"Ow... What the hell hit me?" groaned Ed.
He opened his eyes in pain when he heard the most annoying giggling sound. The light was so bright it hurt his eyes.
"Who's there?" he shouted.
I am here. You wanted my sister's help, didn't you?
"Who are you?"
You can call me... Reality. You've been amusing Truth for so long that it was harder than normal to let me play with you.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"
I know what you seek, little alchemist. You want to reverse what you did five years ago. Agree to play my game and I'll send you to a place where you can find something more powerful than the little trinket Truth let loose in your world.
"Something more powerful than the Philosopher's Stone? What is it?"
An ancient remnant of a civilization long since destroyed and has recently been reborn. The little Princess has gotten rid of her original enemy, but soon she shall embark on a new battlefield. She holds the power you would need to return your brother to the world of the living.
"What do I have to do? I warn you now, I'm not going to sacrifice anyone else just to get this power."
Oh no, the Crystal isn't so barbaric as my sister's little stone. The girl who wields the Crystal is still immature, but the power she holds is great enough to restore your brother. Your only job is to insure she lives long enough to learn how to unlock it's full potential. It requires nothing more than a little effort on your part. No senseless sacrifice, no bloodshed of the innocent.
"What's in this for you?"
Amusement mostly. Like I said before, my sister was reluctant to let me borrow you for a while. I will warn you now though...while I will allow you to keep your alchemy, you will have to lose something in order to gain this power in return. It will only be temporary...at least unless it amuses me in which case it will be permanent.
"What would I lose?"
Oh, nothing that would cause you any real harm. Embarrassment and mortification yes, but no harm.
"Can I bring Al?"
I could arrange it, but he won't be a walking suit of armor. Far too conspicuous.
"I accept your offer then. But you had better keep your end of the bargain!"
Delightful! In that case, I welcome you little alchemist, to the first world of this kind that I have ever encountered!
Ed felt like he was falling...and woke up in a forest a few miles from a city. He checked his automail, relieved that it was still there, though it was under some long sleeved clothes. It was during his inspection that he realized something that was rather...horrifying.
"WHAT THE HELL DID SHE DO TO ME?!" yelled Ed in a voice that was entirely too feminine for his taste.
Reality had a rather twisted and evil sense of humor. When she mentioned he would lose something in exchange to play her game, she never mentioned it would be his bits! Reality had turned him into a girl!
He...er, she, heard laughter as she cursed a blue streak. She had been tricked! Once she got over the shock and horror, she started walking. She heard a rustling in the woods, and started running. The sound followed her.
She spun on her heel and came face to face with...a gold kitten? Around it's neck was a collar with a little gold bell...and a very familiar symbol etched in the leather. On it's forehead was a crescent moon in white.
"Al?" she said tentatively.
"Bro...brother?! What happened to you?" said Al.
"Me? What the hell happened to you?! You're a cat!"
"Look who's talking! You're a girl!" retorted Al.
"Son of a... It has to be her doing!"
"Someone called Reality. Claimed to be the sister of Truth. She said you could play her game with me, but she never said that she would change our forms!"
"All I remember was someone grabbing me by my collar...and then I woke up like this!"
"Same here. She told me I had to find some remnant of an ancient civilization in the hands of some girl. She said it would restore your body to the way it was."
No, I said that it would help to restore his body. You would have to use your alchemy in conjunction with the Crystal to restore it properly. Just to let you know, only the blood relative of the former Queen can even use the Crystal, so trying to steal it won't work.
"Thanks a lot you crazy bitch! Why the hell did you turn me into a girl anyway!?"
In this world, the ones with the most power are girls you twit. Men can't really access the power here. Think of it as a learning experience.
"And what about Al?"
I thought he liked cats? Anyway, talking felines are the least of your problems here. If anything they are practically common place with the girls you'll need to find.
"Thanks a lot!" snapped Ed.
Keep it up brat, and I'll make that change permanent. I would LOVE to see how you explain the gender change to Mustang. Hell, he might even hit on you like he does some of the other girls in his workplace...
