House let out a heavy sigh as his fingers dipped into the painful hole in his thigh, but when he took a deep breath he felt some hairs tickle his nose followed by the scent of James's vanilla shampoo. He smiled as he opened his eyes looking at the back of James's head, to the outside world, Vanilla was a perfect match for the mama's boy Wilson. It was normal, liked by all, and had even been proved effective at comforting people, but there was a lot more to his James than the boring, ordinary man that rest of the world saw like... House gritted his teeth as the pain from his leg ripped him way from his thought, as if reminding him that it was what had awakened him. He slowly moved away from James, not wanting to disturb him, partly because he didn't want to upset him and partly because he didn't want James to see him in pain. House laid on his back looking up through the huge sky light as he kept his lips firmly together while choking down a moan in his throat while his fingers prodded at the tender flesh. The seconds ticked away as he hoped that his muscle would relax some, then the minutes and after close to an hour of pain so bad he was sweating and breathing calculatedly he knew he'd need to get up to take a soak. He was silent as he made it over to the edge of the bed and carefully moved his right leg off the edge, then turned as he sat up letting both legs dangle off the side. He looked at the clock to see it was only 5:13 am and sighed, he would have to get in a nap sometime today. House moved to the very edge of the bed letting his left foot get firmly on the ground before delicately putting the ball of his right foot to the ground. He shift his weight some to the right leg and gasped at the pain then his eyes scanned the room for his trusty cane. Luckily he had placed it by the nightstand and grabbed it up quickly. He stood up on his left leg, letting his right lower ever so hesitantly until it too was on the ground flat, then tested putting some weight on it, the pain that shot through him as his knee started to buckle was worse than usual. He used the cane to keep himself up and grabbed the pills on the nightstand then slowly made his way to the bathroom.
Twenty minutes passed before he started to feel the muscle finally loosen and he smiled as he was once again pleased that he'd upgraded the tub to a two person jacuzzi back when Stacy and him were together. As the hot water moved in the jacuzzi he's thoughts went back to James and looked at the bite mark on his shoulder. There was still some dried blood on it so he used his rag to clean it up and smiled a the symbolic gesture James and him had shared. He'd never dreamed that James would reciprocate or that he'd do so with such an intensity, maybe James actually loved him as much as he loved him.
He let out a heavy sigh as the idea of never being alone again crossed his mind making him feel a deep warmth in his chest that seemed to make him feel whole. It had been so long since he'd even dared to let himself imagine such a world where he wasn't alone that it was a little frightening but more than anything it was exciting. He wanted to scream it from the top of mountain for all to hear, that he, Gregory House, was no longer a lone wolf and that he was in love with James Wilson. With that thought his smile faded some, Jimmy didn't want others to know. He wondered if it was possible that last night had changed his opinion on that, but he sighed in defeat, knowing it probably hadn't. One night of great sex and intimacy, no matter how amazing it had been, wasn't going to change the fact that Wilson wanted to be seen as good guy, and being homosexual didn't fit Wilson's idea of that. He swallowed as he turned off the jacuzzi and wished there was some way to change his mind.
Wilson woke up to the sun beating down on him and blinked rapidly as he set up in the bed. He smiled as the events from last night welcomed him while looking around the room. He looked around at the bed a little disappointed as he didn't see House and then looked at the clock to see it was already 9:48 am. He was a little annoyed with himself for sleeping so late, especially since he was fairly certain that House had woken up early, as he always did, with leg pain. He jumped out of bed noticing two doors and two closets with double folding doors. He went to the door closest to him to find it was locked and became curious but needed to pee so he started towards the other one.
"Your breakfast is already cold you lazy ass!" House yelled from down below as he heard James moving about up stairs.
Wilson walked over to the balcony to look down and see House already dressed and sitting on the couch with a newspaper in his hand. He frowned as the first thought that hit him was that House had walked down the stairs on his own and could have fallen, then he shook his head, did he mention breakfast? "You cooked?" he asked with surprise, since House hadn't really touched a stove since going back to work.
