((By popular demand, a tale told in moments, and Magnetic Fields songs. This won't get proper love until I'm done with AHWIP, and I've got a Clintasha ficlet lined up as well, but at least ya'll know it's in the works! You gais and your strange, strange lusts. Also this will likely start out as far more light-hearted and romantic-comedy than my others. Cause come'on, it's Fandral.))

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We Need To Stop Meeting Like This

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Chapter 1

Absolutely Cuckoo

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The first time they'd met, New Mexico had just finished exploding. Thor was leaping into the sky with Darcy's boss on his arm, and Darcy herself was left firmly on the ground, and flailing a little. Suppose the lug dropped her? Just because he had guns didn't necessarily mean he wasn't clumsy. "Get in the car," Agent Sunglasses, of SHIELD, had called out smoothly, and that was how Darcy found herself crammed in next to Fandral The Dashing, of Asgard. A man in full armor, who didn't leave much room in the seat. And he was looking more than a little disconcerted by the transportation.

"Not used to g-man SUVs?" She cracked a grin, as the poor Asgardian braced himself on the seat in front of him.

"The last time I was on Earth, your people were riding about on horseback, like sensible folk," He had quipped, wincing at the rattling speed. Darcy laughed, and then winced herself, as a particularly bumpy stretch of road send his sword in its scabbard to jab her in the side.

"Oi, watch your weaponry, Errol."

"I'll have you know, my Lady," He'd retorted, adjusting the sword at his hip with a wide grin, "That many a maiden back home would enjoy being so close to my weaponry." Behind her, Darcy heard Xena...er, Sif, groan.

"Really? Sword jokes? I thought Asgardians were clever. Not that Thor's much indication, I'll give you that, but even so..." The way his jaw had dropped had been priceless. Darcy couldn't help grinning, wondering if girls on Asgard really did fall for bad lines that easily, or if, handsome as he was, the guy was just clueless all the time. "...And I've seen bigger."

"I've bested dragons with my blade, Lady Darcy."

"Ah, but how good are you at Rock, Paper, Scissors, Robin Hood?"

By the time they'd pulled up to the Bifrost site, Darcy had successfully explained the mechanics and beaten him twice. Sadly, aforementioned Bifrost had been opening, and damnit all if a kiss to the hand hadn't made her melt just a little, cheesy lines or not. Maybe it really was easy to fall for these people, hook, line and sinker. Darcy had kind of figured it was just the armor. But no, Thor hadn't been wearing his scales and cape, when he'd reduced the smartest woman Darcy had ever met to a grinning 7th grader with a crush. As such, it was probably just good old-fashioned old-fashioned-ness. The jawline definitely helped, too.

And then flashes of light, and they were gone, never to be seen again.

At least, not for another year and a half. When Norway started exploding.

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When Thor saunters through Jane's wormhole generator in Tromso, there's a party and drinks all around. It almost makes up for him not visiting half a year ago, though the excuse that his brother was leveling New York City is acceptable. And for the first time since they'd gotten there, at least one of the girls is toasty warm that night. Darcy, of course, tucks herself into bed under her usual three layers of Pjs, and an idle imagination that wanders around with a certain -other- blonde Asgardian.

"So, how're your friends?" She asks as casually as she can the next morning, as she helps Thor heat up a cup of noodles with one of Jane's lasers, "Lady Sif and The Warriors Three, yeah? They didn't come with?"

"You have a good memory!" Thor praises her, eying the styrofoam cup she'd heated in under five seconds warily. Darcy laughs, shaking her head as she hands it to him.

"Well, yeah, but we've also been doing our homework," She points to the stack of worn old books Erik had given both her and Jane that past Hanukkah, on their perpetual home by the lab sofa. Sometimes, when they needed breaks from the numbers and the tech, one or both of them would curl up in the throw blanket with a cup of cocoa, and read some myths. Thor's smile goes warm, when he sees this.

"Much of that is from an altered perspective, but yes, Erik Selvig showed me that we're all in there," He shrugs, sipping his soup, "And I saw no need to drag my friends through an unstable portal of light with me. They fare well though!"

"S'good...I uh, kinda made friends with your homeboy Fandral, is all..." But Thor was already eying her slyly. Dumb blonde my ass, Darcy thinks.

"He mentioned. You'd not be the first maid he's used his charms on, and I dare say, likely not the last," Thor tells her, before quickly back-peddling, after the look on her face, "Not that your beauty would be easily passed over! Your figure would be quite appreciated in Asgard," And of course, because he's Thor, that comes across as the purest of compliments, "No, I simply meant that Fandral's nature is as such. He cannot resist a lovely face, I am not surprised he liked yours."

"...So he's kind of a player." Darcy deduces, trying not to acknowledge the twinge of disappointment in her gut. At Thor's perplexed expression, she elaborates, "Womanizer, Lady's man..." He nods slowly, in understanding.

"Ahh, it now makes sense, why Hawkeye calls Tony Stark as such," Thor muses, "And yes, you could say so, although Fandral is only successful in his pursuits perhaps half of the time," He grins, "And he would defend his actions as being those of a hopeless romantic." This time, Darcy can't help the droop to her shoulders. Not that, yanno, she was the type to look down on people for liking the chase, do as thou wilt and all. They just weren't the kind of guys she could ever be into. She'd been through that phase, it had lasted all of two months in college. Darcy wasn't cut out for one-nighters...though, if it was just a hot, passing god? Maybe. Fandral, though, they'd more than likely be seeing a lot of in the future, if this SHIELD thing and Thor thing all worked out. Darcy sucked at dealing with one night stands more than once.

