I'm not as happy with this chapter as I wanted to be, I think perhaps there is one chapter left after this one.
Mackenzie was now standing directly in front of will leaning against the desk still holding his hand. She was trying to decide what to say next. She didn't have the words; she couldn't understand how Will must have felt at such a young age to think he had murdered his father. This was the basis of Will, his whole life philosophy was built on these experiences as a child. Will was so closed if it came across as cold, he didn't forgive and forget, he struggled to move on and he buried his head in the sand and didn't like to deal with things he would just take himself out of the situation. When Mac told him about her affair with Brian she could see his heart breaking, she could see how she had betrayed his trust, he had let her into his heart and she had not just broken it but stamped all over it. Instead of staying with Mac and fighting for their relationship he just left he couldn't bring himself to work with her let alone see her. He had taken annual leave and Mackenzie wasn't there when he got back and she seen him or heard from him again until North Western.
Mackenzie remembered that look of pure hate in Wills eye when he saw her for the first time in the Newsroom over a year ago, that look gave her chills, she could feel his hate, anger and pain radiating through him. It was all making sense why he had been treating her the way he had. He simply couldn't help it, he was built this way because of his father. Will couldn't cope with betrayal let alone from people who he loved and were meant to love him.
"What happened next" she asked softly pushing those thoughts out of her head she felt even more guilty about her Brian if that was even possible.
"I checked mom was ok gave her a towel as she was bleeding, my mind was racing all I could think was this is it we are free I actually felt happy. I was planning in my head what I would say to the police, I would tell the truth tell them he was attacking mom and I couldn't get him off her and i picked up the nearest thing to me and hit him. I didn't intend to kill him just to get him to stop hurting her. I would have gone to jail to protect them from him." Will moved to the edge of his chair, he was holding Mackenzie's hand with both of his hands he brought his mouth to it, he was clearly reliving this memory as he was describing it his eye were lost in thought. Mackenzie brought her spare hand to Wills head and stroked his Hair. She used to do this when he was stressed it calmed him.
"Mom was hysterical she was annoyed at me for hurting him, go figure I had just saved her from a beating and she was annoyed at me" said Will a littler bitterly
"Perhaps she was in shock"
"Not once did we think to check him to see if he was breathing, because he had just gone down a small trickle of blood at the side of his head" Continued Will as if Mackenzie hadn't said a word
"I had the phone in my hand to phone the police, when he groaned and moved!" said Will looking at Mac "He was alive, Mac"
Will placed his head on Mackenzie's stomach he wrapped his arms around her waist, he was sobbing into her she could feel his hot wet tears on her shirt Mackenzie bent down and wrapped herself around Will, kissing his hair telling him "it's ok Billy". Only twice in the time she had known Will had she seen him cry. The first time on the anniversary of his mother's death and he was really drunk and high and he had just lost it and cried his heart out. Mackenzie had sat with him on the floor for hours while he cried and shared things with her he hadn't with anyone else about his father. The other time had been when she had told him about Brian and broken her life apart.
"I was so disappointed Mac, he wasn't dead, I wanted my father to be dead, I wanted to be the one to have done it, what kind of person does that make me,?" Will asked almost pleading with her, His eyes shining with more tears.
Mackenzie Looked into his eyes it was like looking into the face of a small boy, this was not the Will she knew, Will was a scared little boy who needed reassurance.
"No Billy you aren't a bad person, and you weren't then either, you're the best man I know. I can't begin to imagine what you and your family went through, but wanting that abuse to be over doesn't make you a bad person, but.." she didn't know how to end her sentence
"I still wanted to murder someone" said Will gruffly
"Yes" said Mackenzie
Will McAvoy was not one to show emotions, yeah he was grumpy but he didn't get emotional it wasn't his thing. He wasn't going to show weakness to anyone. He really couldn't understand why now he was feeling like this, was it because Mac was here and he knew she loved him and understood that this case with this 12 year old would have affected him, was it because his emotions were more at the forefront because of the way he felt about her. He wasn't sure but all he knew was he was sobbing into Mackenzie and she was hugging him back making him feel like it was ok to be upset, like he wasn't a horrible person. He didn't want to be anywhere else with anyone other than Mackenzie.
"Billy, you are not a bad person, you loved your mother and siblings you were trying to protect them,"
"They didn't see it like that, they were angry with me because I might have killed him. When he woke mom told him he had fallen over he had forgotten what he was annoyed at with mom about, he didn't ask why I had a black eye he just opened a can of the beer I had hit him with" said Will turning his face from her stomach to speak. He was still hugging into her so tight that Mackenzie thought he was going to snap her in half.
"They were annoyed with you" asked Mac still stroking his hair struggling to get her head around this.
"Yup, it took mom a long time to realise that she didn't deserve his punishment, she was abused as much as us, and he had her scared that she wouldn't be able to cope without him. When he finally left she flourished" said Will sadly
Mackenzie hugged Will more, she lifted his head and pressed her lips against his forehead she saw Will close his eyes as she did so he pressed his head more into her.
"Have you ever told Abe or Doctor Habib about this?" asked Mackenzie
"No, and i don't plan to" said Will simply.
"Will I really think you need to speak to someone who can really help about this" said Mackenzie
"I've told the most important person, i feel like a load has been lifted, you know everything about me Mac" said Will
"But I cant help you Billy, you need to talk this through in therapy so that you will be able to hear of abuse cases and it not bring up these memory's" Mac replied almost pleadingly she knew Will belonged in therapy more than anyone else she knew and she also knew that since he had began seeing Doctor Habib the change in Will had been dramatic. He was willing to make changes and sacrifices for others that he simply wouldn't have done before. He was more willing to forgive Mac for Brian than he had been before. He was back on medication that was helping him.
"Mac do you hear of people being stabbed and not get reminded of what happened to you?" Will Asked nervously this was the first time he had mentioned what had happened to her. He felt Mackenzie stiffen.
"How, we are all products of the things that have happened to us Mac" said Will sitting back in his chair and lighting up another cigarette.
As usual comments are LOVELY any feedback is appreciated as well.