Jealous: n. p.
Resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage
Or against another's success or the advantage itself
Sara was not jealous.
She was worried, concerned, frustrated and perhaps even a little annoyed. But she was not jealous.
Being jealous would mean admitting that she cared about the way Greg's fingers wound around Morgan's delicate hands. Being jealous would mean confessing that she wanted his eyes to be studying her form the way they were observing Morgan.
Being jealous would mean acknowledging that she wanted Greg Sanders.
She was not jealous.
"Jealousy, then, is any aversive reaction that occurs as the result of a partner's extradyadic relationship that is real, imagined, or considered likely to occur." - Bringle & Buunk, 1991
She recalled the definition from one of the psychology modules she had taken during her time at college. But as she studied the pair sitting across the table from her she couldn't help but think that words did not do the feelings churning inside of her justice.
Sara was not imagining things.
The way Morgan twisted her hair around her finger as she watched Greg speak was very much real. The way Greg's eyes were focused on her lips as he leant in to hear her over the noise was impossible to miss. And the way the two of them had created their own sanctuary ignoring the people that surrounded them most certainly was obvious.
Sara's grip on her beer bottle tightened as she let her mind wander to the stuff of her fantasises. Her heart beat quickened as she imagined the reactions of their co-workers were she to climb across the table grabbing Greg by the shirt he was wearing and kissing him senseless. The thought of the Morgan's hurt expression forced a wicked smile to tug at her lips.
Taking a sip of her beer she pretended to listen to the conversation Finn had going about their case, her eyes every so often travelling in Greg's direction. Sara had memorised the small smiles he shared during conversation, the shy way he would avert his gaze his brown eyes shining with nervousness that made him more endearing than he would ever know.
She studied the way his shirt tightened around his shoulders, her eyes following the line of his arm. Greg's eyes lit up as he articulated something, his hands suspended in the air between him and Morgan. She observed the length of his fingers, a tingle settling in her lower extremities as she wondered if the size of his hands correlated with other parts of his anatomy.
Sara imagined his hands on her, his fingers tracing across the plains of her back as they moved together drowning in sound of their own gratification. Before she could stop it her mind pictured the fervour with which she would kiss him; pushing him against the wall in the locker room, dragging him into the back seat of her Denali or how she would pull him towards her against the pool table in his apartment. Sara thought of the way he would make easy work of having her coming undone, his lips trailing over her hot spots as he thrusted into her, not leaving anything between them.
The images that had infected her mind came to a sudden end when Finn elbowed her, attempting to get her to join in with the laughter surrounding them. She realised somewhat ashamedly that she had been wrapped up in a world of her own all night and there was only one reason for it.
She was jealous.
It left a bitter taste in her mouth as Sara once again cast her eyes towards him. Greg continued to smile and laugh with Morgan, completely oblivious to this earth shattering realisation. She found herself wondering how he would feel if he knew.
She wondered if he would look at her through different eyes or speak to her with a different tone. She wondered how it would feel to be on the receiving end of his affections. He had always been a kind, sensitive and supportive friend to her she could only imagine how that would translate as a lover.
And after all of the battles with herself tonight Sara made the admission she had been hoping to avoid; she wanted Greg.
All of him
With a deep breath she placed her beer bottle down on the table with a clatter the sound bringing attention to her as she stood up running her tongue over her lip the moisture glistening in the dim lighting.
Sara turned her hooded eyes to Greg her seductive half smile almost a force of habit. "I'm going for a smoke...would you like to keep me company?" Her husky voice worked itself into the music playing over the sound system.
"Sure..." Greg smiled oblivious to the conflicts that seemed to consume her consciousness. He stood up moving past Morgan with ease, placing his hands on the small of Sara's back as he lead her outside.
The night air surrounded them as they moved towards a poorly lit corner of the parking lot. Sara fished out her cigarettes placing one between her lips searching her pockets absentmindedly for a lighter.
"Here" Greg flicked his lighter on watching as Sara leant forwards catching the end of her cigarette in the flames. As she pulled back she met his eye taking a drag, blowing smoke out into the distance.
"So is there anything I should know loverboy?" She asked quirking an eyebrow at him as she took another drag of her cigarette.
