Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS, Harry Potter, Oh Joy or Friends.
Contains no particular spoilers, as I had this idea before the premiere.
The sun shone on the Navy Yard as the NCIS Fundraiser went into full-swing. Agents, staff, family and friends milled around, enjoying the fair Washington morning.
Tony DiNozzo, however, was bored.
He was bound to no particular event or activity, giving him the freedom to wander around happily. He'd flirted with several women (an eventually boring probie, an overly emotional lady who was crying over her no longer injured fiancée and a news reporter who was more interested in getting free food than actually making a story out of the event).
He'd visited Abby's cupcake stall, purchasing several of her delicious, home-made treats.
He had also tried Ducky and Palmer's ring toss game, outsmarting a cocky youth who later sulked, saying that it was all 'a fix.'
Gibbs was manning the Kid's Carousel but was far too busy helping out the children to talk to his Senior Field Agent. It was obvious who he preferred.
Vance had sorted out the raffle, which had several excellent prizes including a reservation for Restaurant Nora, some expensive wine and several gift vouchers for Amazon. Tony had bought several tickets for that.
McGee was running a technology help service, offering to fix people's phones etc for a small fee. Not feeling comfortable with leaving his cell with the probie who was most likely plotting revenge, he decided to rush away.
However, he hadn't seen Ziva all day. When he'd asked where she was station, she simply mumbled something rude (most likely an expletive) and turned away. Her Mini wasn't there when he'd arrived in the employee parking lot, which meant she either wasn't coming at all or was running fairly late (he had not been on time either).
He was hoping that she would be here- at least he would get to talk to someone. Even though she would mostly make a snide comment about him not getting any digits or Vance trusting him to operate him, he didn't actually care.
Speak of the ninja, and the ninja shall appear.
Ziva was leant on a table, not paying attention to her surroundings. It looked like she was at a child's lemonade stand, but on closer inspection, he noticed the words 'Kissing Booth,' written in large black paint at the top. A sign was pinned to the front with '$1- Cheek and $2-Lips,' written on it. In the money pot, he could see mostly two buck bills and the odd few ones.
Smirking, he swaggered open.
"We're closed," Ziva mumbled, still not looking up from her position.
"For how long?"
Her head snapped up.
"Indefinitely," she replied moodily, looking him up and down.
"Come on, Zee-vah, lighten up a bit. You get to kiss hot guys like me for money- it's like being a kiss-o-gram, really."
"Yes, but I do not get to keep the money. It's to help repair the damaged building, not your ego when you are rejected."
"True, true," Tony nodded, "It looks like you are a popular one today."
"Well, the only cheek-kisses I have gotten are from Gibbs, McGee, Ducky, Palmer, the Director and Abby. Everyone else has been a little too...eager. Jeremy from Office Operations couldn't get over here fast enough. I could have sworn he pushed over that Miguel from Human Resources to get here."
She shuddered lightly.
"The one that sweats all the time?"
"One and the same."
"You know, I might hire him to be my gardener. I wouldn't need a hose when he's around- I would save a fortune on my water bill."
Ziva chuckled slightly as two men whom she could briefly recall from an Office Party a couple of years back strode over, one clutching a bill and a smug expression.
"Morning, Agent David," the blonde one smiled creepily at her, smacking the money down on the counter, "That'll be one kiss please."
She grimaced slightly and pecked him on the lips, before moving away quickly. The other sauntered over and leant in front of her.
"I don't have two dollars now, but I can promise that I will give you it later," he winked, moving closer to her.
Ziva, not even hesitating, pulled the gun from her hip, not aiming it at anyone in particular.
"Make one more move and I will make sure that you will never be able to have children," she spoke in a low, deadly voice, "Do you understand me?"
He had obviously heard of the ex-Mossad's dangerous reputation, but that did not deter him.
"Oh come on, one little smack. That's all it will be."
There was a resounding crack as Ziva's palm impacted with his face, immediately making it a nasty red colour. He grasped his cheek, swearing under his breath whilst his companion and Tony both burst into fits of laughter.
"You asked for a smack, I gave you one," the Israeli replied, her voice and expression the perfect picture of innocence.
The man glared at her before stumbling off, milking it for all its worth.
Ziva stared after them, a triumphant grin on her face.
"That was bloody brilliant."
"Nice Harry Potter reference," Ziva replied, "Philosopher's Stone, am I correct?"
"Marketed as the Sorcerer's Stone in North America, actually. But the book and film title is exactly that in other English-speaking countries."
She rolled her eyes as several other members of the male species pointed in her direction, whispering and giggling like excited school-girls.
"Oh joy," Ziva muttered under her breath.
"Oh Joy, a 2009 feature film starring Anne Gregory and Paul Rust as the leads."
Tony grinned at his partner's annoyed expression as the 'Giggling Gaggle,' stumbled over in an attempt to be the first one to arrive at her feet. Each producing money proudly, they roughly line-up, the fakest smile on their faces. Some of them were handsome men whom a woman would usually like, whereas a few looked like the types who would never get to kiss an attractive lady like Ziva in usual circumstances.
They shuffled to the side after their quick brush. The final one was dressed in a Star Wars t-shirt, but that did not really matter to Ziva. He was respectful enough and she always thought them to be a good series of films.
"You single, honey?"
"Yes, a single kick up your backside would do," she shot back.
The man winked at her as he left with his companions.
"Are you the Comeback Queen or what today?"
"I can do much better," she whispered, drawing her body right up against Tony's in a seductive manner. Chills shot up and down his spine, almost tasting the cherry lip-gloss she was wearing.
"Can you?" he broke the tension.
She retracted slightly, shifting back down to her regular height of five foot seven.
"Is there anything else you need or would you let me continue to tarnish in my servitude to my country and unfortunately those disgusting men."
"Nah, they aren't disgusting. They just want a kiss from a beautiful lady- it is all innocent fun. Not sleazy at all."
"Says the real-life Joey Tribbiani."
"Would the real-life Joey Tribbiani do this?" asked Tony as he reached into his leather wallet, fiddling with it before pushing down a $50 note.
Ziva eyed it in shock.
"I am a generous man," he grinned seductively.
"Would that be twenty-five on each cheek or that numbers on the lips?"
"I think I'll go for the lips," Tony told her as he moved in closer...
Thank you for reading.
Semper Fi xxx