Title: Five first kills on the Destiny
Author: Shenandoah Risu
Rating:
PG-13
Content Flags: carnage, death and destruction
Spoilers: vague ones for the entire show and HUGE ones for Kino Webisode 1.
Characters: Five ruthless killers and the Destiny Crew
Word Count: 677
Excerpt: Suddenly a smile flashes over Lisa's features and she makes her move.
Author's Notes: Written for prompt set #153 at the LJ Comm sg1_five_things.
Disclaimer: I don't own SGU. I wouldn't know what to do with it. Now, Young... Young I'd know what to do with. ;-)
Thanks for reading! Feedback = Love. ;-)

oOo

Five First Kills on the Destiny

Paperwork is not Young's favorite thing to do by any means. But on the Destiny, paperwork is a slice of normalcy in an otherwise utterly absurd existence, and so for the first time in his life he actually doesn't mind. He is, however, acutely aware of the kino hovering behind and above him – the quiet little engine noises give it away. Young stops, the tip of his pen still on the paper, and folds up the cover, hiding it from the kino's inquisitive lens.

"I didn't say you could use that thing to watch me," he says and turns around, giving it an annoyed look.

The kino doesn't move. Young frowns and gets up.

"Get outta here with that thing," he growls and reaches for the hovering orb, shaking it and smacking it down on his desk.

The little engine noises stop.

Young sits back down and resumes his work. Moments later Eli's voice comes through the kino, slightly distorted.

"You killed it, Colonel!"

"Good," Young nods.

"You killed the kino! The first really cool piece of ancient technology that we've…"

Young eyes the camera ball with a withering glance, then picks it up, marches to the hatch, opens it and tosses the kino out into the corridor.

"Hey!" comes Eli's protesting voice.

Young grins.

oOo

Camile pulls up her pants, tucks in her shirt and turns around to flush the toilet. As she pushes the flush handle it breaks off with a metallic snap.

"Oh no," Camile breathes.

She reaches for the little rod and wiggles it, and the entire face panel comes off and falls on the floor with a clatter. Camile yelps and jumps back, crashing into the wall and the stall door, which promptly breaks off its hinges and slams onto the toilet, which in turn shatters into a million pieces.

"Oh… oh no…"

TJ pokes her head into the room.

"What in the world are you doing in here?"

Camile points at the rubble.

"I didn't… it just… I tried to…" she stutters.

TJ turns and yells into the hallway.

"Hey guys! Does anybody know anything about commode CPR? Ms Wray just killed a toilet."

In the kino room Dunning and Riley are sobbing in helpless mirth on each other's shoulders as they watch the feed.

oOo

"Looks like a sweet potato," Greer says, calmly observing the purple tuber on his plate.

"Oh boy, this is so not gonna be sweet," Franklin snickers. Greer throws him a look.

Franklin points at the lump. "Go on, kill it."

Greer cuts off a small piece, sticks it in his mouth with a flourish, closes his eyes in rapture and chews, deeply content.

The others stare at him in consternation, then break into smiles as Greer praises the new food.

Seconds later, as they all gag, he has the last laugh, but they have to admit: food is food.

oOo

Brody raises the beaker and swirls the clear liquid for a few moments as Chloe and Vanessa watch him expectantly.

"Down the hatch," Vanessa says encouragingly.

"Kill, kill, kill," Chloe chants.

Brody knocks it back and coughs, tears streaming down his face.

"It's dead, Jim," he pants. "Wanna try some?"

The ladies can't hold out their own beakers fast enough.

oOo

The whole crew has gathered on the observation deck. It's the final match of the first ship-wide chess tournament on the Destiny: Lisa vs Rush. Bets have been flying back and forth for days, a collective breath is being held as the crew, divided into two camps, watches, as Lisa's fingers dance over the chess set. She taps one piece.

"What's this one again?"

"Knight," Rush says, and did he just sound a little nervous?

Lisa nods, consults her rough Braille notes.

"Go on, girl – kill him already," comes an unidentified voice from the crowd.

Suddenly a smile flashes over Lisa's features and she makes her move.

"Checkmate."

The cheers go on for a long time as the blind woman gets a victory ride on Greer's and Volker's shoulders.

oOo

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Thanks for reading! A comment or feedback would be totally awesome.

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