"Don't you dare!"
"Ed, I don't think antagonizing the person who brought us here is a smart thing to do..." cautioned Al.
Ed growled, but scooped Al up and placed him on her shoulder. Al settled on her shoulder blades like a little parrot.
"Sister, what should we say? I mean Ed isn't a common name for a girl..."
"It is if your name is Edna. We can claim Ed's a nickname."
"This is a really weird situation we've gotten into, isn't it sister..."
"No kidding. When this is over, we are never speaking a word about this," growled Edna.
"You think anyone would believe this even if we told them?"
"With as much trouble as we attract by breathing? Most likely. And knowing Mustang he would laugh his ass off."
Al giggled, but settled in. Ed was running at a ground eating lope that she could keep up for an hour without tiring too much. While she ran, she felt something bump in her left hand pocket. Reaching into it, she found a wallet full of this world's currency as well as four keys and ID card.
"Wonder what these are."
The first key with the blue handle is to any car you want it to be. The second with the green handle is to your safety deposit box. The yellow one is your mail box and the red is to your apartment. Since you are sixteen you can drive in this world, but I wouldn't recommend it until you learn how to. Too many accidents and people will wonder why you're still on the road with a valid license.
"I thought you sent us here for shits and giggles?" she asked.
I did, but I think I made things interesting enough that I can help you out a little. Besides, it would be very awkward if you had to explain where your parents are and why you need an apartment. Standard game rules state that whatever poor sap is sent to an entirely different requires at least a place to sleep, enough cash to start off with and if they're old enough something to drive. If I were you I would get a motorcycle. Coincidentally you can claim to be home schooled or you can join the nearest middle school and attend classes. Your choice.
Ed decided to pretend she was home schooled and just hit the local library. She didn't have time to be stuck in some school for hours on end learning things she already knew.
She managed to get to her apartment before the sun went completely down. It was a fairly large place with a bookshelf already full of things to read. Most of it was history, mechanics and a lot of other things that would make searching infinitely easier. The fridge was fully stocked...though to her annoyance Reality filled the door full of milk. Al was snickering at that fact.
Ed soon went to the bookshelf and started reading. Al helped to, like always...though he soon drifted to sleep on Ed's lap. He would have to get used to having an actual body again...even if it was a cat.
A week later Ed left the apartment to get some food, and Al took a walk. Al had discovered that no matter how far he went, he could always find his way back to the apartment without trying. Ed had the same directional sense, though going anywhere else was somewhat problematic.
Ed was walking while reading a new book on physics, which was a rather poor excuse for the laws of alchemy (most transmutations were loosely based on physics and science) when she heard a commotion. Closing her book and placing it inside her bag she started to run.
She found the strangest sight she had ever seen.
Five girls in mini skirts of varying colors were fighting some sort of monster while a guy in a tuxedo of all things was using a cane and a rose to keep him away.
"You have got to be joking. These are the girls I was supposed to look for? Mustang would love this..."
She heard laughter from Reality, and had to fight the urge to flip the godlike sentient being off...no matter how much she wanted to.
Since it was clear that while the girl's fighting style was rough that they had it handled, she watched as the bun haired one (twin buns and spaghetti like tails, really?) use some sort of finishing move, she couldn't help but feel the whole thing was amateurish at best. The other four stood around and got their asses kicked while they waited for the short blond one to finish it off. Were they really so damn weak that the other girl was the only one to kill the monsters? And why hadn't the guy done more?
"They are going to need a lot of help..." she muttered.
Like I told you, the ones with the real power in this world are the girls. Unfortunately they are so unused to actually fighting for their lives that they suck at it. They would rather gossip and going shopping rather than actually training their respective powers to actually make a real difference. Hell, the Moon girl is the only one in that group with any real ability to kill the monsters, and she's the strongest of the lot!
"And you expect me to help them learn how to fight?"
It gets worse than that I'm afraid...
"Don't tell me..."
Moon girl monologues before every fight.
"...Is it too late to back out?"