"I don't know what you mean..." He gave her a small nervous smile.
"Don't play coy with me... Morgan? Should I be worried?" Sara smirked.
"You never need to be worried Sara..." Greg replied with another small smile. She stepped towards him, straightening the collar of his shirt, one hand running down the buttons, her index finger tapping one half-way down his chest.
"Well that's good..." She muttered to him leaning in so he would hear.
They were standing so close Sara could see the rise and fall of Greg's breath, the way his breath hitched in his chest when he realised he could smell her skin. She stood titling her face upwards and without thinking Greg had lowered his, their lips barely an inch apart. A sly smile appeared as she licked her lips the anticipation blinding them with its intensity.
"There you are... I need your help stopping Hodges from starting up a Karaoke War" Morgan's voice decimating the atmosphere they had found themselves in. Sara took a quick step back, her eyes darkening as her took a drag from her cigarette not dropping Greg's gaze.
"Sara..." Greg indicated back to the bar but she simply just shook her head.
"I need another one of these..." She held up her cigarette for them to see. His eyes were gleaming with an emotion she didn't recognise but with a small defeated smile Greg nodded turning away from her following Morgan back inside.
Sara realised it was irrational to be angry at Morgan for taking Greg away since he was never hers to begin with, but as their shadows retreated almost disappearing she realised that was exactly what she felt. All of these years Greg's attention had been on her, and her alone. He's small smiles, kind gestures and self sacrificing dedication had been reserved only for their relationship. Morgan had changed that. She had taken away the closeness she had once been able to call unique and Sara resented it.
She knew that Greg was probably oblivious to the two women vying for his attention. He was too modest to realise just how desirable he was but she intended to make sure that she was the one to wake him up to the reality. Sara was certain if she could just buy them some time alone together she could redeem the relationship they had once had.
It was time to get it back.
Sara finished her second cigarette pacing listening to the sound of her heels clicking against the floor considering how insane her thoughts seemed. But the longer she did so, the more the loneliness burnt into her system and the more she wished to keep the only thing she had from feeling completely alone.
Tossing the cigarette butt aside she made her way back into the bar glancing around catching Greg's eye. She gave him a warm smile indicating to the bar, laughing slightly at Hodges as he attempted to recreate a Backstreet Boy's reunion alone. As Sara leant against the bar the man beside her shifted in his seat turning to face her.
Sara looked momentary at him giving him a coy smile before turning back to studying at the bottles behind the bar giving her enough time to catch a glimpse of the 'newly divorced' badge he was sporting. His thick glasses cast a shadow over his eyes but the clear blue was still more than obvious, as he caught Sara looking at him again he quirked an eyebrow.
"Can I get you a drink?" He asked, Boston more than obvious in his accent. Sara pursed her lips as if considering it before turning towards him again.
"Sure..." She nodded watching as he paid for the beer the bar tender had placed down in front of her.
"Looks like you need one of these badges too..." He indicated to the tan line her wedding ring had left.
"It's just getting re-sized..." Sara shook her head. "...Sorry to disappoint you"
"Not disappointed at all...you're beautiful...you're here..." His words seem to resound causing a blush to creep across Sara's cheeks.
"Had a few too many drinks to celebrate?" She laughed nervously indicating to the badge pinned on his suede jacket.
"No...Just making an observation..." He shrugged, with a persistent smile.
"Well Mr Observant...what is it that brings you to Vegas... apart from the obvious..." Sara asked attempting settle into the conversation.
"I hear the women here are something special..." He muttered leaning into her.
"Oh really?" She raised her eyebrows at him.
"Want to take part in an experiment?" His intense gaze was forcing her to play along while her mind fought against it.
"Well I am a scientist" The words appeared before she could stop them.
"Then let's get out of here" His arm was wrapped firmly around her waist before she had a chance to process what he'd said, her body pressed firmly against his. His lips were on her neck his free hand holding her in place as he grinded himself against her.
"Let go of me" Sara whimpered pushing against his chest, but he didn't stop pushing her harder against the bar. She scratched his neck, a small scream escaping her throat.
"Oh you like it rough do you..." He growled against her skin, his breath coating itself on her neck and the smell of whiskey surrounded her.
