How long has it been since I've heard you say, "Hachiko?" Feels like its been decades, Nana, even if its only been a few years. How could you run away from me when I needed you the most? Didn't you know Takumi would cheat on me? I know you did, you called it from the beginning. I wish you would come back from wherever you're hiding, I need my best friend – my soul mate.
That's right, I said my soul mate. Over the years I've come to believe you can have a true love and a soul mate, they can be completely separate entities. You are my soul mate, Nana. The one who truly gets everything I go through, even though we don't always see problems in the same light. At the end of the day, your solutions to my superficial problems always seemed to pull through. Do you miss me, at all? The same way I miss you?
There's a knock at the door, I feel myself jump. "Yes?" I call to the stranger behind the wood, and quickly the knob begins to jingle.
"Mama! Let me in, mama, I miss you." I let out a small sigh of relief, it's Sachiko, my little girl. Nana, what happened to you helping me raise the baby? She's three now, she's silly and acts like me – a little puppy. Maybe I should have named her Kyumi?
Walking up to the door, I open it for her and see her grinning, holding up a cookie. "For you, mama!" She shouts, pushing it towards me. I take it and smile at her, Sachiko always seems to give me something when I really need it, Nana. I think she knows a part of me is missing, especially when I'm down. "Mama," she begins to ask, "are you gonna eat your cookie? Papa and I made it just for you."
While she's only three and fails to see how hard it is to hear about my ex-husband baking cookies with my daughter and probably his new girlfriend, I keep the smile on my face and take a bite. "Mmm, how delicious Sachiko! You're quite the baker!" Seeing her face light up makes holding in how hurtful the idea of Takumi and Reira playing around in a kitchen worth it. Sachiko is basically all I have now besides when my parents and sisters come to visit.
"Thank you, Mama!" She says, jumping up and down from my approval. "Papa wants to talk to you, Mama, he told me to come get you."
Nana, Sachiko doesn't know it, but I already know what he's here to tell me about. Him and Reira are planning on getting married, now that they finally know they were made for one another. Remember when you wanted to beat up Shouji for breaking my heart and cheating on me? I wish you had been around to offer me that again with Takumi – I wouldn't have let you, but I don't think this time I could have stopped you.
"Okay, Sa-chan, why don't you go play while I speak with Papa?" I smile at her and pat her head softly, her dark hair made it evident that I had chosen the right man to act as her father, though not the right man to love me. I'm still bitter about losing Nobu to this day, Nana. I wish I had taken you up on your offer of the two of us being your little dogs, running in the backyard and having the times of our lives. It's crazy how being domesticated can seem so great once you've really experienced the harsh realities of the world.
I watched as my little girl ran around the corner to her pink room, filled with soft bears and harajuku dolls. Once I was sure she had found something to occupy herself with, I went to the front hall and found him there – Takumi, looking just like he did the day I finally met him. His hair was short, but really that was the only difference. His face lacked emotion as it always had, and his eyes were covered by purple-tinted shades.
"Nana." He stated, looking directly at me as I came to join him in what we once shared as a home, "How are you?"
"You can spare the formalities, Takumi," I give him a small smile, trying to show him I don't mean to sound cruel about this. Even if he broke my heart, I can't bare to think that I would find it acceptable to be rude – at least, not intentionally. "Is something wrong, anything I can do to help you?"
He opened his mouth to say something, but paused. I don't think Takumi ever thought it possible for me to hop over things such as a polite hello, but honestly, Nana I don't want to spend any more time with him than I have to. It just hurts to think that everything fell apart when I chose to start a family with him. I lost you, Nobu, Yasu, even Shin… BLAST and I just lost touch completely. Every time you were playing a show, I'd fight so hard to be there, but Takumi would never permit me to leave. After a while, I even lost touch with Jun-chan, which I guess to be fair happened while I first grew close to you, but now I don't even have her cell-phone number. Who knew starting a family meant losing the family you already had? If I had anticipated this, I never would have kept… no, I'm not going to finish that thought. It's horrible, especially for me. Instead, I will fight hard to rebuild our family as I've been doing with Shin and Yasu for a year or so now. Even if we only see each other briefly, its better than not at all.