House looked up at him with his reading glasses on the tip of his nose. "Lord no! What do I look like, you're maid? I had breakfast delivered from the restaurant and I didn't even use your card to pay." He said with a smirk.
Wilson shook his head as he smiled, "Which means you didn't pay for it at all."
"Of course not! Have you seen how ridiculous those prices are? Whoever owns this place is making a killing off these people," House answered with a wicked smile.
Wilson laughed, "Did you at least tip the delivery guy?"
House sighed loudly in mock frustration, "You mean Juan? You know delivery drivers have names too, even if they're Mexican." He smirked as he saw Wilson roll his eyes, "Yes, I gave him a twenty."
"From my wallet I presume?" Wilson said back running his hands through his hair.
"Actually from my own wallet, and you call me an ass," House said back with mock irritation.
"Really?" Wilson said back skeptically.
House looked Wilson over, since the railing had big gaps for the supports he could see most of Wilson naked body. "You know if you keep teasing me like this I'm going to be forced to climb those stairs again and if that happens we're not getting out of the bed until tomorrow." He said with smile, "Not that I have a problem with that, I'm just letting you know."
Wilson looked confused and then it hit him that he was completely nude and his eyes darted around to see the windows behind House were open. "Jesus House, you could have said something instead of letting me flash anyone that might walk by," he said gesturing to the windows as he grabbed a shirt and held it over his privates.
"But what would be the fun in that, plus I want all the passersby to know exactly what piece of hot ass I'm getting. That way when I brag they know it's true." He said wagging his eyebrows.
"Whatever, I'm taking a shower," Wilson stated and walked off. He opened the bathroom door and was impressed by the large bathroom. It was the size of medium sized bedroom which had a huge shower with a bench that was built into it with tiles and four large rain style shower head dropping out of the ceiling of it. There was also the two person jacuzzi sitting in a corner, two separated toilets (which he made use of) with a wall in between them and shutter style doors. He walked over to the double vanity that was a good eight foot long with a mirror stretching the entire distance from the counter tops all the way to the ceiling. "Not bad House, not bad at all," he said looking around it, many of the features in it were still luxury features in a bathroom and he couldn't have imagined seeing such a bathroom back in 1978 when it was built. He slid open the glass door and for the first time since he was a young child he felt small in the shower. He noticed that on the bench there were the mini toiletries with the resorts logo on them with a rag and figured that would have to do. He smiled at the old style of the knobs and that there were four of them, one for each shower head. He turned on one, staying out of the water until it was warm then got under it and washed his hair, but decided to have on two for the rest of his shower which was quite invigorating. He kept imagining how great it would be to have sex in the shower with Greg bent down on the bench or even sitting on the edge of it with his legs draped over his shoulder and he had to wonder if that was the purpose of the built in bench in the first place. He walked out and grabbed a towel off one of the hooks by the shower making his way to the vanity and stopped a he saw his hard on in the mirror. It wasn't like he didn't know it was there, it was just he'd never really seen himself sporting one in a mirror before and his hand stroked it some which for some reason he found exotic. He took a step back to get a better view of himself and noticed the dark hickey that House had left on him which made him stoke himself some more and as he looked at the mirror seeing his dilated eyes and his hand moving on his hard cock he felt both naughty and sexy at the same time. He stopped himself from continuing reluctantly but smiled knowing that even though jacking off in front of the mirror was pretty good, that sharing it with Greg would be better. He got dressed quickly, 'forgetting' to put on his underwear and ran down the stairs. "Hey," he said casually walking to the kitchen slowly.
House of course had looked up when he came running down the stairs. He swallowed as he took at Wilson wet hair and the way his shirt was sticking to his torso with hard nipples, and then his eyebrows shot up as his gaze lowered to see the obvious hard on that was pressed against James's jeans. "Hey," he said watching closely at the way Wilson moved, especially his rear end and decided to join him in the kitchen.