"Let go of her..." Greg's voice came from mere meters away; he was watching the man with an intense gaze the anger more than obvious.
"This is between me and her pal back off..." Sara could feel his grip on her tighten- she kept her eyes focused on Greg thinking away the situation.
"Well I'm her husband so whatever you want to say to her you can say to me too. Let go." He continued to speak sternly taking another step towards them. Finally Sara could feel his grip loosen on her- taking a gulp of air she rushed to Greg's side.
"Hey...it's going to be okay..." He muttered softly into her hair pulling her into his arms, gently rubbing small circles on her back. "He's gone... I won't let him come back..."
It was as if time had suspended in those moments, Greg's arms surrounding her keeping her safe, his embrace a sanctuary like home.
"Can you take me home?" She whispered to him.
"Of course..." Greg squeezed her hand as she pulled back, quickly nodded a goodbye at the team before leading her out of the door.
Sara opened the door to her house, checking over her shoulder making sure that Greg was following her inside. The car journey back had been generally silent as Sara shifted in her seat attempting to regain the self control and confidence that made her who she was.
"Would you like some coffee?" She offered leading the way to the kitchen, assuming he would say yes. Greg sat down at the breakfast bar watching as she moved about the kitchen getting their coffee ready- her mind clearly preoccupied.
"Are you okay?" Greg asked watching as Sara paced her hands on her back as she did so.
"Yeah...just a bit shaken up..." She shook her head taking a deep breath.
"You want me to take a look at that?" He asked indicating to her back, his eyes wide- their clarity speaking of the innocence he saw in the action.
"Sure..." She paused not answering for a few moments. Meeting his gaze, she unbuttoned her shirt a strip of skin coming into view. Sara slipped it from her shoulders exposing her torso to his eyes; the black lace of her bra a stark contrast to her pale body.
Greg approached her, taking slow steps until he was standing in front of Sara. She turned, facing away from him, moving her hair out of the way letting him study the bruises on her back.
Her breath caught in her chest as she anticipated his touch, her body shivering as his fingertips traced the marks on her back. Sara flinched but instead of moving away Greg stepped closer their bodies brushing against each other's.
The sound of Sara's phone ringing echoed throughout the house making them jump moving quickly away from each other. She rushed to answer the phone leaving Greg alone in the kitchen his mind swimming with so many thoughts and feelings.
It was as if fate wished them to stay apart, each one of their attempts that night being stopped and interrupted. It was for the best he attempted to convince himself; Sara was married. Adultery never ended well. But the feelings he had when she was near him overwhelmed him with their intensity. He couldn't stay away from her. More importantly- he didn't want to.
Sara reappeared her shirt firmly pulled around herself, enough buttons done up to stop Greg from being able to see her body. He was standing by the fridge studying the leaflets and photos she had stuck up on it with a small smile.
"That's a nice picture..." Greg indicated to one of the two of them. "My birthday...last year..." He identified it correctly. Sara was resting her head on his shoulder, her sunglasses tucked into the low dipping neckline of her top a sleepy warm smile creeping across her lips.
"It's one of my favourites, I have another in the bedroom" She winked at him clearing away their mugs.
"Prestige couple's boot camp" Greg raised his eyes brows at Sara, pointing to one of the flyers she had pinned up.
"Yeah- I need to throw that out..." She shrugged. "It's not like I have anyone to do it with me..."
"I'll do it with you..." He offered before thinking about it. Sara stopped to look at him carefully to see if he was joking.
"You'd pretend to be in a couple with me?" She asked pursing her lips.
"Yeah...I guess..." Greg shrugged. With a warm smile Sara made her way around the breakfast bar, throwing her arms around his shoulders pulling him in for an embrace.
"Thank you" Her voice muffled by his shirt.
He found himself feeling unsettled against as her body pressed up against his, her warmth of her skin surrounded him. Her hands slid down his back as her arms wrapped around his waist the motion causing him to shiver. She kissed his cheek her lips lingering against his skin for a moment too long- his senses buzzing- the feeling of temptation all too familiar.
Greg looked into Sara's eyes the slow realisation that it was going to be a long few days.