Word Count: 473
A/N: Just a little fanfic I've decided to work on. Can't say that its amazingly fantastic but I did enjoy writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it. It's set just after Clockwork Prince- Jem is already dead.
Three months after James Carstairs death, Will Herondale was becoming more secretive and absent than ever. Understandably of course, considering Jem was the only person Will had allowed to love him, and be loved in return. It was not something easily forgettable, but the life of a Shadowhunter is never fully known until their last dying moments on earth. Will had thought of the irony of Jem's death; a disease riddling his body from the inside out, and yet he died a hero of battle protecting the London Institute- his final home.
Will hated it.
He was alone. So alone.
He hated that he was meant to be strong and to move on from Jem as fast as possible. But he couldn't. He hated that Jem had left them all in a heaping mess of... grief. That's what it was called right? Grief. And Will couldn't get over it; he wouldn't get over it. He needed Jem; needed him to tell him what he was doing right or wrong; needed him to show off too; he needed someone who would not rise to his sarcastic and snarky remarks; someone who would protect him and love him; he needed someone who would always have his back. But his parabatai was gone now, Jem had thrown himself in front of that knife because he knew he was going to die soon anyway, and he'd rather die on his own terms than anything else's.
Will was furious that he had thrown himself in front of that knife for Tessa, Tessa; it was Tessa's fault Jem was gone! Because she was in the wrong place and because she had to be so damn irresistible! Because she had to fall in love with James and then spend every moment she thought she was alone crying. Tessa, who didn't cry, spending every waking moment, and Will swore some sleeping ones too, bawling her eyes out.
It was Jem's fault for leaving them empty and wanting. It was Tessa's fault for making Jem fall head over heels in love and then trip and then smack his face into the pavement until his nose bled; because he loved her that much.
It was Will's fault for not backing him up like he was meant too.
And why did he think about all this? Because every night Charlotte would walk past his room, heavily pregnant, and hear Will crying when no one else had. That was just it, he was falling apart. He spent all his days in the training room trying to drown his memories and pain in blood, sweat, and tears. And then when that didn't work, he'd come home late into the night covered in demon ichor and smelling heavily of burning Gear.
But this was Will now, this is what he'd become at the loss of his parabatai.