Wilson found the foam container on the counter, and before he could say anything he saw a plate appear to the side of it.
"Is this what you needed?" House said in a deep soft voice as his body, ever so slightly brushed against James.
Wilson smiled knowing that Greg hadn't meant that nearly as innocently as it would have sounded to anyone listening. He wanted to play this game with Greg though, he wanted to see which one of them would let in first. "Why thank you, it's nice of you to give me a hand," he said looking over his shoulder at Greg who smirked back at him.
House loved games, especially ones he knew he could win. "Well that's what friends are for right? Anything else you would like me to help you with?"
Wilson's mind went to a very naughty place of a moment and then he shook his head smiling, "Not unless you have a blow dryer, it just feels weird to have my head this wet." He said and put the food on the plate.
House took a step back and leaned back against the counter as James put his food in the microwave. "Jimmy, I think you forgot something," he said looking at James's crack.
"What?" Wilson said looking back and suddenly his cheeks blushed as he already knew what Greg was going to say.
"Your underwear," House said innocently with winning smile.
Wilson turned even redder as the words left Greg's lips. "Oh I didn't forget, sometimes I just like to go commando," he said back hoping to play it cool.
House shook head and tisked, "Now lying is a bad bad thing to do. You wouldn't want to get a spanking, would you?" He said with knowing look. "As much as I've seen of you're ass over the years I would know if you ever went commando and you don't. You usually even sleep in your underwear."
Wilson stood up taller, "Maybe you're wrong, maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do."
House thought about that some and let his fingers glide gently over where James had bit him on the shoulder, "Maybe I don't, but tell me Jimmy, why go commando today of all days?"
Wilson eyes were still locked on the place he'd bit Greg on the shoulder, "Can I see?" He asked with concern.
House pulled his shirt off with one fluid motion and he frowned as James's eyebrows knitted together and his hand hesitantly touched the mark as he grimaced at it. "It's fine," House said in a commanding way, not liking the look of guilt of regret on James's features about something that had meant so much to him.
Wilson met Greg's eyes and could tell instantly that he'd offended him by his actions. "It just looks like it hurts is all and you're already in pain so much of the time," he tried to explain while looking at the dark bruises surrounding it and the impression of his teeth on Greg's skin. House pulled back from James and put back on his shirt then turned to leave but Wilson put a hand on his shoulder stopping him. He'd seen the hurt in Greg's eyes before he turned. "I love you and I don't regret the meaning it holds, just that it had to hurt. Don't take it the wrong way," Wilson said meaningfully.
House turned around to face him, "I don't even notice it over the constant throbbing in my leg. It isn't hurting me and I don't like you acting like it shouldn't have happened. For once in you're life you let go of the control and allowed yourself to express something that I think was pretty amazing, but you don't see that when you look at it, you see guilt. Maybe it doesn't mean to you what it meant to me, maybe you're changing your mind about all of this again."
Wilson swallowed, even though Greg's face looked calm he'd heard a slight shake in his voice and knew he was more scared than irritated. "How could you think that after last night I would do that?"
House sighed, "I don't know James, I thought last night was incredible, but I thought the same thing about Wednesday night, but evidently that was just you comforting a friend." He said bitterly while keeping his face composed.
Wilson was starting to go from sympathetic to frustrated fast, "I got scared! Look it up in your dictionary, it's one of those feeling that normal human being have. I would give you some example but the kind of things that scare most people don't even seem to faze you, like being told you're going to be fired, or doing risky procedures that could kill someone, or riding a motorcycle above the speed limit on icy roads. Sorry I'm not an emotionless bastard like you!" He yelled spitefully and regretted it as he saw House face become stone cold.
House looked him in the eyes, after opening up to James over the last months and even more over the last couple of days the words that usually would have rolled off of him like a drop of water on a duck, now seemed to chill him to the bone. "Nice," he said and walked back over to the couch and sat down.