Takumi clears his throat and I jump back into the current fiasco I've found myself in – alone with my cheating, ex-husband. "Anyway," His fingers brush through his hair, its almost as if he's nervous. Whatever he's about to say has really got him acting out of character. "I think its only fair you know, Reira and I are planning to get married in a few months," He slid off his glasses so I could finally see his cold, dark eyes… except, they weren't cold… Takumi's eyes wore something that pained him to say, almost. "We feel its best if you move out of here soon."
Without even thinking, my jaw dropped and my eyes began to water – Nana, I'm still the same stupid girl that cries over every little tragedy. You're supposed to be my heroine, come rescue me from this news. "I'm sorry," Takumi offers, also very unlike him, "but there's one more thing I need to tell you because I don't want it to come as a shock to you."
I choked back the tears as best I could and looked him in the eye, "What is it? And how much longer do I have to find another place to live?"
"If you haven't found another apartment in two months, I'll find one for you and continue to pay for it. I'm not going to leave you stranded, Nana." This must be his peace offering for marrying Reira. At least Takumi has always been willing to help me, even when he had doubts about who might be the father of our little girl. "After Reira and I get married… We'll be taking custody of Sa-chan, Nana. Now that the band has broken up, Reira is around more because she composes lyrics from home and as a producer I find myself having a lot more free time now that I only travel to England twice a year. I'm sorry about this, Nana, but I feel like Sa-chan will only really stand a chance if she's around people that get along and can show her how great love really is."
"H-How… how dare you, Takumi!" I shout out, the tears rushing to my eyes faster than I could try to hold them back, "You can't possibly dream of taking my little girl from me. She's spent her entire life by my side, even through our divorce. To hell with you, you jackass. What kind of asshole takes a woman's daughter away from her, especially when that's who she needs the most?"
I was shaking in anger, my body slightly glossed over with a cool sweat. "I can't seriously believe you think this is the best thing you can do for her? Who the hell does she cry for when she's upset? Certainly not you, Takumi. Certainly not your little fiancé, either. She calls for me! She calls for Mama – not Papa, not Reira – just Mama."
"Reira and I also think its best," Takumi again tries to justify his reasoning for ripping me away from my baby, "so that you can try to find Nana-san, I'll buy you plane tickets to wherever you need to go, pay for your hotels and eating arrangements. Let's face it though, Nana, you can't parent our daughter if every waking moment you dream of reconnecting with your best friend. I want to give you the opportunity. Avoid court and let me have temporary full-custody of her so that she isn't bouncing around, we can meet with a lawyer in the next few months and then get your itinerary set up."
Still shaking, I looked up at Takumi, feeling my eyes grow wide. Nana, is this a real possibility? Would you want me to go searching for you, or would you think I'm a sick, cruel mother for abandoning Sachiko for a few years to go find you? Nobu and Yasu have been looking for you forever, they say they have leads. Could we possibly reunite the band once more? Could we possibly renew the bonds that have held us together for so long?
"I'll need time to think about it, Takumi. I'll need to talk to a few people and see if that's even realistic before I just run off and leave my daughter behind." He seemed satisfied with this answer, placing his sunglasses back on and walking a few steps past me.
"Take a few days to think it over, Nana. I can't blame you for not wanting to rush into this." He straightened his jacket, smirking at me. "I'm going to say bye to Sa-chan, I'll pick her up Wednesday at noon. You two have a nice day tomorrow." I watched him as he turned the corner to the hall where the bedroom we used to sleep beside resided. He walks past it so effortlessly, as if he can't even begin to have memories of better times resurface because his new relationship outweighs any he's ever had before.
He continues to Sachiko's room and knocks lightly on her door, "Sa-chan," he coos, "come say bye to Papa, I've got to be heading out now."
Not even two seconds go by and she rushes to the door, jumping into her father's arms. Sa-chan seemed to be so blind when it came to realizing she was in the arms of a monster, a generous monster… but one nevertheless. I walk towards them slightly, watching him hold her close and kiss her cheeks. Fighting the tug of heartstrings, I look away from their heartwarming moment and head towards the kitchen to prepare a dinner.
As I began shredding carrots, I could feel a light bulb glow above my head. "Hey, Takumi, can I ask a favor of you?"
He walked towards me, Sachiko squirming around in his arms, "What is it, Nana?"
"You still have Yasu's number, right? I need to get in touch with him about something, maybe I can get him to come over for dinner tonight."
