there; he was so tense all day. Wayne threatened him today about going off the deep end again." I said.
"Do you think he is becoming mentally unstable" asked Kate.
"That would make a lot of sense."
"Oh well, lets get rolling, I have some new movies we should watch and then we can get ready and go out," Kate said diverting the conversation.
"We are going to have to take the subway, I hope you don't mind" said Kat.
"Like the subway is a foreign entity to me" I said sarcastically as we both laughed.
"Ethan has my car; he's taking out some bridle path princess tonight. Her name is Mia Grey, have you ever heard of her."
"No, I don't believe I know anyone from the bridle path," I said.
The subway wasn't nearly as busy as this morning, but more and more people filled up the car as we cruised westward towards the direction of Kate's apartment.
I scanned the car briefly, nothing particularity caught my eye. Occasionally the odd person comes on the train and they are dressed like a clown or something similar to one.
While waiting for our stop to arrive, I notice a skeleton of a man. He looked devoid of any life or emotion. Yet, he physically resembled something more closely to a Greek god than a person. He radiated an extremely intimidating ambience around himself. Everyone standing near him made sure they stood at least two feet away. A very rough, almost dangerous looking person, as if he had just wrestled a lion with his bare hands. This man was sitting there just minding his own business staring at the ground, withdrawn and intense.
Suddenly I feel dark grey eyes burning into my soul. His gaze rips through my chest sucking the air out of my lungs.
Ding, the sound of my heart stopping, no it's our subway stop arriving and I quickly manoeuvre my way out of the train as fast as I possibly can. The charge those eyes just gave me was like an electrical shock to my system, something I never experienced before. I can feel the beat of my heart thumping up out of my ears and down through my toes.
"Let's go Ana," Kate ushering me through the subway station, "we're on a schedule".
Hastily we made it up to her apartment. The view from her window was a perfectly framed the city.
As we watch one of the movies, we ate pasta and had wine, a meal fit for two queens.
While sitting on the couch watching the last movies, I struggle to try and remove the look of those grey eyes from my mind. They have me totally bewitched.
A wave of anxiety overwhelms me as I thought. He must think I am some sort of creep, staring at people on the train. Oh why can't I just whip this memory from my mind, it will torture me for the rest of my life.
There is only one way to remove this vision from my mind and its name is alcohol. I am not one to go on binges. Considering the circumstances, I will be making a special exception tonight.
After spending two hours of fusing and primping, both me a Kate are ready. A couple of our friends came over and we will be going out as a group.
"How are you feeling" said Kate addressing my overly enthusiastic behaviour, which is substantially out of the ordinary for me.
"I feel fabulous" I said with both my hands in the air. Boy do I feel good. We started drinking while we where getting ready and now I not quite sure how good my makeup looks.
The rest of the night was a blur but I knew it was fun.
As I wake up, I feel the gaze of grey eyes flow through my mind. Damn it, the embarrassment of that awkward moment is festering inside of me again. I looked over and I could see Kate watching TV.
"What time is it?" I ask.
"6 a.m." Kate muttered "How do you feel."
"Pretty good, actually," I said with a sigh, "how about you".
"I feel like I've been just hit by a truck," she said with a pained look on her face, "are you ready for part two tonight".
All I do is let out a loud groan.
"I think I need to go home and get some clean underwear and a tooth brush."
"Just make sure you come back."
As I get up I can feel the alcohol dripping from my pores. I pull back my hair and pin it up. I grab a pair of Kate's Yoga pants, pair of running shoes and a white t-shirt. Quickly as I am dressed, I clean up my face and give Kate a farewell wave. I think she might have fallen asleep again.
The light in the sky is low, it is very early. I quickly scramble across the living room floor and I notice Laura and Sarah passed out on the couch. Silently I close the door and make my way down the apartment building.
Standing at the edge subway platform I can hear the low hum of the train arriving. The breeze of the train flows through and slowly the train comes to a stop and the doors slide open. I walk like a zombie staggering to sit. My head is starting to hurt, why I didn't just sleep in is beyond me.
Someone across the seat near me whispers, "Are you alright."
Lacking the strength to look up, I reply grimly, "I'm fine."
"You don't look to good; your face has a sort of green look to it," the person replies.
Whatever, I let out a quiet groan.
"You should probably be home resting," the voice lectures.
Whose business is it to tell me what to do? I look up with an aggravated frown across my face and into the eyes that I saw not less than a day ago. I briefly sat shocked and without suppression of my verbal auto pilot, my lips move, "what is it to you, you don't look any better," I said with a little sass escaping from my voice.
Shit, what the heck did I just say? Where is my verbal censorship when I need it?
Hoy crap, he looks like he just had the shit kicked out of him. He had a massive black eye and large bruises cascading across his arms and face. His knuckles where oozing with blood.
"Are you okay," I said with utter shock plastered across my face.
He retreats to himself as if I didn't ask the question and looks down to the ground saying nothing. I sat in silence for the next ten minutes as the train continued to move not moving a muscle. I can feel my heart beating through my head, unable to move sitting paralyzed across from this man. He barely shows any sign of life for nearly ten minutes as well. Then the sound of a ring of the subway car dances across the speaker and the train comes to a stop.
This isn't my stop, but I see him move to get up, briefly he looks into my eyes for fraction of a second and in response I slightly bite my lip as he gets up to leave. Why did I just do that, it must be like a nervous twitch or something.
As the Subway doors close, I feel every muscle in my body relax and I dramatically exhale.
Wow, that was so intense. I must have barely breathed for that whole time, I felt like passing out sitting there.
Those grey eyes where the same ones I saw yesterday, yet the person I saw today looked as if he had be dragged beneath a bus. Something must have happened last night; it looked like he was bad news. I was able to get a clear picture of him sitting on the train across from me.
He towered over everyone else, and I'd say 6'5" give or take a couple of inches. I didn't smell any alcohol on him and he didn't look like a drug user. But he was definitely did not look like an outstanding citizen. Maybe he is a criminal, something like that. Any which way, he was bad news by his looks. But Jesus Christ was he good looking.