Wilson sighed as he watch Greg walk away from him. The microwaved beeped letting him know that he'd never gotten his food out and he opened it looking at the food with little interest. He wasn't nearly as hungry as he had been two minutes ago. He ate silently at the table, looking over to House who was looking though the newspaper. When he was done he rinsed off his plate and put it in the dishwasher, and threw away his foam container. He slowly walked over to the couch to see House ignoring him with his right leg propped up on the coffee table. "You mind if I sit down," he asked hoping to get an idea of how mad House was at him.
"Do whatever you want," House said not even glancing up at him.
Wilson sighed as he knew avoiding the conversation would only make things worse. "I didn't mean it."
"Great," House said back with no interest as he kept looking at the paper.
Wilson wanted to throw that stupid paper away so they could have a real conversation, but figured that since he was the one that had taken things too far he needed to play on House's terms. "I know you've been trying to open up ever since rehab, and honestly you've been doing a really good job. A year ago if I'd called you that it would have been true, but it isn't anymore."
House looked at him from around the side of the paper and decided that it was a true apology. "It's fine, we're good," he said back honestly. He knew even though the words had cut him, that he'd done more than enough over the years to have deserved them.
Wilson put a hand on House's left leg, "You sure," he asked and Greg nodded giving him a half smile. Wilson smiled back and sighed loudly, "You were right, I never go commando."
House put down the paper finding this topic far more interesting. "Which brings me to the question you never answered, why today?"
Wilson blushed some, "It's embarrassing."
House grinned, "Well don't stop there, now you really have me peeked."
"I kind of got horny thinking about you in the shower this morning and..." Wilson was cut off.
"You were thinking of all the different positions we could 'do it' on the built in bench," House said with a smirk.
Wilson scoffed with a smile, "You did put the bench in there for that, didn't you?"
"Of course I did, well that and I thought it would be useful when I had a hangover, but mainly for kinky sex." House explained with smirk.
"Anyway, I thought that if I showed up commando that I might... we might... you know," he said losing his nerve to say it.
House smiled knowing exactly what James had thought would happen and even though the idea of have a sexual escapade with James was something he wanted to do, he knew it wasn't something he needed to do. They had taken a long weekend to talk and work through things. "I'm scare too." He said softly looking at James.
Wilson nodded a little surprised that both of their clothes were still on or that House wasn't giving him hell about not actually saying the word 'sex'. "I know."
House shook his head sadly, "I don't think you do. James, I've wanted this for most of our relationship. I've seen you get married twice in that time and divorced three times. I lost Stacy because at first I didn't know how to forgive her for breaking my trust in her and then I pushed her away because I knew I couldn't handle it if she left me again. Right now in my life I don't have much. I have just started to believe I might can trust Nolan, lost the small friendship I had in Cuddy, and my mother and me never have and probably never will be close." He sighed and looked down, "I broke before Mayfield and I've been scrambling to try and put back pieces of myself I'd forgotten about or didn't even know existed and you've been the glue James, if I lose you... I don't know what will happen." He said glancing over at him and then back down at the carpet. "It scares the shit out me, but if I didn't tell you how felt, if I didn't fight for this, then I'd be ignoring a lot of big issues that I need to work on to get better, like trust, commitment, and opening myself up for the chance at something better."
Wilson was stunned for a moment, House was actually initiating a deep conversation about emotions. As much as he'd always wanted for them to share talks like this he found that now that it was here he afraid, afraid that he would say the wrong thing and House would close back up like the vault he'd been so long. He felt like he was walking on egg shells as he thought about what he should say back.
House sighed looking over at Wilson anxiously, "Just tell me what you're thinking, honesty is all I really need from you right now."
Wilson swallowed, "Alright, honestly.. I've been waiting for years for us to be able to have deep conversations like this, but I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing and ruining it."