Furrowing his brow, Takumi pulled out his phone after shifting Sachiko to one side. "Yeah, I've still got it. Not too sure it it's still the one he uses, but I'll text you his contact information." His phone flips shut after a few moments, and I feel mine buzz in my pocket.
"Thank you, Takumi."
He nods at me, and places Sachiko down after giving her one more kiss on the forehead. "Don't give Mama too much trouble now, Sa-chan." He grins at her and she giggles in return. We both watch as he glides to the door, almost without making a sound.
"Don't forget, Wednesday at noon. Have my princess ready to go, I'll feed her though so you don't have to worry about making lunch. I hope you'll have an answer for me on what we're planning on doing by then, but if not there's always Friday, right?" Without giving me a chance to respond, the door closes and the monster is gone.
Sachiko looks up at me, smiling from ear to ear. "Mama, are we having Yasu-chan over?!" She can be so silly sometimes, she always refers to the members of BLAST that she knows as "-chan," but at least they think its cute and know she doesn't mean any harm by it. The only one she refers to as "-kun" is Shin… I hope she doesn't have a crush on him!
"I hope so, Sa-chan! I know you miss him, you haven't seen him since Christmas." It's well into June now, I'm actually surprised she still remembers him. Then again, how can you forget such a scary looking bald guy? I stifle my laughter in front of Sachiko and pull out my phone. "Do you wanna call him and invite him over?"
Her eyes glow, "Really, Mama? Can I?" Her hands reached out for my little pink cell-phone, and I placed in gently in her hands with everything set up so she only had to push the green call button.
"Just push the green telephone, Sa-chan." I smiled at her and started shredding the carrots again.
"Mama, it's ringing!"
"Wait patiently, baby. If it goes to voicemail hand it to Mama, okay?"
She nodded and stared straight at the wall, almost holding her breath in hopes of answering. "H-hello! Yasu-chan?"
Fortunately, I put the phone on Speaker-system so that I could hear what they were saying to each other. Curiosity always seems to get the best of me, and I knew my daughter wouldn't relay it to me exactly.
"Hey there, Sachiko-chan! How'd you get your mom's phone?" His voice hadn't changed at all over the years, even though he started smoking much more after his best friend passed away.
"Mama gave it to me! I have something really important to ask you, Ya-chan!"
"Oh yeah? Well go ahead and ask, you know you can ask me anything."
"I was wondering if you'd be my guest at dinner tonight, Ya-chan! Mama is cooking some yummy food and you can bring Shin-kun and Nobu-chan too!"
My eyes widened, I definitely didn't tell her to invite everyone. But the damage was already done – there was no way I could tell her no now. Besides, with what I want to talk about perhaps it is better that everyone hears it and understands what I was offered so we can all come to a decision.
I heard Yasu laugh on his end of the phone, "Well, Sachiko-chan, I think you're in luck. I'll definitely be at dinner tonight. Let me call Shin and Nobu and ask them if they want to come too."
"Yay! Thank you, Ya-chan! Mama, what time should they come over?"
I smile at her, and look at the clock. It's already six now. "Ask them if seven will be alright, okay?"
She smiles back at me and nods, "Mama wants to know if seven works for you, Yasu-chan!"
"Well, yes, yes it does. I'll be there, would your mom like me to bring anything over?"
"Mama, do you need anything?"
I shook my head, "No thank you, I'll have everything prepared for us when he gets here. Will you ask him to text me and let me know if Nobu and Shin are coming too?"
She reiterated everything I said almost perfectly. They said their goodbyes and she ran to me handing me my phone. "Okay, Mama. Ya-chan will be here soon! I'm gonna go get a pretty outfit on and stuff!"
I giggle as she turns the corner, maybe Yasu's the one she has a crush on after all. I think I could live with her liking men who have stable careers. I love Shin, but his only source of income is sleeping with women who can't function without a man to hold them at night. Nana, I sometimes wonder if Sa-chan would be any different if you had played a roll in raising her? Would she have been more like you – fiery and passionate, thriving off her talents? Or would she still be the sweet, little girl that has her father's hair, but her mother's soul? We're supposed to sign her up for learning an instrument next week, I wonder if she'll grab a bass like her dad, or a microphone like her Aunt Nana?
Before I know it, its already ten til seven, and the food is just about ready. Sachiko hasn't been making much noise, maybe she's trying to put her outfit on still? "Sa-chan?" I call out, and she scurries towards me holding up a pastel pink dress.