Not unless you want to return to finding a stone made of a thousand lives. That Crystal is your best bet to restoring your brother.
"Dammit. So where the hell do I begin?"
I'll arrange another monster, you unleash your own Sailor powers...which is your alchemy by the way... and you show them how to really fight without all that pomp and flashy moves.
"Wait...Sailor Crystal?" asked Ed with suspicion. She had the distinct feeling she wasn't going to like this. AT ALL.
When you confront the monster tomorrow, you have to call out the words Renkin Planet Power. You get the whole costume and you can unleash your full alchemy ability. Otherwise you'll be stuck using only the armblade and that lance of yours.
Edna summed up the thought of her in a miniskirt of all things with a single word.
She had the sneaking suspicion the whole game was an excuse to see her fight in a damn mini skirt.
"If I ever hear of pictures of that outfit in Central or Eastern, I am going to find a way to kill you."
The evil laughter was all she needed to hear.
"Girls, there's a monster attacking the library!" said Luna in surprise. The youmi normally attacked better targets.
"We're on it Luna!" said Rei.
"This is odd...normally the Dark Moon waits a day or two before they attack again," said Ami.
"Perhaps they wanted to catch us off guard?" suggested Rei.
They reached the library in time to find a girl already fighting in a Senshi outfit. Her red cape flowed behind her, yet it didn't appear to be hindering her in the least.
Usagi transformed and was about to do her usual speech when the mystery senshi threw a rock at her.
"Hey!" complained Usagi.
"My headache's bad enough! I don't want to hear a damn monologue while I'm trying to kill this damn thing!" yelled the girl annoyed.
She clapped her hands and threw them on the ground, doing a perfect handstand. Without warning a spike created out of the road impaled the monster, causing it to cry out in pain before it died.
Getting right side up, she walked over to it, and clapped her hands again. The monster disintegrated into nothing beneath her hands.
Rei walked up to the girl, looking at her in suspicion.
"Who are you?"
"Me? My name's Edna, but you can call me Sailor Renkin."
Somewhere in a space known as the void, a girl was cackling evilly and holding out her hand.
Pay up sis! I told you he would do it!
Yeah yeah. I have to admit, the sight of my little Alchemist in a mini skirt fighting like a Sailor Senshi is rather amusing.
I love multi dimensional recording systems, don't you?
Indeed. I wonder how much my little pyro would pay for this footage...
Reality cackled even more, considering Ed had only told her never to give Mustang pictures of the sight. He never said a word about video tapes! And to top it all off, Ed would soon experience the same issues all girls faced once a month. She was going to make multiple copies of the look on her face when she realized she was having her period!
I must admit, I was a little...concerned where you would send my favorite chibi alchemist. But this is entirely too entertaining not to enjoy.
Ha! I bet you thought I would send him to the magical world, or the one full of soul reapers didn't you?
Or the one full of shinobi. I certainly didn't count on this.
What can I say sis? I thrive on the unexpected. Besides I doubt this occurred to anyone else!
It will be interesting to see how this turns out. Just one question...
Yes, sister of mine?
What season is this?
Second season. Far more entertaining to mess with the time lines, and you know I love time travel stories.
Yet Pluto wants to strangle you. Something about a pair of twins?
Hey, I only came up with the idea. It's not like the Alice/Alyss twin story has been created yet. I mean I have their outfits already done, but I have yet to actually make it.
You would if you could figure out who would make the best father for them, Truth said dryly.
I'm leaning on Glen.
Don't you have to rewrite canon in other worlds?
Bite me. I'll do them soon enough. My inspiration cannot be forced like other writers!
Your fans are getting pretty restless...
I'm still on hiatus! I told them the next parts will be up next month!
Yes, but your ideas have started to dry up.
My Plot bunnies have conspired against me. First they come to life, then they breed rapidly and finally go on months long vacation without even giving me anything in return... *sniff* Ungrateful furballs...
Oh look, Edna's getting on their nerves by calling their faults.
Oh goody! Popcorn?
Hand it over.