House smiled some and turned so he what facing Wilson better. "We took this long weekend so we could really talk about things between us and I think that's really important. There are a lot of things I know I need to share with you, things I should have shared with you a long time ago and even though I'm not really good at this yet, I'm going to try the best I can not to push you away or lock you out anymore, even if the new part of our relationships doesn't end up working out. You don't have to be afraid to talk to me, just be honest, with yourself and me."
Wilson smiled back, "Yeah. Well I never knew I meant that much to you, to be honest I never really thought you needed anyone. You've made it though some really hard things and I'm ashamed to say that I wasn't always there for you during those times. It didn't help that you seemed to push me away or refused to talk about what was going on, but as your friend I still shouldn't have left you alone. I'm not sure if it was because I felt useless or because I afraid I couldn't handle watching you drown in front of me. I just know that it was pointless for me to leave you because I worry about you just as much from the sidelines as I did when I was standing beside you." He said with a sad smile.
House sighed, "Only you would worry about someone like me. Why do you care so much?"
Wilson thought about that, "I don't know, I guess it's because I've always felt a need to help people and I like being needed. It makes me feel useful." He looked down, "My bother, Danny, he always needed me and I used to act like it bothered me, which it did at times, but for the most part I loved knowing that I was one of the only people he would come to."
House chewed his lip some, "Do you think that's the reason we've been friends so long, because you're one of the only people I trust and will come to?"
"I think that's part of it, but it isn't just that. You're not boring, you're different from anyone I've ever met. You are blunt and harsh about the things that most people handle tenderly, and on the things that most people are more blunt about you talk in code and use subtle gestures. You act erratic and out of control at times, but you aren't. Everything you do is calculated, sometimes I can figure out the reasons and sometimes I can't." Wilson could see that Greg looked a little relieved, "You said that for once in my life I let go of the control and that you thought it was amazing, but have you ever let go of the control Greg?"
House looked down, "I let go of my control in Mayfield."
"I'm not talking about letting up on your stubbornness, I'm talking about letting your emotions out, raw and unedited," Wilson said softly.
House swallowed as he looked James. "When I was a child, if I cried or got upset, I wasn't comforted, I was punished, same thing if I got too happy or excited and started getting obnoxious."
"By you're father?" Wilson asked and Greg nodded. "How did he punish you?"
House looked down and took a deep breath letting it out slowly, "Ice baths, making me sleep out side, taking away meals for the day; things like that. It seemed worse when I was younger, I'm not sure if that was because it happened more often then or if I just became use to it over the years."
"So he abused you, even when he wasn't drunk?" Wilson both asked and stated.
"Yes," House said in a strained whisper as he look up to meet James eyes, "but he never actually hit me unless he was drunk."
"Of course, because that would make him a real bastard," Wilson said sarcastically. "Forcing a child to sleep out side, or go hungry, or into a bone chilling ice bath is that bad at all, he was taking it easy on you."
House frowned, "That's how he always made it sound, the things he threatened to do when I got into trouble..." he swallowed as he looked away. "It could have been a lot worse."
Wilson sighed sadly as he could see Greg's eyes glaze over and could only imagine what John's cruel words would have been. He thought about asking what his father threatened but didn't want to push this first talk too far, instead he decided it might be best to share something too. "My childhood wasn't perfect either," he said to see Greg look at him with wide fearful eyes, "it wasn't anything like what you went through, but it wasn't as perfect as it looked."
House scooted closer and put a cool hand on James's warm one, "Parents always screw up their children, what did yours do to you?" he asked softly.