"Mama, this one! I can't get it on Mama, will you please help me?"
I nod, taking her to the bathroom. We switch up her clothing so she looks ready to go, but before I can get back to the kitchen she says, "Mama… I love you, thank you for letting me invite Yasu-chan over."
She's so sweet, and I love her too. I pull her close to me and embrace her, "I love you, too, Sa-chan. I'm glad you invited him."
She takes my hand, even though we aren't crossing the street, and walks with me to the kitchen. "How much longer until he's here, Mama?"
"Any minute now, dear. Why don't you go sit in the living room while I move this hot food to our table? I don't want you getting hurt."
Sachiko always listens to me, I guess in the same way I always listened to you, Nana. Or, I almost always listened to you – the only time I didn't is when it still mattered most. I'm sorry I didn't, though, Nana. You always knew what was best for me, even when I didn't know myself. I wish I had tried harder… to make things work with Nobu, for your sake sometimes. I just couldn't make him raise a child that everyone knew wasn't his. Have you forgiven me yet, or is that another reason you ran, because it was too hard to look at me and forgive me for ruining it all? If I come to you, will you find it in your heart to let go of all the pain and strife that grew between our family?
As I was placing the rice dish down, there was a soft knock on the door. Sachiko's ears perked instantly, and I could almost see a tail wagging as she ran to it, trying to jingle the knob once again. I walk towards her and unlatch the lock, and pull the door open.
Yasu is there, wearing a black jacket and pants to match. His shades are still over his eyes, and a small smile is on his face. "Nana-chan, Sachiko-chan…" He recalls how long its been, that's evident. "Thank you for calling me, I've missed you guys."
I watched as he got down to Sachiko's level. He pulled her in for a hug and lifted her up. As my daughter grew several feet, she giggled and held her arms around his neck. "I missed you more, Ya-chan!"
We share a look, and I know that I can't ever let it go this long without my daughter seeing Yasu again. For whatever reason, their connection is surreal already. He walks into the home while Sachiko tells him all about how she made cookies this afternoon with her Papa, and Yasu listens attentively and asks her questions whenever he can.
As I'm about to close the door, a foot gets in the way, "You really thought I wouldn't come?"
Quickly, I swing the door back open and in front of me is blue-haired Shin. I jump into his arms and we embrace, he whispers in my ear, "I've missed you, Mama. Don't leave me on my own again."
I feel myself growing warm in the face as he says this, I can't ever forget that Shin was my first child, and Sachiko is his baby sister. Maybe that's why she's so intrigued by him?
"You're still cute as ever, Mama," he coos and smiles at me. "What did you make for dinner, I haven't eaten in days!"
"Ah! Come right over here, Shin-chan," I smile at him, "Yasu and Sa-chan are in the living room. You can sit with me while I finish putting the food on the table and then we'll all dig it, okay? Is Nobu coming at all?"
We make our way to the table, where Shin settles himself and lets out a small sigh, "No, I don't think so. He's meeting with Takumi to discuss something tonight. I don't think he could bare to see both of you in the same day, honestly. May I have some tea, Mama?"
Takumi… and Nobu are meeting up to discuss something? What on earth could this be about? They can barely stand each other for obvious reasons, so what would they have to do with one another? Perhaps Takumi has decided to work with Nobu on his music? That seems like nothing short of a train wreck though… I really can't imagine what those two would have to do with one another. Nana, do you have any ideas?
I place a cup in front of Shin and poor him some green tea, he nods his thank yous and I return with the kettle to the kitchen, placing it back on the stove. It hurts to think that Nobu won't be joining us because he has business with my ex-husband, but I feel as though it only hurts because I think that was just another way to avoid seeing me. One last trip, and I come back with the chicken dish of our dinner, the last part needing to be set down.
"Sachiko, Yasu, dinner is ready. Come eat while its hot." I call out for them from the living room, where it seems Sachiko has gotten Yasu to agree to play with her harajuku dolls, much to his dismay.
"Sa-chan is here, Mama? I thought she would have been hanging out with Takumi today." Shin's face lights up as the little girl runs towards him, holding a doll that looked like a female version of Shin.