"...You are disappointed." Thor points out, breaking her out of her musing. She winces.

"...Okay yeah, a little," She admits, giving the big guy a grin, "It's not every day us modern human gals get our hands kissed by dashing gods from space, so, that kinda thing sticks with you. Case in point, your naked, snoring Midgardian girlfriend." Thor laughs, yanking her in for a hug.

"Darcy, I dearly love my friend Fandral, but there are a hundred knights of Asgard whom I could introduce you to, who'd fall gladly at your feet, and would not be such ah, 'players'," He tries out the word, and it is adorable. "So do not feel so low!"

She grins wide, cause who could help it, after getting bear-hugged by Thor? "Can do, big guy. You're all right. I think I'll let you keep screwing Jane. Just get me a hot boyfriend."

His laugh totally wakes up Jane in the next room, and perhaps all of Norway, too.

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It's barely a week later, though, that Loki lashes out with an army of Dark Elves at his back, and an Elven King no doubt holding his leash this time. "How did he bust out of prison?!" Jane shouts, as things start breaking around them. But catching a glimpse of him, Darcy bets there's a charmed guard somewhere in Asgard, looking dazed and confused. Loki might be insane, but he is a looker.

And he wants Jane's portal, and probably Jane as well, as she'd be a handy way of getting back at his brother. Why self-defense 101 isn't prerequisite to becoming a superhero's girlfriend, Darcy will never know. But while the battle goes on outside between Thor, Sif plus the Warrior's Three, a couple of other Avengers, and a whole lot of elves, she's teaching Jane how to shoot a gun, and the basics of defensive hand-to-hand combat. "Don't look so surprised, my dad was a Navy SEAL," Darcy grins, adjusting Jane's grip on her Glock.

That's when Mr. The Dashing showed up, in a flash of armor and a swoop of his cape. "Thor wanted one of us to come back and stand guard by his ladies," Fandral grinned, "We played rock, parchment and shears for it." Jane blinks in confusion, but Darcy can't help laughing.

"You remembered! Aw, that makes me feel good," She blurts out, before collecting herself, as he squints at the weapon in Jane's hand. "...Wanna help me make Thor's girlfriend less useless in combat, sword-jockey?" Darcy finds herself asking with a lofted brow. Fandral smiles wide, and Jane blanches.

"Gladly, Lady Darcy!"

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It sounds like a thready stalemate outside, the occasional explosion of thunder or arcane power rocking the underground lab. It's been hours now, and Jane is asleep on the couch, while Darcy and Fandral have set themselves by the ladder up to the outside hatch. The former is cleaning her gun, the latter with his sword across his knees, and both with their eyes trained above.

"Hard to tell how it's going up there, yeah?" Darcy notes, needlessly, putting her Glock back together with a trained hand. The Asgardian watches her closely as she does, rather fascinated by the process.

"Yes, but I stake my life on Thor," He grins wide, nodding to her gun, "An ingenious process, I did not know you were a soldier as well, Lady." Darcy snorts.

"Hardly, my dad was though," She grins, deftly sliding in the clip, "And he couldn't abide his girls not knowing how to fend off handsy men."

"Excellent thinking," He nods, and then, the inevitable smirk, leaning towards her a bit, "But really, would my advances be the kind you'd fend off, mm?" And yeah, he's ridiculously attractive, but Darcy just snorts.

"Maybe not with a -gun-, but don't flatter yourself, Dashing," She shakes her head, pointedly looking away, "I am well-aware that you are all kinds of ...man-wench." A vacant blink. Darcy sighs, "Love 'em and leave 'em, Robin Hood. Lothario, lady's man..."

"Ahhhh...I have had my share of conquests, yes," Fandral shrugs, still grinning, "They've been pleasant all around, and you're very beautiful, Lady Darcy..."

"...Well, thanks, for that" She clears her throat, her eloquence failing her for a moment. But never let it be said that Darcy Lewis was easily dissuaded, "Buuuut I'm also Jane Foster's assistant, and Jane is funded by SHIELD, who calls on Thor, who's your buddy, so this is a vaguely professional relationship," She waves a finger between the two of them, "And I suck at having to see guys who've just used me for a quick lay in the office again, so..."

"Ugh, you make it sound so base," The warrior cringes, and Darcy feels a little pang at that, guilty, "I may breeze through lovers, Lady, but that does not mean I -use- them," He grins again, "I enjoy the chase, enjoy the romancing, and certainly enjoy how different each and every maid has been. I even enjoy some of the rebuttals..." He admits, and Darcy snickers.

"You'd have to, if your success rate is what Thor figures," She winks, as he narrows his eyes, good-naturedly, "And all right, and that's fine, you're a good-lookin' god, have at it. Just...not at me, please," She lifts her chin, eyes on Jane again. "Not my thing." The silence at her side is mind-boggled and perplexed, she can feel it coming off of the man in waves.

"...I admit, when I am refused, there is generally a slap that accompanies it," He notes, at length, after another crack of thunder rocks the bunker. Gripping her gun, Darcy chuckles.

"Y'are what y'are, good-lookin', just not my type." She shrugs, as silence follows above. Fandral downright frowns, thoughtfully, at that.

"Hmm, I suppose so..." He looks down at his sword for a long minute, brow creasing, and Darcy licks her lips.

"...Hey, rock, paper, scissors, to see who gets to go up and see if they're done hurling magic?"

"...I accept your challenge!"

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