Wilson noticed how cold Greg's hand was, especially since it was warm in the cabin and then it hit him, the fight/flight response. He'd realized it must been to hard for Greg tell him what his childhood had been like, but having proof at how scared he'd been saddened him and yet made him hopeful at how much he was trying. Wilson felt a little silly, since his secret wasn't nearly as bad, "My parent's fought a lot when we where younger, they tried to quite so we wouldn't hear, but I did. It started when Danny was around two because that's when it really started to become clear that Danny wasn't normal. They started taking him to doctors and when he was diagnosed with Autism my parents couldn't decide what they should do. My mother kept trying to talk my father into taking him to a place that could care for him better, because she couldn't handle watching every step he made and watching me and George at the same time, not to mention doing things like laundry and cooking. My father said that she wasn't trying hard enough, and that he wasn't going to send one of his children away just because they were different. My parents even split up for a year when I six and Danny was three, they pretended that nothing was wrong and my dad would say that my mother was gone taking care of distant family members, but when she would pick us up and keep us it was clear that she wasn't." He said and smiled some as Greg gave his hand a little squeeze, "When my mother returned they decided to place Danny in a 'special' school, that he started at age four. My mother also didn't want us telling anyone about Danny outside of family members. She said other wouldn't understand and that other children would make fun of us, so that it was best to just not talk about him. The fighting stopped, at least from what I saw and heard. I resented having to keep him a secret though, because I wanted to talk about Danny, he was my brother and I loved him. I guess I was around ten when they started taking him to more doctors because it didn't seem like the medication he was on was helping that much and then another doctor ran some tests and said the reason that the medication were not working was because Danny wasn't Autistic, he was suffering from a form of Schizophrenia."
"Wow, so his Schizophrenia was very early onset, that's really rare," House said intrigued by the diagnoses.
Wilson scoffed with a smile, "Well I'm glad to know you understood the point of the story."
House moved his hand under James's and laced his finger in between his so they were holding hands. "I'm paying attention," he said. "Your parents fought and almost got divorced because of the stress of having a child who required more attention and special care. Your mother left and came back, but with her came the rule of keeping Danny a secret and they took him to a different school and his true disease wasn't diagnosed until he was around seven." He said casually.
Wilson rolled his eyes with irritation at how Greg didn't seem to think it was a big deal and pulled his hand from his. "You know what, never mind. It's nothing, your problems are the only ones that matter."
House looked at him with confusion, "What's that suppose to mean? I was listening, I made one small comment and you accused me of not paying attention, I then gave a summary of what you said and now you're mad at me?" He asked skeptically.
"You just don't get it, I know it isn't something as bad as my father beating the crap out of me in drunken stupors but it effected me Greg, it was important to me," Wilson said with frustration.
House swallowed and looked away, "I'm not an idiot, you know that right," he said softly.
Wilson sighed, "It's not about smarts House," he stopped as he saw Greg close his eyes and frown, "Greg," he corrected and continued, "it's about feelings."
House scoffed as he looked at him, "And what? You think I'm not human, that it's beyond me to understand feelings just because I have a problems expressing how I feel?"
Wilson was taken a little off guard, "I'm not saying you don't have a basic understanding, it's just I don't think you have a deeper understanding and you don't know how to empathize."
House laughed some, "You're," he closed his mouth looking away as he shook his head some and laughed.
"I'm what?" Wilson said getting more irritated.
"You're so full of it!" House said smiling some, "You think you're so good with emotions and that I'M the one that doesn't look for DEPTH." He said and could see that James was getting pissed. "You want me to do a rudimentary psychoanalysis of what I took from what you told me about your childhood?"
"Sure, be my guest," Wilson said back with a smug smile.
House hated how smug James looked. "First I'm starting with your parent's relationship. They fought and then split up for year, so what do you do? You grow up and decide to never fight with your wives, just pretend everything is fine and if they try to start a fight you refused to argue with them. It's quite the little circle you created for yourself, because by trying to avoid conflict you created only more conflict. Also I believe that the fight's you overheard your parents having is a mirror to your internal conflicts. The soft caring side of you verses the keeping up appearances part of you, usually they work together well, but if they start work against one another then appearances will always win."
"That's not true, I don't turn my back on the people I care about because of appearances, and I'm not afraid of conflict, I fight with you all the time," Wilson said back with anger as he felt a prickle of fear.