"SHIIIIN-KUN!" She screams, holding onto his arm. He pats her head with his free hand and grins at her. "I've missed you, Shin-kun! I'm so glad my favorite people are here with me."
A small blush finds its way to my face, there's no doubt in my mind this little girl is mine. She's just as interested in men as I am, and quite the flirt too.
"Hey there, little sis, I missed you too. Has Mama been taking good care of you?" His smile is still wide as he lifts her up to the seat next to him.
"Mama takes care of me better than anyone in the whole world!" She announces this, "She's such a great cook, Shin-kun. My tummy is always happy with Mama around. Papa's cooking isn't as good…"
Everyone laughs at her statement, she's being honest though. Everyone has experienced my cooking and they don't really need to taste Takumi's to know that it's the truth. "Well then, let's eat, your big brother is starving!"
I make a small plate for Sachiko, rice, chicken, and a few steamed vegetables. "No broccoli, Mama, I don't like that at all."
"Will you eat three for Yasu?" I offer, looking at Yasu who nods.
"Yeah, Sachiko-chan, broccoli is my favorite, so I'd really love if you'd eat some for me."
She glances at him, narrowing her eyes slightly, "I don't see any broccoli on your plate, Ya-chan."
He chuckles, but is right on his toes as you always need to be with a little girl, "That's because I've already eaten all my broccoli, Sachiko-chan."
She takes a deep breath and seems to ponder the idea of eating broccoli for Yasu. After a few seconds, she lets it out and nods her head, "Okay, only three though. And they can't be very big because that's more like five!"
I nod, and finish by adding three decently sized broccoli to her plate, and pass it to Yasu, who places the plate down in front of her. Everyone else successfully makes their own plates, and then a gentle silence fills the room as we all enjoy our meals.
After a while longer, after seconds – and for Shin, even thirds – had been devoured and drinks had been finished, my guests and my daughter sat back and rubbed their bellies, satisfied with what I had made with love. A small smile crept onto my face as I watched them all look heavy eyed, ready for sweet dreams.
I watch as Shin stretches, letting out a small yawn. Sachiko seems to mimic him, and grins. "Shin-kun, I'm sleepy," she whispers to him, tugging on his sleeve.
"I'll tuck you into bed, sweet sleepy-head," he grins back at her, standing up and pulling her up to his height. He gives a brief glance in my direction, seeking approval for this action. One small nod and smile from me, and he carries her down the hallway to her room.
Yasu leaned back into his seat beside me, adjusting his shades ever so slightly. "I guess now that Sachiko-chan is in bed, you can start talking about why you had us over."
I blush, but I should have known that I could never fool Yasu into just having a good time after it had been so long since our family had been whole. "Well, Takumi sort of offered me a proposition this evening, a few hours before you came over. I wanted to talk it over with you, see if its even realistic before I do anything crazy."
He immediately leans forward, and I feel apologetic for breaking him out of his comfortable position and feelings. "Should we wait for Shin to come back, or do you want to go ahead and fill me in on the details?"
"What details?" Shin asks as he approaches the table, choosing the seat across from me. "Is something going on, Hachi?"
"Well, yeah, Shin-chan. As you know, Takumi and I got a divorce after he started dating Reira," I felt bad adding that part, Shin and Reira had something special for such a long time too. Regardless of how it started, Shin had strong feelings for Trapnest's princess, and it broke his heart when they finally called things off. "Well, they're planning on getting married in a few months… and Takumi offered to send me wherever I need to go to find Nana. He told me he'd watch Sachiko for as long as was needed… but he said he wants to have temporary full custody, which I'm not entirely sure is a good thing.
"I know you and Nobu have leads, Yasu, which is why I wanted to ask you if its even realistic for me to go running after Nana, wherever she may be. I also don't know if she even wants to be found at this point, or if she just isn't interested in reconnecting with us anymore. I just need both of your opinions before I make such a crazy decision."
Shin's jaw fell ajar, his eyes wide. Yasu let out a sigh, rubbing his temples. It was almost as if Shin was the same sixteen year old, and Yasu was still acting as everyone's father when I set the idea on the table. I already knew Shin would tell me to go for it, he wanted to be back in the band so badly, he'd do anything to reunite them all again.
"Yes! You have to do it!" Shin shouted, but Yasu hushed him and nodded towards the hall where my daughter was resting.
