What the hell am I doing? Olivia Benson thought. Her eyes were closed as her lips pressed against Brian Cassidy's dry, chapped lips. His lips were likely dry from the medication. She didn't care; she continued to kiss.
She felt him weakly kiss her back. Does he feel what I feel? Olivia wondered. Twelve years had passed since he'd left the precinct. He wasn't the young man she had shared a few drunken nights with in bed. His skin had lost the smoothness of his youth, and the wrinkles under his eyes emphasized signs of aging. How old was Cassidy now anyway? Back in 2000, he'd been the youngest on the SVU squad, just barely 30. So, that would make him 42 now, which was only two years younger than Olivia herself.
Olivia opened her eyes and released lips from Cassidy's. "I-I'm sorry," she muttered. "That was out of line."
Cassidy shook his head and coughed, "Well, that's one thing that hasn't changed about you…you were always worried about being 'out of line.'"
"Maybe it's because this job is all I've got," Olivia said quietly, and that was the flat truth. Outside of SVU, she had nothing to live for. Both her parents were deceased, if you considered her no-good rapist sperm donor a father. All she had was her half-brother, who only seemed to cause problems for her since she'd discovered his existence. The man who had been her best friend for thirteen years had disconnected his phone and failed to give her his new number and address. And to top it off, she'd ended every single romantic relationship she'd ever had for her job. Her job was her life.
"We don't work in the same precinct anymore," Cassidy said.
He was right. There was no conflict of interest with what she'd done.
"Brian," she whispered. "I'm sorry for what happened twelve years ago. I shouldn't have…"
"It was twelve years ago, Liv. You have nothing to be sorry about. We were young, we were foolish. I was heartbroken at the time, but I always figured if we were meant to be together, then we would have been together."
She felt her heart skip a beat; it was a flutter. A feeling locked in her stomach that she hadn't felt in years. "Maybe it was fate," she said. "If you believe in fate…maybe it was fate that we were brought back together once again."
Something changed inside her the moment she had seen the police officer shoot Cassidy. Memories of the past came haunting back. Thoughts of what could have been pondered her now.
"I don't know, Liv. I don't know…I haven't held down a serious relationship since I left the SVU precinct. I've had flings, lots of them, but—"
"—Isn't that all you've ever had?" Olivia interrupted.
"Well, technically, I guess… Liv, you're the only one I wanted. When I was at SVU, you're all I thought about… and even though I know the reason I gave for leaving SVU. Really, beneath all the other reasons, I left because it hurt too much to see you every day. I thought that if I left then I'd forget you, that I'd move on… but… no, that's not what happened. Every girl I was in bed with… every time… I caught myself fantasizing about you."
Olivia blushed. "I don't know what to say," she said. "I guess I should be flattered."
"Damn right," Cassidy said. "Olivia, I have a question for you."
"Yeah, what's that?" she asked. Her throat was a little scratchy from holding back tears.
"What happened to Elliot?"
Olivia's heart stopped for a moment, remembering tragic end to her partnership with her former partner. There was a pause before she answered.
"He shot a teenaged girl in the precinct one day."
"Oh, wow, I guess that sums it all up, eh. So, another question?"
"I would rather not; I'd have to take the bullet for you, if that were the case," he smirked. Olivia glared at him, and he continued, "Did you ever sleep with him?"
"No!" Olivia immediately responded in shock, "Absolutely not, never. Why would you ask that?"
Cassidy shrugged. "I don't know…I know he was married, but I figured he'd end up divorced at some point and you two would hit it off. You two just seemed to have chemistry. I thought maybe that's why you didn't want me. You wanted him…"
How could he have predicted Elliot's and Kathy's marital issues? Nonetheless, Elliot was like a big brother to her. Olivia couldn't imagine sleeping with her big brother.
"What part of I don't date my colleagues don't you get, Cassidy?" Olivia firmly stated, raising an eyebrow. Cassidy doesn't need to know about David Haden quite yet.
"You don't seem to have a problem getting drunk with them and having one night stands. So, you know, it might have happened."
"It didn't. I promise. And I thought you said the past was the past."
"I'm sorry, Liv. That was out of line," Brian apologized.
Olivia shook her head. She leaned closer to him again.
"Now it's my turn to ask the questions," she said quietly.
"Okay, but don't shoot me. I think that I've been through enough today."
"Haha," she smirked sarcastically. "I need to know something. Are you willing to give me a second chance, or was that kiss we just shared our last?"
Original A/N:I haven't written a SVU fiction (or much fanfiction at all, for that matter) in ages, but this came to me after last night's premiere. Is it just me, or was last night's the best season premiere SVU has seen in years? I was glued to the television for the first time in a long time last night! (Aside from the fact people kept calling me, of course). Since we didn't actually see what happened after Benson and Cassidy kissed, all day I've been picturing in my head what might have happened. I don't like to think that Olivia just got up and left, I'd like to think some conversation went down.
AUTHOR'S NOTE 6/14/2014: OKAY, so this story has been complete over a year, and I'm STILL receiving reviews telling me how old MARISKA HARGITAY AND DEAN WINTERS are, and I'm baffled because it's a fact (that's been stated on the show) that Olivia Benson is actually younger than Mariska Hargitay, so I'm BAFFLED that people feel the need to tell me this a year after I've completed this story. I know how old Mariska is, but OLIVIA BENSON has always been about three to four years younger. The show never states how old Brian Cassidy is, but it's completely plausible that his character is younger than the actor. Just felt the need to clear that up since I'm still getting these kinds of reviews almost a year after I've labeled this fic as complete. Completely mind blowing.