"Oh yes, you'll fight with me, but that's because you never saw me as anything but a friend, and look at us, we're still together because we fought and argued." House pointed out as he saw Wilson swallow. "And just because you don't want to admit that appearances mean so much to you that you'll hide or turn away from those you care about, doesn't mean it isn't true."
"Well tell me then, how does being friends with you help MY reputation," Wilson asked bitterly.
House gave him a sad smile, "Because I'm the cold heartless ass, remember. Being friends with me practically makes you a Saint, because I'm such a horrible person. It's like the night before Christmas Eve when Tritter was poking his nose in my business and I came and saw you at work. I could tell when you first saw me that you were worried, that you cared, but did you help me? No, you refused to even get me something to help me stop throwing up, you would hardly even look at me."
Wilson's lip twitched, "I was trying to help you, I knew you needed rehab and you just refused to see that."
"I needed a friend!" House barked.
Wilson scoffed, "As I recall, I asked you if might want the company of a friend over pills and you just walked out. Don't even try to put that on me, all you cared about then was getting high."
House's eyebrows shot up, "Is that why you think you found me a puddle of my own vomit barely breathing?"
"Of course it is," Wilson responded.
"Wow, I knew you weren't a genius but I never thought you were that stupid." House said looking him in the eyes. "Tritter physically hurt me and intimidated me during his exam, that's why I left the thermometer in him, which is why he had such a hard on for me, which I would have told you, but you never asked. Then you ratted me out when it started to effect your reputation and you convinced Cuddy to back you're play by cutting off my Vicodin cold turkey, even though you know how dangerous that was, yet you didn't even check in on me. I finally came to you BEGGING..." his voice dropped off as he took a deep breath and continued, "begging you to at least help me to keep something down and you walked away," he said softly.
Wilson felt guilty but shook his head, "You weren't there to get something to help your stomach, you were there looking for opiates, and as I recall you found them and had the high of your life."
House frowned, "Until that day, I'd only taken opiates for my pain, but that day... yeah. I took them to also numb myself up because the one person I loved and trusted above anyone else had left me and didn't even look back over his shoulder." He said with so much hurt in his voice it sounded painful. "And when you made you're offer to spend time with me, I was still hurting so I didn't respond. But I thought you'd stop by, and when you didn't... I knew."
"Knew what?" Wilson asked softly as he put a hand on Greg's arm.
"That you could never love me as much as I loved you... because I couldn't have left you like that, so I took the rest of the pills." House said then swallowed hard before looking away.
Wilson was starting to make some connections that really scared him, "How many times have you... attempted suicide?" He asked hesitantly.
House's head fell some and his shoulders slumped while he still refused to look at James. "I think we've done enough talking for now."
Wilson's panic rose and he got up and moved in front of Greg, "How many times were because of me?"
House felt a tingle as his eyes watered up some and he quickly looked down, "I was weak and I'm pathetic," he said with shame.
"No, you aren't," Wilson said as he squatted in between Greg's legs and kissed him softly, "I am," he whispered at the end of the kiss while looking in Greg's eyes. "I was more worried about my reputation then being your friend, but I want you to know I tried to back out of my deal with Tritter. I told him I wouldn't testify and he said he'd arrest me for hindering an investigation, to which I told him that you were a better doctor and it was better I be the one arrested than you, and he said we'd both be. I know that doesn't excuse what I did, but I want you to know that I tried to fix it after seeing how bad off you were." He swallowed as he let his thumb stroke Greg's cheekbone gently, "I was an idiot for not seeing through you, I of all people know that appearances are never what they seem, and yet I only saw the cold emotionless man you projected to be, or maybe it was all I allowed myself to see because if I admitted that there might be more then I'd have to admit how much I'd hurt you over the years. I'm so sorry Greg. Nothing I did was ever intended to hurt you; to be honest I never put much thought into how my actions could effect you, but things are different now. I love you."