Every once in a blue moon, Yasu takes his shades off – typically in an instance where something is very serious. Honestly, it would have been more surprising if he hadn't removed them. This was possibly one of the most serious things I've ever spoken with Yasu about – and I seriously needed to get a definite answer. The idea of going on a wild goose chase for you, Nana, is too much to bear. The idea of possibly never finding you once I've set off on this adventure is something I really can't handle. I hope Yasu thinks of it as a good idea, I hope he tells me this is something we can make happen. I miss my best friend more than anything, and I would love to find you soon.
"Nobu has had a few people looking for her in the England area, she was really fond of it when she visited there when Ren was still alive. It actually goes a long with the pictures of her singing in a small restaurant from two years ago. I can't imagine how she'd get the money to bounce around like that – honestly, she's probably just settling there until a music career there picks up for her. I'm confident you'd be able to find her there, or at least in Europe somewhere." He looks me straight in the eye, but even with this good news of a possible location, he still has a very grim look on his face.
"The only problem," he begins frowning at me, "is that you have a daughter, Nana. You can't just take her with you and the idea of giving Takumi full custody is really extreme, temporary or not. If you went through with this, you'd have to set a definite time before you both go back to joint custody." His hands clasp together, "Furthermore, you have to think of what kind of repercussions this will have on Sachiko. She's still a little girl, it would be incredibly difficult for her to lose her mother for a woman she's never even met. Takumi may be the best father she's ever had, but I feel its safe to say you're the best parent she's had overall."
I study his face, the seriousness in it is almost overwhelming. I glance over at Shin, whose happiness has suddenly disappeared and a new, worried look has replaced his cheerful smile. Perhaps feelings of losing his mother have resurfaced? Nana, your mother disappeared when you were young too. I'm almost certain you'll think of me as a horrible person if I leave her behind now… but Yasu has already placed the fruit in my palm, and I can't help but take a bite. I know I'll grow addicted to the taste, but if I can become passionate about finding you, won't that just mean I definitely will?
"But you just said you have a strong feeling she's in London, Yasu. That means I have to at least look there. You have a background in law, and I know it may not necessarily be child custody cases, but I was hoping you would be able to help me set a time for this temporary custody. I can't go any longer without her, Yasu. You said I'm the best parent my daughter has ever had, but I know I'm not giving her my all because such a huge part of me is missing. You loved her, Yasu," I whisper the last part, knowing it'll sting him to remember his strong feelings for her after all these years, "and I know a small part of you is missing too. When you love someone as much as much as we both love Nana, its so hard to go without them. People may say that as days go by, you begin missing them less and less, but they're wrong. Every single day, I just miss her more, Yasu. She's supposed to be in my life for the rest of my life, not just a memory that's slowly fading away."
Tears have found their way to my eyes once again, and they begin slowly rolling down. I make sure to cry silently, not wanting to alarm Sachiko. Shin shifts in his seat uncomfortably, and shortly stands up afterward. He walks to my side and places a hand on my shoulder. "Mama, I know how it is to hurt and long for someone. You have my support, just make sure while you're away I can still see my baby sister."
Yasu ponders Shin's statement, and then a short smirk crawls on his face. "Instead of giving Takumi full custody, why don't you see if he'll come to an agreement where Sachiko sees Shin on the same basis you do now. Naturally, there are a few things that Shin will have to agree to do while in the presence of Sachiko," A serious look is thrown towards my son, "some things to take into consideration are, not being around your work when you're with her, taking her somewhere child friendly everyday, and other things you both can discuss with Takumi in a formal setting."
"Are you suggesting that this is something I can do then, Yasu?" I looked up at him, hopeful. I wiped the tears from my eyes, hoping trails aren't visible.
A small smile is still on his face, and he nods softly. "As long as things are implemented and you stay in clear contact with Takumi and Shin the entire time, things should be fine. I know you'll find Nana, your connection to her is too strong to let fade away. If I can, I'll accompany you and ask Nobu about coming also. He's still like a small child when things come up that he's been dying to hear. Something tells me this is going to be one of those instances."
It was decided – we would go searching for her, Yasu and I. The idea of Nobu joining us wasn't going to creep its way into my head that night. Instead, I would dream about you, Nana. I have every night for the past three years, but tonight would be different. Finally, instead of dreaming of the past, I would start dreaming of my adventure to find you. I can't wait to find you and bring you back home.